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Mar
15
Paralyzed by the possibilities.
March 15, 2010 | 16 Comments
Last week, I asked you to help decide the next step in my journey of traveling.
I have to admit, I’m absolutely paralyzed by the infinite possibilities.
I remember reading that the ideal number of options to choose from is 5. If there are more than 5 options, man has a hard time selecting – and then inevitably second-guesses his decisions. He’s unable to enjoy his choice because he thinks of all the other options that he may have liked more, thereby sabotaging his gratification.
When I was in Australia, I had exactly 5 television stations. In the few instances of TV-watching in which I engaged while down under, I was always able to find something that I enjoyed watching. Last night, I decided to watch TV. Here in Toronto, I get 1,000 stations. Not only was I unable to find something to watch, I kept flipping back and forth between stations – as I was certain that I was missing a more interesting program.
Needless to say, the possibilities for my summer feel much like trying to watch TV in Toronto. There are so many options that I feel incapable of making a choice.
Moreover, beyond my summer vacation, my entire future feels equally paralyzing. Paralyzed by the infinite possibilities. When I think about all the routes available to me – different routes, but equally numerous to the routes available to you – paralysis sinks in. However can I decide?
It’s a good problem to have. And it’s the exact opposite problem that most people are conned into believing that they have. If you feel like you have no options, then you are suffering from a lack of imagination.
Wherever you are standing today, an infinite number of routes extend outward and into the future. At any moment, each of us is free to entertain a different pattern of thinking and pursue a new route.
This is true freedom. And it paralyzes me.
Update @ 8:33 AM 3/15: OMG – I just checked my e-mail and found this note from the universe, sent prior to me writing this post. The universe is stalking my thoughts:
Great big, innovative, world changing ideas… are plentiful, David.
People who take tiny little baby steps towards them, are rare.
You are so acing this life,
The Universe
Popularity: 2% [?]
Mar
14
I’m giving up Lent for Lent.
March 14, 2010 | 71 Comments
The 1400 year-old Catholic tradition of Lent does not resonate with me. Here’s why.
During Lent, able practitioners are asked to make a sacrifice for the 40-day period leading up to the resurrection of Jesus on Easter Sunday. When I was younger, I’d be encouraged to give up candy, watching TV, playing my favorite video game – or anything else that I enjoyed.
It always seemed strange to me that God would create such a beautiful and vibrant universe and then ask us to deny experiencing some of the things that we love most about it.
It’s my humble opinion that if God has such things as desires, then he’d desire us to enjoy the abundance of life rather then encourage periods of self-denial. Giving up what we love and enjoy does not honor or serve God.
Moreover, if someone really wishes to honor the resurrection of Jesus, a great spiritual teacher of compassion, perhaps our energy and effort is best spent helping others in need. Perhaps this is the ultimate Lenten celebration.
Abundance is the nature of this universe, and the only language it understands; I always think it is appropriate to align ourselves with this mentality.
But old habits die hard (even for former Catholics like myself), and so I’ve decided to make a sacrifice to honor this year’s Lenten period: I’m giving up Lent.
I think Jesus would be proud.
Popularity: 3% [?]
Mar
13
Davey in wonderland.
March 13, 2010 | 38 Comments
Yesterday was wet, cold and windy. Today is wet, cold and windy. And tomorrow is forecasted to be wet, cold and windy.
I love it. It’s the type of weather where you want to curl up on an overstuffed couch and do nothing but pick your toenails, watch a really bad movie and catch up with old friends.
Despite the rain, I managed to venture out to Toronto’s Indian Bazaar neighborhood, the largest marketplace of South Asian goods and services in North America. The neighborhood is known for it’s all-you-can-eat buffets, and so like a good American, I did some damage and ate more than my fair-share.
I love Indian food for all the wonderful flavors. As an American raised on Kraft macaroni & cheese and hamburgers, Indian food is like a symphony of flavors on my underdeveloped palate. Or an orgy for my taste buds.
I’m always amazed by the number of amazing, delicious dishes – Indian and otherwise – that I never knew existed. There is so much diversity in this beautiful planet we call home. The foods that we eat are just one of so many examples.
I’m 26. And though part of me feels like I should have my feet planted firmly on the ground by now, I still feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. I experience this world like a two-year old, mouth agape and eyes filled with wonder. I find it all so beautiful and so mysterious. I understand so little, and have no sense of who I am, where I’m going or even what I want.
It’s Davey in wonderland.
Popularity: 5% [?]
Mar
12
Gender roles: Who says boys can’t like pink?
March 12, 2010 | 76 Comments
If I weren’t so scared of my mom reading this, I’d write about the 40 gigs of porn that I had to delete from my computer yesterday (if you’re so inclined, watch my video response on Facebook).
So instead, I’m going to write about the color pink. And how much I like it.
When I was four years old, I loved playing with the building blocks and G.I. Joes that my family pushed my way. But I also enjoyed sneaking into my sister’s room to play with her Barbies and “My Little Pony” dolls. (My grandfather is rolling over in grave right now.)
Needless to say, my family wasn’t overly pleased with my interest in dolls. Society, long ago, decided that dolls are for girls. Since girls grow up into women, and since women are traditionally the caregivers of babies, having young girls play with dolls is preparation for their roles as mothers. It’s all incredibly sexist, and it all smacks of Suzy Homemaker and pregnant, barefoot wives staying home and baking cakes.
It’s clear that our conditioning begins in the crib. We wrap female babies in pink blankets, and males in blue. We routinely use words like “cute” and “dainty” to describe female babies, and “strong” and “tough” to describe males.
Well fuck it all: I want pink blankets. Moreover, I’ve met some very strong women, and I know some very dainty guys.
It just seems so incredibly bizarre that our society pushes men and women down such different paths based solely on our genitals. And unfortunately, those paths are not always in the best interest of the individual. Few stop along the way and ask, “Is this even what I really want?”
But you and I have a choice: We can find the courage to step outside of our gender box and do whatever it is that we want, love and enjoy. Or we can behave like the stereotypes that are pushed on us, even if it will lead to a lifetime of unhappiness, loneliness or even violence.
Perhaps the second most important thing we can do is accept, love and respect the people around us, especially when they make choices that are outside gender norms. Swimming up the stream is never easy; breaking gender barriers takes a tremendous amount of courage.
In honor of the pink blanket that I never received, and the dolls that I wasn’t allowed to play with, I’m turning my blog pink for the next 24-hours. Enjoy.
Popularity: 6% [?]
Mar
11
Talky blog: Exotic & wild fetishes.
March 11, 2010 | 34 Comments
This is probably the most fun that I’ve ever had making a talky blog. Post a video response to the YouTube video – I want to see what you can come up with!
It’s important not to take ourselves too seriously. 
Popularity: 8% [?]
Mar
10
You can go several weeks without food. You can go several days without water. But you can only go a few minutes without taking a breath. Breathing is one of our most overlooked and under-emphasized of functions, and 9 out of 10 of us aren’t breathing properly.
This morning, my boyfriend and I were lifting weights at the gym. During one of his sets, I noticed that he was holding his breath – one of the big “no, nos” of physical fitness. Our breath and our bodies are inextricably linked; how we manipulate our breath has a huge impact on our bodies. Starving our bodies of vital oxygen while engaging in physical activity is a recipe for under-performance.
But paying attention to our breath need not be saved for the gym or yoga class. Each of us can manipulate our breath to release tension, relax, increase our awareness, etc. The list is endless. Our breath is an incredibly powerful tool.
I remember the day that I learned how to breath properly. I was a senior in college. My yoga professor asked us to place one hand on our upper chest and one hand on our bellies.
I encourage you to try it right now. Go ahead, try it.
Which hand is moving? The hand on your upper chest? Or the hand on your belly?
If the hand on your upper chest rises, you are breathing improperly. If the hand on your belly rises, you are taking full breaths.
Like 90% of people, the hand on my upper chest rose with each breath. It took me several minutes to get the gist of a fully belly breath. For more detailed instructions, read either of these articles.
There are so many things we can do with our breath (like ujjayi or ocean breath – one of my favorites). Breathing 101 should be a life course requirement for all of us. I encourage you to explore the possibilities.
P.S. A huge congratulations to the many gay and lesbian couples in Washington, DC that are now able to get married! It’s a big step forward in the equal treatment of all people.
Popularity: 8% [?]
Mar
9
Open thread: Where should I go next?
March 9, 2010 | 244 Comments
Having only been in my beloved Toronto for just over two weeks, it seems distasteful to focus my energy and attention on my next mystery destination. But being tasteful has never been my forté, and I’m hoping to enlist your help.
Where do you think I should spend enjoy the summer?
For June, July and August, I will be packing up my two suitcases, dog and boyfriend (possibly!) and heading to some still unknown but spectacular location. Though I don’t wish to restrict the possibilities, here are a few guidelines:
- As I will be driving (because of the dog), I’d like the be within a 24-hour drive of Rhode Island. Sorry: Europe, Africa, Asia, South America, Australia and Antarctica!
- Metropolitan areas move to the top of the list; Bumfuck, Ohio will be a tough sell to the boyfriend.
Truth be told, I do have one city, in particular, in mind – but I am still open and receptive to ALL suggestions. So, where do you think I should go? Leave your answers in the comments.
But enough about all this future talk. The future is neither promised nor real, and I refuse to sacrifice the present moment by lusting over the possibilities of future moments. Imaging Thanksgiving Dinner is great, but if you don’t eat today, you’ll starve.
The secret to life is realizing that today is as good as it gets. And it gets pretty damn good.
Popularity: 11% [?]
Mar
8
A very difficult afternoon of doing nothing.
March 8, 2010 | 34 Comments
Yesterday afternoon, I had the very difficult task of sitting on a park bench and enjoying the day.
Let’s face it: We all have a lot of shit to do. Making time to do nothing is just about the hardest task imaginable. And yet, I managed to do just that.
I sat. Doing nothing. With my dog. For a good ten minutes.
Actually, I am pleased to admit that I didn’t technically “do nothing”; in fact, I accomplished a great deal. When we do nothing, we do the most.
And when I walked away, I even smiled at a stranger – and received a “hello” in return (no small feat in the hustle and bustle of a big city like Toronto).
It was a very difficult afternoon, but somehow I managed. If you are brave enough, you may wish to try to do nothing as well.
Popularity: 11% [?]
Mar
7
Survey says!
March 7, 2010 | 29 Comments
Help me make breaktheillusion.com even better! Please take this brief survey to shape my blog’s future – and you’ll be entered into a drawing for a fabulous prize!
Thanks so much!
Much love,
Davey
Popularity: 13% [?]
Mar
7
“B” is for breaking shit.
March 7, 2010 | 24 Comments
I love to break shit. Especially illusions and rules.
Every day, we’re bombarded with a zillion perspectives from family, friends, religions, media – everyone is trying to define what reality is for each of us. It is up to you and me to challenge those perspectives and only accept the definitions of reality that resonate at a personal level.
If something doesn’t resonate, then it is an illusion that needs to be broken. Some of my favorite illusions to break are as follows:
- The illusion that you and I are separate. We are, of course, one.
- The illusion that time is real. We create time to experience this universe in a meaningful way as human beings, but time is not real. Science is on the verge of proving this.
- The illusion that presidents are more important than paupers. This one is just silly; our worth is intrinsic.
- The illusion that we believe what we see. In actuality, it’s the exact opposite: We see what we believe.
- The illusion that the world is boring. If you’re bored, it says very little about this grand, magnificent and dynamic universe. On the other hand, it says a lot about you, your perspective, and your inability to participate in this dance of life.
Rules are fun to break, too. Throughout the history of the world, society has made some pretty outrageous rules (i.e, it’s okay to own other people). And judging from society’s track record, society’s lapses in judgment continue through today. Here are some rules that are probably worth reconsidering:
- It’s illegal to drink until you’re 21 in the U.S. Isn’t it hypocritical to give an 18 year old an automatic weapon and send him or her into war whilst believing he or she isn’t responsible enough to consume alcohol?
- One cherry on top. Cherries taste good and I want at least two of three on the top of my ice cream sundae.
- Banning marijuana. By prohibiting drugs, we create a black market for the distribution of drugs that is entirely impossible to regulate. It is impossible for the war on drugs to succeed; that which you resist persists. Banning marijuana isn’t the answer.
- Sodomy laws. Did you know that it was illegal to practice sodomy in many U.S. states until the Supreme Court took action in 2003? Throughout the world, sodomy is still illegal in many countries. This is definitely one rule worth breaking.
- Monogamy. Though not written in ink, monogamy is the only relationship currency that our society seems to accept. I believe that people are very different, and our relationships are varied. As such, creating a one-size-fits all approach to relationships (i.e., monogamy) seems entirely limiting.
In conclusion, breaking shit is not only fun, but it’s also a necessary ingredient in a life well-lived. We need not ingest everything that society spews in our direction. We have the ability to contemplate perspectives and embody those that we enjoy and break the ones that we don’t.
For further reading, enjoy Self-Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Popularity: 13% [?]
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