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Nov
14
Having no enemies.
November 14, 2009 |
A friend of mine passed along an email with the following story:
Toward the end of a Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
All responded, except one small elderly lady.
“Mrs. Neely, Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any”, she replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight”, she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
“Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, “I outlived the bitches”.
While outliving the bitches is always an option, there is an easier alternative. You only need to forgive if you blame in the first place. And without blame, you’ll have no enemies.
Blame is not a prerequisite for holding people accountable. People are responsible for their actions, but we are responsible for our reactions (including how we internalize or respond mentally and emotionally). We can also remember that people cannot act above their current level of consciousness; we cannot expect people to be more awake than they are. People are doing the best they know how to do, given the circumstances of their lives (this is true of saints and serial killers).
So, you can have no enemies. The choice is yours. And if all else fails, you can always outlive the bitches.
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36 Comments so far
Cool blog makes me feel better about tryin 2 keep a clam head in all situations even when I am in work and customers are going crazy coz they are drunkn cheers davey !! Peace out !
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^_^, great post, Davey Wavey. While outliving the bitches is always an option, I do agree that forgiving them is easier and also better for your souls.
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funny, but true….
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What if you aren’t lucky to outlive them?
It is better to forgive.
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sooo good story.
I forgive everybody… and it somehow comes antural to me, I don’t know why, it may be my temper…
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gnjen reply on November 14, 2009 8:54 am:
I only find difficult to forgive myself…
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Mosaic Dave reply on November 15, 2009 1:46 am:
We all have a much easier time forgiving others than forgiving ourselves.
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*natural
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in general davey, i completely agree. i try so hard to give people the benefit of the doubt as to their motives and level of awareness when they do something to hurt me. i know that eventually i may find out that it was all a misunderstanding, either on my part or theirs. sometimes people are themselves being manipulated or hurt. still, when confronted with bewildering and undeserved viciousness from people, either strangers –or worse, people you’ve always liked and treated with kindness and respect–it is hard not feel that pain, or to show it. we have to work through our suffering sometimes, but i don’t think that’s really the same thing as blame. not at all.
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haha, I love old people. So adorable.
So in my creativity class we were learning about, “Crossing the Threshold.”
Now this can be taken to me, moving up (success), moving forward (progress) death (moving beyond) or, what I was talking to a classmate about, “being in the moment”
I feel for me, crossing that imaginary line is all about stepping out of myself. Stepping out of what I think, feel, interpret, and step into what is actually happening. Not feeling attacked or alarmed. What is happening now? At that moment.
You have been a large inspiration for me feeling this way. I wouldn’t doubt that you’ve done several blogs in the “now”, as I seem to remember you doing them.
So, I’m learning how to be in the now. The Past is gone and the future hasn’t happened. Love is present. If you want to hear more about what I’m trying to say, You can watch this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0nOgHa2P2w
xo Thank you Davey
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Hilary reply on November 14, 2009 12:10 pm:
P.S. Can someone help me out? I’m looking for a quote that I think was by Davey. Its along the lines of fear is ignoring all the love around you.
Thanks !!
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mark (from Toronto) reply on November 15, 2009 12:23 am:
“There is no fear in love: true love has no room for fear, because where fear is, there is pain; and he who is not free from fear is not complete in love.”
1 John 4:18 (The Bible)
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Couldn’t agree more.. “people are doing the best they know how.” Cut them the slack of accepting people as they stand before you.
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To paste from your other blog:
2. It takes two to tango. Conflict can’t be brought into your life without your participation; if you respond with love, peace, compassion and understanding, your life will be free from conflict. Conflict grows when you nurture it with the fertilizers of violence, energy or hate, and withers when you respond with your heart.
Hmm, so let me get this straight if the Jews in Nazi Germany just responded with love and kindness they would have been ok, not rounded up, gassed and murdered in the millions. It was clearly partially there fault then since they apparently didn’t respond with live and kindness. The answer was just s simple all along it’s hard to believe that everybody missed it!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your views are largely representative of your white, middle class and sheltered view of the world.
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Mosaic Dave reply on November 15, 2009 2:43 am:
It seems to me you’re interpreting Davey’s words and not reading them as they are written. You asked “…if the Jews in Nazi Germany just responded with love and kindness they would have been ok…” What he had written was “…if you respond with love, peace, compassion and understanding, your life will be free from conflict.“
Being free from conflict doesn’t imply that everything will work out the way we want it to. However when we are not resisting another’s actions we are free to act constructively. Working against something, even something that we view as morally objectionable, we expend copious resources just to counter the actions of the opposing force. We, therefore, have nothing (or little, at best) left to actually create the possibilities we want for the world. Rather than resisting, if we were to allow whatever is happening in the here and the now, we can work with our full force to create a new reality, not merely stopping that with which we disagree but creating something that - if it has merit - will cause people to give up the other option.
This is not new wisdom. The ancient Taoist and Buddhist philosophers embraced the principle of non-resistance. So did Aesop in his fables:
A very large Oak was uprooted by the wind and thrown across a stream. It fell among some Reeds, which it thus addressed: “I wonder how you, who are so light and weak, are not entirely crushed by these strong winds.” They replied, “You fight and contend with the wind, and consequently you are destroyed; while we on the contrary bend before the least breath of air, and therefore remain unbroken, and escape.
When we resist, typically we end up just like the oak. Even if we ‘win’ the situation (i.e., the wind dies down but we remain) we come out of it broken and battered.
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rory_29@hotmail.com reply on November 15, 2009 6:33 am:
Okay, I accept that explanation and it is reasonable now that you have expanded on it.
It’s true, you can choose not to fight, not to resist, and technically speaking there is no conflict because you are not resisting. But in doing so, you may very well be choosing death.
For instance, if we take the examples of the Jews, yes, it would have been futile of them to fight back against the soldiers marching them to the gas chamber. But they could have fought back and survived in more subtle ways (ie escape from prison with some other method), rather than lie down and take it, so to speak. I wouldn’t think this type of resistance is a waste of energy at all.
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Phew Ewe reply on November 15, 2009 9:21 am:
Wavey Davey is wrong for most of us.
We should live our lives like Marcus Tullius Cicero http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cicero
He stood up for what he believed. He was a stoic & was a vitreous man. He believed:
1. Virtue is sufficient for happiness.
2. Only virtue is good.
3. You cannot trust the emotions.
If all men lived by these, there would be peace.
Of course our dear Wavey Davey does not live by what he espouses. Recently, he wrote of his anger at an old man who angered him as he had a different opinion about the horrid healthcare bill that needs many fixes. Wavey Davey is a tyrant and hypocrite when it comes to a different opinion to his own. Of course, we still love and enjoy Wavey Davey all the same.
PS. I am not against a health care bill but it needs fixing.
Forgiveness has other applications than just spiritual or religious. Mind processes can be like programs sometimes; they can get stuck in a loop, like obsessions, blame, hate, feuding etc. Forgiveness brakes the loop and allows other processes space.
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“I outlived the bitches” ROFL. I wish I had a grandma like that XD
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“We can also remember that people cannot act above their current level of consciousness; we cannot expect people to be more awake than they are. People are doing the best they know how to do, given the circumstances of their lives (this is true of saints and serial killers).”
Understanding this fundamental truth is one of the most important keys to unlocking the doors to higher levels of consciousness/awareness.
Once we start seeing everyone (including ourselves) with this knowledge, it changes our perspective on the entire world.
Here’s a simple analogy:
You are a junior in high school; you know that you have learned more, and know more about Life than you did in each of the preceding grades – sophomore back thru pre-school. You know that as you advanced thru each grade level, you grew and became more knowledgeable and changed your behavior accordingly. You also know that the students currently in those grades aren’t yet as knowledgeable and aware of “Life stuff” as you currently are. Their lack of knowledge and awareness doesn’t make them lesser beings, just less knowledgeable and less aware, and still growing and learning.
Remember: They are where you once were.
Conversely, if you look ahead at those students who are currently seniors in high school and freshmen thru grad students in college, you know that they have learned more and know more “Life stuff” than you do. This doesn’t mean that you are lesser than them, just that you are not yet as knowledgeable and aware as they are, and that you are still growing and learning.
Remember: They are where you will one day be.
Knowing that we are all on the same journey, but just in different places (grades) on the pathway, we can live without passing judgment on or assigning blame to other people for their actions. Indeed, they are responsible for their own actions and reactions in Life, just as we are responsible for our own. But, we can view these actions and reactions with a higher understanding, and know that it is all part of the learning process that we must each go thru. We don’t need to condone “bad” behavior, just understand why some people act that way.
Wherever you are on the path, know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, just as everyone else is exactly where they are supposed to be. There is no better than or less than, or any other form of comparative measure or value for where we each are on that path. We each learn and progress at our own pace – it’s not a competition or race to see who gets there first.
In the big picture it’s an individual, yet co-operative, effort for all of us. We can look at those “behind” us and reach out to them with an open heart and open hand, and offer them unconditional love, understanding, and support on their journeys. We might actually be the spark that ignites their awakening to a higher level of awareness. We can also look to those “ahead” of us for their unconditional love, understanding, and support on our own journeys. And, one of them might just help ignite a part of our own awakening.
So, as Davey stated, we really have no enemies - just fellow travelers on our journey thru Life. Some of them are “ahead” of us on the path, and some of them are “behind” us. The important thing to remember is that we are ALL on the path.
Peace, Love, and Truth,
Todd in VA
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eric reply on November 14, 2009 3:42 pm:
Very well said Todd!!
bye,
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“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.”
Oscar Wilde
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You are a hypocrite! You certainly got angry at the old man who did not share your view on the misguided so called “health care bill.” Otherwise you are nice person with a nice body. However, you do not practice what you preach. You are a tyrant: if others do not agree, you are wrathful.
Yes we need a health care law but not what is currently on the table. Physician liability needs fixing. The Roman Catholic Church should stay out of the issue of abortions.
The problem with the current bill is politics. Politics gives politicians many things, to paraphrase CICERO; a clean pair of hands is not one of them. The bill was tailored with self serving goals in mind. But mind you no bill so far will be applicable to members of congress, they have their own insurance and it is good.
.
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Mosaic Dave reply on November 15, 2009 3:18 am:
I’m not really sure that Davey is a hypocrite, per se. He has never purported that he always acts in accordance with the things he writes. In fact I think if I’ve noticed anything from Davey’s writings it’s that he accepts his own peccadilloes.
Knowing or believing something is quite different than doing it at all times and in all places. For example, I know that I am unlikely to win at casino gaming. I tell people that the odds are against them and they probably won’t win. And yet I sometimes go to the casino despite the odds. I don’t believe it’s hypocrisy so much as choosing to act against my better judgement. I never tell people not to go to the casino and I never tell them that I wouldn’t go. I merely state what works best if one doesn’t want to lose money.
Likewise, Davey isn’t telling us we must do as he says. He’s writing what he feels and believes. It’s up to us to take and use whatever we find useful and discard whatever we don’t.
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Phew Ewe reply on November 15, 2009 6:25 am:
good point!
I think you hit the nail on the cuticle.
Anyway, I love wavey davey.
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Agreed, Davey. Blame feels good. And resisting can make us feel that we are righteous. But in the end both are for naught.
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christopher reply on November 15, 2009 11:07 am:
yes-the right thing is to forgive and forget-considering the current climate of hate out there,the divisiveness we have out there.however,when you forgive,what do you do to the other party that refuses to forgive,and relentlessly attacks your pov and refuses to find commonground?i can forgive and forget-but-as they say-it takes two to tango.
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One of your best posts yet Davey - that story is a keeper!! (and you’re right of course).
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Maybe I am wrong Davey but you are an attractive chap and it seems to me that you have come from a nice family and had an easy life. The world almost centres itself on you.
How much do you actually have to know about real forgiveness? You seem to avoid the issue….. Sorry its seems a bit shallow.
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Another great reminder Davey
To all those that provide ~extreme~ examples and call Davey a hypocrite, etc. Have any of you actually ~met~ Buddha, the Christos, Mohamed or any of the other Wise Ones? Do you know for certain that they always lived blameless lives, practiced what they professed, and were constantly full of peace?
Does Davey’s (possible) upbringing or family history in any way lessen the messages that he brings us? I’m a child of Holocaust survivors and can assure you that there ~were~ peaceful and uplifting moments for many during the horrid times they lived in. Their secret? To live as best they could in the circumstances they were in while working ~daily~ to somehow make living less painful.
The constant refrain of “white, middle class male” gets very tiring after it is used to browbeat someone that has gleaned some wisdom at a younger age than it takes others to learn and accept it.
You can either choose to accept the ~message~ without judging the messenger or not. I choose to listen and be reminded of many things that I have been taught / learned / accepted over my life.
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rory_29@hotmail.com reply on November 15, 2009 10:18 pm:
Gryph,
It’s all very well to send out lovely peaceful messages of hope and love, but the fact of the matter is the advice often doesn’t help people in real life, practical situations - and yes “extreme” examples are included. In fact those extreme examples are more common throughout the world then you realise, and generally speaking a non white middle class male will usually have lived that experience (although David would have suffered discrimination at some point for being gay).
I’m not criticising David for being white, middle class and male. What I am suggesting is that his views are narrow because of it. He obviously doesn’t understand in a very real sense that a lot of his advice doesn’t help people in real life. I often seek to highlight this in response to his posts. This is the unfortunate fact of human nature. Some pple are assh*les and no amount of peace and love is going to stop them being assholes, and often you can’t avoid them. Sometimes to the extreme - ie Nazi’s and you end up dead or severely damaged because of it.
If people want to give advice etc on the Net by all means do so, but make it practical and something people can use. Putting advice in CONTEXT is the key.
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Phew Ewe reply on November 15, 2009 10:36 pm:
I find Wavey Davey refreshing and I am able to filter out bad advice like the advice on the horrid health care bill, which needs fixing. It reeks of problems for us.
To the sweet person who wrote that a new health care law would reduce the administrative burden on health care folks: You’ve not seen anything yet. When the Federal government gets involved your paperwork woes will greatly increase. The total weight of the paperwork will probably exceed the weight of the patient, the physician and the nurses. Remember most members of congress are attorneys who have never done any real work.
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Gryph Masters reply on November 16, 2009 11:22 pm:
Rory,
I think we should agree to disagree on our interpretations. You and I see Davey’s advice, the definition of extreme, and others things on this forum in very different ways. That’s a good thing … it makes discussion possible.
I would ask that you not assume what “I realise (sic)” regarding the complexities of this world or the realities that each person experiences in their own way. We each have our own challenges; Goddess knows I’ve certainly had my share.
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Amen brother. Peace to you as well.
My point is that we live in a democracy. Discussion is encouraged. Contrary opinions are NOT discouraged.
Wavey Davey, who is beautiful, lovely and interesting, was angered by the old man’s opinion of the defective health care bill the politicians are about to thrust upon us. The old man’s opinions were contrary to Wavey Davey’s. Is that love? I was simply pointing this out to him.
Nothing was said about the holocaust, Buddha, Christ, or Mohamed. Regarding your reference to “white, middle class male”; are you a racist?
As to the holocaust victims, where was God? Was God loving?
I love Wavey davey like a brother and wnat hime to know that debate and discussion are good.
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I have a number of gay friends, especially Jimmy and Sam, whose trust and loyalty I seriously violated. They were justly angry and hurt and they let me know that in no uncertain terms.
In such circumstances the offender cannot say “I’m sorry” because that leaves him in charge. The offender must ask / beg forgiveness; which I did.
Only three (neither Jimmy nor Sam) offered any attempt to give me any “benefit of the doubt.”
I truly believe that my life’s journey helps explain what happened, but I can understand that some at least would see that only as an excuse and self-justification.
I doubt that any of my “friends” read Davey Wavey. How I wish they did and that someday they might find it in their hearts to forgive me even if they never tell me directly.
Davey, thank you for your Post. I hope many, if not all, those who read this Post will have mercy on and forgive those who offend them.
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Haha, I love that old lady, she has cojones, she sounds just like my late Grandmother.
I dont have enemies, i have not likers, but none of them are out to get me, nor am i out to get them. People stop talking to me for my gay-tivities but well its their stuff they have to go sort out, i took my time and sorted, cropped, shifted, de-shifted, primmed, stretched, botoxed, liposucked, and made something i call life with whatever was left.
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