Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and romance is in the air. In the spirit of the holiday, today’s tips are about dating. Online dating, to be exact.
In the world of online dating, I consider myself to be king (or queen?). Almost all of my relationships were, at first, rooted in the internet. With 12 years of internet dating experience under my belt (that’s right, I started when I was 13!), I have an insight or two to share:
- Diversify. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Establish a profile on more than one dating site to access as big a pool of potential friends, lovers and boyfriends/girlfriends as possible. If you’re of the homo persuasion, you may want to consider:
- Craigslist.com
- Manjam.com
- Manhunt.net
- Dudesnude.com
- Adam4adam.com
- Be honest. Honesty is always the best policy in dating, internet or otherwise. But the internet makes it especially easy to be open about what you want. Whatever it is that you’re looking for, I’m sure you’ll find a willing companion. Three-way relationships. Open relationships. Friends with benefits. Closed relationships. It’s all out there.
- Don’t force it. If you meet someone and you’re not on the same page, don’t try and force a solution on the situation. If you lie to yourself or your partner, and compromise your core desires, you’ll likely pay the price down the road. For example, if you wholly and truly want an open relationship, and find someone that wants a closed relationship, don’t try to force a relationship. It’s important to be on the same page; if you’re not, friends is a more realistic alternative.
- Sex sites aren’t just for sex. If you’ve ever been on manhunt.net, you’re familiar with the plethora of penis pictures. Yes, some people are only looking for sex. But many users are open to dating and relationships. Don’t discount an entire site and all its participants because of its seedy reputation.
- Ask for MySpace and Facebook links. If you meet someone, ask for a link to their social networking profile. Why? Not only is it a good way to learn more about that person, but it helps verify that they are real. There are a lot of fake profiles on dating sites. In fact, in my travels, I’ve seen numerous profiles of people using my pictures. It’s wise to be suspicious. If someone is savvy enough to create a dudesnude profile, then they are savvy enough to be on MySpace.
- Expand your bubble. Think beyond your geographic region. Why limit yourself to the immediate? Try browsing other cities, states or provinces. Long distance relationships have their advantages. If you’re looking for something longer term, don’t write someone off because of geography.
- Be safe. And I’m not just talking about condoms. Meeting someone off the internet is a risk. But there are ways to minimize that risk. Don’t meet until you feel 100% comfortable. Trust your intuition. Always tell another friend what you are doing; tell that friend to expect a phone call after the date.
- Don’t take it personally. The internet makes it especially easy to brush people off or leave messages unanswered. Don’t measure yourself by the responses you solicit from other people. If someone tells you off, don’t waste your energy further cultivating that engagement.
- Have fun. Enjoy stepping into the unknown. It can be scary and exciting, but above all, it will help you to grow and develop as person. Dating is a great way to get a better understanding of yourself, what you want and how to communicate with other people. Enjoy the journey.
What tips do you have? Leave them in the comments.
February 10, 2009 at 10:34 am
I agree with your tips; very good suggestions. Although here’s a thought to consider and maybe you can elobrate on it if you like, what if you get to the point where you’ve just met too many “great guys” that turned out to be losers and you’ve given up on dating and the thought of one day being happy cause you and your bf have exactly what you want? Thats where I am at now in my life I would love a relationship but Im just over it, any suggestions???
Thanks Davey Wavey,
Your Friend
Jeremy
February 10, 2009 at 4:27 pm
speaking from a totally unexpereinced perspective….perhaps take a break???
how does your boyfriend feel about your current relationship?
try to find new things to do together, a new hobby you could both enjoy?
February 11, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Jeremy, I feel the same way most of the time, but then I keep findingmyself looking but really not doing any more about it. How does one get out of this rut?
February 11, 2009 at 10:40 pm
James, i dont know but if you figure it out let me know lol
Jeremy
May 26, 2009 at 11:26 am
i think u should stop trying to look for the perfect guy
to spend the rest of your life with. Perfection is non-
existent. So i think u should just relax a lil and go
have fun (it doesnt have to be with other people)
February 10, 2009 at 11:13 am
It’s only tuesday???I want Friday!!!!!
February 10, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I met someone who lived far away from me and we talked for months and seemed to have a good thing going. We even talked a lot about how nice it would be to actually meet face-to-face. When I offered to visit for his upcoming birthday he freaked out, said he didn’t want me to visit and the relationship quickly fell apart.
I guess sometimes people you meet online are not capable of developing in-person relationships.
So my advice is not to really believe you have a decent relationship going on (no matter how much you talk) until you actually meet the person and hang out a few times.
February 10, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I enjoy reading these tips Davey, this would for me & others about being safe and having fun with online dating. But I think just not right now that I would be dating anyone in generally b/c I’m really busy right now on trying to do better in school and thats important to me right now. But maybe I don’t know I just might see someone that would to be close to. Have a nice day Davey, Cheers!!!
February 10, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Most if not all of those are sex sites (primarily). Why not suggest something like okcupid.com (friendly to gay and straight) or even gay.com (similar to the others, but not nearly as sex oriented as manhunt.net).
I generally agree with you; however, I think those you listed are far more hook up friendly than relationship friendly.
February 11, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Josh, I want to thank you for mentioning the okcupid website, i went on today and created a profile. I never had heard of it so im willing to give that a try
thanks again!
Jeremy
February 10, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Take risks and be adventurous because if you’re not you will regret it for the rest of your life. Seize the day and take what you want. But you have to be safe of course. Like Davey said, go with intuition. I totally agree with that.
Also, try people from other countries! It’s really interesting and so cool!
February 11, 2009 at 12:40 am
This post gets me all excited to get back into internet dating. I kinda eased off for a bit because I was finding lots of duds or guys really pushing for sex and I wanted to get to know them first. Thanks for the push!
February 11, 2009 at 9:38 am
I have found this to be a very shallow pond. One guy who claimed to be enthralled for months, disapeared quickly when I was near his town 2 times during my travel. The second time when I was as near as 25 miles I also dropped the connection. He couldn’t walk the walk so he was either a total fake or had no balls.
February 11, 2009 at 9:40 am
internet dating can actually be safer than meeting at a gay bar. Sure, they can give you a fake picture of their face or penis but after you text them several times, you can get a “feel” for who they really are. Obviously guys in a gay bar can lie as easily as they do over the internet. I always meet somebody at a coffee shop or restaurant the first time. Only if I feel safe will I then bring them home. The only sad thing is that many guys have the “one and done” mentality. Would the other guy respect me more if we don’t have sex that first encounter? What do you guys think? thanks
seanmagic1964@yahoo.com
February 11, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Hey davey and blog buddies. If i may add an extra piece of advice. “Keep trying!” this is piggy backing off of not taking it personally. There are so many of us that are awesome dateable people that i feel that most men and women are scared of it cause they might actually find happiness. I know that to us this sounds stupid, but i have had some friends that have been this way. All they want is to be professionaly single and just date around, not because they fear commitment, but they hate commitment. Alot of them feel that commitment takes away the spirit and drive and freedom that being single provides. I, as well as some of you, think and feel that being in a relationship or something like that actually provides another person to be free with.
Also, be very clear with your profile on these sight. they give you the option of what you may be looking for, but it is always better to be clear in your own words. Especially since, for my fellow gays on manhunt.com as well as a few other sights, links to send an IM, email, or wink. I put that they can Email or IM me and that i didnt want a wink.
You are the controller of your won destiny.
Last, but not least, Valentine’s day is equally about WHO you love, weither it be yourself or family or a mate, but ALSO its about HOW you love. We are all capable to love. So just LOVE. Look at your family, your friends, your coworkers, yes even yourself, and think about how you love them.
I love you all.
Mike
February 25, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Even with those tips, it’s still complicated.
May 26, 2009 at 10:46 am
Good advice.
June 9, 2009 at 4:51 pm
hey davey!!!
i was wondering if you knew any lesbain social network?
i’ve looked but with no success.
thanks1
hope you reply,
lots of love!!!
<333
June 10, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Hi Davey
I just saw your youtube clips and really
enjoy it. Love every thought spoken. Keep the good work.
Your friend;
Michael
June 11, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Hi Davey Wavey… U seem like a really smart and super cute guy=D sooo anyway enough sucking up lol i have a question!!!
i was just wondering what do u call a Bisexual guy that likes u and u know he likes u and u want him 2 say that… but u have 2 here it from his best friend…and he gives u all these looks like “I know u want me”…”U want me come and get me”.. u know those Teasing types of looks…What do u call that… is it called being Stubborn or Playing Hard 2 Get or what???? because idk
Anyways gotta go… ily <33333
God Bless.Love.Peace.Happiness =)
October 11, 2009 at 4:53 am
i wanna be with you davey wavey… iloveyou
December 5, 2009 at 12:51 pm
You should add plentyoffish.com to your list. I’ve been in a relationship for 7 months with a great person I met on that site.