Comments on: When did you come out? And what advice would you give?

By: jagadish

jagadish — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 13:54:29 +0000

hi,
if any one need any help to come out the issues what u r facing pls contact me mjagadish.97@gmail.com.
once i was like the same faced so many problems but now i am able to come out of the problems.
when there is no way only God can make a way…
only through Christ u can come out..
I was able to do so u can also do it

By: jagadish

jagadish — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 13:50:59 +0000

contact me on mjagadish.97@gmail.com

By: jagadish

jagadish — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 13:50:08 +0000

hi Lloyd, but Bible clearly says homosexuality is a sin But bible says i can do any thing through Christ who can strengthens me. even i was same but now I am different God only can help us from this issues.

By: jagadish

jagadish — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 13:46:27 +0000

hi if u want to come out of u r probelmes pls do contact me. even i was facing same issues
mjagadidsh.97@gmail.com

By: L

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 11:02:28 +0000

Hi, I just saw your video about your coming out story. You said your parents reacted pretty well compared to other parents. But they did send you to a therapist and a catholic priest… but again you said it took them five years to accept you’re gay and sending you to see those people was maybe part of the process.
As for me, my mum and dad are perfect. When I told my mum, she said: “I want you to be happy, that’s all that matters to me”. My dad had more kind of a silent reaction, but afterward he never said anything homophobic, and he also said that it really isn’t such a big deal, “it is just part of who you are, it doesn’t change who you are”.
They have been so perfect that I asked them once: “you know it’d be ok if you had doubts or troubles dealing with it, we can talk about it”. They answered there was nothing to deal with.
They really helped me through it. I even feel that I had more problem accepting that i am gay than them, but then again it is maybe not that crazy a thing.
Today I still find it difficult to be completely open about it, and when people ask me if I have a girlfriend, I just answer no. Maybe I should add that it is not likely to happen
To be honest, being in love with my straight, slightly homophobic but altogether kind “best friend” doesn’t help. Sometimes I cannot figure out if the problem is that I am not completely ok with me being gay (even though most of the time I think I am), or that I am in love with a lovely jerk
Anyway, I love your videos and blog, they’re filled with optimism and love. Peace out!

By: Peter

Peter — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 21:58:36 +0000

I haven’t come out yet , but mycousin did and his parents were ok. But my dad said he would kill any of us if we are gay

By: Ezekiel

Ezekiel — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:06:26 +0000

That’s exactly what I just did. I’m not sure if my friends would accept me, so I’m waiting (for how long I don’t know)… Maybe I don’t have such close friends. I feel like crap now…

By: david t

david t — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 18:09:44 +0000

My coming out was both a crazy and calming event.

I think my mom had a thought that I was gay but never really asked me or pressed the issue of me coming out till I was ready. I will say that my family is very understanding and we actually have several gay cousins and uncles that are openly out. Even my conservative republican grandparents had openly gay friends.

I was a senior in High School 18yrs old dating a Junior in college. He was a great guy, made me feel very special and wanted. Always made sure I was happy and if i needed to talk he would be there. He made me realize the great guy I was. So thats when i decided to come out. I got home from school and had no work for the weekend. My mom happend to be in the shower, and she had pissed me off the nite before so i decided to take some cash out of her purse nothing big like 200bucks and the keys to her car since she had more gas in her tank. I left really quick with a weekend bag and started driving to Ann Arbor(Univ of Michigan)to spend the weekend with benn. She called me like 20min later bitching up a storm that i took her car and it only took her about another 30sec before she knoticed the cash..OOPS..lol..

She started yelling back and forth and threatend to call her call in stolen and Since i knew she was bad at bluffing I ignored her. I finally said it “Mom Im gay, deal with it and Ill be back on Monday afternoon to talk about it, please do not tell the family” So I guess it helped me come out in some rage. I called my bf and told him I would be there in 30 and shutting off my cell now. I spent the entire weekend there in happyness. Monday morning I got up early to make the 30min drive home to school, I turned my cell phone on to hear that i had 18 vm’s. I started listening to them, 5 were from my mom yelling and crying then 13 from my family members. I guess mom got a bit even with me at the same time I did with her. But everybody had said they accept me and dont care who i choose to be with. I dont recommend anybody coming out like this, but i know it happens like this all the time.

I wish anybody coming out good luck.

Davey I like how you came out with “20 Questions” I love the dogs in the video. Is that a greyhound? I have 2 of them through “Greyhound Rescue of Michigan”

By: DJ

DJ — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 01:16:54 +0000

Im 18. I realized im gay when i was around the age of 6 or 7. Me and my neighbor would hang out all the time, me and him would mess around. I have only came out to a couple of close friends, and my mom. She was good about it. However, im so afraid to tell my dad, becuase i dont want him to hate me! He openly makes fun of gays. Idk what i should do about that.

By: Davide Marcinelli-D'incerti

Davide Marcinelli-D'incerti — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 22:14:25 +0000

sister was not 4 but 4 years older than me she was nineteen…oops

By: Davide Marcinelli-D'incerti

Davide Marcinelli-D'incerti — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 22:13:07 +0000

my friend i “came out” when i was 15. but not by choice. me and a “friend” (same age as me) was caught by my sister (4 years old) in the basement of my parents home. without going in too much detail he was recieving a special present from me (it was around christmas) and i was behind him…sister caught us and by that evening mom and dad sat down to talk to me..being staunch catholics there were not too please..but after sometime they knew that it was not a choice to be gay, it was something i was born with. my younger brother is 15 and he just came out this past week. Unfortantly i have been in Italy and have not been able to lend him my love and support. But on the good side my parents were not surprised and showed them alot of love and tenderness. grazie, dm

By: Schmoo

Schmoo — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 18:11:05 +0000

You have quite a decision on your hands. I know athletes are very homophobic & I cannot recall any professional athlete coming out while they were playing.

I have to agree with some of the other posters, coming out is an individual decision. I myself have just decided, after hiding in the closet for 18 yrs, to let my family know. My straight friends know & they are ok with it. However, I coul not seem to bring myself to tell my family in person. I am sending a letter, it is already written & I will send it New Years’ day 2010. I am older, established in my career so I do not have to worry about finances or a place to live. Use your gut feeling to decide when to come out.

Good luck, once the decison is made on how and when, a huge weight is lifted from your shoulders. Happy Holdays to all with Love!!!

By: Ashley

Ashley — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 18:32:48 +0000

I came out to my mom about being bisexual for the first time, I have been hiding it since the age of 13 (im 20 now) and I decided to tell her and she had said “I kinda figured” and because of my sudden ‘coming out’ my younger brother decided to make the step aswell and coming out about being gay. We both have our differences but I kept it from my mom because she said she’d be disappointed in me. Shes very formal and this was back around (2003 ish?)she wasnt as open-minded as she is now as well. She said ‘Love is Love no matter what shape or form’ So advice to those who are thinking about coming out, Remind those whom you tell that You are still the same person that they know and love, you just see the world differently then they do <3

peace and <3

- Ash.

By: Eugene

Eugene — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 05:40:23 +0000

It’d very tough, mine thought i was so i just kept passing it off and or laughing it off. and it seemed to have worked. I am also still in (17) and am also very scared to tell anyone v/c of the city i live in there not very open to this kind of “Lifestyle”. but see if ignoring them or bringing up the occasional girl will help to lol, sends their mind another way, lol. if you want to talk, you can e-mail me, Brasskid@yahoo.com

By: Max

Max — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:11:51 +0000

I’m 13, and I think my parent are suspicious, but what do I do. PLZ RESPOND!!!

By: Giovanni

Giovanni — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 04:27:57 +0000

So.. woah, it’s funny when you think of it but hell it wasn’t funny back then. To be honest, Going out is a process which i don’t think we will ever be free of since not everybody knows (like we sometimes think they do) that we are in fact Gay. Well at least I am ,so… yeah. I “came out” to my mother when I was 13. I remember that she was driving and when she got a red light I just said it “Mom… I’m gay”. I didn’t knew what else to say, it was just an awkward moment. Then she started laughing and told me while still smiling “Haha, I knew it”. I don’t think there will ever be another awkward moment like that one ever again in my life, but yeah. About six months later I came out to my dad, by doing the same but with way more confidence since I was used to it already. But to my surprise he asked me “Are you a virgin”. Obviously, I stayed silent (and I was by then but the question was just… awkward). After dead seconds of awkard silence he tells me “You know, it hurts up your ass”. I wonder how he would know that and why I just can’t agree with him in that last statement.

By: chris

chris — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:40:30 +0000

i’m 26. i was raised mormon, and it took me a long time to accept who i am. only started coming out this january, to friends, but i had a few gay friends who knew before that, as well as a few of my closer friends who knew before i told them. my family doesn’t know yet, and it kills me. i’ve been doing some research on how to do such a thing, but the more i do the more anxious i become. it’s a given that they won’t take it well. understatement of the century. but most of my friends know, i’m out at work, and in both cases i haven’t had any problems, even among my rather conservative friends. they all think i’m weird, but that has nothing to do with being gay. =) being able to be open with these people, not having to hide myself — it’s made me the happiest i’ve been in a very long time. how did i do it? i just did. with almost all of my friends, especially the religious ones, i told them in person, one at a time. that seemed to work well, because they couldn’t feel betrayed by hearing it from someone else. the most difficult part was convincing them that i wasn’t joking. =)

now to tell the ‘rents. . .

By: Tyler Justyn

Tyler Justyn — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 00:41:52 +0000

Okay, there’s really two ways to come out, to your friends/acquaintances, and to your family.

The first one for me was really easy. I knew my friends cared about me and liked me for me, and they accepted it easy. I have no problem telling new people I meet when relationships come up.

Family for me was hard, because when you’re living with them, you hear stories of parents disowning their children over it. Most people don’t have to worry about this. I worried about it, and the original plan was to tell them when I was 18 and moving out. My dad found out early. One day he read something I posted online and asked, and I didn’t deny. He said he was okay with it at first and freaked out later. He’s still iffy about it but it’s so relieving to have that off your chest that I don’t mind much.

My mom found out when she caught my boyfriend and I cuddling while I played video games. I had a hunch that she knew, so when she walked by and didn’t say anything, I yelled “Mom you know I’m gay right?” She replied from the other room “Yeah and I knew last time you dated too.”

So the point I’m getting at I guess is, it’s going to come out some time, and in all respects you kind of have to hope it does, because secrets eat away at you bad. Just get it out. If your parents love you, they’ll either love it and live with it, or they’ll live with it.

I think keeping it in is more harmful than it is good to your relationship with them, but you know your relationships with people better than anyone else can. Go by your relationship with someone as to how/when you tell them, not by whether or not you think they’re okay with gays.

*man I need to learn how to condense lol.*

By: Al

Al — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 16:53:17 +0000

I came out to my parents last week, it was the best thing i could’ve done in my life. it is soo nice not having to worry about hiding who i am any more. I have a hard time sharing my emotions with my family or anyone, so i wrote my parents a letter describing what who i am and what i want from them. i gave it to them in person and was there when they read it. after talking about it and answering questions they had, i left and gave them time to reread the letter and discuss whatever they wanted to. for me, that was the best time and thing to do, everyone is different.
I live in Idaho, it is famous for parents disowning their kids when they find out they’re gay. My parents are doing amazingly well.

Advice!! Don’t Rush It! wait patiently for the right time. Dont tell them in anger! and if you have something else you want to tell them (like my new Dog that they didn’t know about) it is a great time to tell them. lol

By: robert

robert — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 02:07:39 +0000

i came out when i was 14 some of my “family” freaked out royally, but one thing that i could give as advise is you find out who truly matters to you and the same way to friends/family. I would suggest coming out to friends first and get some support built up then go and tell your parents. that way if things go bad with them you have people that can help you through it

By: Matt

Matt — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:25:50 +0000

I came out this year at age 25. It took years to accept it in myself. My biggest fear, I think, was having other people know. I felt I couldn’t experiment openly. My advice is this: be yourself. The ones who know and love you best already know you’re gay. Certainly, the confirmation will be difficult for some. Let’s not kid ourselves. At the end of the day, though, you will find that people will be proud of your courage to be yourself.

By: Jesse

Jesse — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 21:52:59 +0000

Thanks… that’s kind of what i was thinking. I figure that labels are for when you’re old and look back on life. I really appreciate the insite though. It makes me feel less alone.

By: i7105

i7105 — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:25:05 +0000

Being gay is a gift, or so i say- i always knew i was gay. i tried dating girls, it didnt work out. during my senior year in high school i dated this guy who was 21 and i was 17 at the time. i knew it was right, that being gay is who i was.

so i decided to tell my best friend maira. we were in english class and well like somehow while texting we got to the gay topic. i kinda told her i was gay but she had this negative reaction to it. so i quickly changed the subject.

that same year on dec 23 2007 i decided to tell my sisters both, they took it well. and it was great. i was excited.

on february 24 2008 i decided that the time was right to tell my mom. me and her are really close and felt that she needed to know who i really was. i was so nervous and i couldnt think, my heart was beating so fast and i literally wanted to cry. as she was in her room i laid on her bed and asked her to sit down. then i asked her “do you love me, and if so how much?” she then replied “my love for you and your sisters doesnt have an amount, just know that i love and care for all of you, why do you ask that. so then i said was i was there to tell her “mom im gay, i like boys, and i hope you still love me”. she was silent and i did not say anything anymore. she then went on and said that she accepted me no matter what and that she loved me whether i liked boys or not….

after that i slowly started telling my other friends who took it amazingly well.

now back to maira. we had now graduated and we were now in college. funny thing is that we had shopping for christmas and somehow ended in a porn shop. i stated that i was going to buy some dvds for a gay friend of mine and well,,,,,,later that night me and her were texting and she brings up the topic about the movies. she asked me if i was curious in watching them…thats when i knew i had to try and tell her again since i was almost a year since the first time i had tried to tell her. so i was so scared and i knew i couldnt tell her in person because i was scared of the reaction…so i sent her this long text message and in that message i kinda briefly explained my situation- finally at the end of it i wrote “im gay”

she was really really really supportive of me and how she could understand why i didnt tell her in person. it worked out great. she is still my BFF for LIFEEEE (its a saying that me and her have lol)

so then comes the hard part of telling my really good straight guy friend….. we have been making plans of moving out for a while now. so then a few weeks ago we decided that we wanted to rent a house. and i knew that i was not going to want to hid my true self from him. i wanted to live in my own home and be able to bring boys over as thats the whole point of moving out- bringing who you want over to your place…

so we were in the car and i knew i was going to prolly cry (which i didnt) but finally let him know “there is something that i need to tell you before we move out. i dont know how you will take this but i must tell you before we decide on moving in together…..”_____, im gay. we are making plans on moving in together but im gay and i need you to know that. i dont have any intentions of making moves on you. i care for you like a brother. his immediate responce with a smile on his face was “wow i have a gay friend? thats amazing. never had i had a friend that was gay and for you who weve been friends for such a long time to be gay is amazing”

i was so relieved at seeing and hearing his reacting. since tellin him he does ask me questions and wants to know about me and my life which is great.

i went on date a few days ago and wanted to know all the details on how it went and what not.

overall its been an amazing experience as far as my coming out. have amazing people in my life. oh and my moving plans with my friend are almost a go

i have refrained from telling my dad who i really am. just in the sense that he is a very conservative Mexican dad who doesnt understand todays events. im sure that i will eventually tell him….when? when i know im ready.

some good tips that i would like to share with all are

1. if you are going to tell someone that your gay, make sure you know who you are telling. dont assume anything as sometimes you may get the opposite reaction of what you were expecting

2. come out when you know you are ready. not when you think your ready

3. dont let anyone push you on coming out. its your life, your decision.

4. be brave and dont let anything from stopping you from telling the ones you love as not doing so will make it harder for you in the sense that your let more time come between you and what your trying to accomplish.

5. live life, have fun, and be safe.

thank you all for listening. greetings from california!

By: Rob

Rob — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:18:53 +0000

Ah, like Adrian said, it’s ok to identify yourself if you want to, but you can also be unsure. Sure, others around you may have labelled themselves, but that’s also not set in stone necessarily. [Unless they're for sure gay or straight and always have been!] Plus hey, you’re still just 15 years old. You’re experiencing the high school life [Most likely?] and going through the emotional roller coaster that comes along with the ages of 13 to 17ish. Just take your time, go with what you feel is right, and if you don’t know what feels right, then yes, just label yourself undecided or questioning. [That is, if you feel you need to label yourself. Like Adrian already said, labels are just so people can identify and understand you in their own terms.] I wish you the best of luck on figuring everything out!

By: Jerry Kou

Jerry Kou — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:21:39 +0000

I first came out to my friends when I was 16. All of my friends were so very accepting. But to this day, I still haven’t come out to my parents. I will, but not now.

I was so terrified when even thinking of coming out, it feels like so long ago, that I can barely even remember being IN the closet with my friends. But trust me and everyone else, you’ll feel great once you’ve come out to your friends. I’ve still to find out how it feels when coming out to your parents.

The best advice I can think of is just to know that when you do come out, you will find out who really cares about you and who you can trust. You’ll end up playing a million different scenarios in your mind, and chances are it won’t be as bad as you mightve though.