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March 9, 2012
by Davey Wavey

Don’t Change Gay Kids. Change the World in Which They Live.

On Wednesday, I was invited to attend a Toronto PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting. PFLAG is a great support organization with 500 chapters in more than a dozen countries around the world.

Two things struck me at the meeting.

First, I was totally stoked to buy a pair of rainbow mittens knitted by one of the PFLAG moms. And just when you didn’t think I could possibly get any gayer.

Second, I was struck by what one mother said. In fact, I think it’s one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard for the parents of LGBT children. Here’s what this mother said:

It’s not about trying to make our children straight. Rather than trying to change our children, it’s really about changing society so that it celebrates and affirms all people – LGBT individuals included.

Don’t change your children. Change the world in which they live. It’s beautiful advice.

And each time we choose love over hate, compassion over indifference or kindness over cruelty, change the world is exactly what we do.


  1. In Minneapolis’s Gay Pride parade PFLAG gets the biggest cheers and applause. So supportive and so understanding. They are proud of their GLBTQ children, relatives and even grandparents! The world is getting better because of them. Bless them! (Tap, tap. ah, world? take notice. And I should add SEE the LOVE.) I wished I had arms large enough to hug them all!

    • It’s the same in Toronto. Knowing how supportive and accepting my own parents have been, I’m glad to see other parents out there who love, accept and support their children.

  2. Don´t change the people. Change the world in which WE live. Beautiful words. We can do it, that´s for sure.

  3. I remember a documentary about the book of Job and someone saying to God “How can you allow such misery in the world. Such hunger, pain, violence, poverty and need? Why don’t you DO something?! ” And the answer came back. “I did. I sent YOU!”
    The world we make is up to us. It may take a while but we can make it. I hope of a time when a child can go to his parents and say “I’m gay.” And they will say, “Thank you for telling us now go do your homework.” Who knows? The future IS in our hands.

    • Reminds me of the time one of my kids came to me with his suitcase packed and announced he was running away from home. I said, “Not until you’ve finished your homework!” He did his homework, left the house with his packed suitcase, and returned two hours later at dusk to a welcoming hug.

  4. Davey, sometimes your optimism makes me feel ill. Though I like your blog in general, a small dose of cynicism I think would go a long way. Reading any individual post here makes me happy. (Yes we can change the world! Sunshine for everyone!) But scanning any more than that just leaves me feeling exhausted and used up, like I’m coming down off a sugar high. Your idealism is charming. Your relentless positivity, however, can sometimes feel belligerent; all of your posts seems to imply that if the reader can’t manage to be as happy as you are then there must be something wrong with him. Rather than just offering vague (albeit positive) aphorisms as you do in this post, why don’t you give some suggestions about how we can implement the changes you want to see in the world.

  5. Davey, here’s a suggestion for your obviously strong activist impulses. I’d like to see a video of you going around town with a sign that asks, “Have you hugged your kid today?” Not “Have you hugged your gay kid today.” No need to be so parochial in your activism. If every kid in this world got two or three hugs each day from parents who care, we wouldn’t have hateful bullies picking on gay kids because they lack love in their own lives.

  6. So it is. And you, Davey’ and all the rest of us are doing just that by just being here to share this together. Just continue being yourself. Just be you, no one else can. And it CAN change the world.
    I’ve seen it, enormous changes in the more than half century since I first realized that I am gay.

    Be well,

  7. Hey Davey,

    It IS beautiful, and meaningful advice! Oh, and PFLAG is PARENTS and FRIENDS of LESBIANS AND GAYS…. just F.Y.I. :)



    • In Toronto, Ontario – we are in fact called Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

  8. Great message but greater FEET! Please, indulge your feet fetishists with a few (a lot) more pictures. Thanks. You have gorgeous looking feet!

  9. People will disbelieve new information—such as the fact that having gay or lesbian parents does not harm kids—unless they’re confident that absorbing it will not threaten their values.
    Yale researchers suggest increasing open-mindedness by presenting people with new information in ways that conform with values they already hold dear.

  10. Say, you have a good article. Significantly thank you again. Wonderful.

  11. I thnk ppl should leave gays alone it’s their own choice

  12. Dear Davey I’m gay myself how do I deal with it like how do I find someone else who is as well cus I don’t want to use the chat room things

  13. I are not able to thank you enough for that blog. A lot thank you again. Really great.

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