Dear Davey,
Straight homophobes have a long list of degrading names for gays. But do we have any derogatory names for them? I think it’s unfair that we always have to be the nice community… I think we need to show them how it feels or fight back in a BIG way. Or would we just be sinking to their level?
Stay beautiful,
Stefan
It turns out, there is a derogatory name for straight people: Breeders. While it isn’t as loaded as many of the words used against the gay community, it’s still pretty nasty – and it’s not part of my vocabulary.
When we get hurt, it’s very natural to want revenge. When we see our gay brothers and sisters discriminated against, belittled, beat or – in some rare instances – even killed because of their sexual orientation, the anger can be overwhelming.
However, when we turn that anger into action, and react hatefully against those that have wronged us, we engage in an escalating game of tit for tat that does far more damage than good. If progress is the goal, responding to violence with violence will only ensure otherwise. Perhaps the largest example of this is the seemingly endless Israeli-Palestinian conflict. So long as each side is engaged in a battle of avenging previous wrongdoings, no real progress will be made; it’s an endless cycle of violence responding to violence.
Mahatma Gandhi famously said that an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. But in a lesser-known quote, the celebrated activist also said, “Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” And I think it speaks to the violence committed against our community. When we forgive, we free ourselves to move forward and create a more accepting world. The only question is, are we strong enough? I think yes.
We can’t hope to change hearts or minds by fighting violence with violence. Instead, I think it makes more sense to inspire change through the example that we set. We must demonstrate the acceptance that we so determinedly seek – and not lower ourselves to the level of those that oppress us.
Love,
Davey
February 22, 2012 at 10:51 am
You’re totally right. And btw, this guy talks about straight homophobes, but we all known that homophobia is not a straight people feature:you knwo what they say, a lot of homophobes are actually colset gays.
February 23, 2012 at 4:25 am
@Fargok:
You’re right about the closeted homophobes,Fargok. In my experience,the worst,and the saddest are those who are so angry,they’d like to beat up a queer_Talk about self-hatred!
Unfortunately,there are plenty of un-closeted gay,homophobes,again in my experience these are often sickeningly bigoted[i.e.:racist],right-wingers.
February 22, 2012 at 11:01 am
Great post, Davey. Thanks for the reminder. Also part of that equation is, if it’s a “force against force” thing, we would lose. There are a LOT more heterosexuals than homosexuals in this world. And so it would be foolish to be offensive in our words and conduct towards heterosexuals.
February 22, 2012 at 11:37 am
So I totally agree with this point of view you have on this issue. I don’t know where that term started, “Breeders” but it does just make us stoop down to the level of those that in act defamation of character on our community and other communities. We need to realize that hate towards others is just a circle of everflowing distaste and abhorrence. In my area I have tried to get the message of “ThinkB4YouSpeak” across so that many see it and try to go by it. We as a community just need to keep moving forward and not stop on our path to create more isses by falling for the the name calling and derogative mannor of others. Like you stated about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict It will be a continous struggle unless a side chooses to be the better “man” and resolve the conflict without lashing out. This is my two cents I wanted to share in response to your post.
♥
Sincerely,
Sean Snyder
February 22, 2012 at 11:37 am
We are all one.
February 22, 2012 at 11:44 am
I must admit, I use the term breeders, but not necessarily in a derogatory context… Just with my close straight friends when the say something ridiculous! But they know it’s all in good fun. I mean, we may think that word derogatory, but it’s actually pointing out what is as gays cannot do in our own relationship without outside help. I think it hurts us as much as it does them.
Also, I agree. Hate begets hate. It’s equivalent to bashing straights about how they’re ruining the sanctity of marriage (with divorce, numerous marriage, infidelity, etc) to try and justify why we should be allowed to marry. You ppl do know you’re saying marriage has no sanctity, but you’re fighting to be allowed to marry. Ignorance. I was extremely disappointed at how the HRC attacked Kim kardashian over her “4 minute” wedding. Belittling and hatemongering is not how you spread tolerance. It’s the exact opposite.
And to add to Daveys Gandhi quotes: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” this starts by taking full responsibility for everything going on in your life. After all, it’s your life… Not theirs.
February 22, 2012 at 12:27 pm
Answering hate for hate is NEVER the answer. Be understanding and forgiving. That will really get the opposition PO’d. I guess I have a strange mind and think everyone was meant to be gay but hey, where will the future be for human kind then? They can’t help how they were created. but (ugh!) that sex?! I’m queezy already.
I never call them breeders “Straight” I think is simple and more to the point. All of my friends are straight. (That explains my lack of a sex life.) and at poker parties they quzzled down beer, fart and burp. I am SO glad I am GAY!
As the song goes from Disney’s Pete’s Dragon (me on Friday) “There’s room for everyone in this world if everyone makes some room.”
Hate language is just that “hate” don’t give in. Raise yourself above that. Prove we are better and caring people. THAT will help us win out! That’s just my opinion. Simple as it is.
February 22, 2012 at 12:29 pm
We gay guys can be breeders also! I have two kids and four grandkids to prove the point. Some say I must be bi, but I’ve never ever fantasized about sex with a female. Fortunately for me, the penis is rather open-minded in responding to the sense of touch.
I found that love sex is very possible even when lust sex isn’t present.
Pertinent to Gandhi’s observation: it can also be said that the prospect of losing one’s own eye in retaliation is often a major deterrent for taking the eye of another.
February 22, 2012 at 12:47 pm
Very well written and said Davey
February 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm
Thanks for your articulate comments, Davey. Another one for my favorite Davey Wavey files folder.
February 22, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Well said.
The urge to retaliate is natural and short-term it may feel satisfactory, but it never pays off in the long run.
February 22, 2012 at 2:15 pm
@Davey Wavey
Judging by the relative paucity of comments received so far on this new topic, as opposed to the flurry of activity engendered on the porn thread, I’d say most our minds are in the gutter most of the time.
Better get ready to make that porn talkie blog video ASAP. You don’t want to get all intellectual on us now, Davey.
February 22, 2012 at 4:29 pm
As my mother always said “Don’t waste your time trying to educate a small and closed mind.”
February 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm
@Steven
Didn’t your mama also teach you that “People who live in grass huts shouldn’t stow thrones”?
That’s the punch line to a very old, very bad pun. You should be able to guess the front half of it, being all open minded and stuff.
February 22, 2012 at 5:06 pm
As much as I would like to sometimes, its not the answer. If some straight people are going to lower themselves to that level, the only thing we can rightly do is be better than they are. And notice I say some; homophobes are in the minority, believe it or not. They may be more vocal than the neutral people, but the likelyhood is that any ‘straight hate crime’ would only hurt the people who don’t have any hard feelings towards us. You can expect those feelings would change pretty fast.
If you have to hate someone with blonde hair who’s wronged you, hate them. But don’t hate everyone with blonde hair, because thats all it really amounts to. And I’m sure there have been LGBT serial killers, as well as LGBT human rights activists and other heroes. My point is that you can’t judge a group of people by what a small number of them do without the support of the rest.
February 22, 2012 at 5:07 pm
Also: fight our battles with words. But not insults (although they do have their place).
February 22, 2012 at 5:22 pm
“Breeders” probably dates me
February 23, 2012 at 6:17 am
@wild hair:
Love your tag,wild hair!_Mine’s often wild too,but there’s not a lot of it left.
Anyway,I don’t quite understand your comment:Surely you don’t date breeders?! Actually,that term has been around for at least 30 years_I first heard it from straights,coming from zero population growth was the ideal,as a comment on encounters with people,and places where there were lots of children being had.Later,it was a derogatory term for straight women used by some lesbians[many of whom later went on to become mothers themselves].
February 22, 2012 at 6:02 pm
What i don’t understand is how the protestors always stand outside pride with the “homophobia is sin, you’re going to hell” crap but you never see a protestor outside a bar with a “drinking is sin” sign. Why not?
February 23, 2012 at 1:01 am
In the late 18th and early 19th Century, in the lead-up to Prohibition, there was a lot of protesting of bars, often led by the WCTU.
February 22, 2012 at 8:00 pm
You should consider writing a cook book. You could call it “Bake the illusion!”
February 23, 2012 at 6:19 am
@Horace:
Makes no sense,Horace,but that’s hilarious!
February 22, 2012 at 9:02 pm
Davey, you speak of a need to forgive, but it is impossible to forgive those who do not want to be forgiven, one cannot give to someone who refuses to take. Even if anger and revenge may not be the solutions, forgiveness cannot be the alternative to those who feel no sorrow, no regret, no penitence for their actions.
February 22, 2012 at 11:06 pm
Consider that forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. In saying to that other person “I forgive you.”, I release myself from hatred, anger, frustration, despair and all the emotion that accompanies hanging on to some wrong someone has perpetrated against me. In forgiving, we release ourselves from the bondage of the past and create a future of possibility, unimpeded by things we cannot possibly change. It can seem a monumental task to be able to let go of things. Many of us have become very comfortable with our anger. And venturing out into the unknown world of forgiveness has seemed unnerving. But after a while that becomes natural and we start to experience the freedom and peace that comes with relinquishing our grudges. Our egos will hate us and fight us on the way and it’s up to us to tell them who’s boss; to live by choice and not by chance.
February 23, 2012 at 1:21 am
Overall a wonderful thought you have conveyed here, Davey.
The Golden Rule–Jesus’s command basically to do unto others as you’d have them do unto you–really works, when it’s truly practiced. I know I fail at it a lot, but it’s still a good goal to aspire to, I’d say. And it actually supercedes the “eye for an eye” law as stated in the Old Testament, which Ghandi referenced. (But Ghandi’s point was a good one!)
I must say that I have never heard the term “breeders” used in reference to straight people, plus I don’t see how anybody could consider it “nasty,” which you say it is. (My hunch is that some gay people may use it in anger or retaliation, and straight people say “whatever.”) But even so, what’s the point of being nasty? If you want others to be nice to you, then be nice to them. Doesn’t always work, in terms of the reciprocation, but I can do my part of it.
February 23, 2012 at 1:47 am
ghandi was a woman beater what did he know about peace?
February 23, 2012 at 2:45 am
Beth, making such an alegation, it would help if you included citations and references. Wikipedia says the following (with citations):
Gandhi strongly favoured the emancipation of women, and he went so far as to say that “the women have come to look upon me as one of themselves.” He opposed purdah, child marriage, untouchability, and the extreme oppression of Hindu widows, up to and including sati. He especially recruited women to participate in the salt tax campaigns and the boycott of foreign products.[49] Sarma concludes that Gandhi’s success in enlisting women in his campaigns, including the salt tax campaign, anti-untouchability campaign and the peasant movement, gave many women a new self-confidence and dignity in the mainstream of Indian public life.
Knowing Gandhi’s philosophies and weighing his actions I find it difficult to imagine he was anything other than peaceful without hard evidence to the contrary.
February 23, 2012 at 5:29 am
@Mosaic Dave
Very well put, MD. Hope it is not wasted on “Beth”, but I fear it might be. I suspect “she” has her mind made up and doesn’t want to be confused with facts.
February 23, 2012 at 6:22 am
@Beth:
Sorry to see you’re still around Beth,you ignorant c.nt.Where do you get your information?_The Unabridged Encyclopedia of Stupidity?
February 23, 2012 at 4:33 am
@Davey Wavey:,@Everyone:
Davey,of course you are right!! However,as a frequently angry person,I have to confess to having used the slur “Breeders!”,especially when forced out of my way on,or forced off of the sidewalk by a family with several,usually uncontrolled kids,and additionally,a double wide stroller.Not excusing myself,just admitting [some of]my faults.
February 23, 2012 at 5:36 am
While we are on the subject of gay/straight relations, I thought I should mention that the February 6th issue of The New Yorker has an extended piece on Tyler Clementi, the gay Rutgers student who commited suicide by jumping off the George Washington Bridge.
It would appear that the facts in the case were different from those presented to us by the media in the days immediately following the event. As the reporter says, “It became widely understood that a closeted student at Rutgers had commited suicide after video of him having sex with a man was secretly shot and posted online. In fact, there was no posting, no observed sex, and no closet.” Nonetheless, Tyler’s roomate Dharun Ravi has been indicted on charges of invasion of privacy (sex crimes), bias intimidation (hate crimes), witness tampering, and evidence tampering. Read the article for yourself and see what you think. Will justice have been served if Dharun is found guilty and sent to prison for ten years or more? Was what happened between the roomates a hate crime or just a college prank by an immature guy given to bragadoccio?
The question remains as to what led Tyler Clementi to take his own life. There is a suicide note whose contents have not been revealed by the prosecutor. Tyler Clementi came out to his parents a few days before going off to Rutgers and so I think we can appreciate his state of mind at the time. It was his impression that his mother was not fully accepting of his being gay. It’s a fascinating story we all can relate to. It’s worth a read.
February 23, 2012 at 6:46 am
@clippersuper:
Yah!! Get’em,clipper!!
February 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm
Woo, Bill pull in your claws. This topic is “Straight” hate crime. Let’s not start attacking our own or at least leave it for another topic. If stupidity was a crime 80% of the population would be behind bars. I know I have had MANY “stupid moments”. Just try to keep the internet bashing to a minimum. We all get too much of that.
Okay, I just fell off my soap box and I think I twisted my ankle. Another “stupid moment”.
February 23, 2012 at 3:01 pm
@Peter in Minneapolis:
Peter,I’m not sure whether your comment was meant for me,bill(Guillermo3),or for another poster who signs as Bnill.From the context,I imagine you were addressing me.If so,I wasn’t attacking anyone9other than Beth),but stating the facts as I have seen some behaviors enacted.To be more exact,I am appalled and angered by the gay self-hatred that I’ve seen too often,and by it’s being manifested in gay homophobia.If that offends you,Peter in Minneapolis,I don’t apologize.
February 23, 2012 at 6:45 pm
@Peter from Minneapolis
Don’t think “Beth” is one of our own. She/he/it is a hater, and a hater of any gender or sexual proclivity is not a pretty thing.
Otherwise, a funny post. Hope the ankle is OK…
March 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm
Don’t LGBT folks also “breed?” What a silly term.