In some ways, it feels like we’ve all come so far. Some countries and states allow for marriage equality, more and more nondiscrimination policies include sexual orientation and gender identity, and an increasing number of LGBT individuals are letting their flames burn bright openly.
Given our progress, it could be easy to forget that we’re really just getting started. But a reality check is only a headline away. A few days ago, 13-year-old Asher Brown shot himself in the head after being tormented at his Texas school. And then yesterday, 13-year-old Seth Walsh from California died after 10 days on life support after hanging himself.
In a blog where I tend to focus on life’s positive perspective, there’s no good news here. I can feel the broken hearts of Asher and Seth’s families, friends and our entire community. We do what we do, and I do what I do, to make this world a more loving and inclusive place. We do it all so crap like this doesn’t happen.
Imagining the hopelessness that these boys felt nearly incapacitates me. But it also resolves me and motivates me to do more. And today, I promise Asher and Seth that I will do more. The trajectory of progress must bend faster and harder in the favor of love and equality. And all of us need to step up to the plate.
October 2, 2010 at 5:38 pm
A close friend of mine committed suicide about 3 weeks ago. This is happening far too often and we need to stand up and say no more!
October 4, 2010 at 10:14 pm
this makes me sick .. im makeing a change ….. my moms gay and alot of my friends and this is not cool
October 5, 2010 at 4:02 am
I have always had a pain in my heart for teens struggling against bullying and contemplating suicide. As one who went through the same thing in school I know how easy it is to think about taking the easy way out. The pressure is great and the support non-existent from teachers, administrators and others. Later as a licensed funeral director having to work with families of teen suicides and try to explain to them why their son or daughter is lying there in a casket, dead by their own hand because some bully or bullies saw the need to relentlessly pick on them eventually was too much for me and I had to leave the business.
This practice, and yes it is a practice, has to stop! I blame not only those who do the bullying, but school administrators, teachers and others who call it a “rite of passage”, but the police for not protecting those kids and especially those parents who foster an attitude at home of encouraging the nature of bullying as being normal because either they were bullied and want revenge through their son or daughter, or they have some other need to foster the attitude through bigotry against people who are different than themselves. It’s a severe problem prevalent in our society today for not only gay teens, but those of other religions, color…essentially anything that makes them different and gives someone a reason and need to feel superior over another. Parents must be held just as accountable as their sons and daughters as well as any other people in authority who ignore this practice until it no longer exists. At the moment gay teens are the most prevalent picked upon group and suicide is the 3rd highest cause of death among teens caused by bullying. I totally support the “It gets better project” and will help in any way I can to promote it.
That includes talking to school kids, writing articles for publication as I am a published author, whatever it takes. This has to stop. I’m out and proud and not afraid of these people. Let’s end it now.
October 6, 2010 at 1:55 pm
I remember feeling like killing myself at times before I came out. I was bullied about being gay before I even fully understood what gay was and way before I even identified with it.
Two ways we can help:
1. Don’t allow Gay to be used as a negative adjective. If friends or co-workers say it, stop them and tell them how offensive it is.
2. Be a confidential source of information about all things Gay. If you are openly gay, in this digitized world, younger, or closeted Gay people may contact you. Do everything you can to answer their questions and help them figure their identity out, just like you did. Gay Americans are Americans and should have the same rights as any other American.
That’s my thoughts on contributing…
October 6, 2010 at 10:26 pm
I have started saying “thats so hetero” or “thats straight”. Kind of as a joke, And the 2nd time I said my sister said she was going to start being offended if I start saying that. Really?
October 7, 2010 at 12:23 am
@Tom: You’ve hit the nail on the head precisely. This is one of the things that most disturbs me about the reactions of some to issues such as these. It isn’t a matter of placing gay rights before the need to protect GLBTQ youth who are often living with a higher risk of suicide, bullying or worse… It’s a matter of speaking UP so that these same kids know they are not alone and perhaps even know where to get the much-needed support/protection if their lives, physical well-being and/or peace of mind are at risk. And for the record, there are some who may think my earlier statement was a dismissal of the fight for gay rights; it isn’t. I’ve fought this fight for more than a quarter of a century and my contributions will continue. I’m only saying that we MUST speak up in order to do all that is possible to support the youth at risk.
@Eiriksson: Thank you; wonderful response.
October 7, 2010 at 12:50 am
Throwing away the guns is not the answer (but they sure as hell need to lock them up — the guns, that is). Sorry but I’m a product of the south and grew up with the attitude that “guns don’t kill people; PEOPLE kill people.” But again, common sense and a good lock are needed as well.
October 7, 2010 at 12:52 am
I never had any self-esteem issues with being gay but an abusive relationship ‘did’ motivate me to attempt suicide once. (Fortunately, I changed my mind before it was too late and forged ahead.) That said, I understand what drives a person to consider suicide; the overwhelming feeling that “all is lost” and one’s circumstances will never change. There is no “one right response” a person can afford to one who is suicidal “other than to simply try and be there for emotional support, without making any effort to judge the one who has temporarily given up all hope.” NOBODY who is suicidal wants to hear, “you are wrong for considering an attempt on your life” or “don’t you SEE just how much you have to live for?” In fact, the former statement is more damaging… The latter, however, is an appropriate and helpful response, though not one that generally has an “immediate” impact on the person. In the case of suicidal persons, the old adage of “misery loves company” comes to mind (but probably not for the reasons one might think, initially). Most who are seriously thinking of taking their life are feeling all alone, as if they are the only ones faced with [insert whatever set of circumstances here] and that it’ll never change. Most often, the key to help is simply to give them the courage and strength to just try and get through “one more day”, a day at a time. Eventually, it becomes much more evident that they’re stronger than they may have first thought and that “life DOES go on, and often does get better”. At least, that was my experience. I’ve had other trials since leaving my abusive ex (who I’m told has since passed away) but nothing compares to what I was feeling ten years ago.
To anyone reading who is or has ever thought about taking his or her life, just hang in there. Find a support group (or simply ONE person whom you feel just a little bit comfortable talking to about your circumstances). I strongly recommend that anybody contemplating suicide contact a suicide hot line as soon as possible. You don’t have to tell them everything; just start the process and ask if they know of some resources (for support) in your immediate locale. You’re not nearly as alone as you might think, but your situation isn’t nearly as hopeless as it may seem either.
(Trust me, I’m living alone, HIV+ and have survived a fight with cancer. I’ve [unfortunately] gained a lot of weight since treatment for the cancer… and was laid off from my job two years ago, come this next Christmas Day. Even so, I know that I’m strong enough to keep going in the face of all of this… and so too is anyone else who is living a life that seems overwhelming or imperfect. For that matter, just what is “perfection”?
For those of you who are much younger (I’m forty-seven), I realize that you sometimes magnify your perceptions of your life right now. It’s not unusual, especially if you’re young enough that you’re also dealing with changes in your body and your emotions because of puberty, etc. Just trust that it WILL not always be the same as it is today; your life is a work in progress and it WILL change, in time.)
Love to all…
Michael
October 22, 2010 at 7:11 pm
all suicides are tragic-gay-str8 or whatever.this just cant keep going on-this madness must stop-the bullying-that is.may they all-rest in peace.
October 22, 2010 at 9:18 pm
Here is an interesting article about the cause of gay teen suicide:
http://www.newser.com/story/103587/two-thirds-blame-churches-for-gay-teen-suicides.html
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April 30, 2012 at 11:33 am
Thank you Davy! Thank you for your wonderful message, for helping to put things in their proper perspective…..for helping to save lives! Hugs, Michael