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July 2, 2011
by Davey Wavey

In Love With a Straight Man: What To Do?

Dear Davey,

I like someone but they happen to be straight, what do I do?


Dear Keaton,

Thanks for the email.

First of all, you’re not alone. Many, many gay men have been in your shoes. Love does not know the bounds of sexual orientation – and that can sometimes be a very frustrating thing.

My advice to you is very simple: If you are in love with a straight boy, rejoice! Whenever love blossoms in our lives, it’s a real gift. Be grateful that you are able to experience such a true, deep and real connection with another human being.

Of course, true love does not demand reciprocation. When we really love another human being, it’s about loving them fully and completely. This is unconditional love; it’s love with no strings attached. It’s loving someone for all that they are. If you truly love a straight man, then part of that love must be in acceptance of his straightness as it is part of who he is.

When we love someone, we do not seek to change them. Love is about acceptance, not manipulation. Love is about the other person while manipulation is selfish. In other words, honor this man’s straightness and his desire to be with a woman. Recognize that he seeks a female partner in life – and that is not something you are able to provide. Since you love him, you’ll want him to be happy – even if that happiness doesn’t stem from a romantic relationship with you.

If you want him to be with you – yet you know that is not what he wants or seeks – then I question your notion of love. If you want him to be with you regardless, it’s not longer about him – it’s about you. And that is not love.

If all of this seems difficult, remember that love comes in many forms. Yes, there’s romantic love. But then there’s also the love we feel with our friends. Or our families. Love comes in so many forms, and each of them add tremendous value to our lives.

Rejoice and be grateful that such a powerful force of nature has blossomed in your life. Love, regardless of its expression, is always a beautiful thing.


P.S. I’d love to hear some of the advice from other blog buddies. Please sound-off in the comments below!


  1. I have considered myself fortunate enough to have spent a lifetime falling for straight friends and in my case I believe it is my perceived view of their masculinity that I fall for. In all these cases I have let them know of my feelings towards them and as a result the friendship has only grown stronger. My view has always been that it is important to share with others how you feel, everybody likes to feel loved, but I have never confused love with lust. I do not share my feelings with the expectation that I will have sex with them, I share so they know that there is somebody else that loves them, enjoys spending time with them and who also looks out for, backs up and supports them. Love is a wonderful thing just as lust is a wonderful thing, it is when you are able to separate the two that true and genuine friendships flourish.

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