“Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there.”‘ -Eckhart Tolle
I haven’t been stressed in nearly five years. Maybe a small stress here or there, but certainly nothing worth noting.
It’s not because my life is easy, though it may be easier than yours. We all have our struggles, challenges and obstacles. Your obstacles may be greater than mine in magnitude, but I’ve long since realized that the amount of stress in our lives isn’t dependent on the severity our so-called problems.
Instead, stress is very much dependent on our perspective and any perceived gap between the way things are and the way we believe things should be. With a change in perspective five years ago, I instantly closed that gap by realizing things are always exactly as they need to be.
Whenever I believe something negative has happened in my life, then I know a lesson is being offered up. I just need to crack the nut to get to the fleshy and delicious center.
Things are always as they need to be, and with this perspective, it’s impossible to create the gap in which stress can survive and thrive. And for five years, this is how I’ve lived without stress not in spite of – but because of – break ups, deaths, cancer, and joblessness.
Living with stress is a choice. What do you choose?
September 24, 2010 at 9:04 am
BRAVO!! No stress in five years? Amazing! What are you smoking? I need some of that.
September 24, 2010 at 9:04 am
I’m insanely worried anxious and stressed. To rid myself of unwanted stress and troubles, I kicked my roommate out. That’s 350 a month I have to make up now. And I was well aware of all this when contemplating it. In the end, I would rather make it on my own and struggle alone then to carry someone else’s troubles on my back. Monetary frets are hard to cope with but dealing with a constant pessimist who guilts you into pitying them and being their antagonist is too much.
My choice has brought on a small fear, but I can’t go back to something awful; I just have to stick it out and keep faith that when seeking the better, I must blow away the black film that tries to layer itself over my light.
Soon enough I’ll be a little less stressed Davey!
September 24, 2010 at 9:11 am
One of the things I use to cope with stress is humor. I find that if I can make it sound like a funny story then I can cope. I also can complain to others without them thinking I am a pest. I get the therapeutic powers of complaining and they are entertained. If I can’t turn it into a funny story, then it just means the humor is slow coming. I heard a Christian comedian once say, “In all things you may as well laugh. Being grumpy won’t change anything, so…you may as well laugh”. I am not the religious sort, but that comment has stuck with me anyway.
September 24, 2010 at 9:14 am
I never stress.. dunno why LOL, guess im just laid back and anything i am worried about taking a few breaths then singing my lungs out takes care of it lol
September 24, 2010 at 9:15 am
STRESS hmm Not able to kick the s**t out of some one who needs it….Glenn
September 24, 2010 at 9:25 am
Hi Davey!
Interesting post. In my case, living with stress is a suffered but necessary choice.
I feel stressed not only because I see the difference between what I am and what I would like to be, but also between what I would like to be and what I have to be. Even with the right prospective, it is difficult for me to accept the gap. Perhaps one day I will be free from what my duties impose to me and I will close the gap, but for now I have to stress myself a little.
Thank you for the inspiration.
M
September 24, 2010 at 9:30 am
I agree that we can begin to address stress when it rises and certainly prevent it from holding us captive. I disagree you have been stress free. You may have dealt with it well and not allowed it to consume you but it was there.
If not I’ll have to say you have eliminated something valuable. A human feeling that teaches us. It may not be a pleasant teacher but it is there.
All of your examples were from a mental or secondary experience. It’s important to mention physical stress. As I am quickly learning it can affect the mental.
If your in pain, have a poor diet, or just have unknown things at work in the body it can wear on the mind and even bring up old events and stress. The mind links a feeling with the physical.
Like you Davey, I choose to confront and analyze things in life. It may not be easy or quick but it is a good process.
I’m not perfect and I’ve certainly had more than my share of stress mental and physical. “To thine own self be true” is a quote I like.
Face what is in front of you. Question it frequently and boldly.
T
September 24, 2010 at 9:53 am
Hmm, I find your perspectives more and more similar to mine, Davey Wavey…. Yay! Kudos for enlightenment and positiveness.
September 24, 2010 at 12:01 pm
that is what i have recently learned as well, many people want to change things to have the worl revolve around them but you cant, the world is the way it is you have to work with it not against it you cant swim up a river you can only go with it
September 24, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Stress is an important part of motivation Davey. It’s not healthy to completely elimitate stress.
Definition:
“Stress is the body’s reaction to a change that requires a physical, mental or emotional adjustment or response.”
Stress itself isn’t healthy or unhealthy – it is our own reactions to stress that affect us. For a purely physical example, if I add a stressor to my muscles, such as a physical injury, the body reacts by increasing blood flow to the affected area. Without the stress, the body would not react.
A more useful example to the discussion. Normal levels of stress can help us perform tasks better. For example, when writing a test, people with a moderate amount of stress actually do better than those with no stress, or too much stress.
So stress free for five years? I think the more accurate statement would be “Managing Stress for Five Years”.
For more information about the benefits of stress:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15818153/ns/health-mental_health/
September 24, 2010 at 3:46 pm
I get stressed when I let things build up in my life, and then it gets to much to handle.
But I haven’t been in school for about 2 and a half months, so lately I’m stress free !
Ps- davey, or anyone else, do you like jersey shore ?
September 24, 2010 at 3:49 pm
I’ve been living with the idea of “be here now” lately, It’s amazing when you focus on “now” how the “there” takes on a much different meaning–in a good way. Blog: http://www.itsjakesworld,com
September 24, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Well said Thomas. I think you put that better than I did.
September 24, 2010 at 5:21 pm
stress has lead to cutting, eating disorders, and a miserable existence for me. i gave it up too, and it was pretty easy
September 24, 2010 at 6:34 pm
I, also, am not a stresser. I don’t remember if it is something I learned or if its just how I am but I’m very blessed to not be stressed.
September 24, 2010 at 10:36 pm
Haha – I didn’t notice it was you that made that comment T – it said anonymous at the top. lol.
September 24, 2010 at 10:44 pm
I forgot to fill the boxes in lol. Still I meant what I said. Much better worded.
September 25, 2010 at 12:14 am
wait… did davey have cancer? does he have cancer now?
September 25, 2010 at 12:55 am
there is NOTHING worse than being stressed out! it causes all kinds of negativity and hurts everyone around you. Davey, you’re a perfect example of what life CAN and SHOULD be for everyone. I love you!!!! you inspire and instill a sense of well-being just by being you. THANKS! and tons of love to you in Canada!!! XOXOXOXO -Stu
September 25, 2010 at 2:23 am
no, I don’t think he does, or ever did
September 25, 2010 at 7:26 am
I agree with Thomas. Some really awful things are, on occasion, unavoidable, and some of those are ongoing. It would UNhealthy not to acknowledge these things. Stress management is very much better than ignoring those things which of needs must cause stress.
September 25, 2010 at 12:28 pm
amen to that!
September 25, 2010 at 12:29 pm
sorry for that struggle man, glad you made it through! XOXO -Stu
September 25, 2010 at 12:29 pm
just so you know, the link is wrong and doesn’t work, we CAN click on your name though….
September 25, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Might I suggest that you don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be. Using the term “have to” suggests to me that some external force expects or requires you to be a certain way. Lose the expectations and you will lose the stress. Realize that you only have to be however you want to be and that whatever and however you are right now is perfect on your way to your goal. accept yourself right now for everything you are and everything you are not. And remind yourself that even if you remain the same for the rest of your life you are the best you that you can possibly be. Then define your goal, plan how to achieve it and work towards it, realizing that each step, each success, each failure is feedback from the universe on how to move forward to achieve the success you desire and richly deserve. Notice the times you use the terms “should” and “have to” and remind yourself that thinking like this isn’t really helping you. Thinking these things limits your possibilities. Consider instead what you would like to do or what you want to do. Think of all the things you’d like to do; then narrow them down and do one or two that you think are really great and valuable at that time. You can do the rest later if you want to. Lastly, do it all for yourself. It’s one thing to say you’re doing things selflessly for those people whom you love but why should you be stressed or unhappy so that the people around you can be happy? Instead, do what you want to do and be happy. Your happiness will radiate out to those people you love and they will, in turn, be happier for you when seeing you being the extraordinary person you are.
September 25, 2010 at 12:39 pm
haha! I concur! ,,,,, oh wait, smoking causes stress.
September 25, 2010 at 12:40 pm
I agree, if i’m even remotely stressed i youtube AFV and whooooosh!!!! gone! that or Davey
(wink, wink)
September 25, 2010 at 12:41 pm
haha!
September 25, 2010 at 12:42 pm
hmmm… interesting, but there’s a difference between stress and motivation/goals. I think in your case you’re motivated to change, not necessarily stressed. cheers!
-Stu
September 25, 2010 at 12:43 pm
T….. you’re so freakin’ cool man!
XOXOXO -Stu
September 25, 2010 at 1:04 pm
You point out something very valuable here; mental/emotional and physical stresses are separate and different. Physical stress can be very worthwhile whereas mental and emotional stress – the types Davey addresses in his post – are not so much. I think it’s also important to separate harmful stress from beneficial challenge. I have no doubt Davey is merely talking about the colloquial stress that many of us feel when we start believing things shouldn’t be the way they are. I got stressed to the point of punching a wall when I realized my parents were coming over and my condo was a disaster of epic proportions. It brought up childhood memories of being told to clean my room and I started resisting everything. My blood pressure rose, my face became flushed… It was not a healthy place to be. That’s when I reminded myself that despite not wanting it to be that way I was in the perfect place for me to be in at that time. I had something to learn from it. And I accepted it. Immediately the stress went away and there was room for me to work with the challenge of having my parents see my place looking like s**t. And I realized they didn’t love me any less and they actually wanted to help me clean it up so that I could be happier. Perhaps this isn’t getting rid of stress, per se, but the less helpful emotion and feeling that accompanies it.
September 25, 2010 at 1:18 pm
I’ve always been able to manage stress very well. I actually thrive on high pressure situations at work or in the community. I don’t typically allow myself to wallow in the less helpful and more harmful emotions and feelings that consume some people when they feel “stressed”. Ironically, I’ve never dealt well with these feelings in my personal life and I have let the less helpful emotions and feelings overcome me. For the past 3 years I have realized what you discuss in your post, Davey; my less helpful emotions and feelings all stem from my perception of a gap between what I feel “should be” and what really is. I still feel these emotions occasionally and they present me with great opportunities to practice centering myself on the present reality; to get present to the perfection of every moment, my gratitude for the moment and the knowledge that nothing “should” be any way, at all, other than the way it is. And I am well-equipped to deal with anything in the present moment. I love your post and I think it has, so far, generated some great conversation about stress and how people deal with theirs. I’m actually creating a module on stress management for customer service workers right now and I will be adding a thing or 2 I’ve read in here
Thanks Davey and everyone else!
September 25, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Thank you Stuart.
September 25, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Stress…well, ask the guy who has a couple of kids, lost his job and now his house is being repossessed along with his car. He idd all the right things in life but the outcome is not in his favor…this story can be repeated 100 times over within the last 3 years.
Your overview on handling stress is myopic and certainly short sighted. Comne on Davewy life is not Maria singing in the hills above the convent, life is brutal and can be devastating and not so easy to handle for many. Be real.
September 25, 2010 at 1:42 pm
P. S. For the guy who asked about jersey Shore…what a mindless show that adds nothing to the human race. who wants to watdch people leading lifes that go no where.It is an insult to a thinking, educated person.
September 25, 2010 at 2:00 pm
I agree we should resolve the stress and its issues in life, recognize it for what it is, and place it in context.
Davey is a wonderful teacher of what we should aim for and how he gets there. Like all things we must adapt it to ourselves and what works for us.
Physical stress can be can be worthwhile as you mentioned but it can also be very wearing. The mind can only endure so much or sometimes it likes to link the current feeling to an old one in an attempt to rationalize whats going on in the body.
In my own life I have been under enough physical stress that the mind would wander, get depressed, or even link it’s current situation to an old one because it feels similar. That’s what I meant.
I also agree stress should be broken down into harmful and beneficial. It’s good to analyze how things affect us so we can deal with them.
Good for you on dealing with yours!
T
September 25, 2010 at 2:42 pm
Glad to see you and Eckhart have linked up. You two have so much in common in the Here and Now.
When I was a Buddhist monk I had zero reason for stress, yet I managed to find my old ways were not as easy to get rid of as just putting on a saffron robe. I learned techniques to de-stress. Now, back in jeans and t-shirts, I use them, but to be totally honest, I still have my moments, like when the hot water heater decides to not co-operate.
I agree with Tom about getting real. s**t happens, but when you see it as just that, s**t, it helps to get through it. But you still have to get the water tank fixed if you want to take a shower, eh?
Chop wood, carry water + enlightenment.
Be well,
September 26, 2010 at 3:02 am
Come on be honest. Daavey has shown enterprise but like so many of us he is a Spoitl Child of Caoitalism. Try living in a poorer country, like parts of The Philippines or Ghana, with fewer life chances and no social security system. Try living with
uncertain crops or fishing and the possibility of floods and A family to feed. Davey leads a charmed life good and like many gay people does not have the cost and worry(and joy) of children. My question is – does he help less fortunate people.
September 26, 2010 at 12:20 pm
You are both right. There are some external forces that require me to be in a certain way. And you are right when you say I have to start being who I realy am.
The truth is that I am afraid of changes, but I cannot continue to keep things going this way.
Thank you both for inspiration and support.
September 26, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Couldn’t it be that the universe has presented these situations to these people as a reminder that they can do whatever they put their minds to? If it’s possible for any single person to overcome those things then it’s possible for everyone. The only difference: the attitude with which we approach the issue.