When it comes to the externals in life – those things outside of yourself – there are some things that you can change, and some things that you cannot change.
What can you change?
- Your future health. You can make a plan to build a healthier you by committing to small lifestyle changes every day.
- The relationships in your life. You have the option to sever the toxic relationships in your life and nourish the loving relationships. What you spend energy on will grow in your life.
- Your underwear. And I hope you do, from time to time.
- Etc., etc., etc.
What can’t you change?
- The weather. Except for a few very advanced yogis out there.
- Other people’s attitudes and behavior. Though many of us spend a lot of energy and time trying to change other people, change is something that occurs on the inside. That energy is probably better spent elsewhere.
- The situations in your life today. You can make a plan to create a different tomorrow, but there are some situations, obligations and responsibilities that must be dealt with today.
- Etc., etc., etc.
So, what about these unchangeable externals? What if the weather is really, really shitty, or someone is being a jerk to you, or, though you’re job searching, you hate your current job? What then?
Though you may be unable to change these externals, you can change the way you look at them. That’s the key.
Change your perspective on the weather – learn to embrace the rain, the cold or the heat. If someone is being a jerk, recognize them as a teacher in your life. In your mind, thank them for showing you that even when someone else is angry, you have the choice to remain at peace. If your job sucks, look for the parts of your job that are meaningful: the human interactions, coworkers or your contributions to society.
Whatever those externals may be, there is an opportunity for you to look at them differently. And when you do look at those externals differently, a remarkable thing happens: the negativity suddenly melts away. Like butter on warm mashed potatoes.
What is one thing that you will look at differently today? Leave your response in the comments.
July 31, 2008 at 8:32 am
Hi Dave,
I dislike hot and humid weather. But after reading your post today, I think I’m going to see if I can view the situation differently.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Craig.
July 31, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Hi Dave,
After realizing that the hot and humid weather will help me appreciate the cooler, crisper days that I enjoy so much, I felt better.
This evening I checked the weather and for the next several days, the temperature isn’t going to go above 20. YAY.
LOVE IT!
Thanks Dave, Thanks Weather Man, Thanks Mother Nature.
Craig.
July 31, 2008 at 8:35 am
I am going to make sure I take the risks I need to in life to creat my own reality.
I am in control of a lot of things that I am think I am not and sometimes it is easier to blame others than to realize I can make the change.
Today I take a risk to change my life.
July 31, 2008 at 8:53 am
“Like butter on warm mashed potatoes.” Haha.
One thing I will look at differently today is what my family says and does. A lot of times I find myself noticing and internalizing my family’s negative comments or actions, and I kind of silently bite my tongue.
Just for today, I’ll try really hard to understand and appreciate that they’re just doing what they know how to do – just like you put it in one of your videos
July 31, 2008 at 8:58 am
I’ll look at the weather differently, I agree with craig that hot, humid weather sucks, but I will try to see a positive out of it.
July 31, 2008 at 9:29 am
I think it’s possible to change someone’s attitude. If someone meets you with a preconceived notion and you approach them with a totally opposite demeanour, it’s entirely possible that they may change their original belief.
Example: If someone believes gay people are lascivious child molesters and someone shows them a completely different model for what a gay person is, it might change their attitude towards gay people.
July 31, 2008 at 10:23 am
Ahha – but did YOU change their mind – or did they make the change?
July 31, 2008 at 10:51 am
i totally agree with dave: you can´t change anybody. you can help other people to change their views or actions if they want to, but thats it. the rest is up to themselves. and by letting you explain your point of view, they are already think there is a possibility that they are not right.
by the way: are we allowed to say other people what they should think or do? like: “you should not be a nazi” or “you should not be a vegetarian”?
are we allowed … as long as they don´t harm anyone?
July 31, 2008 at 10:05 am
Now I have a bizarre desire to buy some potatoes form the market today
July 31, 2008 at 10:06 am
Today I will look at the yappy dog down the hall as an opportunity to play my piano without worrying about its volume lol
In the long-term I will try to learn from people who I encounter on my path who are cruel, rude, etc. I will really try to maintain composure when they test me and model compassion and peace as best I can.
July 31, 2008 at 8:45 pm
LOL I do that too! When my neighbors are doing whatever it is they do that sounds like rolling around large marbles in their bathtub, or my other neighbor decides to vacuum late at night I get excited that I can listen to my music at volume loud enough to connect and feel it.
July 31, 2008 at 10:47 am
Hmm… I’ll start to learn to appreciate the uncertainties in life which make my life so much more interesting!
July 31, 2008 at 10:57 am
I am want to change my job! Change my view on the world.
July 31, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Gotta say everyone at my job seems to be stressed today–not sure why–so I’m trying to respond with a very loving “Well first, you need to chill out.”
XO to all you folks out there in digital computer land! And chill out!
July 31, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Progress = Change = Progress
I will embrace the fact that change is not only necessary, it is inevitable.
There are all kinds of things that are changing for me right not, some for the good and some for “making things better”.
I love this post and hope that everyone can recognize the positivity in the message of change and acceptance.
Ciao Gorgeous Man – J
July 31, 2008 at 1:01 pm
I know that the next time I hit my golf ball into the sand trap, I will see the opportunity to get better at hitting the ball out of the sand trap rather than react with the typical %$!*&*%$!.
July 31, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I dig these sorts of posts, Davey. It’s taken me a while to reach similar conclusions. Glad to see someone else out there who spends so much time talking about the way life can work.
July 31, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Great post as always Dave! We all respond to things differently based on our perceptions of the world. The next time you are driving and that crazy driver cuts you off just let it go or wish them well in their day rather than yelling at yourself LOL! If any of you have every seen the movie ‘Latter Days” its a great little flick. Steve Sandvoss in the movie makes a comment about the world ” Have you ever read the comics in the Sunday paper and held them to your face its just a bunch of massive dots up close, but from a distance its art. Life is like that some times its funny, good, and sad. You have to believe that we are all connected”. Sometimes though its hard to see the truth in all of it. Have a great Day everyone!
Brandon-
August 1, 2008 at 1:29 am
That is one of my favorite movies and Steve Sandvoss is SUCH a beautiful man!
July 31, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Life is about how we react to each thing in our environment. I have found that as something presents itself we must look at the positive from the experience and forget the negative. As I continue writing my dissertation, I must look at it as five long essays instead of this huge block of words.
Thank you for your amazing insight.
July 31, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Well wisdom just flows like a river from you. All great advice and on my birthday! Being 32 now I hope to just take a fraction of what you throw out to the world. One step at a time right. Namaste!
July 31, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Happy Birthday! = )
July 31, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I’m going to change the way I look at my job. I dont enjoy it at the moment – but I do get the chance to excel at it and provide a really great service to our customers, and I get to interact with the colleagues under me. I think my major issue is that being from customer services I saw immediate results from my work (dealing with customers and my colleagues face to face) whereas that’s diminished in my current role – but ensuring my department’s run smoothly has nothing but customer impact.
That’s my positive – sorry if it doesnt make sense!
JbX
July 31, 2008 at 4:42 pm
My current state of unemployment (having just graduated) is not really a bad thing, but an opportunity to decide what career path I really want and to plan my traveling.
July 31, 2008 at 5:10 pm
If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.
- Mary Engelbreit
July 31, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Ever since my best friend shared me that quote–about eight years ago–I have strived to apply it in everything. Now, it is a regular part of how I analyze things both in detail and in the grand scheme. You really can’t be bogged down by negative things.
If it doesn’t work for you, change it. If you can’t change it, find a way around it. There’s always another way. With a clear goal in mind, you just gotta keep at it. = )
July 31, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I’m constantly looking to change/rebuild my views in life from the ones I was raised on which I refer to as “Hallmark” interpretations of child rearing.
When I realize just about everything in life is based on our “interpretation”, or those we were raised with, life makes more sense. For many years I was awash with the “interpretation” life is fair. It isn’t.
It’s a twentieth century phenomenon that life is easy. Many centuries ago, people knew they were born to a life of hard labour. Modern day life perceptions try to convince us life is easy. It isn’t.
I go about my way to be who I am, not who someone, somewhere, wishes me to be.
Davey, that you said “You have the option to sever the toxic relationships in your life and nourish the loving relationships.” made my day!
It’s refreshing to discover and accept it’s ok to make positive change for self if your options deem it. Thanks a bunch! Hugs-Don
July 31, 2008 at 5:47 pm
I guess I gotta do something about that.
Once a friend, always a friend; once a brother, always a brother. I follow this and try to keep friendships from either going cold or going bad. And the thing is, some relationships just hit really big road bumps or even crashes. But instead of accepting what could be the end of what has been a good journey, I always do my best to salvage the old ship. I can’t ever just let it sink.
Though people have told me time and time again that there are cases and times when it’s alright to let these end, I have no sense of when it’s “ok” to let it go.
July 31, 2008 at 5:49 pm
PS: Opinions and such will be appreciated = )
July 31, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Damnit. I wish I could do this. I need to do this. Coz I am having an uber crappy day. So the only way I can look at it for right now at least, is to remember ‘there is always somebody worse off than me’ Sometimes. Just remembering that makes you realise you’re complaining about some really trivial stuff.
July 31, 2008 at 7:46 pm
very simple, but very effective. Thanks!
July 31, 2008 at 7:56 pm
I will look at the fact that I have to go back to school next week differently.
July 31, 2008 at 8:24 pm
I want to change daveys marital status (wink)!
July 31, 2008 at 9:13 pm
One thing that I would look at differently today is, probably my co-workers at my local grocery store. My previous thoughts about a few of them have altered in a few ways, moreso good than bad. I’m filling in for an elderly worker who is out due to surgery. So I volunteered to help out in the deli department, not my normal department. I’ve been covering for her for about a week and I have two more coming up. Supposedly normal deli employees get a two-week training period to get the hang of things. I had only thress days to train because I was needed that badly. Yes, I’m being thrown into it but I am trying my hardest to do everything correctly, and not cut myself on the sharp spinning slicers. I did this all for my mom who is,the manager of the deli department. Today when I came in, I relieved the previous manager, whom of which now is just a normal employee such as myself. Her shift ended at 1:30 and I was on time, she was busy though, making grinders. She was able to leave at 1:40 a mere 10 minutes after her shift. She had a negative attitude that this guy wanted grinders for his lunch plans and it took a bit of extra time. She looked at the clock and started to complain to me and the who was there at that time. I didn’t say much, just nodding, acting like I was agreeing with her complaints. Well, I felt differently about it, the deli is to help people get meats cheeses or grinders, etc. Its very customer oriented and if you don’t have patience, care and good people skills, maybe the deli isn’t for you. I’ve already learned that, the easy way. I like to think this because of my perception on life, things and so forth. Being positive about everytihng makes life so much easier. This woman most likely doesn’t know a thing about that. Which is a shame but still…So I come home that night and my mom wanted “gossip” about the woman who left at 1:40 and what the other worker had said about her. I told my mom bits and pieces of the conversation we had, but I didn’t want to make anyone look bad or anything. So I said as little as I could. I said just enough to make my mom happy with what she wanted and hopefully not getting anyone into trouble. Maybe this woman had to be somewhere at a certain time after work. Or maybe she had something else to do. But if she didn’t complain for that extra 5 minutes, she could’ve been out of the store, 5 minutes earlier. I don’t know, thats just my logical thinking kicking in, which isn’t very good at all, hahaha. At any rate, complaining doesn’t do much good for you, unless something willbe done or change. In this particular case, nothing will. Customers will still wantmeats cheeses and grinders tomorrow, and the next day and so on. I just thought I would share my day and how I’ll look at it differently. Staying positive and caring. Thanks for reading! I love your blog Dave!
July 31, 2008 at 9:16 pm
I didn’t think I typed that much! Sorry for talking up all that space. It was healthy for me though, good to get all my thoughts down.
I enjoyed typing that out, see ya Dave!
July 31, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Love comes in many forms. What is Love? Who does it belong to? I say it belongs to Mother Nature. She’s a nifty lady. Mother Nature is filled with all sorts of LOVE and surprises.
The Love I feel the strongest connection toward right now is for a most wonderful Irish Setter. She understands that I extend her Love, she sends it back to me with a smile (yes, see smiles. it freaks some people out that she might bite them – she shows her teeth with her grin:)and with her energetic wag of her tail.
Fav. saying; “If you want things to be different, you need to do things differently”.
Peace Out. Don
August 1, 2008 at 12:25 am
If only it were that simple. When you get to be my age, you’ll see that it’s not ….
August 1, 2008 at 1:19 am
this is completely off topic but i just watched a few of you videos and you are so cute…wait scratch that i mean hott. i know your gay but hey look look amazing. Mwah.
August 1, 2008 at 4:27 am
have I mentioned how great what you’ve created is?
it’s pretty great, lol.
thanks for the great advice, Dave, as always.
I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow, so I can try this idea out!
XD
August 1, 2008 at 9:12 am
You should write a book.
August 1, 2008 at 10:48 am
well, i think this relates to my brother speaking with me the other day…he doesn’t know i’m gay but i told him about my arguing with kids at my school about gay rights (i go to a predominantly white conservative private prep school where i am a big minority as an asian liberal). he asked why i fight so hard with each and every ignorant response especially when most of these kids in my grade aren’t even old enough to vote (“gays are just animals condemned to hell, they don’t deserve the right to vote” said one kid)
i didn’t really have a good response at the time, but for me its become just the simple fact of changing one person’s ideas…one person at a time is enough motivation for me, and while in the general election now it doesn’t make a difference, i still feel better knowing i can attempt to change one kid’s take on gays. thanks davey for helping me reinforce this motivation
August 1, 2008 at 1:25 pm
reading this post is like a personal flashback for me…
…although I am no longer as active in this arena–too many pressing needs keeping me distracted right now
August 1, 2008 at 10:04 pm
no offense…i’m new to the site…but does davey actually read these comments?…sorry for being skeptical
August 1, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Another wise lesson from Davey Wavey.
Kisses
August 2, 2008 at 5:45 am
I always try to turn negative energy into positive energy. When people or things frustrate me, I say a prayer for them (never know what they may be going thru), a prayer for others in similar circumstances, and a prayer for me to be less judgmental.
Example: frustrated by that slow driver in front of me and discovering it’s a little old man, I pray for his safety, the safety of all elderly drivers, that others will be patient with them, that they have the awareness to know when it’s no longer safe to drive, and for myself, to enjoy the slower pace, not to be judgmental, and if I need to get there sooner, to leave sooner myself.
Ta da, instead of wallowing in negativity, a sense of peacefulness has encompassed me and who knows, may also be impacting others.
Peace my friends
August 3, 2008 at 6:10 am
David,
Changing the unchangeable … Happily, I can change my underwear… and I do !
But yesterday I was driving my car and I was stuck in a traffic jam, 2 hours and a half, awful…. and I had to drive very slowly and suddenly and began to be nervous.
I supposed that other people were angry by such a situation but while they certainly were, I suddenly remembered something you wrote and I decided, consciously, not to be and indeed it helped.
Instead of being annoyed by this situation, I started to gaze, from time to time, at the nature around. An English boy surprised me when he got out of his parents’s car and begun to do his jogging at the same speed as the flow of vehicles. British humour !. Ironically, I must say that I discovered that day a wonderful nature all around me….
I was certainly a bit tired but not nervous at all and I suprised myself to laugh at this unchangeable situation in which I was and I only though that obviously I had not chosen the best day for my return journey !
I certainly learn from you patience and also what is really important in life or what is not, a new philosophy, your philosophy on life, certainly a good one !.
bye