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February 26, 2009
by Davey Wavey
32 Comments



Defining your purpose.

As part of a project that I’m working on, I’ve been doing a lot of research on dharma. Dharma can refer to many things, including that which sustains you. In other words, dharma is one’s purpose in life.

I came across a really interesting exercise that I wanted to share. The goal of the exercise is to define your dharma. Here’s how it works.

  1. Take a piece of paper or open a blank document in your favorite word processor.
  2. Title the page: “My Purpose in Life.”
  3. Start writing a list.
  4. Keep going.
  5. When you write something that resonates with your heart and brings tears to your eyes, stop.

That’s your dharma.

We’ve all been filled with false purposes, and it takes a lot of typing to get them out. My grandfather wanted me to play basketball. My university wanted me to work in the financial industry. Generally, it takes people 15 – 30 minutes to complete the exercise. And most people quit before they reach that crucial tear-jerking moment.

In case you’re wondering, here’s my dharma as determined by this exercise: To live a life of peace and to share a message of love with the world.

Your purpose may not be a specific vocation. Instead, it might be a larger, life philosphy that you can express in many ways. For instance, I believe I share a message of love with the world (or at least a very small portion of the world) through this blog.

Try it. What do you have to lose? A few minutes otherwise spent on xtube?

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32 Comments

  1. :O how did you know i was on xtube?

  2. Pure genius! Tried it out a year back when I was a bit lost and it definitely works. My calling is to liberate suffering through knowledge and enlightenment.

    PS: Throughout the process, we might repeat listing a few life purpose. I think we should highlight those as well since they tend to repeat unconsciously.

  3. When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.
    [info][add][mail]
    Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955), The World as I See It…..saw this today. thought of you. i know you’ve quoted him before, but can’t remember which one it was

  4. Hey, Lol. How did you know I was going to xtube next. Lol.

  5. Love and be loved!…came to me after 1 minute…and I’m not xtube-ing…

    Still one question remains: is this really your darma, or just a strong necessity determined by the previous experiences of one’s present life.

  6. sweet. i love your blog C:

  7. just bursted into tear when writting.. To finish my Ph.D … and not happy tear… that´s not good !

  8. Hahahahahaha the last part of this was pricless. But your right, when I think about what I want to spend my life doing it makes me feel so good about myself and helps me better appreciate the oppurunity given to me to be able to pursue that goal

    I haven’t done the exercise yet and idk if I will do it but I think about it all the time and have several life goals I’d love to aim for.

    Thanks so much davey for your truly inspriational blogs, I tell all my friends that your blog is my religious replacement, it’s like my daily bible verse. Are you god? Ahahahaha

  9. That’s a really cool exercise. Dharma used to be something that you were born into, like a caste you were born to be a warrior or a priest, but I am impressed that you have found a way to transform it for the rest of the world.

    This does beg the question though, is Dharma a genetic thing or is it something formulated in your heart?

    It used to be a birthright, now we are transforming it and I love the idea.

  10. Your blog is not to be taken lightly in no small measure. My philosophy is simple math. All effective recommendations good and bad are word of mouth by a factor of 12.I told 12 people about a small wine shop in Garden Grove, Ca. (of all places) by a now 25 year old guy. I found out about it by a small free post in the food and wine section in my Long Beach paper about 3 years ago. He has not had to advertise since. ALL the others in Southern California that do wine tastings (I know them all from Malibu to San Diego) have a hefty advertising budget that their trying to find ways to cut without cutting their nose to spite their face. They’ve had to cut staff, inventories and even electricity by turning off every other light fixture. Their all losing money except my guy in Garden Grove. The others bitch about all the customers they use to have that bought all those $100-$200+ bottles of wine. “They’re still buying them somewhere because these wines are still even more difficult to obtain and the wineries are running out of them.” They all agree on. Some of my friends who live in Naples ( a little area in Long Beach with canals and gondolas with small homes that go for well over 3 million even in this market) used to go to this corner store with ripe attitudes and prices to match. They are trotting off to my friend in Garden Grove! Where it seems all the customers are ordering these “trophy” wines at prices less than what the others charged for when they could get them.
    Broadway Department Store Costa Mesa, Ca. 1989. On Labor day of that year (last right of summer) I reported to work on my part time job (to basically get business attire at 30% off of even “sale” prices) and found the display people putting up Christmas trees with all the lights and requisite decorations. I told them it’s still technically summer. Their response: “October trees.” My response: “We’re barely into the first week of September–Summer trees!” The next day I typed up a letter to the editor of the Register Newspaper (the despised largest daily in Orange County) I basically said that I was not big on Christmas or even religion (Surprise I wasn’t exiled from the O.C.) but however it was a travesty that for people who enjoy Christmas and even those like myself that believe it’s way too tacky and commercial, all need to be reminded that in Europe Christmas decorations are put up AFTER Thanksgiving ironically not even celebrated by them but thankfully starting in December. I had had it with the 80′s. Dynasty gave way to Married with Children. My $150+ Format ties were just as tired as Arsinio Hall’s and his haircut so famously observed by Madonna and the check he used to buy them with that bounced on display at Bernini on Rodeo Drive, his show later being canceled.(I think I going to mount all my Format ties and send it on the art circuit titled ” 80′s excesses.”)At the time you could return anything you bought no matter what store you bought it at as long as they carried it without even a receipt for where you got it or for what you paid for it. I even knew a lady who went to a charity function with formal dress she bought at one of the off price retailers only to return it at Bullock’s. (more than twice the store Macy’s is or was. They were in trouble way before the recent downturn. I know the financials better than some of the board members I know)”I went on a cruise to Acapulco with the proceeds from the return of the dress I wore at the charity function!” Ever hear the saying “Charity begins at home?” In the letter I suggested that everyone who reads my letter return all their gifts they can to The Broadway and take the proceeds and donate it to those in need anonymously. Before sending it to the paper I made twelve copies of it and gave it to twelve employees with applications I picked up from nearby Bullock’s. I told them that I was not getting my commissions, the retirement fund that the older workers had was worthless and otherwise stolen to pay for a $10 million dollar lighting system that you knew was a sweetheart payola deal for the board. The vendors stopped taking even cash to pay for new merchandise because of severely past due accounts. The cosmetic girls said those tables in the center of the walkway in the dept.that have bags with tissue paper sticking out of them are just that–no merchandise in them. Before the stores closed they had signs saying basically you would be better served if you presented your receipt on a return or exchange. I cannot count how many “customers” would come in returning something they just bought on sale only to return at full price proceeds. I think they made a better part time income than I did. I’m the hero of the retailers bottom line suddenly and the pariah of shoppers everywhere. The Dufus Inc.way of doing business of renting something for free and getting back more than what you paid for the “privilege” days are over along with the 1980′s. All I could do was smile when a former Broadway executive who now works for Nordstrom (I hope he’s still there) said …” we can thank the guy who wrote the article (sic)in the Register that brought The Broadway to its knees and subsequently saving all of us the ridiculous millions lost on return fraud. In January we were literally getting returns on some items more than we even bought let alone sold.” RIP Broadway. Known as one of those most ineptly run retailers of all time then endorsed by President Reagan who got a huge fee to speak at one of their last board meeting junkets.

  11. To see myself alive.
    all of the above

    I’m already weeping. Poor Virgile too. I don’t know why I’m doing this.

  12. Alright well when I think about my purpose in life it seems really unclear at times. I think that the whole point of life and actually “living” it is to find your purpose. I’m not sure if it’s just one thing you can write down on a piece of paper. Yes you can have things that you’re very passionate for, but do they really define your purpose in life?

    I think to many people struggle to find a purpose or make something their purpose. We tend to forget about some of the things that make us who we are. To many times we get trapped or caught up in things eventually become our purpose, our lives.

    Lately I’ve been taking some time to just step back and look at my life from an outside perspective I guess. I would say that what I have found is that I want to redefine my purpose more than anything. This is how I’ve lived my life so far but I want it to be so much more and it can be. I think what I’m getting at is that people should just live their lives to the fullest and your purpose will come to you, don’t define or contain it to one particular thing. Looking at you life in a greater spectrum and taking those thing you feel strongly about can help define your purpose.

    Anyway, Davey I was wondering if you could post a question about “loss of self.” These days with so much going on and so many different people in my life I sometime feel like I forget who I am. I look back and see the person I used to be and the person I am now, then I’m not sure which one I like better. Sure I’ve had more experiences and I may be a stronger person for it, but I’ve lost some of the things that once made me who I am.

    Well I recently found your blog and I’m really intrigued by it, so thanks!

    • I read your post and thought I might give you a few things to think about:

      How do you feel about declaration? Rather than searching for a purpose somewhere out there, why not declare your purpose? Say “I am X” and then be X. That is, take actions consistant with being X. I see many people who go through life searching for their purpose and expecting to find it or that it’s going to find them. Most of them are dreadfully unhappy because they’re not finding it. They have regrets of how they’ve lived mediocre lives. Is there a cosmic purpose for everyone out there – i.e., something God or the universe (or whatever have you) has predestined for each of us? I don’t know. But if our predestined purpose is out there it will catch up to us regardless. So in the meantime, declare something about which you’re passionate to be your purpose and you’ll never have to search again.

      Declaration also works in determining who you are. You get to say who you are. You are not your name, your job, your car, your friends, your family, etc. You are not even your body or your mind. You get to say who you are. It doesn’t matter how other people see you or what they think – What they think about you and what you think about yourself are only opinions. Declare who you are and take actions consistent with that. Who I am is the possibility of inspiration and happiness. That’s who I am and that’s what I’m commited to.

      As for losing yourself, you’re the same person now you were back then. You may act differently or think differently but nothing’s really changed. From what I’ve seen, as we age we cover ourselves up with layers and layers of shields to keep from being hurt. These shields cover up our beautiful and true essence. We haven’t lost anything. We’re just hiding it from the world so we don’t get hurt or worse yet lose it all. You are the same beautiful self you’ve always been. Take a look at what’s covering it all up and start peeling back the layers.

      If you really want to blow your mind, pick up the book You Are Special by Max Lucado. It’s a kids bok and it’s relatively cheap. I guarantee if you read it you’ll peel off a layer or 2 by the time you finish.

      Lastly, keep thinking and questioning and most importantly choose happiness in the face of everything.

  13. Although mine seems to be quite vague, mine was to love. Love. What a diverse word. This word means so many things, and it was this which brought the feeling in my heart and the tear to my eye.

    I bet a lot too, along with ones like: “to help others” XD

    Heh.. it seems like more and more people are finding this blog and finding it so true and wise. Keep it up Davey! :D

  14. Davey! I have a question for you… (:

    ***WARNING!***
    this is off topic… xD

    Can you give us your definition of love?

    think it over… and come up with your own, authentic and personalized definition for love…. (:

  15. I’ve always known I’ll be a teacher. Music has become my life, or maybe it has been from the beginning. My purpose: To share my love of music, to express my love through my music, to progress through my teaching of others, and to help others come to a more informed understanding of music and how it truly is a universal language.

    Ciao!

  16. The tittle is the first step in a speech outline i need to start! Maybe ill get around to the task on the page here

  17. I just opened a letter. Davey has the right idea. Are you up for the challenge? Are you going to be proactive and be part of the solution or are you going to veg out and assume that someone out there is going to take up your slack and basically just accept the problem and assume there will always be someone out there who has a power trip out there and your down with that and let him deal. It’s happened before Polpot Amin, Hitler–well our history of letting government just go on unchecked because we’re basically apathetic to any thing government oriented and we got W. Bush. f**k you apathetic clowns you got just what you deserved. Unregulated financial institutions run amok from the Reagan admin.Why am I not surprised? The real travesty as why aren’t you? You didn’t even know whAT HIT YOU EVEN WHEN A $50,000 PROPERTY IN THE DESERT TURNED INTO A $750,000 PRACTICALLY OVERNIGHT. iT DOESN’T TAKE A FINANCIAL ANALYST, mATHMATICIAN OR EVEN A cpa TO REALIZE this doesn’t fly in even the most Pollyanish unreal world.”Never be bullied into silence.Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; Define yourself. Harvey Fierstein.Are you a Mexican or a Mexicant. You have control over your life and that is heaven, if you don’t, then your in that other place.

  18. Hi Dave,

    I am sure that some people read your blog and take solace in the fact that they are more attractive than you, and are leading a satisfying life.

    What advice do you give to those people who DON’T have a perfectly muscular body like you, and are constantly rejectd (ie for the last 10 years or more) by most likely people who present themselves like you??

    Please let me know, because I cannot bare to spend another 20 years plus being s**t in the light of those of others.

    At the end of the day, there are those I like (who don’t like me) or those who like me. (who I do no like)

    I know you do not most likely understand as ne who has never suffered any REAL rejectio in your life (I will challenge you at all times about this) but hey – you never know!

    Better than letter another one of these cunts trying to explain why they are just not into me!

    Thanks
    Todd

  19. hey Davey, I dont know whether you’re reading this but have u watched the movie called “Milk”? It’s an inspiring story about Harvey Milk a gay politician who fought for gay rights.. very inspiring.. watch it will ya dave?

  20. Thank you davey i needed that alot, im 14 and life is getting tough. sorry about the spelling i typed it fast.

    My purpose in life:

    to become a lawyer
    to succede
    to become a political figure
    to be respected
    to be good
    to be a loyal person
    to be kind
    to love others no matter what
    to be peacefull
    to have fun
    live life
    love
    become a priest*
    to become a good person
    be mature
    to find the best in people
    to be a black smith
    to be a bartender
    be a frat boy
    to be viewed positivly
    to be a good citzen
    join the army
    be good in school and loved by my peers
    stop self obsessing
    be a body builder
    be a cop
    become a non profit
    travel
    marry the woman i love
    be better to freinds
    be in a band
    be an expert
    stop doing things my parents dont approve of
    spread the welth and share the pain
    talk at schools about teen life
    be a teacher

    Be respected as a moral, wise, mature and ethical person with sharp wit and a smile on his face no matter what. That is who i want to be, and i havent been doing that.

    I didnt cry but it hit me deep down, i hope you respond to this!

    * when i wrote become a priest my father said those words 2 seconds after about one of his friends.

  21. I am living to die and enjoying it along the way.

  22. I declare my purpose in life to be helping others to declare tehir own purposes. Among other things, I’m starting to be a Life Coach and I love asking the questions that bring out people’s answers. We’re all the experts on our own lives and despite what we might thing we do have all the answers. Sometimes we just need people to ask the right questions in order to bring them out.

  23. Hi Davey, I’m Joanna and I’m a Chinese. I found your talky blog on You Tube lately. In the past one week, I went through almost all of your videos there, and I love them very much!And I love your blog too. I agree with most of your thoughts, and I think you do share a message of love with me. I hope more and more people can start to realize this point and I hope you can find my comment…

  24. I’m meant to be a focal point of happiness for people. Even if just fleating…that smiling face, that caring ear, that non-judegemental person, who can allow them to be be their best. To express themselves. To be their cheerleader. To be a force to help them shine as brightly as they can. Even if it’s only through being chipper, or giving them a different way to see the world…etc.

  25. I am afraid to do this.

    What if i don’t have that one defining moment!

    Ian

  26. I think that your purpose may be comedian.

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