A billion people once said, “He doesn’t like me.”
A few billion more said, “She doesn’t respect me.”
Even more have said, “I’m not good enough.”
I respond: Do you know that for sure that he doesn’t like you? Are you 100% certain that she doesn’t respect you? Do you really, truly know that you are not good enough? Of course you can’t know these things for certain. They are beliefs, not facts.
What do these beliefs bring into your life? Nothing worth having.
What would your life be like without these beliefs? The term “heaven on earth” comes to mind.
Beliefs are just beliefs. We can never be 100% certain about their truthfulness. So then, why not believe those beliefs that bring you the greatest level of happiness, fulfillment, peace, love and purpose? Maybe it really is that easy.
Just a thought.
November 10, 2009 at 6:20 pm
aaahhh thanks Davey. As always, so insightful.
November 10, 2009 at 6:25 pm
You always have such powerful things to say for us to reflect on!
Thank you for shining your light for others to see!
November 10, 2009 at 6:25 pm
I believe it really is that easy. The hard part (for me, anyway) is training your brain to operate that way. It takes practice.
November 10, 2009 at 6:41 pm
I would like to believe that belief, but it just doesn’t work for me. Especially because it’s so easy to twist it to work in wrongful ways. Sorry to be such a pessimist.
November 10, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Good point! That really makes sense.
November 10, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Leonardo, I share your thought!
bye,
November 10, 2009 at 7:18 pm
interesting thoughts on this one, but for me i know for a fact im not good enough for anything or any1.
November 10, 2009 at 7:47 pm
The only reason that’s true is because you’ve declared it. Anything you declare for yourself becomes your perceived reality. I find it unlikely that it’s true and that you’d get agreement from everyone about it. You made me think about perception and reality – you were certainly good enough at making me pause to think.
November 10, 2009 at 7:53 pm
I think you’re dead-on here Davey. People collapse the things that happen in their lives with their stories about those things. The two, very separate, things become one in people’s minds. When we learn to remove our stories – the things we add to situations – from the things that happen we can go far beyond our once-perceved limits. You don’t even have to know for sure if someone likes you or respects you or thinks you’re good enough as long as you know that these feelings are only yours and other people are far less critical of us than we are of ourselves.
November 10, 2009 at 8:54 pm
I’m willing to bet that you’re a Landmark graduate.
November 11, 2009 at 2:06 am
You’d win that bet.
November 10, 2009 at 7:56 pm
My mom had a best friend growing up, that was abused by her father. I remember my mom telling me some awfull things. One was, that she was told, she was stupid all the time! My moms friend heard this so much it became a belief of her’s. I remember growing up, mom arguing with her, to try things and think more of herself, and just belive in herself.
Looking back it did seem as if her mind could never change.
Her and my mother were lovers, and spent the first 30 years of thier lives pretty much together, and when I think about it now. My moms friend, my other mom, was troubled by these beliefs but never let them affect who she was in her heart. And over the years, being away from the source, and lots of praise and reinfourcment from my mother and the love that I was raised to belive in. She has shed the wieghts and taken control of her life.
POINT IS, you can come to belive anything, true or not. So becareful what you let soak in.
PeaceOut,
Mikey
November 10, 2009 at 8:16 pm
I don’t think this is always true. Sometimes it is a matter of fact as opposed to a matter of opinion as to whether you are a good enough to do something.
For instance, if you are a disabled in a wheelchair with no feeling from the neck down then it would be a statement of fact that you could not survive on your own without assistance – ie not good enough to self sustain.
November 11, 2009 at 2:08 am
Consider that ‘unable’ and ‘not good enough’ are 2 different things. Not good enough is a judgment whereas unable is a fact.
November 11, 2009 at 7:25 pm
I don’t agree, I think both statements could be viewed as statements of fact.
November 10, 2009 at 9:03 pm
I think you started off right, but Im not quite sure I agree with the actual analysis.
In my view, It doesn’t much matter if person X doesn’t like me, person Y makes me feel that I’m not good enough, person Z doesn’t respect me etc.
Their view point is not mine, and is relative.
It should not change my own view of me, and that is what matters.
As long as I like myself, I feel I’m good enough, and I respect myself, its all that matters.
So perhaps people should get to know themselves. Fall in love with yourself first, respect yourself first and be good to yourself.
November 10, 2009 at 9:16 pm
i think what the main point is. is that you should not let your life be run by what ifs and fears that you should do stuf that makes you the happiest
November 11, 2009 at 5:08 pm
amen
November 10, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Hi there Davey,
I just left you a message on your voicemail, my name Jeff. I’m a loyal reader. I’m 17, just moved from Germany (Army Brat). I’m currently in Seattle, and wanted to hear your advice on my straight/gay lover. What you think I should do, being with someone who’s not sure of themselves, but want to be sexual.. a lot.
Please email me with your advice, your opinion means a lot!
jaydee.thompson@yahoo.com
Jeff
November 10, 2009 at 10:54 pm
ahh, the bulldozer of optimism!
November 10, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Thanks Byron Katie!
November 11, 2009 at 3:34 am
Most people primarily use the belief/emotion intelligence system to deal with real world situations. Do I like this, do I hate this, with the corresponding behaviour. I believe this so I do/don’t do this etc. It’s only once other faculties have developed, either conciously or through experience, that it can be used/not used, depending on the situational context. For most people it’s the only skill set they have and almost all are completely unaware of its use, impact, strengths and limitations.
November 11, 2009 at 4:20 am
Hey Davey, I have to strongly disagree on this one… Belief has nothing to do with rational choosing… You can’t one day just say “I am choosing to believe in…” Because there is actually no choice, believieng has to do with something deeper and kid of out of control by ratio… (It is so natural that there are disagreements between our points of view, and actually the differences are richness, so I am glad that there is certain difference.) I wish you all best
November 11, 2009 at 7:40 am
Gnjen has it wrong, the stereotypes shoved in our faces about what is acceptable and not are rather shallow and superficial cosmetic appearance differences based on greed.
Who has the nose job? The rich kid who has an ugly nose? Why can’t a homeless woman who is too plain because of her nose who was taught that being a prostitute was “easy money”?
The person who exploited that woman is much less attractive than the woman herself. So, Gnjen, what is “…something deeper and kid of out of control by ratio…” mean?
Would the ugly woman or man who exploited that victim feel different about the world if there were forgiveness and an ability to work with a clean slate and not being pre-judged? (The pre-judge-act or prejudice is something we all need to practice wiping off our attitudes.)
Glad to see you painting Davey!
Cheers!
November 11, 2009 at 10:40 am
If Davey’s point about beliefs were valid across the board, then all we’d all have to do is a bit of cognitive-behavioural therapy to make the sun shine all day. It’s not as simple as that though. Some experiences, and what they leave, the remnants that affect us and draw us down, are depressive in themselves, as much as any judgements or opinions that arise out of them. These residues and memories can’t be tackled by new thought processes alone, however appealing that may seem. They need careful and compassionate re-experience and analysis. Without this work, Davey’s method will likely only produced a short-lived escape, or a shallow one.
November 11, 2009 at 12:07 pm
very well said
November 11, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Hahaha! Loved it… It’s a reallity
November 11, 2009 at 7:20 pm
Great advice but unfortunately it doesn’t work for everyone. If you have low self esteem to begin with it is very difficult to believe you are as good as anyone else.
I said difficult not impossible but it is a relearning exercise that you must practice everyday
November 11, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Thanks Davey
. Love it.
November 12, 2009 at 6:28 am
it is what it is.
November 12, 2009 at 8:56 pm
That is so, so true.
And I love the picture. =D
Never knew you were an artist, but that painting is looking spectacular.
November 13, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I totally know what this feels like. The other day, my dad literally told me that being Valedictorian of my class doesnt matter.
This post made my day earlier.
Thanks Davey!
November 14, 2009 at 10:13 am
If everyone thought like you!!!
November 18, 2009 at 7:01 pm
What is good? What is bad? Good and bad are subjective, inferring different meanings to different people. There is no reason for us to find and determine the difference between what is good and what is bad. When you think of a hero, you think of them as “good”, but are they truly “good”? It is virtually impossible to be “good” or “bad”. It is in our human nature to do both good and bad things. As individuals, we may chose to do more good than bad, thus are the determining factor of whether you are “good” or “bad”. No one forces anyone to do anything “good” or “bad” because it is an internal choice.
Instead of thinking of yourself as “good” or “bad” think of whether you can make “good” or “bad” decisions in life. We determine our own fate through the choices we make in life, so you can chose to be more “good” or more “bad”.
January 10, 2010 at 12:52 am
Reading and listening to what you have to say has become my new favorite hobby. :]