It sure does.
I remember sitting uncomfortably in a chair that didn’t quite seem to fit (literally and figuratively) at my Catholic high school while learning why I’d someday burn in hell. The devil, it seemed, must have a very special place for a lusting, masturbating homosexual like myself. The kids were mean. I didn’t have a lot of friends. People made fun of me for being gay. My parents thought it was a phase. Life sucked.
But it got better.
From the ashes, a wiser, stronger and well-adjusted(-ish) young man emerged who eagerly created the life of his dreams. I thoroughly love my life now, but I can still remember the hopelessness that I felt in 10th grade.
On that same vein, gay advice columnist Dan Savage recently launched a project to remind LGBT teens that it does get better. Said Savage:
They can’t imagine a future for themselves. So let’s show them what our lives are like, let’s show them what the future may hold in store for them.
And so the “It Get Better Project” was born. Savage is inviting LGBT individuals to record and upload videos through the project’s YouTube channel. The only thing more exciting than the idea is watching the hundreds of uploads already posted. Check it out. I’ll be creating my own “It Gets Better Project” video and I’d encourage you to do the same if the spirit moves you.
And if you are a hopeless gay teen, take it from me: It does get better.
Did it get better for you? Let us know in the comments below.
September 26, 2010 at 9:56 am
Davide,
very well said, I like this
Forgiveness is the key
thank-you
September 26, 2010 at 10:48 am
Well, Anthony, don’t-forget that here, you are “Loved
” by: Davey Wavey, Scott, Davide, T, Mosaic Dave, Celtboy Gary, David, me and “everyone-else here! Furthermore, i hope All of you guys will come as Scott said and visit Davide’s Site. Mwah 
. Xo :-* from _ _ _ davvi
September 26, 2010 at 12:49 pm
It absolutely does get better. But in my experience, that does not happen till you come out and I did not do so till middle age. Until then, I was not sure if anyone could or would accept me as I truly am. As for the question of how bad gays have it relative to other groups who have been discriminated against … clearly all discrimination is wrong. But legalized discrimination (DADT, DOMA) remains a reality for gays while it has been eliminated for others. And mainstream politicians still feel comfortable in opposing repeal of those discriminatory laws.
September 26, 2010 at 1:01 pm
It sure does get better! Find gay people who are positive about themselves and others. Talk with them. Seek out a queer-positive therapist and talk about your feelings and what you think about those feelings. Be physical. Find something to do with your hands—yes, that, but also a craft, something where you can decide what to make and make it. There are great things to be learned in craft. And, question that someone who has promised their church they will not be sexual with others or with themselves, can offer useful advice to you on your sexual life and your attraction to others. Get up each day and take as long a shower as conditions allow. Smell the roses. Take a walk and notice your surroundings. Know that out there people who have been through what you are going through are living successful lives, with others who love and treasure them. Then, pass on your experience to someone questioning life.
September 26, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Colin, Please read what I wrote above to Sammy. There is stuff there for you.
Added to those thoughts—If there is a Metropolitan Community Church near you, find someone there to talk with. There are as many different aspects and people to the gay community as there are in the wider community. Seek out participants in PFlag. It appears that you are seeing only one part of the community’s many facets. There are people out there who would support you as you are and as you want to be. Finding them can be difficult.
September 26, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Mosaic Dave
Although not complete (what ever is?) your words in this post have a lot of truth and do ring out as something universal: that all can be discriminated, hurt and marginalized. I also agree that all are needed to build a world where, at least, harassment, bulling and violence are reduced if not eliminated.
However, I do believe there are times, places, and circumstances where it is appropriate to place greater concern on particular communities and their members. For example, the SPLC now reminds us of the upsurge in hate crimes against Latinos because so many are undocumented.
September 26, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Davide,
If you have truly “learned” this you have been truly blessed. I have known you for awhile now and we have certainly have had our disagreements. But I also know that deep inside you there is much tenderness, compassion, and empathy.
Some of us do have disagreements with part or all of your positions (for me it is part). However, I think many (including me) are really bothered by your “tone” (as you say): your argumentativeness, your gratuitous use of universals, your apodictic way of speaking. Yes, t is your “tone” (“attitude” with which you speak) more than the content of what you offer that bothers me and man others.
I have noticed recently that the “tone” of your posts have changed (for the better, imo. Leas “ranting.”). That is why I sent you a private email to you a few days ago, although I ma have sent it to an address ou are not using).
September 26, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Its the Italian way….
September 26, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Having read all the comments thus far, I think the balance and gentlemanly dialogue / debate has moved a notch toward the better.
To ask or say that this or that constituency is more or less harassed, hated or bullied or beaten is not a helpful approach. As some have said here, ALL of this hateful behavior must be lessened or eliminated.
Unfortunately in the world as we know it today, prejudice, discrimination (private or public), harassment, bullying, hatred and violence are facts of life. Those who are life affirming, must begin to model and point out was to a more accepting, gentle world.
Whether we speak of “types,” categories, groups, or communities of people who share something in common (E.g. race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation,etc.)the very thing at marks them as similar to each other but different from others, is a fact of life. It is to be expected (imo, good), for members of a particular community to speak up for it’s members, advocate for their common human rights, and to nurture, defend and protect its “members,” especially its young who may be struggling toward (in this case gay) adulthood.
We don’t need to and must not limit our support against this hatred. Thus I support the Southern Poverty Law Center because it is concerned with the hatred and violence perpetrated against all oppressed groups.
I support the Matthew Shephard Foundation because I am gay and feel a special desire and responsibility toward my fellow LGTBT brothers and sisters.
Finally (for this comment) I support and actively work with NC-Equality. This past year we, and other gays, were key in the passage of an updated “anti-bullying” law in NC. The way the law is stated now, not only are gas covered by the law, but also the resources, assistance to schools & protection of teachers who report or intervene on the spot to stop harassment of students.
However, I really support “It Gets Better” and similar programs and sites because I have a tremendous concern for young gays who do suffer mental anguish over coming of age or harassment from others. There are some gas for whom the scars of youth never go away. I have had “only” one teenage friend who at 17 was found dead, hanging in the closet of his room. But even one death like that is one too many.
Just recalling this as I write it makes me so sad, but it encourages me to continue my efforts. Yes, some of us are lucky to have grown up with little hassle and a supportive family and friends, but man of us are right now or have in the past suffered too much with little or no support. Compassion and support must be our watch words.
Sorry for sounding so “preachy.”
September 27, 2010 at 11:51 am
Sammy, you think now it won’t get better but it will. It always get better! You won’t always be in school. After school you will move on to a new part of your life. It will be very different and it will be much better.
Right now try not to think about all the bad stuff in your life. Keep your thoughts focused on the good things in your life. There has to be many good things in your life. What are the things that make you feel good inside? Focus your thoughts on those things. Dream about the good things you want to happen in your life and over time you will make them happen.
I wish I was there right now to give you a big hug. Things will get better.
I’m praying for you and all the other kids who are going through this crap. Hold your head high. I know it’s hard to summon the courage to be who you were meant to be, but you need to know you are not alone.
Take care my friend.
David
September 27, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Thank you so much for posting this I wouldn’t have known about it I really thanks this was an amazing project the Dan Savage has come upon so again thank you and go the YouTube and watch my video username gw562
September 27, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Great idea – this project will take off. Davey, you motivated me to send my video snapshot into the mix. Thanks
In case any one wants to view, check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOWSjYHDlBs
I encourage you to post your own as well!
September 27, 2010 at 7:27 pm
Hello , I came out in 1966 , YES , that long ago , it was a little painful , but I wanted to live an honest life . It took some people a while to get over it but they all did . Yes every one of them got over it . I had a great time in college , I got a wonderful job , via the gay grapevine , PR director of a major art museum at age 23 , yes , 23 . If you look for and expect good things to happen it all works , it really just works out .
I am now retired and have a second chance at an art career and am making some headway . I am very happy and enjoy helping others .
I feel that I have led a charmed life , and met the most charming people along the way . One more thing , looks will fade and charm will work every time . It still does . Lots of love to you all Don , age 64 .
September 27, 2010 at 7:34 pm
This is definitely a great resource Davey! I know it will helpful that we can share our stories and support one another.
However, I do have a bone to pick with your depiction of Catholic HS. I went to Catholic school from 3rd-12th grades and this certainly wasn’t my experience. Yes, it did have it’s difficult moments and I wasn’t exactly open/out, but I did have a few friends who were in hs and looking back I would’ve been comfortable being more out then.
If anything, it was my experience in hs that taught me to love myself for who I am and I would not be the man I am today without my Catholic education.
Like your experience, mine isn’t universal and there are plenty of experiences like both of ours in Catholic, private, and public schools. Regardless, I simply don’t think you should degrade an entire system because of your bad experience and by doing so you only make yourself as hate-filled as them, which is surprising from someone who preaches so much about love.
September 28, 2010 at 12:00 am
Just like SO SO MANY i struggled as a teen, but Dan Savage has an amazing way of conveying this truth. IT GETS BETTER!!! It gets SO much better! Hang in there, and smile!
XOXO -Stu
September 28, 2010 at 3:36 am
Sebastian,
I agree; we often encounter situations where it becomes critical that we funnel all available resources into one particular cause despite the needs of the wider community. When Katrina hit the gulf coast we funneled unheard of sums of money, goods and effort into rebuilding it despite the poverty right in our own back yards. We saw that those people had much more pressing needs even though the needs in many of our communities seem great.
In my post I was expressing my belief that both Gary’s and Davide’s ideas have merit and don’t have to mutually exclude each other. I often find myself arguing with people with whom I have common goals because I want to believe it’s my way or no way. I allowed my nerve to get to me when I read Gary’s post dismissing Davide’s idea irrespective of their common goal. I often see in others the things I want to transform in myself. And I am, steadily
Lastly, if you want to build a better world I don’t think you can do it by eliminating anything. Build love, tolerance, understanding, connectedness and you’ll never have to worry about prejudice, harassment, bullying, etc. When people see the benefits of what you’ve built they’ll abandon their old ways. It will take a while but you’ll encounter remarkably less resistance than you would by legislating or however else you might propose to destroy those less desirable things. When you work solely towards your end goal you don’t have to work against anyone else’s and therefore you have a great deal more energy for your cause.
September 28, 2010 at 3:50 am
Sebastian,
I certainly did not read your post as preachy. You come across as caring and thoughtful and I can see plainly that you take responsibility for causes about which you feel strongly.
I particularly enjoyed one sentence: Those who are life affirming, must begin to model and point out ways to a more accepting, gentle world. I couldn’t agree more. We could progress by leaps and bounds if we chose to model the things we feel. From a neuro-linguistic perspective that “must” does sound a little preachy and might actually turn people off the idea
But I know you have the best and most genuine good intentions and I agree completely with the idea!
September 28, 2010 at 8:49 am
To all my fellow blog buddies,
I’ve waited till now to further express myself on this topic. It is very near to my heart. I live in the same state where this happened.
So sadly it is not all that uncommon, particularly in the more rural areas. As much as kids can be cruel so can many adults I have seen, having lived here my whole life.
Progress is slow partly because many hold what they believe to be a righteous indignation for GLBT people. It’s as if we are not Human, do not hurt, and deserve their harassment simply by existing.
Now to be fair there are many wonderful people who are fair minded but they are usually silent on the matter. It’s a society that being gay is ok as long as you don’t stand out or speak up.
People can and do deceive themselves that things are better than they really are. The reality is it’s not. Living here I could relate stories of bullying, police harassment, even about the transgender woman denied care and refered to as it by a hospital.
A state so adamant about its views it violates its own constitution to discriminate. Where does it end?
I know many of Davey’s topics get way more replies than this one. My point is if any deserve your voice its here! If you can make a video at all please post one to this cause. One voice of our whole can make a difference!
To any potential replies that I am misrepresenting things: I live here, grew up here, and know full well what I have seen and experienced. Many say the right thing in public or the light of day but change when not under examination.
If you are one of the silent people in my state please speak up! How many must suffer and die before there is a willingness to allow people the rights and dignity to live in peace?
Peace to you all,
T
September 30, 2010 at 5:49 am
Hey, i am 17 and am having a relationship wtih a girl. The other night i just wanted to be dead. My mum says she’s ashamed of me and embarrassed to call me her daughter. I don’t see any future at all and i can’t see it getting better
x
September 30, 2010 at 6:41 am
Hang in-there
, Emily, Anthony and Sammy. We’re “All” here “for you” and here “for each other.” And “Welcome-back 
,” Garrett. Btw, my friend Davide: Those of whom “don’t-like” your opinions(FACTUAL STATEMENTS), just need to stop, re-read and re-think. i also hope Susan hasn’t left Davey’s Blog! Xo from me to Davey and “All” here, _ _ _ davvi
September 30, 2010 at 12:57 pm
*im tearing up right now* this is great. that is the most comforting thing i’ve ever heard towards the gay community. just letting people know that things will get better. im planning to come out to my family soon and all i needed was some reassurance that things will get better because i kno they wont approve and reading about this makes me feel better
thanks davey
October 3, 2010 at 6:09 am
I feel so compelled to tell my story! I wish someone was there to tell me things get better because they truely do! Im going to make a video asap!
October 5, 2010 at 5:26 pm
Join Michael and Marisa in the “It Gets Better” campaign to STOP bullying. The sibling music duo urge their peers to stand up against bullying with their acoustic song “The Same.” http://bit.ly/bwXTg0
October 12, 2010 at 10:00 am
Join Michael and Marisa in the “It Gets Better” campaign to STOP bullying. The pre-teen sibling music duo share and urge their peers to stand up against bullying with their acoustic song “The Same.”
http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-500234
March 10, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Nice content you got to put your website, any suggestions?