In between my gourmet, two course-dinner (consisting of cereal and eggs) and an episode from Star Trek (the original series – which I watch on my computer thanks to Joost), I found time to read a few pages from a new book titled Radical Acceptance.
Thus far, the book focuses on acceptance of the Self. Which, of course, makes sense. Because once you love and accept yourself, you are able to love and accept others.
The current chapter is about managing the pain of inadequacy. Many of us, the author points out, go through life feeling unworthy. We try to prove our worthiness by accumulating titles, accomplishments, physical things etc. We try to “cover our nakedness, like Adam and Eve after the fall.”
According to the author, there are several strategies that we employ to compensate for what we feel are our flaws. They are:
- We embark on one self-improvement strategy after another (i.e., trying to attain the perfect body and looks).
- We hold back and play it safe rather than risking failure.
- We withdraw from our experience of the present moment (i.e., worrying about problems and living in the past or future).
- We keep busy (and never simply be).
- We become our own worst critic (instead of our own best friend).
- We focus on other people’s faults.
Sadly, all these strategies reinforce our insecurities. They fail to lift us to a higher state of being.
Bringing awareness to these strategies and our own feelings of inadequacy is the first step in breaking the cycle and overcoming the illusion.
February 27, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Davey, are you struggling with inadequacy?
Well I’m sure the gourmet two coarse meal helps. 
February 27, 2008 at 9:16 pm
sounds like an interesting read! I will have to look into it.
February 27, 2008 at 11:02 pm
WooHoo…you are a Star Trek fan just like moi…love nothing better than watching any ST episodes and have plenty to choose from as I have all the complete DVD collections…cost a fortune but worth it.
Another interesting post as always.
I will be thinking happy thoughts when I am on the dance floor at the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras After Party on Saturday
February 27, 2008 at 11:44 pm
If you had no name, if you had no history, if you had no books, if you had no family…
If it were only you, naked on the grass, who would you be then?
February 28, 2008 at 12:32 am
careful dave… your recent blog posts are beginning to sound like self righteous preachings…
February 28, 2008 at 1:31 am
It most definitely sounds like an interesting take on personal development. I’ll have to check it out as well.
As musicians we try to become humble and turn inwards to help develop not only our musical abilities but also to better ourselves through our practices. A favorite quote of mine regards assessing yourself and trying to focus on your strong points as a musician.
“The accuracy of your assessment of yourself can often determine your success. You can’t be too hard on yourself and you can’t be too easy. You have to be accurate.”
I suppose that this stems from the need to focus on all things upon which we can improve. We should, however, be more cognizant of those things we do well, while working on the things we know need work.
I guess it’s a pretty good way to assess yourself personally as well and this, for lack of a better term, philosophy, seems to transfer to all facets of life.
Great post today and I hope you share more with the buddies from your readings.
Take care Davey – have a great 2nd half of the week.
Ciao – J
February 28, 2008 at 5:32 am
I think accumulating wealth, achieving our ideal physical selves and all the rest you’ve mentioned are rights of passage to self discovery. Yes, we may ask, “what then?” but for me, these decisions are not brought upon by feelings of inadequacy alone. It may even be because of knowing our self worth. It may even be because too much love for ourselves. I just remembered this quote: “the only way to heaven is straight through hell.” And yes, the best way to learn things is to learn it the hard way. Not intentionally dropping yourself in the pits, but acknowledging where you are, and consequently knowing where to go. Kisses.
February 28, 2008 at 6:32 am
Hey Davey just thought Ide post a quote i like that somewhat relates to this topic:
“I am pure, raw, explosive pleasure! better than drugs, better than smack! better than a dope-coke-crack-fix-s**t-shoot-sniff-ganja-marijuana-blotter-acid-ecstacy! better than sex, head, sixty-nine, orgies, masturbation, tantrism, Kama-Sutra or Thai doggy-style! better than banana milk-shakes! better than george lucas’ trilogy, the muppets and 2001! better than emma peel, marylin, and cindy crawford’s beauty spot! the b-side of abbey road, hendrix, the first man on the moon! space-mountain, santa claus, bill gates’ fortune, the dalai lama, lazarus raised from the dead! schwarzenegger’s testosterone shots, pamela anderson’s lips! woodstock, rave parties, sade, rimbaud, morrison and castaneda! better than freedom, better than life! ”
Basically I(and of course you and everyone else) is the greatest thing in the world
February 28, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Sound like a very good book that many could benefit from.
February 28, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Davey…I beleive that you could calm most of the people that have “deeply” felt your last couple of post by turning around, droping your drawers and pulling your cheeks apart. I know that I feel better by just thinking of it. Your truly.
February 28, 2008 at 3:41 pm
What a good book! I love finding a new read. Got to keep growing….
February 28, 2008 at 4:54 pm
hmmm… that sounds pretty good. ill check that out..
February 28, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Good post, Dave …
I read a book a while back that makes some similar points: ‘The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man’s World’ …
It helped me understand why I felt the way I did and offered some pointers on how to break out of the negative cycle of feeling inadequate and seeking external validation from superficial sources … it’s worth checking out …
February 28, 2008 at 6:33 pm
wow..that’s exactly what i am dealing with right now or at least getting over -perfect synchronicity! thanks.
February 28, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I’ve been in Mumbai for a week and I have to come back to this crap?? BORING!
If you don’t give us some Will and Banana Cream Pudding talky soon – some serious s**t is gonna go down!
February 28, 2008 at 7:56 pm
The world is always in a state of dynamic flux; it only appears to want to achieve balance. Natures’ forces will work to dismantle the most elaborate construction we are able to build so to are the Pyramids inadequate to time.
In truth, the feeling of inadequacy comes from comparison when we are measured by the rule that someone else has made.
It is important to remember that the thoughts and opinions of others, rarely serve to uplift; inspiration only comes from within and it is there, where you will find sublime adequacy.
February 29, 2008 at 9:39 am
Hello..
I am 25 and I am from Brazil
I have to say that I love your blog, you are awesome., hot and so is Will !!
you took look great as a couple.
I wish one day could meet both of you
sorry about my grammar..
have fun
Nickolas
February 29, 2008 at 9:41 am
I meant that you TWO look great as a couple.. not you took look .. sorry about that