Yesterday, I caught the story of Shiloh Pepin on Oprah. Shiloh’s legs are fused together, and she has no vagina or anus. To relieve herself, Shiloh excretes waste into bags through two holes that doctors made in her body. Each and every day, Shiloh takes a full cocktail of pills and medications.
One might expect that Shiloh would be miserable and bitter. But the opposite is true. She is quite happy. And she doesn’t even want a surgery to “fix” her legs.
If you were in Shiloh’s shoe (yes, shoe), how would you expect to feel? If you answered anything other than awful or depressed, you are lying.
Upon hearing Shiloh’s story, my first reaction was gratitude for my life. At first, I was thankful that Shiloh’s life wasn’t my own. I was grateful for the use of my fully-functioning legs, anus and urethra.
But then it occurred to me: Shiloh is really, truly happy. Perhaps happier than me. So, either Shiloh is lying about her happiness, or I am completely incapable of predicting my future happiness.
I believe the latter is true; Shiloh is happy and I am clueless.
Today, I’m reminding myself that my happiness isn’t determined by the sum total of the situations and circumstances in my life. Instead, it’s determined by my attitude towards those situations and circumstances. In other words, our happiness is entirely independent of our latitude, position, plight, direction, state, standing, status, capacity, ability and so forth, and entirely dependent on our perspective of the world and our place therein.
This is Shiloh’s lesson to all of us. And for this lesson, I am grateful.
September 23, 2009 at 1:11 pm
BAM! I feel like that totally hit directly what I have been feeling lately. Loved your post!
Happiness!
Preach on preacher!
Thanks Davey!
September 23, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Wow. It’s all about your attitude in life, that’s for sure!
September 23, 2009 at 2:18 pm
you just made me 10 times happier
i will beam today more esp just for you
thank you davey for a great post
once again
September 23, 2009 at 2:31 pm
yeah, that’s what I recigised a few years ago, the ppl. we pity at the first sight, the ppl. who we think got an awefull fate.. they are actually the ppl. who are the happiest!
September 23, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I saw that too…thanks Davey.
September 23, 2009 at 3:40 pm
awwwwww, i love Shiloh. i am addicted to the discovery health channel, so i saw her like 5 times, and i cant help but to love her. she has every right to be sulking and upset and angry yet she is not, meanwhile i am here (two legs and healthy) and im being all stupid worrying about stupid problems of mine when i could be… living, actually living, not what im doing right now. she should be the person with the fully functioning body, she deserves it more than i, she would actually put it to use and, live life. i need to put my health to good use. thank you for reminding me, keep doing what you’re doing.
September 23, 2009 at 3:43 pm
She is so full of happiness. I think it is because she is thankful for her life. Thankful for her family.
She truly loves herself and this is freeing. She is not planning for future happiness but living present happiness.
You see her interview and realize you look like an asshole sometimes for the things you worry about, scared of or complain about.
Her lesson is a great one for us all. As long as we do not forget it…
September 23, 2009 at 4:04 pm
As a dear friend who just passed away last week used to say “Have a nice day… unless you’ve made other plans”
September 25, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I LOVE THIS! I am going to use this one myself. Thanks
Davey for this wonderful post!
“ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING! AND EVERYTHING IS ACHIEVABLE WITH THEE RIGHT ATTITUDE!”
September 23, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Aw I love mermaid girl too! She is so adorable, I loved how happy she was when she got fitted for a wet suit… probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
September 23, 2009 at 8:28 pm
I was backpacking through Africa, eating my Luna bar (I know they’re for girls, but I like them better than Cliff bars), and I came across a five year old girl. She was covered with sores, many of them oozing puss, but as I passed her, she looked up at me through the veil of flies hovering around her face, and then she smiled at me. I never felt such happiness, and joy filled my heart….
September 23, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Shiloh doesn’t know anything different…of course she is happy. She has no choice…we must accept the hand we are dealt. Be happy or miserable..it is a choice. How enlightened a 24 year old with a perfect body, smile and job is…what hardships have you endured? Ugliness, poverty, poor health, alcoholism, physical emotional abuse? What makes you the font of all wisdom…books? I am content in spite of life…not because of it.
September 24, 2009 at 3:12 am
I will tell you now, your first comment is correct.
Happyness is a choice. However i feel that the accusations
in the second statement show insecurity and a lack of self
worth. People throughout life have trials and catastrophies.
In the end these are the things that allow us to have
some insight and the resilience to take on the things that
we will be confronted with in the future. I can tell you now
that the community I have in my life now unconditionally
stands behind me, however this has not always been my life
experience. In fact the people in my life have very little
clue to what I had been through early in my life. Those early
experiences of my life however horribly traumatic, with the
support I have found in my adult years have allowed me
the ability to be one of the most beautiful people within
my circle of people, physically, emotionally, mentally and
spiritually, and I guarantee you I do have high standards
for those I allow within my presence. I may see my perfection
now, however I did not always see that. I would have to
comment about your last statement saying that spite can ruin
your life, you are never who you are in spite of, you are
who you are because of who you innately are. We have no
choice in who we are we were born that way, but it is our
conscious choice to respond to the every experience of our
lives the way that we CHOOSE to respond. I can look at my
life and respond to the events around me, or I can look ahead
see what is coming my way and CHOOSE the response I will take
with what I see coming my way, knowing that when it gets
here it might look totally different up close than it did far
away. But honestly that was worth while cuz I learned a little
bit more about myself and the way that whatever it was that
did pass by lives its/there/the life.
Kenneth Livingston
P.S. Just trying to respond to your posts dilemas, however
it has been very muddled with emotional discomfort and so
hard to give a clear answer as I see so many walls inside.
P.P.S. I would say take a break from work a long break
September 24, 2009 at 3:15 am
Hey Davey,
I know that wasn’t appropriate, however I have a hard time not responding to a social responsibility when it is so very apparently needed.
Kenneth Livingston
September 24, 2009 at 9:01 am
First off let me say I have been reading this blog for a while now. I love Davey’s philosophy of living in the moment and appreciating what are. Just seems to be a little altruistic and naive sometimes. He’ll say the physical isn’t important but at the top of the page is fitness exercises, apparel and how to lose 3 inches of belly fat. There are people out there who don’t know where their next meal is coming from or where they are going to sleep tonite. Do you think they worry about 3 inches of belly fat or where Davey is going to live next? Just seems a litle too self-involved to me. But that is the joy of youth…isn’t it?
PPS-Not all of us can afford to take long, long breaks from work.
September 23, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Speak my mind, oh boy.
You know, I really do believe what you’re saying. There is just the nagging little thing in the back of my mind. Does she have ovaries? Hormones? If so, I think I’d be in quite a bit of stress. I don’t want to seem insensitive for the deeper meanings of happiness, but wouldn’t she just want to orgasm at some point? I’m being completely honest here. She would be under extreme frustration, no? At some point, it would become a need, I think.
I do believe that our happiness is separate from our situation, and that our attitude is EXTREMELY important (I was watching a video in my health psychology class about how you can actually heal from heart issues, migraines, ect through mental exercises) to our health and happiness.
I am grateful for so many things, one being you. You’ve brought me so much in my life.
September 24, 2009 at 7:09 am
Hey Hilary,
The body responds from birth to stress. If she did not have ovaries and a clitoris these things would never have known stress, so the sensations other girls experience through the stimulation would never have been known to her. The fact that she would never have known these sensations means that she would not crave them or be frusterated by not experiencing that feeling.
Kenneth Livingston
September 24, 2009 at 2:31 am
Hey Davey,
I would have to say that due to Shiloh Pepin’s circumstances that it is absolutely logical for her to have a genuine sense of happyness. If she was beautiful by the standards that most of societies judgement of beauty I guarantee you that her happyness would not be so great. The fact that Shiloh has had to deal with such an obvious disablility gives her no choice but to find happyness in the most genuine and positive experiences of life. In a way her disability has blessed her with the ability to see the beauty in all things not just those considered beautiful by the general undisabled populus.
Kenneth Livingston
September 24, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Kenneth i rather enjoy your commits they are open honest and i personnely look forward to them .Davy please do not get me wrong you are the main reason for all of us to come here and you ideas are inspirational but it is also nice to see the interaction of responses to the blog. You both have wisdom and express it well
September 24, 2009 at 7:29 am
Baruh Ata!! That was awesome Davey as always, Many, many thanks
September 24, 2009 at 9:11 am
very nice and its also nice to know you watch oprah very very good story and we must make sure we take the good out of it nto the abd ur a very good bloger davey
September 24, 2009 at 11:49 am
You’ve come a long way baby. From being anti TV and not owning one, to watching Oprah.
I couldn’t watch the poor lady, it was too upsetting.
Scott
September 24, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Conversely, nobody can make us UNhappy except ourselves. It’s all a matter of what we tell ourselves we should be feeling in a given circumstance.
I have a saying: Ideas are like individual notes. Why not create a symphony?
September 24, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I worked with special needs people for a long time. This little girl is only 10 years old and is going to have these challenges for life. She will probable have caregivers and other people like her around her all her life. She will never be alone, but will never know some of the more intimate aspects of life. She will deal with the natural depression that comes from not being able to do some things and at the same time be aware. Since she will never have sex (at least the way we do) and she will never experience it and then have the opportunity taken away for ever. If she never is able to move around and excersise she will not live to be very old, (50′s or 60′s) unless science changes that. Most likely by the time she is 20 or a couple years before she will be placed in a home for the developmentally disabled, have to take classes and learn some type of skill so she can work. It is as depressing as utter lonliness is for those who don’t have physical problems, but for some other reason live lonely lives. She will probably be able to fullfill her life in other ways such as music or some other talent she may have. Just like the rest of us she will have a choice in whether to use her talents or not. That will have a big impact on her life! How would I feel? It would depend on my choices. Yes, Davey I would be as depressed as anyone else who must deal with these issues. Thanks for reminding me how fortunate I am to be able bodied! As always – thanks for your positive infuence!!
December 2, 2009 at 1:53 am
I read this and thought it was wonderful. When I went to look her up I discovered that she had passed away close to a month after you had posted this blog.
I always marvel at how people can find happiness despite circumstances that would make many of us feel some very dark and unhappy emotions.