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The way to solve ANY of your problems.
July 14, 2009 | 84 Comments
Each and every day, I get countless emails from well-intentioned blog buddies about their problems. Many of the emails are about relationships. Many are about coming out. Still others are about friends or family members. Lots and lots and lots of problems.
I don’t have the means, the knowledge or the ability to solve them all. Instead, I have a different idea.
Shift your perspective and realize that there are no problems. If there is no problem to solve, you can eliminate worrying, fretting and struggling over its solution. Consider that the idea of a problem may be imagined.
I’m not trying to be a sarcastic asshole (this time). I approach the world with the view that problems don’t exist. Instead, I recognize that our obstacles and challenges are tremendous learning experiences. Our so-called “problems” are really the fuel that feed the furnaces of our evolution.
If my life were free of obstacles, I’d be robbing myself of knowledge and experience that has helped me create a more fulfilling life for myself and those around me. Problems? No. Necessary learning experiences? Yes.
Do you feel the difference?
If we see a gap between the way things are and the way we believe things ought to be, it’s not the universe that is out of alignment – it is us.
There are things we want to change in the world. Things like violence, hate and anger. But more than problems, these are challenges that present the opportunity for each of us to grow, expand and rise above.
Without these “problems”, we’d never get where we are going. And we certainly wouldn’t be where we are.
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It is definitely a good theory, and I am not doubting that people can do it. However, if people view all of these things as problems they probably have something else they still need to get over like insecurity.
Can’t say it better than that!
Well said. I think I’ll have to try this
Sounds much better than what I’ve had going through my brain.
<3
You are so right Davey and I don’t say that because I like you but because I have lived a period(I think it was about the previous summer)full with obstacles.At that summer I remember myself sad and miserable.Eventualy reached the point where the sad doesn’t make any sense to you because you are full of it and it was right then that I realised that these obstacles with a magical way had made me more mature.So I think that replacing the the word proplem with necessary learning experiences like you said is a good way to avoid sadness and make us more optimistic!!!
In a (lame) management conference, the lector told us to tell employees, when referring to any issues with their performance, that they didn’t have “problems”, just “opportunities to improve”.
It sounds terribly cynical to tell that to someone in real life, but when telling it to yourself, it changes your scope of things. Experience comes from dealing with obstacles and in that sense, when dealing with things, we learn and grow. So seeing things as an “exercise” to prove one’s ability to solve things (as one would a game) somewhat hinders the “worries” and leaves the “fun”.
Life is a struggle, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it.
I understand your point. We certainly have to see this in perspective. But saying problems don’t exist is ridiculous. You can be so lame at times, Davey.
absolutely right!!!
Somebody once told me to “get out of your own way”.
Do this, try imagining that some total stranger came to you and said ‘I have this situation that I don’t know how to deal with.’ and laid out the particulars of their problem.
What would you tell them to do? That is usually your best solution.
You know problems do exist u are totally right about that but Davey is just making suggestions about new ways to face them!!!!
I agree. I sometimes do get frustrated at “problems”, but I feel this is one of the numerous reminders that they aren’t. One reason being, that we’re all so young… no matter what age you are, you’re still so young. You have a whole new day to learn something you didn’t know. The frustration just pushes us to take advantage of it.
Thank you ^_^ I like your blunt approach!
I love this theory, it’s the best thing I’ve heard in years and had already got be thinking differently. Thankyou!!!!
x
Have you ever participated in an LGAT? Where did you get all of your perspectives, Davey Wavey?
Extremely progressive…theme?
Ciao!
I agree that there may not be any problems but I don’t understand why you need the things we formerly called problems in order to achieve enlightenment. Why can’t you do it without any of these things that we no longer refer to as problems? Why can’t you learn the lessons anyway?
Well… I see where you’re coming from Davey… I have had problems in the past which I have dealt with often with help from others, and you almost always learn from these situations/Mistakes. However, no matter how one looks at it, a problem generaly is just that. A problem. Which can be resolved. And a learning experience may then come of that.
this logic assumes that the “problem” we speak of… eventually ends.
The problem is solved and through this solving we become a better person from that experience.
However, what if the problem we face is for life.
and thus, one can’t move into this learned experience phase for it’s something that’s faced… daily.
You are sooooo right, OMG! It so totally simple, too. We should just tell ourselves that problems just have to happen for our lives to evolve and just-like-that, the problems GO AWAY!!!! You are such a genius. I worship you.
I proffer that calling life a struggle is little different than calling opportunities problems. Our attitude is expressed by our language but can also be governed by our language. When you replace the word problem with challenge, suddenly it becomes surmountable. When you replace the word struggle with game it becomes something to be played, full-out with victory as the goal. It also becomes a lot less grave – something you might actually enjoy and revel in when you’ve succeeded.
“I recognize that our obstacles and challenges are tremendous learning experiences.”
I’m not completely buying into this. I mean, yes, certainly, for certain issues, merely changing your perspective on it can help. But I think learning experiences come out of problems, and that the two are different. One is the catalyst (the problem) and the other is the result (learning). Once you recognize something as a problem, you will learn from it. And certainly not all problems can be solved by changing one’s perspective, because the initial response to see something as a problem is tied to one’s morals and ethics. I dunno… is morality flexible? Just changing the label can be a temporary fix.
I also think that people are more likely to act on something when it’s labeled negatively. We are more prone to fix a problem than a learning experience.
Problems only exist because we call them problems. And regardless of what we call these issues, challenges, problems or whatever, their substance is still the same. The difference lies in ones attitude towards his language. If you say that coming out to your conservative parents is a huge problem you probably won’t be terribly motivated to do it. Problems are daunting. Problems are difficult and often insurmountable. Problems just suck! But if you were to say that coming out to your conservative parents is a huge challenge it suddenly becomes something you may well want to do. Something to prove your courage and fortitude. You may not be able to change the issue but changing your outlook or perspective on it will make all the difference in how you handle it and ultimately in your success.
Ryan – Davey’s message does sound like a chapter straight out of NLP or the Landmark Forum but it’s by no means an uncommon philosophy.
If it weren’t for my participation with Landmark I wouldn’t have the relationship I do with my parents, I wouldn’t be ‘out’ and I wouldn’t be doing what I love – Singing opera and coaching people. If you’re stuck in your life and are ready to get unstuck, check it out at the link I included.
Practice is the key to mastery in everything. Enlightemnent is mastery of life. You will never have it fully, but you won’t have much at all if you don’t experience the full spectrum of life’s experiences.
I would say your only problem is your attitude. Everyone has something they deal with daily they could call a problem. Some people bitch and complain about them. Others recreate themselves every day and realise that if they’re alive they can face the challenge of living well despite any circumstance. Neither way is right or wrong but one is certainly a lot more workable.
I’ve said it already but it merits repeating that changing your language on something does not change the issue. Whether you call something a problem or an opportunity, a crisis or a challenge, the issue is still there and still needs to be faced.
What does change with our language is our attitudes. Words can mean essentially the same thing and still create or contribute to attitudes that are totally divergent.
Merriam-Webster Online defines promlem as a source of perplexity, distress, or vexation. Subconsciously, we feel vexed, distressed and perplexed about the things we consider problems. It has a negative connotation that carries over into our attitudes.
Contrast that with Webster’s definition of opportunity: a good chance for advancement or progress. Notice the difference? LOL
So is cancer distressing, perplexing and vexatious? Sure, if you say so. And you’ll face it with anxiety, overwhelming fear and self-pity. Is it a good chance for advancement or progress? Again, if you say so. It’s a good chance to fight like hell for your life and for your health. It’s a great chance to focus on the things that really matter to you. It’s a great chance to develop courage in the face of something most people would consider terrible and to be a role model for all those people around you. It’s a chance to be seen as a hero who never gave up rather than as a person whose apathy, doubt and fear got the best of them. It’s the difference between living a big life and a small life.
It’s your choice. That’s what’s most important to remember. And you can do whatever you want. But for Christ’s sake, what’s the point of knocking the other just because you can’t see its benefit? Actually, I know what the point is – it’s why my sister and I are such different people. The point is that when faced with the same circumstances, a pessimist will inevitably try to drag down the optimist because it’s easier to cut someone else down than to pull oneself up.
Peace
Dave your a genius. An inspiration. A role model. A sweet kind hearted being. A do-gooder. I wish we had more people like you x
If nobody viewed thing as problamatic how would we be able to come up with soultions to things that needed to be solved. Like Hurricane Katrina wiped out everything for a lot of people… wouldn’t it be hard to go up to say.. you not having a house isn’t a problem?!?! But I like where you are coming. You are a great guy.. I think we need more people on this earth with your attitude and views.
I’m not bitching or complaining.
Just as you are making a point, so was I.
What Davey is suggesting is in no way lame.
He is referring to the fact that we can change our reality by molding our thoughts about it, very much like the simple explanation of quantum physics in the documentary “What the Bleep do we know”, or even in “The Secret”. Our way of seeing things has great influence in how they actually are (in fact, there is really no difference).
So basically, having problems is really a matter of choice.
(…I think he meant the rhetorical “you” – as in a general person – not actually Michael you…)
“I would say your only problem is your attitude. “
(the lines for bench presses at the gym would be endless)
You are so right. The other day I stopped myself, because I complaining and I realized I have no reason to complain. My life if great. I sometimes forget and look for things that could be better.
I think he meant to say:
“I would say one’s only problem is one’s attitude”
I’d like to think that also.
Saying there are no problems is REPRESSION and that psychologically very bad!
Ok, we have problems, obstacles, mountains, whatever… But:
Yes, it’s an old trick to change your thoughts, renaming problems… but problem is still a problem, even if you call it an obstacle or opportunity to improve…
What you suggest is a way to handle a difficult situation, but isn’t it wiser to find out why I am/you are/s/he is in this difficult situation and eliminate the root cause… maybe my way of living is not suitable for me? Maybe there is a better way?
I mean — instead of finding a way to get 200 dollars (and enjoying it) to pay rent, maybe I should find out why I don’t have money to pay rent?
Don’t eliminate the consequence but the cause
I know you don’t intend this, Davey, but I found your blog extremel callous. One of my closest friends has advanced liver cancer. he is going to die in the next few months if not sooner. Please don’t tell me that he does not have a problem but merely an opportunity.
Another friend has been out of work for two years. He has been trying to find a job, but without success since the real unemployment rate where he lives is close to 25%. Please don’t tell me that he does not have a real problem, just an obstacle to overcome.
What you are preaching, whether you are aware of it or not, is a form of conservative self reliance in which people are responislbe for their conditions and if they have not figured out a way around it, that is due to their failings. How callous! How insensitive! What happened to you, Davey?
Hilary: Like Davey and many- others on his blog, you’ve made beautiful points,one of which is about age. i’ve ALWAYS declared age to be “IMMATERIAL!!!!” i couldn’t have said-it better than you. Thank You. ~~~davvi
Thanks! This really helped me!
Andrew: Ya said you know he doesn’t intend this,— so you Know! niether-you-nor-i have ever known Davey to be “Calous”, Nor-will-we-ever! i pray that The Lord will “heal!” your friend, cuz “we’re- ALL one-big-family-with- Davey”, here on his blog, and i Know! you are as-proud as we are,to be a part of his family. Peace. ~~davvi
Problems are simply opportunities for growth and creativity.
Repression would be to ignore the “problem”.
What Davey is suggesting is to see the “problem” as something else.
You still face it, do something about it, but not seeing it as a problem changes how you feel about it, as well as its outcome. That is emotional intelligence, and is psychologically very good!
Both of the situations you described are harsh, and it is not without sympathy that I am going to reply (even if you might not agree with what I’m about to say… I hope I choose my words right).
Life is not without its hardship, and pain is constant throughout life, yet suffering from this pain is an option.
Even in your friends’ circumstances, there are many ways of viewing things that could improve or worsen their lives.
Unemployment is an opportunity for growth in the sense that it could lead one to try new things, develop new skills, meet new people, see new places. Seeing it as a problem might prevent one from having the attitude to explore all the options that are really out there.
Very well put….
If you look at thing that effect your life as a problem then it become a problem that you may feel is unsolvable .If you look at things that effect your life as a challenge then it become something that can be resolved. When you use the word problem it result in a negative way of looking at a issue, when you use the word challenge it result in a positive way of looking at a issue it is as simple as that
Agreed David. Landmark’s distinctions are powerful and invaluable.
Beware the Landmark Forums. Landmark Education is the spawn of Werner Erhard’s EST program of the 1970’s.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erhard_Seminars_Training
A bit smug I think. But life will teach you Davey. Nobody wants to see people suffer. But just avoiding teh feeling like this is no solution. Davey has both parents at present. Will he just think his way round the grief? I would like to think not. Important things in life we have to live through – not avoid.
Sure like bereavement, pain, suffering, betrayal,
failure hardship…. I’m sorry but I think both you
Davey are guilty of being smug.
My friend is being extremely brave in confronting his liver cancer. BUT the fact is that he will be leaving and three children with no father and he will have had his life cut short by decades. I refuse to put a positive spin on that. It is a tragedy, not an opportunity..
Second, with regard to unemployment, 25% unemployment means that 1 out of every 4 people does not have a job. That is putting enormous strain on my friend’s marriage and family life, which is understandable.
But what I most object to is the underlying theme which is that if my friends have not solved their problems, particularly my unemployed friend, then he is responsible for his own plight. That is Reagan/Thatcher thinking. That is like blaming the 25% unemployed during the Depression for being unemployed and refusing to help them with government programs because they are, after all, failing ot take advantage of this exciting opportunity. I think that is naive and insensitive.
I love Davey, and I love his blogs and I watch them on You Tube and read his daily blog here. I am a great fan of his. That is why I am so puzzled by what he has written here. He seems to absorbed the conservative world view without even realizing it.
I think that you are right. It was less callous more “smug”.
Davey is a nice talented chap from a good family
in a free prosperous society.
(Thanks to the World War 2 generation not me)
I think life has been easy for him.
He means no harm, but this attitude, which is common, is smug.
I am very sorry to hear of your friends suffering.
Unfortunately we only have one liver.
I know all too well how unemployment nearly destroyed my brother.
It is easy whn life is good for us to forget
it is not the same for everyone.
Think of those two poor lads of 16/17 and 18 who were
hung for being Gay.
I saw a picture of them recently with the noose being placed around their neck and a sack over their head.
It certainly sent a shudder.
Such cruelty.
If one says he only has problems because he sees it that way that’s ridiculous. How can one say if he has cancer and has few months to live, that’s not a problem.
How can you see positive thing in illness or going to die to soon.
It’s true that some people make a fuss about nothing, I agree about that. But saying problems only exist in ones point of view is retarded.
Sorry even I was callous about your friend.
I didn’t want to go morbid and dwell on it.
I suspected the consequences for the family
that you mentioned. I just thought it best
to keep quiet. I hope you did not think me unfeeling.
**
Davey is a nice guy but then it is easy to be
nice when life is kind to us.
Easy to if we don’t worry about monogamy or deeper
feelings for people around us.
I try to sort him out in my head without being judgemental.
Like who am I to criticise?
I just wonder how Davey will manage when real trouble
comes as he gets older.
I wonder whether there is any real substance to his “niceness”.
He iis 26 now. What is “You;re so cute Davey” now will start to look ridiculous as he gets older.
Astime passes he will steadily lose grandparents, relatives and friends ….
the people who bring security to life. The world he knows will change.
he may indeed be unemployed. There is staedy competition in his feld of work from Asia, especially India these days.
I have noyiced a few small things with Davety but at least at heart he is a good bloke.
I really hope for a miracle for your friend and his family, and a good job with a future for your other friend. Hope you will be happy and prosper too.
I just think that Davey was smug.
I lost both my parents at a young age. They died extremely painful deaths from rare forms of cancer for which there was no protocol. In the case of my dad, in particular, he literally wasted away in front of me.
I was .forced to deal with a number of painful situations and make some very difficult decisions, . But I do not view those experiences as anything other than tragic. To claim otherwise, to assert that the reason the experiences were painful was because I chose to view them as such instead of opportunities for growth denies emotional reality and is nothing more than a game of semantics.
Sorry I think his whole approach is smug.
But it is not uncommon.
For some people nothing must stand in the way of fun.
When you so much as mention circumstances like you
went through to them you can see their eyes glaze over.
*
The whole shallow hedonist thing needs to be challenged.
We are our brothers keeper and should be alert to
other peoples suffering.
We should not dismiss it as an opportunity.
**
I think that Davey just chooses provocative topics to
keep the interest in his web site going and keep
the advertising revenue coming in.
Perhaps we take him too seriously.
I doubt if he reads 5% of his blog resopnses.
Quoting “Rambling Rose” played by Laura Dern, “Life’s not a picnic for anyone”.
People born under Davey’s circumstances are not automatically happy or fulfilled. It is usually the opposite (which would explain why in rich countries, where everyone is born with many many privileges, the suicide rate is among the highest in the world). Davey may have been born with opportunities, but he had/has the attitude to use them to his advantage, and that is something people rarely do.
(here, I must stop and say that we shouldn’t make your friends the topic here, as it could seem that they are being criticized under a general statement, when they’re not. Whether or not your friend is responsible for his own plight is not the issue, but rather how to face that plight.)
We cannot mistake personal philosophy with politics (it would be irresponsible to blame to population for a crisis that was started by government policies). However, we can always focus on how full the glass is, instead of how empty. While I do not intend on being condescending regarding unemployment in the current crisis, I am absolutely certain that there are numerous options out there that remain unexplored by many people.
I have two friends: one is always depressed about how large her credit card debt is. She is always anxious about that, and can never enjoy anything, as she is constantly thinking about her problem. The other has Lupus and has spent half her life in a hospital. In spite of not being able to do physical exercise, or having had to miss out on many social landmarks growing up, she is one of the most possitive, happy and productive people I’ve ever met. Her life is full of harship, but she realized that focusing on how much her life sucked didn’t make her problems go away, nor her life any happier.
…Topics are provocative depending on how people react…
Death is a part of life ALL of us have to face. Either physical, spirital or emotional, we ALL have to deal with anguish. It is a part of being alive. Life itself is a struggle. Yet everything we face makes us stronger. When someone close to us dies, for example, as awful as it feels, it puts life into perspective in terms of its limitations, and it helps us be empathic when other people are going through a similar situation.
When faced with one of life’s many harships, we can CHOOSE to grow personally, accept the lessons life gives us and use them to learn, grow and why not? maybe even help others; or we can feel defeated, burry ourselves in our self pity, and focus on the negativity behind the obstacles we face, being overcome with fear if ever faced with them again.
For most people (especially those being able to read this post) it’s a matter of attitude whether you’re happy or not.
JB, everyone has issues. Surely it takes a lot of maturity to see life possitively when faced with an illness such as cancer, or even not to view it as a “problem” but merely an obstacle. Yet, even with such a dramatic example, one still has a choice on how to deal with it, and how much suffering (if any) one is to undergo, and if, in spite of the many hardships it can bring, you are still able to enjoy life.
Maybe this is why some terminal cancer patients are among the nicest, wisest people I’ve ever met.
It depends on a lot more than you mention.
It depends on how continuous and vicious the knock backs have been.
It depends on what support you have had to turn to when times were tough.
It depends on your sense of caring for and worrying about other people.
It depends on your wish to contribute and support others in this world or
to just glide over problems.
It depends on having been raised by people who love you and given you
a sense of self worth and security.
It depends just how skilled and adaptable you are born.
It depends whether those skills are still sought after.
Life may change because of the emergence of skilled Indian labour for Davey soon.
Many people who preach adaptability are less keen when it is them that is affected.
Sorry I still think Davey and that school of thought are smug,
Sorry I don’t think it is a choice.
We simply have to suffer and learn
otherwise we are avoiding and
trivialising.
Later we can reflect and do the best to rebuild
our lives.
But at the time we either suffer an learn
or run away by philosophising like whimps.
We can learn and grow by suffering though and become kinder people.
And that much is good.
But at an enormous price sometimes.
You cannot be serious….
Worship God if you will
Davey is just a bloke.
…nobody’s perfect…. everyone’s got something to learn. It is those who have the attitude to learn who will benefit from life.
We can always choose to appreciate what someone is saying and try to learn from it, or we can also choose criticize what they’re saying, finding flaws in it (compare ourselves to them [thus being 'smug'], and not learn from them.
Surely Davey has many faults. Surely he’s not perfect (I mean, dude, more reps and less weight on your pecs –
), but I choose to find validity and wisdom in WHAT he’s saying, in his message.
(Love the art, not the artist)
By focusing on the survivor, you are advocating a position of complete narcissism. My parents did not GROW because of their deaths. They did not have the chance to EMPATHIZE with the sufferings of others. In fact, my father developed dementia as the cancer spread to his brain. There was no growth opportunity for him. But of course that is no importance to you since you simply shut your eyes to the sufferings of those who end up dead and focus on the survivors and HOW THEY COPE WITH THE DEATHS of others. How much more self involved can you be? And that at bottom is what this thinking is – nothing but self centeredness masquerading as some deep wisdom.
Carlos, I would take what you were saying a lot more seriously if you told me that (i) you have been unemployed for two years; (ii) were facing a terminal illness or (iii) watched someone very close to you die a painful death at a young age. Otherwise, your comments are not only worth very little. They are down right cruel.
I suggest we re write Romeo and Juliet using this new philosophy. . Juliet wakes up and discovers that Romeo is dead. She is about to drink poison when suddenly she realizes that no, she must not grieve over Romeo’s death. Rather she must use this as an opportunity for further personal growth. She resolves to start the first suicide prevention program aimed specifically at teen agers. Other towns adopt the same program. She goes on to start a religious order devoted to preventing teenage suicide although the order splits over whether to prevent teen age suicide in response to the death of a gay lover
The play of course will need to be renamed – how about The Not at all tragic tale of Romeo and Juliet.
I would say it’s better to research what Landmark has become than where it came from. Would you going to tell people not to travel to Germany because Hitler once ruled there? Educate yourself and make a decision based on fact. Landmark is by no means right for everyone, nor is it a panacea. It is a great tool if you’re stuck anywhere in life – if your ‘problems’ seem too large to handle.
For the record I was using ‘your’ in the plural, all-encompassing sense.
My mom died from breast cancer when I was 10. I have a pretty unique insight into what lies ahead for your friend’s children. For my mother, knowing she would die was an opportubity to teach her children and those around her courage in the face of overwhelming circumstances. It was an opportunity to be a role model for what it means never to quit – never to go down without a hell of a fight. She knew, in the last year of her life, that nothing she could do would change the situation so she made it her mission to do what she could with her time left to prepare my sister and myself for the challenges that lie ahead. She didn’t like it. She didn’t think it was wonderful, by any means. But she accepted it as a challenge and I am fortunate for her bravery and her determination. It taught me a lot about life.
I, myself, viewing ALL my lifes obstacles as problems turned to really unhealthy ways of coping. I gained weight and was up to 400lbs. I became a compulsive gambler. I stole from my dad, my grandmother, my friends to feed my habit. I drank WAY more than was mentally or physically healthy for me all through my 20’s. I dealt with my problems by completely relinquishing control and responsibility. I gave up because they were too much for me to handle and I knew – I was certain – that nothing I could do would solve them.
What I learned is that life is amazing and every day a gift; something I should have learned earlier considering my mom. I fucked up my life because of my misconceptions about everything that had happened to that point. The gift in all those problems was my realization that I could overcome them. I couldn’t necessarily solve all of them. My mom was dead forever. My dad was absent for most of my adolescence and I could never get the attention from him that I lacked at that piont in my life. I was addicted to gambling and would probably never be without those urges again. But I knew where I was, I knew where I wanted to be and I knew with work that I could get there.
I’m 170 lbs, today. I have a close and open relationship with my dad and my stepmom. I’ve been unaffected by my gambling compulsions for 6 years. I got very clear on the reality of my situation and accepted the challenge and opportunity to make of it what I wanted to. I’m now completing my certification program towards my Certified Professional Co-active Coach designation and I am committed to coaching other people to live lives that are rich and fulfilling as mine is.
It’s up to each of us to uncover the gifts in whatever challenges we face. Some people see them and others can’t. There are places to go to find inspiration if you’re willing to take that step. From what I’ve learned some people are too afraid to do it. They think that acceptance is tantamount to giving up. Do whatever works for you, but why not try something on if it might work?
Look up Randy Pausch on YouTube. Watch his Last Lecture and see what you get from it. It’s brilliant and very much fitting for your situation.
As for your unemployed friend – What an opportunity to reinvent one’s life??? Come on! Nobody likes to have his or her apple cart overturned but is selling apples really what any of us are passionate about? Unemployment sucks. And it’s an opportunity. We each choose which of those perspectives to focus on.
Cliveey…. Were you colour blind you would never be able to differentiate between, say, brown and green. It would all look green to you, regardless. Someone who comes along and calls you colour blind might be called smug except that we can measure the light spectrum and we know that for normally-sighted people brown exists. You may not be able to see Davey’s perspective but that’s not to say it doesn’t exist or that it doesn’t work.
What I find a little smug is someone looking from the outside in thinking he knows everything to be known about someone based upon his writings. Take it from someone who has experienced quite fully all but one of the hardships you mention: there are gifts and opportunities in all of them. Just because we don’t like or enjoy something doesn’t mean we can’t make the best of it, learn from it and even benefit from it.
It’s not a “new philosophy”
A guy in a concentration camp once wrote that nazis could torture him, take away his belongings, inflict pain on his body and subject him to torture, but – he devised this in order to remain sane – he said the thoughts on his brain were his. It was his choice what he felt, and if he suffered for what they did to him.
We always have a choice. Always.
ive seen those photos you write of Cliveey.that photo was taken in Iran-before an execution-in full public view-and in public view of university students.how cruel-unfortunately this happens in Iran-Iraq-throughout the Middle East on a daily basis.i also remember how men in Egypt were arrested for dancing together on a boat on the river-Nile-near Cairo.a website-GayEgypt.com maintained in the U.K.has complete documentation as to what happened.
Carlos-i can relate to that unemployment situation.ive been out of work since last december-ive been out looking for work since december.it gets very depressing-only twice did anything close to two job offers come up.and -in the end-i didnt qualify.i work on the side-for cash-work my butt off-now i work harder for cash-money was easier earlier-i work two weeks-i get 150 dollars-for two weeks.thats 75 dollars per week-in addition to unemployment.by this coming december-i stand to lose it all.so how can i be positive?i have between now and december to find work-i hope to find something.the economic times we are in-are much worse than the 1980s.
Andrew-i agree with you 100%.ive been out of work since december.the situation isnt improving-not by a long-shot.im so sorry your friend has liver-cancer.my thoughts are with him.the Reagan/Thatcher thinking-is what got us in this unemployment mess in the first place.Reagan is no saint-he has ruined our lives forever.and the problems kept snowballing ever since then.i,too am puzzled by DW-and his thinking and approach.but-i beleive that-in the end life will catch up to Davey-sooner or later.and how he will deal with it.time will tell-we shall see.
My life experience is irrelevant in this discussion.
The moment one uses moral authority to back up a point, the discussion is dead. One’s argument should stand on its own.
You talk with a certain moral authority, as if you were the first ones to have ever suffered anything, and hence your negativity is justified in that suffering. Millions of people are worse off than you in so many ways; they would be happy to have a fraction of what you have.
If you focus on what you’re losing, what you had and don’t anymore, what you’d like to have and don’t, what you deserve and has been handed to someone else, you’re always going to be miserable. But it’s because you chose it. If instead you saw all the things you do have, all the things that you are, that you own, that you can do, all your options, who knows? maybe you wouldn’t even think you had a problem to begin with.
Your life experiences are very much relevant to this discussion. If you have not undergone the very painful experiences that I listed, such as having a terminal illlness, or watch someone you love die a painful death, then your claim that these can be opportunities for growth ring completely hollow.
And if personal experience is irrelevant, then why did you bring in the personal experience of the concentration camp inmate. For most people who ended up in Nazi extermination camps, they were in the camp for about twenty minutes before they were in the gas chambers and dead. What choice did they have? What opportunity for growth did they have?
That’s true Carlos. But dealing with the issue is just accepting that there is a problem.
Saying there are problems because you see them like that is just too easy.
But for sure when people have to deal with big issues like illness they can change and have a better quality of life then when they worked day in, day out…
What do you mean with “at an anormous price” ?
…
The price can be sadness and regrets. our own and other peoples.
As Richard Bach said lo those many years ago in Illusions — “There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.”
I think that is a smug remark probably by a man who has known limited suffering. Tell that to the people of Darfur or Auschwitz. Tell it to the kids of 16 and 18 who were hanged for being Gay in Iran. Tell it to immigrant people who have been deceived and find themselves trapped or imprisoned into sex slavery. (One woman recently was told recently by her mother back home – please don’t object as they are attacking your young brother when you do). It is a facile remark by a spoilt child of the free world.
There are no problems?
I like the sound of this!