Comments on: The way to solve ANY of your problems.

By: Ian

Ian — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 00:36:54 +0000

There are no problems?

I like the sound of this!

By: Cliveey

Cliveey — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 07:24:23 +0000

I think that is a smug remark probably by a man who has known limited suffering. Tell that to the people of Darfur or Auschwitz. Tell it to the kids of 16 and 18 who were hanged for being Gay in Iran. Tell it to immigrant people who have been deceived and find themselves trapped or imprisoned into sex slavery. (One woman recently was told recently by her mother back home – please don’t object as they are attacking your young brother when you do). It is a facile remark by a spoilt child of the free world.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 23:24:12 +0000

As Richard Bach said lo those many years ago in Illusions — “There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts.”

By: Cliveey

Cliveey — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 19:15:31 +0000

The price can be sadness and regrets. our own and other peoples.

By: Carlos

Carlos — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 06:24:42 +0000

…

By: JB

JB — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 06:14:43 +0000

What do you mean with “at an anormous price” ?

By: JB

JB — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 06:13:46 +0000

That’s true Carlos. But dealing with the issue is just accepting that there is a problem.

Saying there are problems because you see them like that is just too easy.

But for sure when people have to deal with big issues like illness they can change and have a better quality of life then when they worked day in, day out…

By: andrew

andrew — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 05:03:24 +0000

Your life experiences are very much relevant to this discussion. If you have not undergone the very painful experiences that I listed, such as having a terminal illlness, or watch someone you love die a painful death, then your claim that these can be opportunities for growth ring completely hollow.

And if personal experience is irrelevant, then why did you bring in the personal experience of the concentration camp inmate. For most people who ended up in Nazi extermination camps, they were in the camp for about twenty minutes before they were in the gas chambers and dead. What choice did they have? What opportunity for growth did they have?

By: Carlos

Carlos — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:45:32 +0000

You talk with a certain moral authority, as if you were the first ones to have ever suffered anything, and hence your negativity is justified in that suffering. Millions of people are worse off than you in so many ways; they would be happy to have a fraction of what you have.

If you focus on what you’re losing, what you had and don’t anymore, what you’d like to have and don’t, what you deserve and has been handed to someone else, you’re always going to be miserable. But it’s because you chose it. If instead you saw all the things you do have, all the things that you are, that you own, that you can do, all your options, who knows? maybe you wouldn’t even think you had a problem to begin with.

By: Carlos

Carlos — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:25:24 +0000

My life experience is irrelevant in this discussion.

The moment one uses moral authority to back up a point, the discussion is dead. One’s argument should stand on its own.

By: christopher

christopher — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:23:24 +0000

Andrew-i agree with you 100%.ive been out of work since december.the situation isnt improving-not by a long-shot.im so sorry your friend has liver-cancer.my thoughts are with him.the Reagan/Thatcher thinking-is what got us in this unemployment mess in the first place.Reagan is no saint-he has ruined our lives forever.and the problems kept snowballing ever since then.i,too am puzzled by DW-and his thinking and approach.but-i beleive that-in the end life will catch up to Davey-sooner or later.and how he will deal with it.time will tell-we shall see.

By: chkistopher

chkistopher — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:05:57 +0000

Carlos-i can relate to that unemployment situation.ive been out of work since last december-ive been out looking for work since december.it gets very depressing-only twice did anything close to two job offers come up.and -in the end-i didnt qualify.i work on the side-for cash-work my butt off-now i work harder for cash-money was easier earlier-i work two weeks-i get 150 dollars-for two weeks.thats 75 dollars per week-in addition to unemployment.by this coming december-i stand to lose it all.so how can i be positive?i have between now and december to find work-i hope to find something.the economic times we are in-are much worse than the 1980s.

By: chkistopher

chkistopher — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:52:06 +0000

ive seen those photos you write of Cliveey.that photo was taken in Iran-before an execution-in full public view-and in public view of university students.how cruel-unfortunately this happens in Iran-Iraq-throughout the Middle East on a daily basis.i also remember how men in Egypt were arrested for dancing together on a boat on the river-Nile-near Cairo.a website-GayEgypt.com maintained in the U.K.has complete documentation as to what happened.

By: Carlos

Carlos — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 01:44:16 +0000

It’s not a “new philosophy”

A guy in a concentration camp once wrote that nazis could torture him, take away his belongings, inflict pain on his body and subject him to torture, but – he devised this in order to remain sane – he said the thoughts on his brain were his. It was his choice what he felt, and if he suffered for what they did to him.

We always have a choice. Always.

By: Dave from Windsor

Dave from Windsor — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 01:31:50 +0000

Cliveey…. Were you colour blind you would never be able to differentiate between, say, brown and green. It would all look green to you, regardless. Someone who comes along and calls you colour blind might be called smug except that we can measure the light spectrum and we know that for normally-sighted people brown exists. You may not be able to see Davey’s perspective but that’s not to say it doesn’t exist or that it doesn’t work.

What I find a little smug is someone looking from the outside in thinking he knows everything to be known about someone based upon his writings. Take it from someone who has experienced quite fully all but one of the hardships you mention: there are gifts and opportunities in all of them. Just because we don’t like or enjoy something doesn’t mean we can’t make the best of it, learn from it and even benefit from it.

By: Dave from Windsor

Dave from Windsor — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 01:23:26 +0000

My mom died from breast cancer when I was 10. I have a pretty unique insight into what lies ahead for your friend’s children. For my mother, knowing she would die was an opportubity to teach her children and those around her courage in the face of overwhelming circumstances. It was an opportunity to be a role model for what it means never to quit – never to go down without a hell of a fight. She knew, in the last year of her life, that nothing she could do would change the situation so she made it her mission to do what she could with her time left to prepare my sister and myself for the challenges that lie ahead. She didn’t like it. She didn’t think it was wonderful, by any means. But she accepted it as a challenge and I am fortunate for her bravery and her determination. It taught me a lot about life.

I, myself, viewing ALL my lifes obstacles as problems turned to really unhealthy ways of coping. I gained weight and was up to 400lbs. I became a compulsive gambler. I stole from my dad, my grandmother, my friends to feed my habit. I drank WAY more than was mentally or physically healthy for me all through my 20’s. I dealt with my problems by completely relinquishing control and responsibility. I gave up because they were too much for me to handle and I knew – I was certain – that nothing I could do would solve them.

What I learned is that life is amazing and every day a gift; something I should have learned earlier considering my mom. I fucked up my life because of my misconceptions about everything that had happened to that point. The gift in all those problems was my realization that I could overcome them. I couldn’t necessarily solve all of them. My mom was dead forever. My dad was absent for most of my adolescence and I could never get the attention from him that I lacked at that piont in my life. I was addicted to gambling and would probably never be without those urges again. But I knew where I was, I knew where I wanted to be and I knew with work that I could get there.

I’m 170 lbs, today. I have a close and open relationship with my dad and my stepmom. I’ve been unaffected by my gambling compulsions for 6 years. I got very clear on the reality of my situation and accepted the challenge and opportunity to make of it what I wanted to. I’m now completing my certification program towards my Certified Professional Co-active Coach designation and I am committed to coaching other people to live lives that are rich and fulfilling as mine is.

It’s up to each of us to uncover the gifts in whatever challenges we face. Some people see them and others can’t. There are places to go to find inspiration if you’re willing to take that step. From what I’ve learned some people are too afraid to do it. They think that acceptance is tantamount to giving up. Do whatever works for you, but why not try something on if it might work?

Look up Randy Pausch on YouTube. Watch his Last Lecture and see what you get from it. It’s brilliant and very much fitting for your situation.

As for your unemployed friend – What an opportunity to reinvent one’s life??? Come on! Nobody likes to have his or her apple cart overturned but is selling apples really what any of us are passionate about? Unemployment sucks. And it’s an opportunity. We each choose which of those perspectives to focus on.

By: Dave from Windsor

Dave from Windsor — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 00:49:06 +0000

For the record I was using ‘your’ in the plural, all-encompassing sense.

By: Dave from Windsor

Dave from Windsor — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 00:44:15 +0000

I would say it’s better to research what Landmark has become than where it came from. Would you going to tell people not to travel to Germany because Hitler once ruled there? Educate yourself and make a decision based on fact. Landmark is by no means right for everyone, nor is it a panacea. It is a great tool if you’re stuck anywhere in life – if your ‘problems’ seem too large to handle.

By: andrew

andrew — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:59:37 +0000

I suggest we re write Romeo and Juliet using this new philosophy. . Juliet wakes up and discovers that Romeo is dead. She is about to drink poison when suddenly she realizes that no, she must not grieve over Romeo’s death. Rather she must use this as an opportunity for further personal growth. She resolves to start the first suicide prevention program aimed specifically at teen agers. Other towns adopt the same program. She goes on to start a religious order devoted to preventing teenage suicide although the order splits over whether to prevent teen age suicide in response to the death of a gay lover

The play of course will need to be renamed – how about The Not at all tragic tale of Romeo and Juliet.

By: andrew

andrew — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:22:08 +0000

Carlos, I would take what you were saying a lot more seriously if you told me that (i) you have been unemployed for two years; (ii) were facing a terminal illness or (iii) watched someone very close to you die a painful death at a young age. Otherwise, your comments are not only worth very little. They are down right cruel.

By: andrew

andrew — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:18:30 +0000

By focusing on the survivor, you are advocating a position of complete narcissism. My parents did not GROW because of their deaths. They did not have the chance to EMPATHIZE with the sufferings of others. In fact, my father developed dementia as the cancer spread to his brain. There was no growth opportunity for him. But of course that is no importance to you since you simply shut your eyes to the sufferings of those who end up dead and focus on the survivors and HOW THEY COPE WITH THE DEATHS of others. How much more self involved can you be? And that at bottom is what this thinking is – nothing but self centeredness masquerading as some deep wisdom.

By: Carlos

Carlos — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:01:41 +0000

…nobody’s perfect…. everyone’s got something to learn. It is those who have the attitude to learn who will benefit from life.

We can always choose to appreciate what someone is saying and try to learn from it, or we can also choose criticize what they’re saying, finding flaws in it (compare ourselves to them [thus being 'smug'], and not learn from them.

Surely Davey has many faults. Surely he’s not perfect (I mean, dude, more reps and less weight on your pecs – ), but I choose to find validity and wisdom in WHAT he’s saying, in his message.

(Love the art, not the artist)

By: Cliveey

Cliveey — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 21:01:25 +0000

You cannot be serious….
Worship God if you will
Davey is just a bloke.

By: Cliveey

Cliveey — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:58:36 +0000

Sorry I don’t think it is a choice.
We simply have to suffer and learn
otherwise we are avoiding and
trivialising.
Later we can reflect and do the best to rebuild
our lives.
But at the time we either suffer an learn
or run away by philosophising like whimps.
We can learn and grow by suffering though and become kinder people.
And that much is good.
But at an enormous price sometimes.

By: Cliveey

Cliveey — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:51:50 +0000

It depends on a lot more than you mention.
It depends on how continuous and vicious the knock backs have been.
It depends on what support you have had to turn to when times were tough.
It depends on your sense of caring for and worrying about other people.
It depends on your wish to contribute and support others in this world or
to just glide over problems.
It depends on having been raised by people who love you and given you
a sense of self worth and security.
It depends just how skilled and adaptable you are born.
It depends whether those skills are still sought after.
Life may change because of the emergence of skilled Indian labour for Davey soon.
Many people who preach adaptability are less keen when it is them that is affected.
Sorry I still think Davey and that school of thought are smug,