Today, I thought it would be fun to brainstorm possible epitaphs. I can’t think of a better way to spend a Tuesday afternoon. In actuality, I think I’d rather be cremated than buried in the ground. But what the hell will I care if I’m dead? Nonetheless, here’s what I jotted down and why:
“Nothing is buried here.”
- or -
“Nothing real dies.”
This is, of course, is in reference to the my belief that death (much like life – at least in how we experience it) is an illusion. This body isn’t real – and its days are numbered. And I wouldn’t want it any other way!
“Free at last.
Free at last.”
I’m excited for the freedom that comes with death. When you’re dead, it’s obviously much easier to free yourself from the limitations of three-dimensional living and transcend the binds of time and space. Sign me up!
“The water you drank might have been my pee.”
Well, it’s true! At the most basic physical level, reincarnation is indisputable. My pee will have a new life – and some day, after being filtered through ground water, the ocean, evaporated into the sky, etc., it may be consumed as drinking water. Besides, graveyards are way too serious.
What about you? What do you want your tombstone to say?
April 28, 2009 at 1:34 pm
…to be continued…
April 28, 2009 at 1:40 pm
My tombstone shall say
VIVA LA VIDA (meaning Long Live Life)
April 28, 2009 at 2:14 pm
“the one who believed that his existence is way beyond his body. And will be happy to experience life again if he choose too”
April 28, 2009 at 2:33 pm
“I Can’t Believe I Ate The Whole Thing…”
or
“Moved To A Warmer Climate…”
April 28, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Nice posting on watersports! I don’t believe in tombstones – being buried is not good for the environment – but good to think about, I guess – if you have nothing else to think about…
April 28, 2009 at 2:49 pm
On second thought…I’ll have pineapple and Canadian bacon on my Tombstone. mmm
April 28, 2009 at 3:06 pm
No Items of value are inside this casket!
April 28, 2009 at 3:08 pm
LOL or “Open With Care”
April 28, 2009 at 3:10 pm
OK one more – “Contents Flammable”
April 29, 2009 at 10:11 am
May contain Nuts
April 29, 2009 at 1:33 pm
If swallowed, induce vomiting…
April 28, 2009 at 3:45 pm
From a real Tombstone in Key West …
“I Told You I Was Sick!”
April 28, 2009 at 4:44 pm
I think I am right in saying that tombstone epitaph originates from a British comic genius called Spike Milligan who died some years ago. He was famous for radio series back in the 60′s called The Goon Show. His books are hilarious but he was deeply troubled.
April 28, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Could be …
Taken from the tombstone of one B.P. Roberts (1929-1979)whose actual stone is down the street from my house in Key West, Fl.
Wherever it originated from … it always makes me smile.
April 29, 2009 at 1:41 am
Yes its is from Spike Milligan’s tomb stone. I believe the correct quote is : “I told you I was ill”. BTW I love The Goon Show.
April 28, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Well, as you said, I, too, want to be cremated as has been done for several generations in my family, there is a patch of sea – not quite sure of the long/latitude – of which has had the ashes scattered for five generations now I think it is. I am a true believer in family traditions – or almost any tradition in that case – so that is how I wish to be buried; as that is not answering your question, I would like my hyperthetical tombstone to say, ‘Alexander Fergusson-Cooper died as a happy man’ – I want to be able to end this chapter of my life accomplishing all I can accomplish,visit all places I want to visit and loving with all the love in my heart.
April 28, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I’ve always wanted: “He was born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad.” (the opening words from Scaramouche)
April 28, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Well, since I’m a Franc-ophile (meaning I love all things French), I think my epitaph would have to be in French. Of course, atop the granite slab would be a relief of the fleur-de-lis. The phrase will read something like this:
——-
La vie m’a tué, le mort m’a libéré. Vous avez ma place sur la terre, et j’espère que vous l’utilisez avec sagesse.
Translated: Life killed me, death freed me. You gained my place in this world, and I hope you use it wisely.
——-
I would want this because I feel that whatever is left undone is picked up by those who succeed you. Once you die, all you can do is watch, and hope that those you left behind are wise enough to understand what you started, and make the world a better place by finishing it, or at least moving it forward. After all, making the world a better place is why we’re here, correct? At least everything I do in this world is an attempt to make it a better place for at least one person at a time.
April 29, 2009 at 7:54 am
Nice, Jon, from one francophile to another…
April 29, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Moi, je suis francophobe
Mais quand mème j’aime bien ton epitraphe…j’adore l’essence spirituel…
April 28, 2009 at 6:35 pm
I don’t know what I want for mine but my dad wants “Seemed like a good idea at the time…”
April 28, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Screw this!! Im walkin home!!
or
Move a little to the right, now go up, a little to the left…ahhhh thats the spot!
hahaha…i think i would deffinetly(sp?) want something funny on mine.
April 28, 2009 at 8:22 pm
NO RADIO.
April 28, 2009 at 9:06 pm
I don’t want a tombstone. Yet another ‘need’ humans have been conditioned to desire. WHY would I want a ROCK with my name on it? It is just funny to me. If I did desire a rock with my name on it I’d want to see it before I die.
April 29, 2009 at 6:14 am
Then buy the rock before you die so you can look at it; my name is already on “my” stone. The stone also says, “Notre Dame des Victoires, priez por nous.” Peace.
April 29, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Why would I want a rock with my name on it at all? haha. I just don’t get it I guess.
April 28, 2009 at 9:28 pm
This is going to sound sooooo cliche but I want mine to say…
“Has gone home to the eternal love of God.”
they said that at my grandmas funeral.
April 28, 2009 at 9:57 pm
“I know you are but what am I?”
April 28, 2009 at 10:09 pm
From the Upanishads – the mystic teachings of Vedanta, or Hindu:
Thus may we think of all this fleeting world:
A star at dawn,
A bubble in a stream,
A flash of lightning in a summer’s sky,
A flickering lamp,
A phantom,
And a dream………………
April 28, 2009 at 11:10 pm
why bother having one? When I go I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered in the woods close to where I grew up. I can’t think of anything better than to go back to the land. No services, wakes, tombstones, obituaries etc for me!
April 28, 2009 at 11:12 pm
actually I find the whole idea a little gruesome and morbid
April 28, 2009 at 11:26 pm
As morose as it seems, considering how you want to be remembered is a really valuable exercise in learning about your own values. One of the questions I sometimes ask clients in life coaching sessions is “What would you want people to say in your eulogy?” It gets people present to how they want to be remembered and ultimately what they need to live up to in order to be remembered thus.
April 29, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I don’t think you should live how others see you or how they should see you.
April 29, 2009 at 9:29 pm
It’s not about that. It’s about how you want to be seen. It’s about who you want to be. The others are just mirrors to reflect your image back at you.
April 28, 2009 at 11:22 pm
I too think I will be cremated and perhaps scattered or dumped somewhere. Once the soul has vacated, the body is nothing but nutrients for the various things that will eat it up and incorporate it into their own beings.
That said, were I to have a tombstone, I have a couple things I’d like written on it:
1. We exist temporarily through what we take, but we live forever through what we give.
2. What we leave behind isn’t nearly as important as how we’ve lived. (Quoting Cpt. Jean Luc Picard)
3. Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.
4. Think where man’s glory most begins and ends and say “My glory was I had such friends.”
April 28, 2009 at 11:28 pm
My tombstone will be blank.
It will be a bench made of marble or stone or whatever tombstones are made out of and it will be available for people to have a seat and be comfortable when they come to visit me or any one of my new after-lifelong neighbors.
April 29, 2009 at 12:22 am
“Why are you here looking at my tombstone instead of enjoying your life?”
April 29, 2009 at 1:18 am
well, i have always thought of what it would be like to be sealed in a glass case and tossed in the ocean, for people to find later, and see what i looked like during my time of death.
as for my tombstone, it should fit with how my life is.
“alone in life, now alone in a hole”
April 29, 2009 at 3:24 am
why so serious
April 29, 2009 at 4:15 am
“He’s still here!” would be written there.
And oh, cremated and ashes thrown into the wind will do it for me!
April 29, 2009 at 5:29 am
“The One Who Lived,
Even Through Death.”
April 29, 2009 at 6:11 am
I’m stuck between:
Ian Wheeler “Good in bed”
or
Ian Wheeler “Buried Alive”
or
Ian Wheeler “Live A Phoeinx I will rise out of the ashes”
April 29, 2009 at 6:27 am
“Still laughing”
or
“I still see the beauty in you from where I am now…keep shining babe”
or
“Wassamatter you, hey!”
xx
April 29, 2009 at 6:32 am
when I was about 6 years old I was looking through a book and I came to a page that had a tombstone that read everything was beautiful and nothing hurt and I thought then that that was perfect
April 29, 2009 at 6:38 am
I love what Keats has on his stone. ” a young writer whose name was writ in water” (no name is written) it’s in Rome where he died of TB
I would like “Anthony Carlson the traveler home from the trail” inspired by Robert Louis Stevensons: sailor home from the sea, hunter home from the hill etc,
April 29, 2009 at 6:40 am
Here lives . . .
April 29, 2009 at 6:42 am
I like W. C. Fields stone he always joked that he would rather be dead than be in Philadelphia. But his stone says “All things considered I’d rather be in Philadelphia”
April 29, 2009 at 6:53 am
To be nobody but myself- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make me like everybody else- meant to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and I never stopped fighting.
April 29, 2009 at 6:57 am
Davey Wavey…One day you are talking about happiness…the next about your dieing…What is going on in your life that is making you soo sad/depressed/down?…Call me!…Love “your” David
April 29, 2009 at 7:04 am
I guess that I would choose my own quote and that is to the living not the dead “Remember everyone alive that expectation brings frustration” If you get frustrated it is only because of what you expected in life. I expect that no one will understand what I am talking about, if someone does by chance understand, then I have accomplished what I did not expect. I think it easier to write someone else’s epitaph than my own. Heres one for you Davey.
Here lies a man of many well doings, who looked at life with a smile, and made others smile when he thought of many things to add to life. I would have picked a famous one but fame means nothing really to me.Its the fortunate ones who take from what is handed to them that matter. Have a good day man. Louie
April 29, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Louie – You hit the nail on the head. The root of all upsets is 3-fold: an unmet expectation, a thwarted intention and a breakdown of communication. We hold expectations and intentions and rarely communicate them to people and we get upset that people aren’t on the same page as we are. The crux of the issue is that the expectation and the intention are ‘mine’ and ‘I’ have to own them and be responsible for them. Nobody can upset me as long as I am clear on why I’m ‘being’ upset and as long as I am communicating my intentions and expectations.
April 29, 2009 at 7:05 am
” The Party is Over ” It seems everywhere I go , that once I show up .. . they say that ” It seems like a party ” has begun … So I guess I would sum it up by saying ” The Party is Over ” ! … P.S. it doesn’t mean to imply that alcohol is brought out either , most often none is present …
April 29, 2009 at 7:13 am
“Blessed be he who tends these stones…. Cursed be he who moves my bones!” This is what is on William Shakespear’s tombstone
April 29, 2009 at 7:58 am
“Live, laugh, love!”
April 29, 2009 at 8:01 am
As long as you are considering how the body and the soul are not one in the same, don’t forget to think about donating your entire body to science and/or organ donations. When they’re finished with your mortal flesh and bone, they’ll cremate what’s left and return the ashes to your next of kin.
Some day when the weather is especially nice and just the very thought of going to a cemetery won’t get you down, go to a cemetery with very old and humble headstones. It’s very interesting to see that people who have long been forgotten and have no claim to immortality still have something physical to say “This person existed.” Some headstones also are a monument (literally) to the fact that they not only existed but were loved by someone who wanted them to be remembered down through the years.
April 29, 2009 at 8:27 am
Here lies Edward bereft of life, to his right lies his husband- (he didn’t have a wife).
April 29, 2009 at 8:32 am
“Never born, never died…Look all around you, I’m still here!”
That’s probably not that far fetched since we are matter hence molecules and atoms and atoms connect to others that create molecules and other things.
Then, energy never dies, it’s just transformed.
April 29, 2009 at 8:57 am
“Here he lies all cold and hard, the last damn dog that pooped in my yard.” not original, I saw it on a fake tombstone at the Royal Gorge bridge in COlorado.
No tombstone for me, I decided to sign up for the Maryland State Anatomy Board, so when I die, my body goes to the University of Maryland Medical School and they use my corpse as a cadaver for 18 months, then they cremate what’s left and give the ashes to my family.
My daughter asked me what I want her to do with my ashes, I told her she can either gently sprinkle my ashes in the surf at Ocean City Maryland, (the Atlantic Ocean) or just put my ashes in a trash bag and send them to the land fill with our first two dogs =)
My Daddy died a couple years back, and Mom spent alomst $14,000 on the casket and all the trappings, I think it’s just a waste of cash.
Hugs, Joey
April 29, 2009 at 9:12 am
Ha! From the time at the top of your post it appeared just after I started writing mine.
We agree, no burial, no pointless expense no point in that at all.
April 29, 2009 at 10:27 am
My Dad made pre-arrangements with The Neptune Society. Cost was $2000. When he died in a nursing home at age 93, we made one phone call. They came, got him, cremated him and ‘buried” him at sea. We could have been there, but chose instead to have a lovely wake at a friends house and talked about his influence on our lives (family and friends.) Cost to us: donuts and coffee. In place of a tombstone, I created a website in his honor, and it will live as long as the Internet. http://www.nicholaswebster.com. (FYI, he directed Pia Zadora’s first movie, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.” RIP
April 29, 2009 at 9:08 am
“Man! What a trip!”
or
“Damn! I just got started”
or
“Was that it, was that all?”
…nah, there are heaps of silly things I could think of, but none of it for me.
I’m gunna donate organs for transplant and have the rest of me burned and scattered in the bush like the rest of the family.
No mournful place in a place of dead other people for me, no grave, no headstone, they are just irrelevant markers, cornerstones of pointlessness.
I don’t want no lonely gravesite that no-one will visit. No point in that whatsoever!
I need on-one to remember me, to mourn me.
I am me and when I am gone I am no longer, simple as that.
Besides, I cannot bear to think that someone is making money out of me even after I’ve ceased to function! At least cremation, without ceremony, is the cheapest option…apart from the other option of donating my entire body to science…..nope, that one does not appeal to me.
I want most of me scattered amongst the trees, returned to the earth from which I sprang.
April 29, 2009 at 9:44 am
sausage and pepperoni
April 29, 2009 at 10:27 am
Not possible…. not easy to write on a black bin liner bag.
One that is going to be dumped on the crematorium slab after being delivered in the boot of a car or in a works van…
I don’t want any money wasted – as long as I get a Christian burial ceremony I will be happy.
*
The simple Christian service is what matters to me.
Feed the poor and let them have a party with the money saved.
**
I always thought that we should have an option to have our bodies dropped down volcano craters.
That would be ashes toashes.
April 29, 2009 at 10:36 am
Here I lay broken hearted. Tried to s**t. Only farted. RIP.
April 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Organ donation first. What’s left cremated.
To be inscribed on my Urn:
“Finally I can get some sleep!”
April 29, 2009 at 1:19 pm
“YOU!!!! I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR!!!!”
or
“wait i’m like a tank howd this happen?”
or
“hey i know i’m hot but this isnt the place or time for that XP”
April 29, 2009 at 2:45 pm
No headstone – just a “Do Not Disturb” sign from any hotel will do