I figure that life is just about as easy as we believe it to be. For most of us, that means it’s pretty hard.
But I believe there is a common and incorrect assumption that life is easier for hot people.
(Side note: Of course, “hot” and “ugly” are both judgments determined by the whims of society at a given moment. And beyond these judgments, I believe that all people are equally beautiful (for lack of a better word) and perfect – though, not equally attractive. For me, there is a difference.)
We could easily create a list of the benefits of being labeled hot. Among them would be free drinks, promotions at work and doors held open. But, indulge me as we examine the challenges.
First, if you’re hot, it’s likely a lot easier to identify with – and become attached to – your physical form as it is an instrument of praise and admiration. But the physical form is destined to age and decay – and thus, attachment to one’s body ensures a lifetime of suffering.
Second, if you’re hot, it may be easier to attach value to the physical things in life. It may start with the body, and then move to clothing, fashion, cars, etc. This, of course, is a downward spiral which will create no lasting or true fulfillment.
Third, if you’re hot, people might only try to be your friend in order to get in your pants. You’re more likely to experience manipulation based on your looks. Sure, doors might open for you – but at what cost? Isn’t it better to have those doors opened based on merit?
I’m convinced that everyone has their challenges. It doesn’t matter if you are poor, rich, hot, ugly, smart or not-so-smart. When it comes to creating a fulfilling life, I think the playing field is quite level. If we were to spend a day or two in the life of another person, we’d see that everyone has their crosses to bear and challenges to overcome.
Of course, challenge is just another word for opportunity – and I hope we can remind ourselves of that. Instead of spending our energy speculating at the lives of others, our energy is probably more productively used spurring evolution in our own.
August 29, 2009 at 3:28 pm
wisely spoken!
August 30, 2009 at 1:51 am
Wisely spoken indeed! He always looks at things from another perspective.
August 29, 2009 at 3:31 pm
So. When I saw your tweet to this post… I read “Why life might not be easier for me” (reading quickly/combined with other tweets) and then when I clicked I read the correct title. I had to go back and make sure you didn’t type “me”. Made me laugh so I had to share. Great points in your post, as usual.
August 29, 2009 at 3:38 pm
For you everyone is equally beautiful but not equally attractive.
Now that’s a contradiction to your sayings (O_o)
P.S. And being attractive (as with beautiful) is not always refered to looks.
August 29, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Great as usual, I am glad i am beautiful coz i aint xactly hot. You don’t need to be hot because you are who you are inside, being hot just attracts more people.
Love and Peace
Jack
August 29, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Wow, what an amazing post. I really didn’t think I would agree with your thinking. Never looked at hot people from that angle! Really excellent post! Lots of love, Daniel.
August 29, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Davey Wavey your an expert on this because you are HOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha
August 29, 2009 at 8:34 pm
The irony of a man using a shirtless underwear photo of himself to sell his own workout videos talking to people about the possible “suffering” of the good looking is too much to bear. I can hardly see through the tears brought on by laughter. You use your own body to help bring about suffering in others by creating an “attachment to one’s body ensures a lifetime of suffering.” Wow the old cliche of “with friends like that who needs enemies” definitely works wonders here. Thank you for helping my ego crush my soul and allowing it to live in suffering. You speak of your love to those around you but yet you lead them to a path of personal hell and damnation. Bravo friend bravo.
(The above comment is not of hate but of critique)
August 29, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Hey dude,
There is something called thinking right. If you think
right you will be successful. If you think wrong you will
fail. Simple as that. Why would you second guess what he
has said as something ironic. You basically just told
anyone who reads this article who does not take the time
to care for themselves that that is ok. Give your head a
shake and maybe just listen. Your response to his article
clearly shows a “negative” type thought pattern that is
something that you may want to work on. If you don’t take
the time to make yourself beautiful everyday, you are
selling yourself short. Beautiful people are the ideal of
health, someone should not take that and make it seem
bizarre.
Think before you critique next time.
Ken
P.S. It is not ok to make people think that caring for
their body and soul are bad things.
August 30, 2009 at 12:02 am
“You basically just told
anyone who reads this article who does not take the time
to care for themselves that that is ok.” YES it is okay. Time and time again people have discussed free will on this page. I will not deny them the chance to live their lives how THEY choose to do so. When you hold one person to a possibly impossbile standard of health what does it do that persons personal identification and their soul. When you use your body to sell merchandise or an ideal you are creating in someone else a ego filled response of “I WANT” and/or “I NEED” That type of reponse can be unhealthy for many people. If someone walked around constantly saying “Oh I need that BMW or I need those Prada shoes” and that is all you heard I am sure you would not think highly of them. My point is just this creating the need and want in someone else is not beneficial for all mankind. We must move past the wanton desires of self and of ego to evolve.
August 30, 2009 at 1:26 am
Dude like seriously you think really wrong if you’re sitting nit picking my words.
Ken
August 30, 2009 at 1:30 am
I did not think I was nit picking as much as engaging in conversation. Your response to this article clearly shows a “negative” type thought pattern that is something that you may want to work on. LOL. Take care mate.
August 30, 2009 at 1:32 am
Dude,
I’m not talking about wanting or selling nothing. You are encouraging people not care about themselves. There is something seriously wrong with that. Sorry, but beauty IS a sign of health in this world. Not even just for people but for everything that exists. AND, Sorry but making people take the obligation to care for themselves inside and out is not an impossible high standard. The fact that this world has allowed this to slip to the point of caring for yourself being a high standard is rediculous.
Ken
August 30, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I had to say something to this commentary between Ken and Derryl.
In retrospect I would have to agree with Derryl here. The perspective being given is that beautiful people have it s rough, because they are pretty and have to maintain that and cant trust people cuz they are pretty, and get places cuz they are pretty…
I get that sex sells. I am a professional photographer and work with models. Trust me I get it. I dont believe that Derryl is necessarily that people shouldnt be taking care of themselves but rather he is saying that using this “beauty” to sell and then talking about how its so terrible a life for beautiful people, that that is wrong.
I dont have a societally beautiful look… Im not a thin mint or a muscle head… I am very physically fit, and quite healthy, but I do not sit in the beautiful people category. From this message I see what Derryl is saying to it because its like a slap in the face.
I respect what Davey has to say but I also see both sides of this battle every day, and truly the “beautiful” people dont have as big of an issue as they actually tend to give themselves.
the pretty people tend to create a lot of issues upon themselves. “im not thin enough, i need to diet more”, “OMG i gained an ounce im soo fat, i must go throw up”
its discusting! and to be frank to people like me who (literally told this by a professional physician), will never be “thin”, it pisses me off.
In no way am I saying that the “pretty” people dont have issues in their lives. but come on, i would call it more paranoia and self hatred than i would outwardly having a tough life.
August 30, 2009 at 2:21 pm
K second dude,
I’m not talking about people who think they are too fat and so don’t eat. I’m talking about people who take the effort to make themselves healthy, big difference. What I’m saying is that people have allowed society to back slide on health/beauty, they are the same thing. People are soo uncomfortable with health/beauty that beautiful people are stalked every day in this world just because they take the time to care for themselves. Beauty seems like such a foreign thing in this world to sooo many people, yet it only makes sense for everyone to be beautiful, because when people are beautiful they are healthy. The problem is that beautiful/healthy people stand out it’s not something that is holistically normal in every part of our society. It is a sign of needed improvement within our society and peoples perspectives and motivation for themselves. Like I stated previously, look at anything in this world that is beautiful, people, buildings, plants, etc. anything that is beautiful IS healthy. It doesn’t matter your body size, it doesn’t matter the color of your hair or eyes, what does matter is that you have a healthy perspective on who you are and a care for yourself and the world around you. With those things everyone could be beautiful, IF they take on their lives completely and not just what is right in front of their face. There is nothing wrong with paying attention to your eating habits or how much you’ve gone out this week to jog or workout. There is something wrong in finding beauty in ugly things like starving yourself or getting plasic surgery. Everyone is born beautiful/healthy, I guess it just matters how much effort they put into keeping that beauty/health. I don’t know how you think caring for yourself is wrong?! If you don’t maintain yourself to your best ability I don’t know how you could honestly say you care about other people or yourself, cuz you’d just be selling everyone short.
Ken
August 29, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Hey Davey,
One thing I realized the other day is anything that is healthy is beautiful in the eyes of society’s standard. Look how when you plant something if you water it and feed it and give it what it needs to be healthy it will inevitably be beautiful.
So I would say when you see something beautiful it’s worth paying it a little more attention, as it has had the nurturing and care to become healthy, hense beautiful.
Ken
August 30, 2009 at 1:33 am
Hense something to model yourself after. Something worth looking up to.
Ken
August 30, 2009 at 1:41 am
I was just thinking about this. Thanks so much, it really makes sense when you put it that way. I needed this, thanks again.
August 30, 2009 at 6:35 am
So, yeah… I think it’s beautiful when people can agree to disagree and not get their panties all in a wad.
So what if Davey has “hot” pictures of himself to sell his merchandise? If someone is selling information about fitness, wouldn’t you be more apt to buy something from someone with Davey’s physique. It shows that he clearly knows what he’s talking about. Conversely, Richard Simmons may not be the most “fit” or “hot” person in the world, but look at what he’s done for the people who may not be striving to have a six pack, but rather, make even the slighest adjustments to their physiques to make themselves feel better. It may not be solely for physical appearance alone, but for health-related issues.
I don’t know… people have to make a living, and if you’ve found your niche by showcasing what you’ve worked hard for, then so be it! I look at it this way, if you’ve got it, use it. People tend to listen to those who are “attractive.” I’ve seen a number of people who may not be described as “hot,” but they are attractive. Attractiveness in this sense could mean possessing characteristics that are deemed “intangible,” such as intelligence, sense of humor, or personality. Look at people who are “hot.” Some may be lacking in personality, and therefore, to me… they’re neither truly “hot” or “attractive.” Let’s take the overweight guy who may not be so concerned about obtaining a six pack, but he posesses every other quality you look for in a potential partner… that’s hot… at least to me, anyway.
I think we’ve all fallen victim to the literal sense of words. Semantics are powerful. Ease up a bit and enjoy life for what it is. Thinking too hard about things causes ulcers and kidney stones. #truestory #fact.
Davey clearly has everyone’s best interests at heart, and I don’t think he should be faulted for his thoughts. Clearly, he’s getting everyone’s attention not only for his looks, but because he has a brain. I’d even go so far as to say, if Davey *DIDN’T* have pics or video posted, I’d probably *STILL* follow his bloggings because it’s rare to encounter someone with such a positive outlook on life and such an amazing concern for his fellow man (or woman).
Just sayin’…
August 30, 2009 at 3:10 pm
coodos to you man, that was awesome.
Ken
August 31, 2009 at 7:29 am
Kenneth,
Thanks for the compliment. I appreciate it. A lot.
August 30, 2009 at 6:55 am
Darryl: You are taking what Davey is conveying, “the-WRONG-way.” Kenneth Livingston is “totally-non-incorrect”as well. “My-Bad”, If your initial-post was-Not referring to Davey. P and L,__davvi
August 30, 2009 at 10:10 am
Telling someone they are wrong and not giving any type foundation of “Gee, this is why I think you are wrong” is bit sophomoric. But hey thanks anyway : P~~
August 31, 2009 at 7:33 am
Agreed. I try not to say people’s views or opinions are “wrong” or “right.” Look at the civil rights movement… I mean, for decades people thought integration was a “bad” idea. They segregation was “right,” but it took people to open their minds to see that it’s not about what’s “right” or “wrong,” rather, but what is civil. The same goes for gay rights… how many people say gay marriage is “wrong?”
We shouldn’t fall in a trap of saying, “My views are more ‘right’ than yours.” The world is full of possibilities. Examine both sides and go from there.
August 30, 2009 at 7:29 am
Hey Davey, how did you, Chipotle and your cute friend enjoy Buskerfest down on Front Street on Friday night?
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your website, your positive attitude and your boyish “gee whiz” charm. I sometimes wonder if your attitude toward life would be so positive if you hadn’t been one of the winners in the genetic lottery. Most people can only dream of the kind of “challenges” you speak of in this post. You’re lucky in that you seem to have for the most part the kind of character and brain that it are as agreeable to be around as the body and face which is their public representation.
On this post, however, I think you’re slightly out to lunch. Awww, how sad for “hot” people. Not only do they have doors opened for them that have very little to do with character and achievement (Naomi Campbell anyone?), particularly in gay culture, but it’s suggested we should somehow feel deeply for them because of the “challenges” they face. Everyone deserves some degree of compassion and understanding (even Naomi Campbell), but this is rather like feeling sorry for rich women who can only buy 5 haute couture outfits this season instead of 10, or pitying a model because he has to stand around for hours waiting for camera set ups when he earns more money in a few hours than most of us will see all year, just for looking unimpressed most of the time. Yeah, I suppose that there are some problems inherent in those situations, yet somehow they don’t inspire the same kind of response in the general public that people with more pressing problems face.
I respect your opinion and understand that these are concerns, but it’s extremely difficult to take them terribly seriously in light of all the privileges that culture gives to the “hot”.
August 30, 2009 at 7:30 am
Stephan, you’re 100percent “Spot-On!!!” i could-Not have said-it better. Furthermore, you, Davey, Kenneth L., Jack, Cliveey, Jason and others-here think “virtually-identical” to myself. P and L to you and All, here; as-well-as those of whom “take-things-wrongly,” sometimes. __davvi
August 30, 2009 at 7:53 am
Markko: Do i sense a tad of jealousy, on-your-part? You should go back a page or 2 and read All of Kenneth Livingston’s …agree to disagree Post. P and L, __davvi
August 30, 2009 at 8:03 am
Correction, Markko! i meant, All of Stephen’s …agree to dis… Post. “my-Bad.” __davvi
August 30, 2009 at 8:13 am
Just pointing out that while Davy is right in saying we all have our challenges, some people’s grievances are going to perceived as more legitimate than others.
August 30, 2009 at 8:17 am
Forgive me for not shedding tears for the physically beautiful.
August 30, 2009 at 8:24 am
Perhaps you would feel different if you were ugly and not so smart.
August 30, 2009 at 8:33 am
You are “totally-non-incorrect” in that vain, Markko. But i hope ya did go-back and read Stephen’s Post, as it is “Ryt-on-point,”and also echoes my long time held sentiment: “if ya have-it,,,flaunt-it,”as-well-as All the rest of what Stephen expressed. And thanx for your response 2me. P and L, __davvi
August 30, 2009 at 10:25 am
What it comes down to really is this yeah I agree if you have it or worked hard for it awesome let your freak flag fly and show the world. My issue comes with the contradiction. It comes from someone talking of personal evolution and hoping for a conscious shift in our reality yet has an obvious attatchment to his body. One would not take the Dali Lama so seriously if he talked of moving past the desires of the body and ego if he were jacked ripped and trying to get world leaders to have push up contests. I look the fool if I go to a alcohol rehab never havin had a drink in my life. To read blogs from someone that preaches the lack fulfilment due to the downward spiral and lifetime of suffering becuase of the attachment to the body YET use his body to sell merchandise to help CREATE that attachment looses credibility.
August 30, 2009 at 8:35 am
We all may have crosses to bear, but some of us have much heavier crosses than others and are crushed by the weight. I do not agree that every challenge is an opportunity. Some challenges are just obstacles impossible to overcome. You can try to gild the lilly and pretend that terminal cancer in a young person is an opporutnity to show courage and grace. But it is still the tragic death of a young person. That is an opportunity of a life lost. Sorry but I don’t buy into there really are not any bad things, just opportunities. There are terrible tragedies in the world and that is what they are – tragedies. To pretend otherwise is just denial.
August 30, 2009 at 8:47 am
Andrew, Davey has NEVER-said!! there are No bad things in this life, Nor has he said that Nothing-Bad happens to anyone. __davvi
August 30, 2009 at 8:54 am
Jim, Charley, Andrew, all good points. All challenges are not equal. Pointing that out doesn’t necessarily make one jealous or not hot. It’s astonishing that so-called positive thinkers will be the first to try and suppress, put down or name call (however nicely) those whose rose coloured glasses allow for variations in shading.
August 30, 2009 at 8:57 am
Just want to qualify my last remark, because it’s early and I’m just having my coffee, it’s the positive thinkers whose own positive thinking is shaky, who will be the first to try and suppress, etc. Truly positive thinkers recognize and accept the light and the dark in life without feeling threatened.
August 30, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Positive thinkers see what needs to be done to improve things and do those things.
Ken
August 30, 2009 at 9:02 am
Charley, Davey is NOT seeking Sympathy. He is just, _ like, _ saying that he faces challenges, the same as all the rest of us. __davvi
August 30, 2009 at 9:24 am
I sincerely admire Davey’s quest to be the best person he can be in physical, intellectual and spiritual terms, which is why I follow his blog with great interest. On this one, I think it would have been better if he had kept his “challenges” to himself. Davey is not “challenged” in the way people whose bodies have betrayed themselves through no fault of their own, or those who have to sell their organs or their children to make ends meet. It’s naive on Davey’s part to think that the challenges of the “hot” deserve space in his blog, even though I recognize and defend his right to say what he wants.
August 30, 2009 at 10:18 am
While having considered holding the door open for cute and ugly people alike, and doing so only because there was a person in need of help getting through the door, I looked at this post and wondered;
Why not try to be good looking AND hold the door open for someone who needs it, giving them a lesson on how to hold the door open, for example. That way, people get a chance to go through and help others who follow them.
Cheers!
August 30, 2009 at 11:01 am
I’ve known a number of nice ‘hot’ guys and it has often occurred to me that they don’t have it as easy as most people think. Most of us, I’m guessing, assume the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it ain’t necessarily so.
August 30, 2009 at 11:05 am
I understand what your saying, I know & known guys who are hot. They have the problems you have mentioned.
But on the flip side, they seem to great situations without effort, because people are attracted to them.
I guess being hot is a two edged sword.
August 30, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I want to say that knowing oneself “hot” only satisfy one’s ego!
I agree it can sometime open doors more easily (the libido of others hold those opened!) but generally it doesn’t last long!
I personally have faith in smart people and above all their capacities and I will never give free hand to the species one might qualify “hot”
…With an angel smile in the middle of a pretty face, the challenge seems so easy….
Misjudgment!
August 30, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Gary, I’m sorry it wasn’t a reply to your comment, I was interested by your comment and then I clicked to rapidly on a button!!!!
August 30, 2009 at 11:14 am
Darryl, if ya read(past tense) Davey’s Post with full comprehension, you’d know he’s NOT attached-to-his-body in the sense that he “worships”it. He mentioned age, etc. i am glad he makes good use of his body to sell merchandise as he is physically-and- mentally Awesome! Surely you nor any others here, would hold his good qualities against-him. It’s Not-like he has-ever-claimed 2b Perféct. Although, Davey Is: “World-Standard, Model-Perfect!” So, i hope you and a few-others, will “cut-him some-slack.” On the other hand, if i have misunderstood any of you-guys contentions, then, it’s “my-bad.” P and L, _ _ davvi
August 30, 2009 at 12:11 pm
getting bored, sorry
August 30, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Well whenever I hear such words I always think to myself: “yeah..sure, would you mind exchanging life & body for..say..lifetime?” I guess i wouldn’t be overwhelmed with positive answers…
August 31, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Exactly, I’m sure if we asked most of the “hot people”, if they’d like to trade places with the so-called “uglies”, I’d like to see how many ‘yes’ responses we’d get.
I really can’t agree with the blog post, the problem he mentions are really trivial compared to what people deemed as “unattractive” have to go through.
August 30, 2009 at 2:25 pm
It’s a travesty in our culture that when you see someone beautiful that they stand out from the croud.
August 31, 2009 at 8:38 am
Travesty in our culture?
Since the beginning of time,
in all cultures,
the beautiful have been exalted
and so it shall be ………
August 30, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Blaze: Davey has NEVER-Once claimed nor remotely-indicated that he’s had a tough life; just challenges iike the rest of us. And he’s Not-Complaining!!! And like i’ve told Darryl, no-offense is intended toward you, he nor anyone else of whom may trigger a disagreement from me. P, _ _ davvi
August 30, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Jack and Daniel: i totally-agree with both of you-guys. And you, Daniel, Ken L., Stephen, Eric, Darryl, Blaze and everyone here Is Beautiful! i Wish i could remember Everyones’ name on-here!! Please Forgive-me for this. And to Peter: Davey is just indicating that there are differing degrees of “physical-attractiveness.” He’s not “knocking” anyone’s physical-features(looks). But everyone here should already Know this. So Peter, please don’t take Davey wrongly on this. L and P to All. _ _ davvi
August 31, 2009 at 3:56 am
I shall respond at length. I woke up for my 4am run, and was like, “Yep… not gonna happen today…”
Worked on the house for Extreme Makeover and then was at an all-day concert at the Merriweather Pavilion. So exhausted, yet SOOO worth it!
August 31, 2009 at 7:47 am
Last post on this topic for me:
First, I don’t like the phrase, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.” It lends itself to thinking that the person who says it is full of themselves.
I know I stated that “if you’ve got it, use it,” but I meant was this: people have their strengths, and it’s up to us to figure out what those strengths are and hone in on them to use them to the best of our ability. We’ve all come equipped with a set of gifts. Some gifts are more tangible than others (looks, physical attractiveness), and that’s not something one can help.
If you applied for a job, would you speak most about your weaknesses?! I think not. You want to showcase your abilities, and while physical attractiveness is not an “ability,” some people do have to “work” at maintaining their bodies.
Look at any of the famous movie stars… some of them are all about national service. They know their “public figure” status, they know they’ve got admirers, but they’re also using that to make people listen to the causes to which they are most passionate. They’re using what they’ve got to help the greater good.
I’ve never considered myself as a “hot” person. Growing up, my peers would always ask for my homework, so that they could copy it. After having a national commercial in college, I *still* don’t think I’m “hot.” I’m just me. I treat people the way I want to be treated, and I try to see both sides to every problem.
Sure, someone may not be “hot,” but it’s their responsibility to find the attributes that can make them “hot,” “physically attractive,” etc… Everyone has the potential to be “hot.” Move away from the connotative meaning of the word and create your own definition. If you think “hot” simply means someone who’s nice to look at, then maybe you should do your own self-examination and ask yourself, “Why am I so concerned with the outer appearance of someone else?” Perhaps there are some insecurities that need to be worked out, and that, is not something someone else can do for you.
Have a stellar Monday everyone!
August 31, 2009 at 11:25 am
Thank you for this post.
August 31, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Soemtimes people with perceived advantage–beautiful men and women, white people, straight people, wealthy people, etc.–don’t even recognize that they are treated differently. Sometimes the people who are treating them differently don’t recognize it either. It’s human nature, and it requires a lot of awareness to get past it.
September 2, 2009 at 9:17 am
I agree Davey, SOmetimes when you’re good looking people value you for only that. Sometimes it makes YOU value you for only that and if you get slightly out of shape you have a crisis of identity.
And you never know who are your friends and who just want you to f*** you.
And eventually, the looks go away.
So we have it easy to a degree. But you gotta take the good with the bad.
~Alex
September 3, 2009 at 9:44 am
Hot people don’t have it easier, maybe an occasional pitfall but that is it. The only grief that hot people have is with other hot people. Davey if you had to trade places just one day or one week with an unattractive male who has the same intelligence as you or better you could not handle it. Given how intelligent and educated that Davey Wavey is, the naivete he sometimes possesses is surprising. There have been social experiments where attractive men and women in NYC have engaged in a daily routine as their attractive selves and then made up as unattractive in film/theatrical special effects makeup to be made uglier than their real selves. When these blessed attractive people had to face everyday life made up to be unattractive it suddenly became a real shocking eye opener for them. Davey until you become the subject in such an experiment is when you realize that hot attractive people do in fact have it much easier. I challenge you to volunteer for such a social experiment, than you will become enlightened. Maybe even compassionate!!!!
September 3, 2009 at 9:57 am
Correction Hot people have it easier. Davey if you want to go into to the unknown and grow, live life as an unattractive person in makeup effects.
September 3, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Yes, I know exactly what you mean Davey. I am fairly attractive and i love myself and my looks but sometimes, I have to admit, they are a pain in my ass. lol. When I meet guys they either just want in my pants or they are too shy to even flirt with me cause they think they arn’t in my league. And confident, good looking guys that want more than just sex are hard to come by.
September 5, 2009 at 8:58 pm
I rarely look at your YouTube channel, and have only visited this site once before. I came here today specifically to vote on your travel destination. I voted for you to go to Australia, because I’m in London and I’m ugly. It was only after I’d voted that I scrolled down, and found this discussion.
I’d better be frank: I subscribed to your YouTube channel because I like looking at hot shirtless gay guys. (I’m gay, unsurprisingly). I’ve had the usual ups and downs in my life, the usual small triumphs and minor disasters. But I’ve also had a couple of things to deal with that you, I suspect, have not. In particular, I have an imperfect body, with an utterly terrible condition which means that however hard I try to work out, I can never look physically normal. It’s not obvious if I keep my shirt on, but as soon as I take my shirt off my ugliness becomes apparent.
Now, there’s no point in saying, as some people do, that “people who worry about such things are superficial and their opinions don’t matter”, because *I* worry about such things, and I don’t think I’m particularly superficial, and my opinion of myself certainly does matter. I try not to think about it, but as soon as I do (and I suppose I think about how I look virtually every day) I rue my very existence for being ugly.
I think it’s amusing that you treat your looks so lightly. Believe me, I’d give pretty much everything I own to look the way you do. Being ugly has given me a little spot of unhappiness in every day for many, many years. You say that life may not be easier for hot people. Perhaps that’s true. But from personal experience I know that the converse is not: I am ugly, and it has made my life almost intolerably harder. I’m not stupid, and have talents that might in some ways make my life easier. But being ugly has given me a life-destroying lack of confidence that you can never know. Whatever else happens, you can feel at a subconscious level that if you walk into a room eyes will turn in your direction, while I, at that same subconscious level, feel that eyes will turn away.
So I’ve voted for you to go to Sydney, where there are lots of hot men. I didn’t vote that way for your benefit, but for mine. Because here’s the bitter truth: though I hate taking my shirt off in a club, sometimes it gets too hot and it’s the only thing to do. If you came to London, one day you might be next to me on the dance floor, and I’d be looking at you and thinking how hot you were, and then… you wouldn’t even see me. Hot guys like you always claim not to be interested in outward appearances, but I’ve been on the other side of that claim, and I know that however much you would like to believe it’s true, when hot guys are out in a bar or club their actions don’t match their words. Your eyes would just pass over me the way every other guy’s eyes do. There’d be a faint twitch of distaste from the muscles underneath and to the side of your nose, and then I’d vanish from your sight, even if I was only inches away from you. I don’t hate you for it, because I suspect that if I were good-looking I’d be just the same, but I do envy you for not being ugly. So I want you to go to Sydney simply to save myself that.
Further up the page there’s a posting titled “Note to God”. Well, I have nothing to say to God. Not because I don’t believe in Him – I’m quite sure He exists – but because I hate Him. I hate God with every atom of my being for making me this way. I don’t believe God is good, because no good God could inflict the level of pain that my ugliness has given me. I feel that “He hath bent his bow, and set me as a mark for the arrow. He hath caused the arrows of his quiver to enter my reins.”
People don’t believe me when I tell them how unhappy my looks make me, but each thought I have of my body is like an arrow in my reins, a dagger in my heart.
Be glad you’re hot, and enjoy it.
September 7, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Gee IM, that’s a lot to digest. It took me a while to have the nerve to put down my own comment.
I was “hot” until I was 45. Then the hiv virus struck me and my “youth” was over, almost overnight.
Now, some 15 years later, I’m a hiv/aids survivor (a so called ‘veteran’) and I’m in the best of spirits, better than ever, I might add.
But what a waste.
JUST because the virus… I’d rather say: the side effects of the many medicines I had to take to survive, took their shrill toll on my physical looks. At 50 I looked like 65.
I wanted to put an end to that miserable life and swore I woud never ever let any man near me again.
But see, I’m still here, feeling uplifted and relatively healthy, for the first time in mamy years. But I never got any of my good (“hot”) looks back. Being some 35 pounds underweight, sometimes people think I’m a heroin addict, a left over from the wild sixties, mind you.
Now that I’ve got so much love and wisdom to give, the other man’s grass keeps to be always greener.
As if that were the law of the land.
In other words: look into someone’s eyes, that’s where the real beauty lies. Not in the outer looks.
September 26, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Хорошо, давайте обсудим это в отдельной теме. Хотя это не столь важно.
September 29, 2009 at 12:31 am
Может полезность блога будем обсуждать в отдельной теме, кто за?
December 14, 2009 at 8:17 pm
This is such an interesting discussion for the gay community.
IM: Jesus, man. Why do you still believe there’s a God then?
I’d be curious to see Davey’s responses to some of the points raised here.
September 13, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Rome:
Sorry for the delay: you can tell I don’t come here much!
To answer your question, I guess I believe in God because that’s how I was brought up. I don’t think there’s any logical reason for it.
As for Davey’s responses, it’s fairly clear he doesn’t respond. From what I can work out, he’s actually a pretty shallow guy, for all his pretensions otherwise. His interest in other people is pretty close to zero. What he really wants is a chorus of people telling him how great he is, and there are enough gay men who’ll fall for his looks and body that they’ll tell him anything he wants to hear. The “enlightened guru” pose is part of that, but it’s just a pose: he’s ostentatiously showing that he’s “beautiful inside” as well as on the surface. Really, he just wants the spotlight on himself all the time – that’s why he’s got the videos and the websites and the channels, and why he shows his body all the time. This site isn’t really about anyone but him (and that’s why I don’t come here often!).
Anyway, sorry for the very slow response!
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