In Middle School, I had a crush on a boy named Jeff.
Jeff was cuter than me, athletic and much more popular. I was enamored by him. Motivated by my attraction towards Jeff, I befriended him. We would hang out after school and have sleepovers. I’m not sure what we talked about or what we did, but I know that our time felt very special to me.
Over the summer, Jeff and I would go camping in my backyard. We set up a tent and maybe even had a small fire. I remember laying awake in the tent next to Jeff, stealing prolonged “accidental” caresses of his body while he slept. When we’d use the bench press under the porch, I’d lean in too close. In the pool, I’d wrestle with Jeff to feel the electricity between our wet bodies.
In those early years of sexual development prior to our labels, restrictions and boxes (aren’t all three one in the same?), I took full advantage of any blurred boundaries.
Over the years, Jeff and I grew apart – a schism catalyzed by my parents’ decision to send me to a private high school. Jeff grew a bit more pimpled and awkward, but no less beautiful. Last I had heard, he was playing soccer at some local college.
A few years ago, my mom called me. Jeff’s lifeless body had been found in the mangled carcass of his speeding car, twisted and wrapped around a tree near his home. His friends were in the car behind him.
A long line of people attended his wake and funeral: teachers, friends, relatives, team mates, neighbors…. I was not among them.
Examining death means coming to terms with your own mortality and the fragility of this temporary existence. Often times, we lock away the subject of death deep within our hearts. And there is stays.
This week, I ordered one of Deepak Chorpa’s fairly new books: Life After Death. Chopra is my favorite author – he is a master at conveying complex thoughts in simple terms. He’s a teacher from which all of us can learn. And it’s a topic that is particularly relevant to all of us.
When the book arrives, I’m sure its content will greatly impact my musings – so, if you’d like to informally follow along, I recommend that you pick up a copy.
P.S. I’ll probably select my favorite “make the world better” comment tomorrow, and list a few ideas of my own. Stay tuned!
March 23, 2008 at 6:53 am
This is a sad story, but I am glad that you had a wonderful time with him.
The most important thing that we live in this world is to be remembered by our deeds and how we have affected other people in a good way.
March 23, 2008 at 7:01 am
March 23, 2008 at 7:15 am
When I was quite young….in 3rd grade, my best friend died. I’ve never really been told what caused it…just found her dead in her bathroom. It hit like a ton of bricks. But over time, things got easier. Then, a year and a half ago, another friend died. He died in a car accident early in the morning. I didn’t find out for a week afterwards. And that not only brought back that sorrow, but it also brought back the memory of my best friend dying all those years ago. But again, time has helped. There are still things that cause a quick flashback….but overall I know the death is a part of us all and those of us who are still here on this earth will be just fine with a little time.
March 23, 2008 at 7:40 am
While I don’t want you to feel I’m preaching……on Easter I feel it’s appropriate to say that they only way I’ve learned to deal with death is through Christ. He gives purpose to death.
March 23, 2008 at 7:41 am
Has anyone read, The Married Man, by Edmund White? White’s ability to move the reader easily along page after page is unsurpassed while dealing with the protracted death of one of the story’s characters.
March 23, 2008 at 8:36 am
That’s a really sad story. It must be very hard to lose someone you love. Thank God, I haven’t experienced sth like this yet.
March 23, 2008 at 9:46 am
Loved? Maybe lusted – give me a break. More nude pics please.
March 23, 2008 at 10:00 am
Happy Easter Dave,
I came to the site expecting something a little more upbeat but, none-the-less, you did touch my heart. This will be the first easter without my boyfriend Carl. He too died as the result of a car accident.
Your quote: “Examining death means coming to terms with your own mortality and the fragility of this temporary existence,” hit home. As it has been 5 months…I am still trying to grasp this “death”. It’s certainly not as easy as I had thought and I have fun that I clearly cannot handle this task alone…so I turn to trust friends and family for support!
Anyways, sorry to ramble but your post came in good time…and gave me a chance to vent and cry. I still love him!
Happy Easter,
Sean
March 23, 2008 at 10:40 am
I lost my best friend at age 18 to suicide. It took years to come to terms with it. Strangely, now I work in the funeral buisness. I find it very uplifting to celebrate those lives of the ones that we have lost. Celebrate the times that we have together. That’s what makes them live forever. Love everyone and everything. You will be remembered by more people than you could imagine. And you, could live forever, even if only in thier minds.
You want to change the world, leave your mark as someone who loved and cared. And, you’ll have more fun too. Start by loving yourself.
March 23, 2008 at 10:54 am
Davey..I do not write this to incite or upset anyone or you…but the more year I have lived I have found living in Jesus is my answer. I do not say this for orginized religion, but of hard time and deaths endured…thank you and Happy Easter
March 23, 2008 at 11:51 am
On this Easter Sunday the post was…was…well, I’m not quite sure how to describe my thoughts surrounding it. As I have commented before, my goal in life is progression, beyond what I am. I know that “dealing” with death is something we all must embrace at some point, whether it be with someone close or ourselves, and for me, it truly is the next step in the ultimate progress of our lives. I’m sad that your friend died, but I rejoice in the wonderful time you spent together growing up. It is something that you will take with you, and we all have experiences like that, and we carry them with us on our journies.
“…miss them do not, mourn them do not….” – as they become part of us again and we remember them and their lives and we will one day join them along the next step of our own journey.
Thanks Davey – Have a wonderful Sunday!
Ciao – J
March 23, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Hi Dave,
What a sad story. sorry. Death is inevitable.. and i guess attending the wakes of loved ones just makes u question your mortality even more. but isn’t that what drives us to live a better life? well, I kinda new around here. Anyway I just wanted to say that you write beautifully and somehow you just manage to bring all emotions through to the reader. I admire that. thanks
Happy Easter =)
JAred
March 23, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Life begins anew… Happy Easter everyone! Hope you all enjoy spring.
March 23, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Hi,
I recently read the book, Life After Death and I felt disappointed. I guess I was looking for proof of my Christian beliefs.
However, not to spoil it for you, I did pick up an interesting theory from the book, which is probably more in line with Deepak’s religious upbringing regarding life after death – but not necessarily as we Westerner’s imagine.
As best as I can paraphrase his theory, he believes that when we die, we are transformed. Our bodies will return to the soil where they will nourish the earth. Maybe insects will live off our remains or we may become nourishment for fruit trees that people will eat its bounty. In other words, our cells will go onto other living things.
In a similar vein, before we were born, we were alive in some other form. Maybe we were food that nourished the egg in our mother’s womb.
I think I’d rather believe in a Christian concept of life after death
March 23, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Thanks indeed for your writings. Take care. Best.
March 23, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Hello blog buddies!
Thanks for you’re nice story Davey. It interesting how everything related to death comes to mind near Easter. I’ve heard many stories of people making suicides near this time of the year and others telling stories about their dead friends. What is it with Easter? What part does death play in it? Is it just the christian way to see things or is it spring depression making us feel this way?
Anyway, happy Easter!!
With love,
Morty
March 23, 2008 at 4:51 pm
R.E.M. “Everybody Hurts” even in love!
March 23, 2008 at 7:23 pm
I’m curious as to why you weren’t respectful enough to show up to his funeral.
Was the service too far away, or did you just not feel like comming to terms with death? Looks like you might have to work on something there, cowboy.
March 23, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Today, my aunt lost her long battle with cancer… I have peace in knowing that there is indeed Life after Death…….
March 23, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Sad.
March 23, 2008 at 8:10 pm
As mike said i also noticed and sensed some gaps in your story…and also in your own inner healing with regard to this event..intriguing sad tale indeed and obviously deeply memorable for you – perhaps you had reason to not attend just interesting you omitted that part of your tale – you mentioned david hawkins power vs force – try muscle testing the deepak book if its of positive value for you? some of deepaks earlier books were fine have heard from many many sources more recent ones are ghost written and lack earlier essence – might want to check that out
March 23, 2008 at 9:24 pm
most of my relationships with guys have been as you describe here. it’s the norm for those of us who lust after str8 guys. it’s a sickness really and one, though i am now 23, that i cannot seem to grow up and out of.
i know of what you speak here and i am empathize.
peace,
tyler
March 23, 2008 at 9:27 pm
As sad as that story might come across at first. I think the deeper message of coming to terms with, and understanding, and respecting death…if wonderful.
Like the Randy Pausch video that you shared the other night (which really hit home for me, so I stole your idea and posted it on my blog…I gave credit where credit was due…http://www.CloudedClarity.net if you have any interest.) Death is inevitable, and unavoidable. Should we worry so much about something out of our control? No, we should celebrate life that much more.
Stay wonderful Davey Wavey.
–C
March 23, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I choose(I never remember if that is the correct word) Silent Blogger cause I intented to keep a low profile and not post too much comments… but is hard for me to not say anything to such interesting topics you put… so I am going to change my nick from now on.
I like Death and not in a morbid way, I like it because in Mexico(long ago) we look at Death as a different meaning that we have now. Death is not the end of all things, Death comes to change things, not to finish it but to give speace to new things.
We all celebrate Life because its beutifull so we should talk and celebrate Death in the same way. Its important to talk about Death because its a part of life we know IS GOING to happen for sure… instead Humans choose(and again this word) to keep it quiet and when it happens it comes with a shock and sadness instead of natural as it should be.
If you are sad about your friends dead I am sorry I hope you feel better soon.
If you are happy cause you meet someone that give you such a wonderfull memories… then I am happy with you.
Tho… much ppl dont understand. I hope you are happy cause his journey with us is over and he is doing a new adventure.
March 24, 2008 at 12:06 am
“For ways to make the world better!”
Dave,
I’m not sure if this was already used but in my terms, as a nurse, the best quote I’ve come across on is, “The universal sign to make someone feel better is, smiling.”
March 24, 2008 at 2:13 am
What a bummer, about your friend. It sucks when someone we love and havent seen in a long time dies. A friend of mine was kidnapped like 5 or 6 years ago and the cops never found him, we used to be real tight and all but when his older brother died he kinda took a turn to the dark side. where ever he is i hope he is at peace. I had just the same relationship with him like you did with jeff.
March 24, 2008 at 7:47 am
I accidentally got to your webpage, I’m right now reading that book and it’s very good, the way he explains everything is very interesting and certainly it’s a phylosophy that helps us find peace in the most difficult moments of our present life. Much love and energy for you, greetings from Chile.
- Leo
March 24, 2008 at 9:06 am
Hello Davey,
In nature, there are cycles, first birth, then life, and finally death.
For me, the only thing which still continue to exist, “to live” is the remembrance we left behind.
It’s like a footprint, it can be a good or a bad one if all your life you choosed to walk along a
muddy path.
I think that this print will last as long as the remembrance you left generates Hope and Love.
But you have to remember, time is like an everlasting rain. One day or the other, the footprint you left will disappear for ever.
Though, I hope that when a light fades on earth, another one lights up somewhere else in the universe.
Have a good day.
March 24, 2008 at 9:46 am
I’m sad if you are sad Davey. But remember he’s waiting to see you when you “continue your journey”…for that I smile.
March 24, 2008 at 12:19 pm
This post really made me think about my own experience in early love. I, much like you, had that best friend growing up and we were so close. I would say he was probably my first love, but we gradually grew apart. Even though his family still lives in the neighborhood, I have no idea where he is or what he is doing now.
It’s difficult to really think about any kind of loss, and I sometimes find myself wondering, what happens when it all ends? I think that we all hope that there is life beyond death, because if not, there’s nothing. We don’t think and we don’t breathe. We just cease to exist, except to those who remember us.
Great post, Davey. It’s important to remember our past and think about where our lives are leading.
March 26, 2008 at 6:40 am
that’s sad…
dave, im now interested with chopra’s books.
March 27, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Maybe you should’ve at least attended his funeral…
Wow, all that friendship and then you forget ‘em?
Hmm…
March 31, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Oh Dave,
I’m so sorry for your loss. He was a great friend to you. And you really cared for him in every way. I bet he is watching you from above and seeing how much good you are doing. He must be happy for you and you must be happy for him. Where he is, he is happy. And I think he’d want you to be happy. Dave, you have a really big heart and a great personality. Keep smiling.
Usagi-Chan
April 4, 2008 at 3:59 pm
for me, death is not something we should fear or
resist. no one can escape death.
we should just think that death may be the end of our physical existence but not of our mere existence. even after we die, we can only exist through memories that we leave to the people around us.
to me, there is no life after death but there can be existence after our death. after we die, we are not the ones in control of our existence because we leave it to the ones who have known us and has memories of us while we still live.
so while we live, we should establish our relationships with the people around us so that we continue to exist in their memories.
i think dying is similar to graduation, retirement, or rest. only that in dying, it would be permanent.
personally, i dont fear death because it would be like my graduation in this life. perhaps, i would accept death and be happy that my time is up and i will rest with God by my side.
this month will always be a memorable month for me. my elder sister died of cancer 3 years ago. she was 14 years older than me but even though we did not grow at the same time, we were very close. she died at the age of 31 leaving behind her then 3-years old son. although her death is one that was physically painful and difficult to her, her death was also the time when she joined our Creator. although it was sudden and surprising, i will never think that her death was untimely one because it was what God has planned that for her.
with that view about death, i easily accepted my sister’s sudden parting.
this april will be the third anniversary of my sister’s graduation on this earth. this same month, i will be graduating from college. this means that i am in a different level or stage in my life.
although my sister had already left us, she will continue to exist in my memories and her values of stregth, will power and wisdom will be my inspiration in life.
i dedicate my graduation in college to my sister and i will always adore her for being a good person for other people.
July 15, 2008 at 3:02 am
sorry to ask but, i know puberty has lots of effects but how do you know when you’re gay???
sorry for asking….. but i really need an answer and i’m turning 14…. and so sorry about the minority…..
July 15, 2008 at 4:09 pm
I had a crush on him too
July 20, 2008 at 2:45 pm
i like the title of your article, because my favorite song starts with the same senctence
L.A. – amy macdonald
search it on youtube
let me know if you like it, or absolutly hate it. So i guess this is a question for you next talky blog “do you like the song L.A.?”
August 24, 2008 at 8:14 pm
This story hit close to home with me. But I did learn that one of the greatest gifts in our lives is Memories, Good or bad, we remember. And memories of a goodfriend you cared for is sometimes enough for us to get thru the day. I hope you keep those memories close to you.