I went to a bathhouse. But rest assured, it was all research. 
It all started on Thursday when a number of you submitted excursion ideas for my summer in New York City. Visiting a bathhouse was among the most popular of comments, and so I decided to bite the bullet and enlisted the help of fellow bathhouse virgin Matt Maggiacomo from ourscene.tv.
I’m going to save the incredible details for this Thursday’s talky blog (not spilling the beans is killing me), but I will say this: WOW. Holy f’ing wow.
If you have ever been to a gay hookup site like manhunt or adam4adam, it’s a lot like that. Except all those profiles are real people, and there’s no computer screen behind which to hide.
In the pre-Internet world of gayness, the bathhouse was probably a very efficient method of meeting guys. And unlike the internet, there are no logistics of finding a mutually agreed upon time and place since you’re both already there. But the times are changing, and I can’t help but think that most other 20-somethings now get their rocks off in other places. Being the youngest guys in the house by a good 20 or 30 years, visiting the bathhouse definitely illuminated the gay generational gap.
I’d put bathhouses right alongside newspapers and libraries as victims of the internet and our evolving world.
So here’s my question to you: Have you ever been to a bathhouse? If so, what did you think of it? And do you still go today, even in the world of online dating and hookup sites?
And stay tuned for my epic bathhouse talky blog with Matt Maggiacomo on Thursday. With so much content, I’ll probably edit a shortened version and full length discussion. Mark you calendars!
June 13, 2010 at 2:42 pm
I use to go to the bathhouses before, now I am not allowed in because I am no longer biologically male.
I believe the Bathhouse is like the Clubs in the Pride community, although open to the male half. It is a way for some of our hidden community to connect with others, though in a more sexual sense. When I went, at least once a week, I went to me the regulars and chat with the staff watch tv with others and porn. It was also nice to see the men wrapped in a towel.
The bathhouse scene like the clubs is a major part of the Pride community’s rich culture.
June 13, 2010 at 3:42 pm
I used to go to sex clubs and the baths off and on from about age 25 to 33. good clean fun LOL! California, Chicago, New York, But mostly here in Seattle. I know a couple who have been together for over 35 years who met for the first time at Dave’s Steam Bath that used to be on First Avenue.
June 13, 2010 at 4:59 pm
I haven’t read all the comments here but I’ll contribute an angle that’s probably not among them. I used to be a very heavy guy, and I used to go bear and chub/chaser themed afternoons (always Sunday afternoon, which must be a slow time for typical bathhouses). I had some fun. I never had the nerve to go at time that wasn’t a theme afternoon. I also used to frequent the video booth areas of adult bookstores at any time, and had some fun there. Would I go back now that I’m older, don’t appeal to chubby chasers or most bear chasers, and I’ve been in a relationship for five years? Probably not. But it’s still good fantasy material. I still say it’s a valid option for people who find it fun, but I acknowledge not every does.
(I will say right now I am very fortunate to be HIV negative, and to have never contracted anything else, considering my high risk behavior.)
June 13, 2010 at 8:00 pm
When I was in my twenties I distinctly remember being cruised at a bath house by an older gray haired dude who I simply smiled at and said no “thank you” to. Today I am that guy. Bath houses abound in the rest of the world outside Puritanical US. They are still meeting places for fun and f*****g. The Roman Baths served exactly the same purpose. There always were, and always will be be gathering places where men bathe and f**k. There is no value judgment to be made. Either you go and are comfortable, or you don’t. (Or you deride while secretly wishing to f**k your brains out with a gang of strangers.) Some of the nicest folks I know I met at the baths, including two long term lovers — more than 3 years together.Here in Montreal there are over a half dozen well attended “saunas”.
Now, if you hook up on line, after exchanging pix and descriptions (perhaps accurately) are you any better than the blokes at the tubs?
I think not.
Be well,
June 13, 2010 at 8:03 pm
And let me add that the saunas are very involved in the efforts to raise consciousness about HIV. Condoms (with free refills when needed) get handed to you along with your towel, and there are info-evenings weekly to encourage their use.
You don’t get that info at Church, eh?.
Be well,
June 13, 2010 at 8:19 pm
I have been to the bathhouse here were I live 3 times, and all the times I have went I went with a friend who was a regular bathhouse goer. I would get a video room that came with a little bed and tv that would stream out porn on 3 different channels. My friend and I seemed like the only guys there that were young (us both being 18 at the time) and everyone around there seemed to be 20-30+ years older. I was pretty much afraid to go out of the room cause having a guy that was old enough to be your grandpa hitting on me kind of freaked me out. So I would just lay and sleep in the room while he did his thing with the older guys. I found out that if you press 3 on the tv and channel up that it would go to HBO and other movie channels. So for me it was a waist of money, but for my friend it was a good time cause he likes older guys. I would not go back again. I thought about it but after learning that HIV positive guys go there to BB I figured it wasnt worth it.
June 13, 2010 at 8:51 pm
didn’t get that at church,eh? huh? kinda stupid comment to say..bet at the bath houses they didn’t hand out bible’s and rosery’s, eh?
June 14, 2010 at 12:51 am
I have never personally been to and will never go to a bathhouse. Granted that in theory it is a an easy way to meet other men, it is and always will be a center for the spread of disease. It is sad to see that the current gay community has forgotten the horrors of 30 years ago when the bathhouses acted as virtual nerve center for the spread of HIV/AIDS. Albeit not all of us have forgotten the horrors but the sad truth is that we forget the past in the heat of the moment. Education is what was and IS needed to further prevent the spread of disease. If we as a community can “smarten up” we could revolutionize the way we protect ourselves. It is not necessarily a bad way to meet people, it just has to be done safe. Until that point, the bathhouse will continue to serve a point of demise for the gay community. We have to be careful in everything we do.
June 14, 2010 at 2:11 am
I have never been to the bath’s (I am 51) and probably would not go. I must admit I never considered the voyeuristic aspect of it though. I definitely enjoy watching! lol I like privacy for sexual activity as I suffer from ‘performance anxiety’ in public. I am not cracking on ppl who do go, though. I do agree totally that gay’s in particular need to ‘smarten up’ about safe-sex. Too many of us are in denial about the dangers of BB’ing and other unsafe sex practices. The gay-hater’s relish the fact that so many gay’s are practicing unsafe sex. They love it that we are killing ourselves off by not protecting ourselves. The only person I would consider BB’ing with is a committed, monogamous partner. (Yes, I do realize that a lot of pple were infected by their “monoganiys oartner”)
June 14, 2010 at 2:53 am
I enjoy going occasionally. In Edmonton, there are 2 good bathhouses to choose from. I have to admit though I’ve bb’ed a lot of my life, but I’ve only had bb anal sex maybe 8 times in my life, & I had the guy use a condom twice so far.
I’m now dedicating myself to adhere to the no glove, no love policy with no exceptions. I just got tested last Fri., & am currently awaiting the results. I feel truly ashamed of myself for not listening to the message until now, & I truly hope it’s not too late for me to live a safe sex life.
June 14, 2010 at 8:50 am
of the two in Chicago, one is clean and everyone of every age goes there. Guys in 20′s to 60′s. Steamworks, part of a chain, does its best to welcome everyone and have condoms available all through out.
The other one is more a homeless shelter. More guys hanging out fully clothed & keeping with their group.
Why point this out? Something for everyone and good conscious can dictate ones actions in them.
June 14, 2010 at 9:09 am
Yes pre hiv/aids i was a sauna guy. There were some many along the ‘Golden Mile’in Sydney.I have not been to a sauna for ages. Yeah I think that cyber space has become the new beat/bog/ steamhouse/ sauna of then 21st century for guys.
June 14, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Sounds like a pretty pathetic idea of something that only perpetuates stereotypes of specific demographics…
June 14, 2010 at 8:45 pm
WELL THE LAST TIME I WENT IT WAS LIKE I WAS ON THE PLATTER & THEY WENT CRAZY….MOSTLY OLDER GUYS & THEY LOOKED IT ALSO..I HATE 4 A PERSON THAT I DONT KNOW,,,JUST START TO GRAB. IN DENVER I MET A 51 YEAR OLD GUY WHO WAS HOT & NOT AN INCH OF FAT,YEA HE MADE ME WANT BUT I STAYED KOOL ABOUT IT:::)))
June 14, 2010 at 11:59 pm
So you went to the bathhouse with Matt. Hé’s gorgeous. (so are you by the way). But I’m wondering, are all your friends young, fit muscular and very hot? Do you choose your friends based on how they look? Do you do it on purpose or do fit men attract the same type of men? Or are only the good looking ones allowed on the blog?
June 15, 2010 at 12:25 am
I have been going to bathhouses since I was 22 (am 42 now)- and not hard on the eyes. I have run the gamut of being on the “younger” side. There are actually plenty of younger men who do go to the-bathhouse as there are older-it does depend on the day and time of day you go…..To be quite honest, I was never an ageist- even at 22…..Hot was hot and it came in various ages…I have, in my time, had alot more fun at bathhouse than manhunt or some of the other sites….I like having what you see is what you get….Online sites results is alot of exaggeration of statistics by its players
June 15, 2010 at 5:22 am
I hope that frantic wasn’t trying to be judgmental (though that’s the way it came across). I’d like to thank you for being as open and honest with your response regardless. I was diagnosed in 2001 as being HIV+ and it never ceases to surprise me just how many people (BOTH, young and old[er] alike) seem to have this attitude that we no longer have to worry about HIV and STDs.
To everybody else: “Cover it up!” Unless you KNOW yours and your partners status, for certain and you’re both monogamous there is NO REASON to have unprotected sex. Sure, the meds today allow us to live much longer lives with the virus but they are EXPENSIVE and often come with side-affects that you really don’t want to have to live with if you have a choice. (And if you suspect that your partner is out f*****g around, get tested and insist on protect from this day forward. Better yet, kick his sorry ass out FIRST, then get tested and YOU cover it up as you re-enter the dating scene yourself.) Give yourself the self-respect that you deserve. If anonymous sex is your thing, fine, I’m not here to judge you. Just be concerned enough about your health to play safe.
June 15, 2010 at 5:37 am
I agree with Davide… The Internet didn’t kill the bathhouses; HIV and AIDS did. I’ve never been to a bathhouse, nor do I have any desire to set foot in one (it’s just not my scene). I mean, it’s not like you’re going to meet your “match made in heaven” there and live a long and happy life together. Bathhouses are a place to hook up for sex and anybody who says differently is either trying to fool themselves or somebody who found out they were in one. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not judging those who enjoy bathhouses; to each their own I say. If that is “your thing” then all the more power to you; have fun.
Just remember, regardless of what others may say we ALL have a responsibility to be honest about our status regarding HIV and any other STDs. If you are HIV+ or you’ve been exposed to some other STD, let your potential partner know up front.
KNOW your potential partners, as well (Translation: Ask the f*****g question!)
It doesn’t matter if it’s a bathhouse, the bar or a tearoom (wherever)… You should have enough self-respect to protect yourself and for God’s sake, have enough respect for others to be honest with them. “Cover it up!” should be your mantra because there is no excuse for having unprotected sex nowadays; not with all that we know about HIV and all of the other sexually transmitted diseases that are out there. That doesn’t mean you have to be abstinent; it just means you need to be AWARE and you need to be CAREFUL!
Have fun! Play safe! Live longer!
June 15, 2010 at 6:59 pm
i dont think bathhouses are over.
i had a lot of fun several times in bathhouses/saunas. but i like it only in foreign cities not at home where i prefer onlinehookup. but beeing in an unknown city it seems more secure to me.
and: i never had unsafe sex there and never (i swear!) someone ask for it.
so: you can have fun there, you can have safe fune there and you will get served
figure it out!!
June 16, 2010 at 4:36 pm
are steamrooms good??
June 17, 2010 at 3:50 pm
so it beat you huh. You are lucky. You are from a post Gay Lib age. NOW you have choices and don’t have to be in a sub culture. That is what is so great about Metro sexuality. You can associate with people you have genuine friendships with and not be locked way in a dreary sub world that doe snot fit in with the real you.
August 9, 2010 at 7:32 am
>> At 2010.06.12 10:59, mateo said: i did go to bathhouse in Albuquerque in the late 80s to find out for myself just WTF men where talking bout … <<
I'd like to know more about the bathhouse in Albuquerque, like where is was located, when it closed, etc….
September 14, 2010 at 10:42 am
You’re very much mistaken. NYC’s Everard, which opened in the late 1800s, was still going strong when it burned down (killing several patrons) in the 1970s. The Lafayette baths in NYC was a big gay hot spot by the 1920s.
October 9, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Bathhouses are great! If you don’t mind chronic urinary tract infections, warts all over the bottoms of your feet, constant colds, and having sex with guys old enough to be your grandfather. Yeah, I still go. It never fails to surprise me how many cute young guys let me c*m inside of them without ever asking me my status.
October 27, 2010 at 1:15 am
Remove the towel jkjk lol
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August 28, 2011 at 5:22 am
I wanna see wats under that towel
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