I’m often struck by the number of men online looking for other masculine guys.
I believe that our desires can shed great insight into our lives.
If I hate my feminine traits, then it is likely that I will hate those feminine traits in others. If I’m insecure about my femininity (regardless of how feminine or masculine I am), I will seek our masculinity in others. When men write, “Fags need not apply” on their online profiles, I think it says more about them than anyone else.
It’s why the most homophobic student at school is often the biggest closet-case. They hate their own gayness and thus they will hate gayness in others.
On some level, our tendency to seek out masculine men is an extension of that self-hate. We try to justify it by saying, “I want a real man. If I wanted a woman, I’d date a girl.” But deep down, we know why. We secretly hate when we are mistaken for woman on the phone. We are upset when we see a particularly “gay” picture of ourselves on facebook. And deep down, we wish were just a little bit manlier.
Learning to fully love ourselves is the greatest challenge we will ever face.
December 29, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Probably one of your better/best posts. You’ve only mentioned this topic once before, but you really brought it home.
December 29, 2008 at 9:24 pm
i disagree. a specific interest (or non interest, in this case) doesn’t necessarily mean that that’s what we hate within ourselves. i thinks it’s just a case of what someone’s interest is specifically.
if i say i am attraced to guys with brown eyes, does that mean i hate my own brown eyes? not at all…it’s just a case of a simple interest or attractioin for me.
December 31, 2008 at 3:48 am
hear, hear!
December 31, 2008 at 5:46 am
dam right. lol i have nothing agains feminine traits i have plenty of firends who are feminine but as for me and who im attracted to is diffrent
my boyfriend is a marine and its hard for him to be feminine
but he also dosnt like feminine guys like me dosnt mean were
not attracted to them physically mayb just couldnt see myself
w someone in that personality
January 1, 2009 at 8:48 am
what is apparent here as with all posts is davey is opening up insights to his own inner conflicts. Once Cannot generalise on this – davey has found a stroty and concepts that help support his own beliefs and make him feel better about himself – infinite consciousnes has infinite ways to express itself through human beings – again another mixed level myopic post based on davey who believes still perception is reality – what is seen through his eyes isnt the same for all – so davey the moral is go deeper to your own positions and feelings of self-hatred that life appears to continually MIRROR back to you – sure others will have an element of this too – but you are just perpetuating a stereotype that creates division not unity – a trait you seem to express quite frequently – davey it just goes to show after all your posts and video shows and apparent reading of certain spiritual material…… i would have thought you would be a bit more aware and elevated in consciosuness by now – sadly you have dropped more and more into narcissism falsehood and delusion – you may be able to fool many on here – but not me and others i notice too – wake up and be aware of your reptilian dna it is dragging you down into lower energy fields and it seems you are either oblivious to it or are so enamoured with you apparent online presence it does not matter anymore – selling videos at half price based on what as if you are doing blog buddies a favour? get real davey – your primary motivations in life Greed pet hates and unconscious guilt over numerous topics that drive you to have ‘charity’ online – if it was genuine it would be seen as such except it is not – you davey are the antithesis of authenticity at this time – in time i pray you wake up and shift into reality. you have developed very rigid stubborn defense strategies that block truth ie whatever someone says says more about them than me – davey that is a very dangerous destructive assumption to make in life and one you write about continually on here…… but heh this is who you are now and i accept it and allow it because that is all you know in life – it concerns me and rightly so in this day and age of relativism and misuse of language that people on here believe you to be some aware soul – he is not – he is wolf in sheeps clothing at this time – in time he will accept that and embrace who he really is.
December 29, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I can see both sides of this arguement.
On the one hand maybe it is just a preference. Those men are attracted to a masculine man. Just like some people are attracted to nice teeth or humor.
On the other hand, they may have some internal dissonace. They hold the view point that if gay men act more straight, we will be accepted into society more easily or they aren’t comfortable with their sexual orientation.
I don’t think this arguement is black and white but more on a sliding scale and definitely varies from person to person.
December 29, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Attraction is a fun filled rainbow of evil. Yes, some guys don’t necessarily like the antics of a guy acting like a woman. I don’t. But there is such a thing as a “f*g”. That’s the gay-boy acting like a woman because they dislike who they truly are too. There comes a point when being effeminate is synonymous with being fake.
Yet, certain guys who hate effeminacy do have a self-confidence problem. I used to be one of them, now I realize how perfectly cool I am, girly stuff included.
But thank you. We need these doors opened. For chrissakes, we need the bloody windows opened! Much love, signed
Andrew
December 29, 2008 at 10:05 pm
This is one of the best posts.
It is so true when people say they don’t want in life shows a lot of what they hate in themselves.
It is like gay guys who say they are str8 acting. Well if you were str8 acting, you are not doing a good job by looking to date boys.
Also why do you want to act? You need to just be yourself. It is just too hard sometimes to accept yourself.
December 29, 2008 at 10:58 pm
I think you’re wrong. Straight acting is just a description, a coined word. Not all guys like to be a queen or choose to date someone that is, it’s just the environment you live through.
Plus it’s all in someone’s preference, if you’re bother by it then just igrnore it.
Can you really say that you would be happy to date someone that had a quality that you didn’t like? But I can understand calling someone a f*g could be extremely offensive.
December 30, 2008 at 8:09 am
Surely anyone is free to date or not date whoever they want. The problem lies in using “masculine” or “straight-acting” to connote certain behavior becauyuse it assumes that men, both gay and straight, should act certain ways. It might be just a label, but it carries a weight that can’t be overlooked.
December 30, 2008 at 9:37 am
I totally agree with you Michael. If a guy says that he is “straight acting” it sends up a red flag to me. I don’t want someone who is doing any acting of any kind whatsoever. Also, when he says that, I hear a lot of homophobia in his voice. He might as well be saying that he is gay, but doesn’t want to be so he does everything possible to not come off that way. Also, if you are acting “straight”, you should be trying to date girls and get into their pants. Isn’t that what straight guys do? I avoid guys like that. If you aren’t secure enough to admit that you like dick, stay the hell away from me.
December 29, 2008 at 10:17 pm
i just like being one of the first to comment!
December 29, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Best post ever…greetings from Sao Paulo Brazil
December 29, 2008 at 10:49 pm
You are dead on correct Davey, however this “straight guy seeks straight guy” lunacy has gone to the theater of the absurd. There are now countless numbers of closeted men who have deluded themselves into thinking that they are straight, even though they are having sex with other guys. I have had some very heated discussions with some acquaintances who are 100% gay, who now only want sex with “straight” guys. And they advertise on Craigslist and other online services for guys who are married, dating girls or just bill themselves as straight and look the part. From what I can see, it is an epidemic that is growing an exponential rates.
I also know gay men who are approaching straight men advertising for sex with women and they are successfully hooking up, many times with newbies to the world of gay sex.
Most gay men have long fantasized about getting a straight guy into bed. And while this is nothing new, what is rapidly developing is a new sexual identity that goes beyond bisexuality. Add the dimension of bareback sex, which is demanded by these gay men masquerading as straight, who want to bottom without protection, and a new explosion of HIV infections is just around the corner.
Frankly, I think it is criminal that these same guys go back home to wifes and girlfriends and have unprotected sex after taking it up the ass from a stranger.
I keep wondering when, if ever, these “straight” fags are going to wake up and realize who and what they really are.
December 30, 2008 at 12:16 am
I agree 100% and I see this more and more too.
December 29, 2008 at 11:07 pm
the only term I know for f*g, is a cig.,that one smokes………………
December 30, 2008 at 12:08 am
While you cant help somethings, such as the pitch of your voice, you can change other things about yourself that you dont like, such as appearance (to an extent)
I still find it sad that many people are homophobic. What makes gay people so scary and different than others.
are they just not ready to face who they may be? Maybe they are scared that they will actually see that gay people are right; liking boys is amazing!
haha.
December 30, 2008 at 12:17 am
I totally agree with davey, i have a friend at school who is a major homophobe. But we are best friends and he looks at me in a way he shouldnt if he were as straight as he claims to be. i love this post lol thanks davey wavey love ya you brighten my day when i read your blogs hehe…
January 1, 2009 at 9:06 am
sounds like its you who has the issue rye here – perhaps he is just curious and the same goes for davey and the rest of the ignoramous’s on here – a look and a thought does not equate someone being a homophobe – in the same way you may have a random thought or curious look at a beautiful woman does not mean you want to get into her pants – wake up you lot and have an education on human nature – labels divisions and stories to satisfy and protect your own inner emotional states of conflict is what this is mostly about – leave the masculine men alone with their thoughts and curiosity – who the hell are you to judge what they ‘might’ be thinking – its more wishful thinking on your part that they might want to explore further. get over your Moral superiority and judging others by your own standards – let god be the only judge – peace out!
December 30, 2008 at 12:52 am
LOL. I’ve never been mistaken for a woman. Uhh, if I want a masculine man, it’s because that’s what I’m attracted to. I don’t mind having feminine friends, but I want my boyfriend to be a man’s man
who is this “we” you’re talking about? My feminine gay friends are so proud of who they are, as they should be. Maybe this “we” is actually more or less just YOU
December 30, 2008 at 1:01 am
Very powerful.
I’m proud of you, Davey.
December 30, 2008 at 1:24 am
Davey,
Dude, I think I am one of few straight guys that watches your videos. So, most of the time I dont have much of a response to the gay discussions. I just think your outlook on life is interesting, your an interesting character. I for one think you would be the type of friend any guy would want, minus the gay part. Just kidding. Anyways, Davey is it really alright in your mind to be gay? Do you ever feel that it is wrong? Just curious!
December 31, 2008 at 7:11 am
ARE YOU FOR REAL?
Do you think for one second that Davey thinks being gay is wrong?
Why would he think so? How do you reconcile this question with his views on life.
I know Davey doesnt respond to posts, so I will try to answer on his behalf.
No. He doesn;t think it’s wrong. And yes, in his mind (and mine, and most people I know) it is 100% alright to be gay.
There your go.
Peace
December 30, 2008 at 1:29 am
I agree and disagree.
I can only talk for myself on this.
I am gay, I don’t hide it, but I don’t exactly go out of my way to flaunt it. I let it show to those that I think will be comfortable with it.
However, I am not in the slightest effeminate. (sp?)
I do not dislike or avoid those that are, but I don’t particularly like it. I think ‘the voice’ to be unnecessary. It can grate on me.
I like masculinity, I like masculine men. I have had a bf that was outwardly gay and sounded very campy, he was fun, but I did find myself wishing he would be more ‘normal’.
Why?, Just because that is what I like.
I am not ashamed of my gayness, therfore I don’t hate campy voices and actions because of it.
It is just my preference.
Same as I like blonde hairy chested guys best. Doesn’t mean I’m not one of them, or one of them.
Just my 2c worth, take it or leave it
December 30, 2008 at 1:44 am
Yeah, OK, you see hun…what does it matter if butch doesnt want bitch? Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael may be the ideal gay couple for life in the way I think it would work best but everyone is on a different page.
…..”Fags need not apply” could mean “I’m a pitcher in the streets and a catcher in the sheets!” or “Im easily embarrassed”. Ignorance doesnt occur by accident. My ex-dreamboy spent years perfecting the issue of not caring what others think after being raised by very populace pleasing parents (they even looked plastic!)
…..I think the heart of this post is CONFIDENCE! You must stand tall and stand up for yourself. Marilyn Monroe didnt become an icon by accident. It was something she worked towards, it was something she strived for. You have to love who you are and what you contribute to live. Be the bold innovation of YOU!
December 30, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Rocky…I tend to agree with you, Total “confidence” issue! ONE who has confidence in himself doesn’t care about “labels”! I don’t care about labels on sexuality! I am masculine…don’t have to “act like it”! What I don’t like is the “drama queen” type who spends ALL their time degrading/criticizing others without caring about what they say!
YOU have to “learn to love/understand self” before you can “love/understand others”! At least make the effort…and sensitivity isn’t a “girly thing”! PEACE!
Doug in KC
December 31, 2008 at 2:49 am
Addition to “drama queen” statement…”…what they say, how they say it and who they hurt”! PEACE!
December 31, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Here, here! You are cordially invited to the Palace of Wisdom, Doug! I agree with you on the drama queen statements…although its funny as the Drama Queens (of both genders and every sexuality) are the easiest people to see through. Their low levels of general intelligence and enlightenment are the driving factors behind the stage attitude, curtain calls and “need the last word” encore.
December 30, 2008 at 1:54 am
I think it’s their preference. Just like some people like certain races. Why judge? It’s almost the same what you are doing by attacking them.
December 30, 2008 at 2:02 am
I hate it when guys say MASCULINE – STRAIGHT ACTING GUYS ONLY. It’s even worse if they say STRAIGHT OR BI GUYS ONLY. Straight guys don’t have sex with men and you’re not BI if you only have sex with men.
I know several big ol’ queens that call themselves “Masculine”, it’s quite funny really.
December 30, 2008 at 4:07 am
Great Post!I don’t have more words!
Congrats.
December 30, 2008 at 8:13 am
i remember back in middle school i was homophobic..
there was this one black guy who was gayer than bobby trendy.. and i hated him just because of that
i remember he talked to me online and i was like dude idc if your gay (lie, it scared me) but just dont hit on me or anything
it pissed him off
there were also many situations where i would here something about someone acting gay or something and i was like ew wtf
yeahh well 12/25/06 is the day i accepted my gayness……
now i laugh at all the other homophobes at school, and when i hear them make a comment like i used to make, i just say, “i used to be homophobic until i accepted that im gay..”
December 30, 2008 at 8:16 am
Dear Davy,
this time you truly got the point. Only one thing: it’s not the hardest but the most visible challenge to become able to accept yourself as you are. It’s not only us that have to learn how to deal with gays…
December 30, 2008 at 8:16 am
i remember back in middle school, (im a junior in high school now) and i was homophobic. there was this black dude who was gayer than bobby trendy himself.
he tried to talk to me online once and i was terrified that he was going to try to hit on me or something
i kept telling him im not gay and tried to sound straight and uninterested as possible
yeah well, im gay.
now when i still see homophobes around me at school and hear them make a homophobic comment, i scream out, “i used to be a homophobe too until i accepted my own homosexuality asshole!”
its so empowering hahahha
December 30, 2008 at 8:43 am
So wow!!! I have never thought about it in that way. Everything you said was spot on!!!! Damn you’re good!
December 30, 2008 at 11:41 am
many are drawn to your blog for the articles and throughts, right? should your readers start looking forward to seeing you in a tshirt?
does this mean you’re cancelling your gym membership for 2009?
just askin’.
December 30, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Davey touched on the subject of what type of personality we like. He wasn’t stating physical attributes. If you like brown eyes, it doesn’t mean you don’t like your brown eyes. For me, I love men who are smart. I think that is because I feel maybe I am not smart enough? Although I am told by many I am intelligent. Being 44 years old I have found that I am attracted to men who are smart and successful. So physical attributes tend to go out the window. This is for me though. Not everyone goes for the personality first.
December 30, 2008 at 12:32 pm
BRAVO Mark!…Good point…”success breeds success” creates self confidence! PEACE!
December 30, 2008 at 12:49 pm
hey davey!!! me givin a BIG “”wavey”"
hv u got facebook b ne chance?? prbly i cud add u..
xx
December 30, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Wow Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself.
And That’s How I Feel In So Many Ways.
Thanks For Helping Me Realize That I Need To Be Okay With Who I Am ALL The Way. 8-D
December 30, 2008 at 3:24 pm
So much talk on the level of the relative. More than five thousand years of intelligent conversations and the world is still in conflict.
In fact so much focus on relativity has resulted in conflict even within the same individual as the conversations in this blog remind us.
So, to remind someone that they have both masculine and feminine qualities that can and should be honored and respected is useless as history and society constantly shows us.
The only way to resolve this problem is on the individual level.
When a man experiences his unbounded nature, he Knows through personal experience that ‘I am all this and I am all that.’
No one has to tell him. And we know that even if someone does tell him he will deny it completely unless and until it is his personal experience.
However, en-mass, he can not and will not deny what he Knows to be true from personal experience.
So if you really want to make some progress in gender acceptance then learn from experience and stop talking about it.
Begin resolving this problem from a deeper more powerful level, the level of experience and personal Knowing. Begin by experiencing your own boundless Self-referral Being.
Science has repeatedly validated that when a group of individuals transcend their senses and experience self-referral Being that their environment and society is positively influenced.
See:
http://www.mum.edu/m_effect/
The Natural Laws of harmony and peace are enlivened and the society becomes more evolutionary.
The most powerful way to influence others is to Know Self-referral being and you will witness how all Nature supports the fulfillment of your desires.
By ‘Being’ you will provide an atmosphere in which others can Know their own true nature and transcend polarity. Being will effortlessly and spontaneously unfold the evolutionary change you desire.
Begin to Know and trust your Self and live a totally peaceful and fulfilling life.
Namaste!
Stan
December 31, 2008 at 12:07 am
Stan…interesting theory…read your reference on TM…don’t really think 1600 people can sway 276 million US people with their meditation! BUT, interesting concept…or 7,000 TM people changing 4.9 Billion Earth population(when proposed a few years ago!) As SPOCK says “LIVE LONG and PROSPER”!! Knowing what can fufill your heart, body, mind and soul is important to build CONFIDENCE. May your YING be in harmony with your YANG! PEACE!
December 30, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Davey…
Seriously- what’s come on to you?
You can love EVERYBODY and still find yourself ATTRACTED to masculine guys.
Isn’t that your normal excuse for LOVING the universe and shagging only A&F catalogue twinks?
I think this whole philosophical new you is not quite working. Any chance you can get your day job back?
December 30, 2008 at 4:01 pm
I think it has nothing to do, likeness and self love and attraction.
I’m not feminine and I don’t feel attracted to feminine guys. It doesn’t mean I hate them, I have friends who are.
I have very masculine friends that like feminine guys.
I don’t see a relation between self love and attraction. It’s a matter of taste and respect.
I can feel attracted only to masculine guys but respect every kind of gay guy or girl.
December 30, 2008 at 4:09 pm
hello
i love my feminity ad masculinty its the way you allow yourself accept them . i am strong aggresive get hand dirty masculine but at the same time i am very nurturing and caring i have a huge heart . i am looking for a guy that loves me for me someone that makes me laugh and a shoulder i can lean on someone to make me stronger mentally a better person. i am who i am there is no changing that any time soon.
December 30, 2008 at 10:51 pm
I think that the general labels attached to a feminine gay male (aka fags) is the way they they talk. I don’t know about you guys, but just almost EVERY “fags” that I encounter has this tendency of being really offensive in how they talk and how their opinions on other people are so judgemental. I’m sure u guys could relate to what I’m trying to say right? They have completely no sense of guilt or conscience whenever giving an opinion as though they are the far more superior being among the male species, and this comes from their overly self-affirmative confidence in their feminine self which for me is why we, masculine guys, would not want to present the gay community as being some over-confident, self righteous, judgemental people. That’s why we prefer simple, masculine, guys who act the way guys would act and still have that sense of mature way of caring that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with feminity.
December 30, 2008 at 10:51 pm
O
M
G
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is so bloody true!!!! O_o
December 31, 2008 at 2:11 am
These gay online sites are the biggerst in racism and discrimination. Behind the screen names and facesless pictures are just cruel and degrading words, such as asian cunts, die old man, f**k off girly queens, delete fat man… and many more. They are not excuses for preferences. Its sad to see there are so much hatered, anger and fears in the gay community.
December 31, 2008 at 11:36 am
Wow very profound. . . . I agree and disagree, I think in some cases this is true and in others its just a matter of preference : )
December 31, 2008 at 11:31 pm
those guys are probobly bottom and love getting their hole played with
January 3, 2009 at 6:15 pm
hey… um i totally agree with this. i sometimes have gay like tendecies. but i personally dont like them and i want to get rid of them. but im interested in straight masculine man. And usually I get them. I get guys that have girlfriends and stuff. but im not a fan of guys that act really gay. that just puts me in a position for people to judge me even more. so yeah another story, i dont even claim to call myself gay. ha. becayse im far from it.
January 6, 2009 at 1:51 am
Well, here is my two cents. I am gay because I like guys and that is who I am more comfortable with, and I say that after being a “closet case” for the WORSE part of 9 years of my life. To me, gay doesn’t mean being with just guys or just girls, rather just who I am comfortable with. I see myself emotionally connecting in a long term, hopefully life long relationship with another guy, not another girl. “GAY”, “BI” and “STRAIGHT” DOES NOT always have to correlate with a supposed fact that you would only have SEX with someone of the same, different, or either gender as you. I say I am gay, I feel more comfortable with guys, I see myself sharing my life with another guy, but god damn it, I also think that Posh from the Spice Girls is like really beautiful. Why does it have to be more complicated than that?
January 7, 2009 at 3:55 pm
It’s not always an extension of self-hate. Some guys just want to avoid the Chris Crocker kind of guys. “Masculine” is code for “not fagalicious.” Most aren’t actually expecting/requesting Macho Man. They just want someone who fits into the mainstream mold of “male” or who can pass for straight. It’s not always because of self-hatred, though your Freudian take is interesting.
June 25, 2009 at 1:23 pm
And again, you’ve described yet another aspect of my life. You reallly are amazing.
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January 17, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Another senseless tripe of f*****g drivel, perpetuated by a faggot. Every time a straight man defends his position, you homo’s get all uppity that are resolute nature of being homophobic is a problem to you. You Nancy boys need approval from your fellow straight men, and you’re never going to get it, so live with it.