When my alarm clock went off at 3:45 this morning, I left like the butt of some cosmic joke. But no – it was time to get up and leave for the airport. With one bleary eye open, I boarded my connecting flight from Rhode Island to Cleveland – which an eventual destination of San Francisco. Leaning against the cold glass of the plane’s window, I sought for a few moments of quick rest before takeoff.
Just as my mind starting drifting into the world of dreams and pure imagination, I was interrupted by an announcement from a female voice:
The plane’s captain would like to welcome our passengers. We’ll be leaving the gate in just a few minutes – the weather in Cleveland is…
I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I had a momentary pang of panic. A female captain?! I quickly reassured myself with logic – but if you had given me the choice of a male or female pilot, I would opt for the former. I say “had” as though I wouldn’t make that same choice right now – as horrible and as unjustified as it may be.
My point it this: It’s very easy to challenge the stereotypes of others. I can put together a blog post on the absurdity of the arguments against gay marriage. I can recount the terrible discrimination that I encountered at my Catholic university – or even the much more recent faggot name-calling that I experienced in New York City. It’s easy to write and think about all of that. What is much harder – but a million times more productive – is challenging the stereotypes that I hold and cultivate.
Like that a female pilot is any less qualified, or any less able to fly me safely to a destination. It turns out that the female announcer was the copilot. But I’m quite certain my safety wasn’t the result of the pilot’s penis.
It’s easy to call out others. It’s much harder to call out yourself.
August 30, 2010 at 4:12 pm
i call out you…boy who is super sexy at my school…come tell me your gay…
August 30, 2010 at 4:15 pm
Davey thank you for having the courage to admit and confront your biases. The unfortunate reality is that we are all conditioned from birth to make snap judgments about people based on their gender, race, sexuality and other superficial characteristics. We all have, to some degree, sexist or racist impulses.
Moving forward as a society can not be achieved by ardently denying that those impulses are there (I’m NOT a sexist!). That just makes us blind to our own biases, which lets them grow. Rather, progress is achieved by being honest about our racist or sexist (or homo/heterophobic, or whatever) examining them critically and challenging ourselves regarding them, and by asking for and receiving forgiveness.
August 30, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Weird… I was thinking the same exact thing
August 30, 2010 at 4:20 pm
yeah that’s weird. you’re really freaking out a female pilot? crazy.
August 30, 2010 at 4:22 pm
yooohooo, the error page is off! I was afraid I won’t be able to get my DW daily dose.
Yes, stereotypes and clichés we cultivate are difficult to fight against because like for others it deeply buried inside. But, the difference is that you acknowledge that you have one or more and you can detect them when they occur, so you can fight them.
You’re not perfect, but you know it
August 30, 2010 at 4:40 pm
For years the abilities of women have been second guessed as they moved into more traditional male roles. It is an education curve. But how about people thinking that gay people can’t effectively serve in the military. Same problem. I was on the receiving end of this thinking when people thought I could not do my job as a gay man. Thanks for at least admitting your gender predjudice.
August 30, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Funny enough on my recent trip home from NYC my boyfriend had the same reaction. He’s certainly one of the most no stereotype kinda guy, but was almost shocked to have a female captain.
I thought nothing of it.
Good for you for admitting your small fault.
August 30, 2010 at 6:33 pm
It is interesting how something catches us out, having flown hundreds of times with female pilots I have never been hesitant to have a female pilot sitting next to me. One of my best flying instructors was female and she is now a captain for a major airline, and can still fly rings around me!
August 30, 2010 at 6:33 pm
Really? From my understanding female pilots are usually better. The stereotype though you should work on. I think we could all do with that.
T
August 30, 2010 at 6:34 pm
I told you already, I’m not gay!
..but if you have nothing to do, and a lot of time to do it, come on up!
August 30, 2010 at 6:36 pm
Well… I think we’re all allowed an error from time to time. You know…. A perfect world isn’t all that it’s made up to be.
By the way: recent study showed homophobes to actually be more likely to be aroused sexually by gay porn, in comparison to people who are open-minded regarding the gay. Shows you that not EVERY stereotype is faulty, per se.
August 30, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Bravo Davey!
I think you wrote about very important thing here. Much more interesting than anal douches! If we fight against stereotypes and discrimination we must be careful not to repeat the same mistakes to other groups.
While I do not fancy women, it’s something that’s in me, or any other gay guy. Nevertheless it doesn’t mean they are less capable.
But I also think your reaction, which seemed to be so subconscious, speaks for itself. Now put yourself in a straight guy’s shoes if he finds out someone responsible for …. is gay. To some extent we must understand him aswell, but being able to break the stereotypes for oneself is important skill.
August 31, 2010 at 12:14 am
Coming to San Francisco? Neat.
August 31, 2010 at 12:49 am
Davey seems to be working on his biases related to gender, race and sexuality. What he needs to tackle next is his bias related to age.
What Davey doesn’t know is that the female copilot looks like she is eighty years old and gets a sweaty neck when she’s stressed out. She is also a little tired because she spend part of yesterday standing in line at the post office while the guy behind her waxed on about the value of being patient while standing in line.
August 31, 2010 at 4:05 am
Davey!
How do you feel about the term “faghag”?
August 31, 2010 at 9:37 am
Our mindstuff is filled with learned reactions that are often stereotypes and, sadly, negative in some way. It is the Ego’s game of playing the “I am different/better than you” pattern that it uses to reinforce the false idea of being a separate self, separate from the rest of the universe.
The important thing is to recognize it as it arises in your mindspace. Only then can you unmask the ego for what it is. Presumed differences based on race, gender, religion, sexual attractiveness, age, etc. are all used by the ego to separate us from Being, just Being.
Be well,
August 31, 2010 at 10:20 am
Amen. That’s why I follow your blog Davey.
August 31, 2010 at 11:53 am
Thank you for highlighting personal biases which many of us would rather ignore/justify/rationalize, etc rather than confront and process. At this stage I chuckle at myself when I find myself in a similar state of mind/judgement on something I know is a wrong perception.
August 31, 2010 at 12:15 pm
No stereotypes at all… How come?
Well, women are better at reading maps, they can locate themselves better in a supermarket (I said supermarket not just because, but it was in a supermarket where the study was developed), they can multitask a lot more and so on. Men, on the other hand, are unwillingly better drivers. It is just like that. We are different and men pilots are, in general, better drivers.
Of course this doesn’t mean anything when it comes to individuals. I read maps better than my sister, I locate myself better anywhere (she can barely find herself), but playing soccer… she would kick my ass so bad.
August 31, 2010 at 5:37 pm
I’ve put though a number of female pilots though the flaying school I used to work for. It’s just like saying a gay pilot is less of a pilot than a str8 one. Challenge the mind!
September 1, 2010 at 1:54 am
To bad you didn’t have a lay over in Cleveland. You could have seen the sites, the theater district, University Circle area, Cleveland Clinic and University Hospitals, the museums. You hear about the bad, but Cleveland has great things happening also. World Class health care is not the only bright spot in Cleveland.
September 2, 2010 at 3:23 am
haha… small world. So was I. Too true Davey. Yet again your profound insights astound me and provoke much pondering
September 8, 2010 at 7:09 am
Really? A female pilot? o.0