Yesterday, my boyfriend flew in from Canada for a month-long stay at my Rhode Island condo.
As I’ve said before, he hasn’t made the same decision that I have to live openly and publicly, so I do my best to respect his privacy. It’s my blog – not his, and he doesn’t care to be put in the spotlight that it casts. Nonetheless, I do feel a bit silly referring to him as “my boyfriend”, as though he’s a possession or mine to have. Perhaps I need a nickname for him?
At any rate, I just realized that our relationship is nearing the two-year mark. As such, it’s the longest relationship of my adult life – and it certainly hasn’t been without its challenges.
For me, the biggest struggle has been the gradual waning of the excitement and fire that marks the honeymoon phase of most relationships. I’ve talked to many people – including you – and the consensus is that long-term relationships eventually transition into more of a companionship or deep friendship over time.
The passionate, butterflies-in-the-stomach honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever – but it does serve a purpose: it provides the motivation for two people to build a bond. It’s the initial glue. And then once the butterflies fly no more, the relationship sustains itself on the connection that was forged.
As I’ve said before, it’s not Disney. But it’s life. And it does make sense. If the butterflies lasted forever, we’d never get any work done. I mean, really…
Love, like life – and everything therein – evolves. Change is the only constant.
May 2, 2010 at 6:18 am
But the movies.. The movies make it all look so beautiful. Please tell me the deep friendship has lots of sex to it too.
May 2, 2010 at 6:20 am
Davey enjoy each other! Not just physically although I’m sure that’s passionate, but enjoy the love you have for each other. I understand your bfs position. I’m closeted myself but know that my special friend in Toronto by the way and I are doing wonderfully! Love to you both!
May 2, 2010 at 6:31 am
Good Morning Friend
Welcome to Rhode Island. Hopefully you will be able to put up with us Americans (and one in particular, lol) for a month.
It’s good to have you here. Welcome.
May 2, 2010 at 6:32 am
Did you expunge all references to Scotty from your blogs and videos? I mean, if anyone has followed you for any time at all, we know who Scotty is.
May 2, 2010 at 6:33 am
wow! i wanted to see a picture of your boyfriend! haha but i respect you so therefore i respect his privacy too!
i love u davey wavey! you are a beautiful person inside and out! your bf is so lucky to have you!
May 2, 2010 at 6:38 am
Davey….I have been with my b/f….partner…hubby for nine years and yes we are friends,companions: BUT we are also deeply passionate about are relationship. I am not saying the butterflies are still there, I like to think after this time whilst not taking anything for granted…we are sure and certain and trusting as a couple, but trust me the love , lust…love making is never more important than it is 9 years later…and fun!..xx
May 2, 2010 at 6:49 am
hea sunshine! im glad you two are enjoying your self i just got my bf out of the “closet” too so he is starting to learn stuff and really now have lots of fun!!! im glad i wated and dident push him and he did it all on his own im shure your bf will to in his own time just sit back relax and have a smoothie! injoy hugs to you both:D
May 2, 2010 at 7:04 am
I’m sorry but in my opinion, I don’t think he deserves you. Someone as open and loving as u shouldn’t be with someone who is closeted because they are ashamed of who they are. I always say, “Love Should Never Be A Secret”…in this case, it is.
May 2, 2010 at 7:06 am
Congrats on reaching the 2 year mark! My guy and I celebrated 14 this month. Never in a million years did I expect the love to last this long. We still adore one another but we have also learned to give each other plenty of space so that we both continue to grow. The challenge is staying close enough so that you both grow together rather than apart. Sometimes the sex gets a bit mundane. But that just means it is time to explore new things. I suppose that’s where fantasy role playing, romantic gettaways and the occasional voyeuristic cybertracking of a cutie with his whole life exposed on the net come into play.
May 2, 2010 at 7:10 am
I think you’ve got it pretty down pat; the passionate or wildly physical butterfly moments don’t last forever, but the fact that the relationship shifts into something of a companionship is quite a good sign. It means that both people are seemingly no the same wavelength.
My only fear is that if one was in such a situation, the other feels that it’s a loss of spark, and ends the relationship.. It obviously takes time to understand, but most people I’ve met are just teling me that “oh the spark is gone, gotta move on!”
I beleive this to be a poor choice and assessment on that person’s part.
May 2, 2010 at 7:11 am
I’m not sure about the honeymoon phase ending. I think the moon just wanes. My boyfrend, and I hope one day to be called husband, and I have are going on 3 years. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him. We talk on the phone every morning (we don’t live together yet) and call to say good night every night before going to bed. We still hold hands in the movies and and all the other mushy stuff. I think the honeymoon phase can last… but you just have to remember all the reasons for those feelings and not let day to day life get in the way.
May 2, 2010 at 8:18 am
I just hope you can stay off Grindr while he’s around….
May 2, 2010 at 8:29 am
DW,
2 years with boyfriend? Bravo!!! Very good! Now the honeymoon period Is over, what now? Morning dump’s with open door, burnt toast and morning breath. Very good! You now must call him Bellissimo!!! He will thank you! Ciao, Davide
May 2, 2010 at 8:58 am
I was thinking the same thing. The last I knew, Scotty was the guy he was sleeping with. Or is that different from a boyfriend? I am so confused.
May 2, 2010 at 9:23 am
To the guy who said that Daveys boyfriend doesn’t deserve him: who are you to judge? As a matter of fact I know him and he’s a lovely person! Him and David are made for each other:) And by the way: he has some quite strong arguments for not wanting to be know by everyone as Davey Waveys boyfriend – why can’t people just accept this and be happy for them?
May 2, 2010 at 9:24 am
Enjoy yourself because the experience deepens with your time together. We are twenty-two years and counting. I could never have imagined how fulfilling and how much fun it could be with one guy.
May 2, 2010 at 9:44 am
yeah everyone that follows you knows that your boyfriend is Scotty Dynamo, haha your not that good at hiding it, he has good music by the way im a fan <3
May 2, 2010 at 9:49 am
ah the movies – they mislead me for so long. No, it is not like the movies. The deep friendship happens and it is unbelievable how deep it becomes – and so rewarding. You begin to know each other better than you know yourself sometimes. And the sex, well the really depends on each other. In my case, lots of sex turned into less quantity significantly better quality.
May 2, 2010 at 9:51 am
Friends,
Does it really matter who DW boyfriend is? No, not at all, DW asked for privacy in regards to this, and as mature adults this must be respected. DW is not your obsession, I centainly hope he’s not. Things in his personal life are of little importance to us. Drop it and move on your own life is waiting on you, so enjoy it.
May 2, 2010 at 9:58 am
Roy,
wow!!! Come down off your throne and join the rest of us. To make such a comment is borderline nuts. To assume you know of such matters of two people you do not know and the relationship they share is indeed nuts. If one chooses to live a certain way and because of situations beyond his control it’s not for us to say what is right, or wrong. Many homosexuual men live their lives in the closet, this changes nothing. Not once did DW say his boyfriend was ashamed of who he was. Those who live in class houses should not throw stones.
May 2, 2010 at 10:05 am
Welcome to New England. Hope your month-long stay is pleasant and enjoyable.
May 2, 2010 at 10:09 am
Bravo!!!! Congradulations!!!!! Job well done!
May 2, 2010 at 11:08 am
Well said Davide. I could not agree more!
May 2, 2010 at 11:45 am
Thank you for covering this, much appreciated!
May 2, 2010 at 11:49 am
I wonder how you can sustain this relationship without losing your mind. You are having a long distance relationship with someone who is not out.
May 2, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Nickname? Just refer to him as DWBF for now. I totally get you respecting his privacy. Coming out publicly is his to do, not anyone else’s job to do for him.
Best of luck to the two of you, and I hope you f**k each other stupid while you’re together!
May 2, 2010 at 1:58 pm
have fun! and don’t forget to close the curtains.
May 2, 2010 at 5:33 pm
Nickname for your boyfriend on the blog? I’m going to have to think about that, because you two have pet names for each other, but those are more interpersonal than interNET.
You could always use the Drag Name/Porn Name game and use that as a codename to refer to him on your blog.
That way it’s like he’s an operative in the CIA, so you feel extra dirty when you tap it.
(um that just went in a direction I didn’t want it to go. Sorry.)
May 2, 2010 at 7:48 pm
im glad for you Davey =] having someone special for 2 years is special. me and my bf just had a fight today and broke up. it wasnt long about three months but we left on uneven ground. now im afraid of whats going to happen next. But i smile when people are in love cause i see the hope that is possible for me. And everytime i hear “hey blog buddys” & “love ya bye” i smile ^^ =] Peace and love~ Jon x3
May 2, 2010 at 8:26 pm
Of course love evolves – it has to. How can it not change ? It began as like. then infatuation, then fire and excitement, then deep companionship.
How can one appreciate the now without accepting change – what IS and NOT what WAS ? Change includes growth and development of our partner, ourselves and even the relationship itself.
There is something very tragic about people caught up in the the “Peter Pan” Syndrome – desperately trying to hold on to something (youth, fame, fortune, looks, physique, love, power, etc) that by it’s very nature MUST change.
One can only fight the inevitable for so long before being flattened by the steamroller of reality.
May 2, 2010 at 9:35 pm
But DW does bring this up all the time, and it is obvious that he is questioning and somewhat dissatisfied with the closeted nature of his relationship. DW makes this relationship public by mentioning it at all and really requests us to comment on it. DW: I can respect closeted people by would I want to be in a relationship with one? You are so *OUT* how long are you going to be able to stand not living a normal open life?
May 2, 2010 at 9:44 pm
oh, and what is this bullshit about the “butterflies-in-the-stomach honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever”? i am in the 14th year and the butterflies are stronger now than ever. i’m sorry, but it sounds to me like it is time to more on DW… but i realize how tough that is.
May 3, 2010 at 3:49 am
Totally agree. If he wants privacy it behooves us to respect that. Most of us have been in the closet at some point or another and I’m sure we’ve all had things we didn’t want others to know.
May 3, 2010 at 3:58 am
If I had to guess, knowing who the BF is, I would say he’s likely open to those people who are close to him but not to people who know him in a public capacity or professional capacity. I’m out to everyone except at my corporate job. I still go to gay clubs and I’m not terribly secretive about it but because of the nature of my job I think it best to remain ambiguous at least about my sexual preference. I’m sure the BF has no problem being with Davey and vice versa as I don’t believe he’s one of those paranoid closet cases.
May 3, 2010 at 4:01 am
LMFAO @ morning dumps!!! Davide, that is CLASSIC
May 3, 2010 at 6:20 am
I am very curious to see your boyfriend. I hope you ‘ll introduce him to us one day.
May 3, 2010 at 6:37 am
Dear Davey,
when we first get together, it is not true love, it is phermones and lust! If we’re lucky, this transitions to love and in time can be very nice, but unfortunately for many gay or str8 folks, they live their lives thinking lust is love, so after a year or three when the lustful desires to rip each others clothes off and make wild passionate sex start to die off, many of those people look elsewhere, split up, divorce, and try again, those people are just addicted to lust and phermones.
As I told you Davey, I came out through therapy and to my wife of 27 years, 6 years ago and she tried to kill herself. I have tried to get her back to normalcy since, it is not easy, why the blog readers ask? Because I love her. The fact that we haven’t had much of a sex life for 20 years aside, as you said Davey, we are more companions with a bond more like family, brother and sister, or as I often think two dolls with no genitals
Blog-buddies, will I dump her and run away? Where? I am 53, overweight, arthritic, diabetic and suffer scars of some failed attempts at finding “happiness” in my gay world. I came out to my family, and my in-laws and that family, and most of my friends, and pretty much everyone “knows” it’s just that I am more of a str8 acting (semi closeted?) 53 year old maintenance engineer living three lives; the first is husband, father, church leader, the second is Joey the gay guy that loves oral and topping, and third is my work life where everyone makes jokes about “those” useless faggotts.
Davey, and blog buddies, life ain’t easy, if you have real love, grow it, and hold on to it, before you become like the folks in Hollywood married 5-8 times.
Love you all, Joey
May 3, 2010 at 8:40 am
IF there is not strong encouragement and motivators from others, the will and work of each of couple might not be enough to stay thru the times when growing together seems an illusion or impossible. I guess that is why “marriage” sometimes seemed to help people grow together over longer periods of time thru the times they just did not want to.
May 3, 2010 at 11:00 am
Firstly, congratulations on the second year of an unfolding story. May your happiness continue to grow.
Hmmm…limerence. It’s called limerence, the phase of a relationship where the passion leads and the love follows. If the love is stronger than the passion it takes over and leads you through the other phases of a life together.
Yes there are other phases. They include doubt, meanderings in other directions with other partners, and sometimes separation. As you said, the only constant is change.
I am in the ninth year of the longest relationship I’ve ever had. We are married to one another, legally. You can be, in Canada. This is my fourth major relationship (over three years with the same person). There have been others of three years or less. The limerence part is so exciting we often think that it, the passion, is what relationship is all about. But, as you are finding out, it changes too. The fire flames less, allowing us to really discover who the other person is in other aspects of their complex personhood.
Companionship is a wonderful discovery as is total confidence in the other person. Trust can be as strong a bond as passion. Often, even stronger. But the need for space between you is also important.
As for his need for not being a part of your blogspace, it is totally understandable. After all, each of us is completely incognito in this fascinating group of “blog buddies”. You respecting that is another part of why you are so loved. You respect us all, as we should respect you. Much love to you, and “all y’all”.
Be well
May 3, 2010 at 11:17 am
Love is witnessing another’s journey. It is an active sport—that is—sometimes it is play, other times hard work! Enjoy!
May 3, 2010 at 4:54 pm
He didnt mean that Scotty is in the closet about being gay….he just means that he isnt an open book like Davey!
May 3, 2010 at 11:08 pm
If he farts, fart back. You once mentioned there was a fart problem. This should be he solution!
May 4, 2010 at 6:05 am
Congrats on the 2 year mark boys! Wow, that means I’ve been reading your blog for over 2 years lol
May 7, 2010 at 11:44 am
Scotty Dynamo isn’t out???
December 4, 2010 at 10:22 am
DW
The butterflies can last forever with the right person. What I do not understand is your need to share intimate details of your love life with SD on the internet. Discretion is the better part of valor ! I think your concept of a relationship is slightly off. Shouldn’t it be exclusive between two people and not two people and a website. That’s my problem with your view of this relationship and if you are not prepared to be exclusive with him, then maybe he is not the one for you. Think about it !
February 14, 2012 at 2:34 am
You are absolutely adorable! Really! So refreshing to read your fresh take on things. As someone who had your zest but somehow got lost along the way – reading your blog is a lift.
May 6, 2012 at 7:07 am
Its not like we all don’t know who your boyfriend is, over the internet much?
But still Scotty’s great and fun love his music! and your just fantastic anyways David