I watched this great documentary on anger and expectations.
The idea, borrowed from the Roman philosopher Seneca, is both incredibly simple and incredibly useful. When we become angry, there is a gap between what we expected and what actually happened. If we remove our expectations, then we will not become angry.
Unconsciously, I’ve been practicing this principal (coupled with acceptance) for some time, but I’ve never heard it expressed quite like this.
Case-in-point: Person 1 goes out to dinner on Saturday night and ends up waiting 45 minutes for a table. S/he become angry and irritable.
Person 2 goes out to dinner on Saturday night – and knows that sometimes s/he ends up waiting for a table at a restaurant. It just happens sometimes. S/he is not surprised when s/he has to wait for a table, and therefore, is not angry.
The documentary recommends lowering expectations. I recommend removing them altogether. If you lower your expectations – that is, you expect the worst to happen – I fear that you may tap into the power of visualization and manifest that which you do not want.
I’ve said it a million times. When you create expectations, you set yourself up for disappointment.
How many times have you gone to see a movie that a bunch of friends recommended? In your mind, the movie is built up. When you do finally see the movie, it doesn’t live up to those expectations. Alternatively, how many times have you been pleasantly surprised after watching a movie that you thought you would hate?
Instead of anticipating that the world will unfold according to our expectations, we can enjoy the ride for all its ups and downs and trust that everything is just the way it needs to be… whether or not it meets our expectations.
Meanwhile, I’m packing things up and heading to my parents’ house for the weekend. Then, I’m off to Boston for three days (Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday). I’ll be staying with my friend Mike. Hopefully, we’ll get the chance to do a talky blog.
April 26, 2008 at 6:14 am
Have a nice weekend
:0)
April 26, 2008 at 6:28 am
David,
In our life, it is legitimate to expect its ups and not its down, that why humans have the ability to anticipate what will hapen in their life.
I hope you will spend and good weekend and enjoy Boston at your friend’s.
bye
April 26, 2008 at 7:07 am
Life is full of ups and downs, it is how you handle both that determines the success of your ride.
Have a great weekend!
April 26, 2008 at 9:39 am
So true. How did you get to be so smart at such a young age??? Keep it up!!!
April 26, 2008 at 11:46 am
Dear Davey-Wavey, if my comments become too offensive or hyper-critical or beyond acceptable proprieties, please feel free to “BLOCK ME” you have that option and some have stated it is a very effective tool to prevent mal-contents and hate-mongers from dispensing their particular form of venom into the general forum of discussions! Anger and hate are vices that provide no good to the dispencer or the recipient and the less there is, the better the world will be in which we must learn to live co-operatively or regress to the cold damp and dark caves of primitive humanity! if Mother Nature will have us back! She has removed some life forms forever! could be we are next! with new innovative forms for the future! Divine Mother Nature of us all and her rules and regulations! She rocks!
April 26, 2008 at 12:11 pm
This assumes that anger is inherently bad. In our mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, there is a ton of injustice that we must fight against. If you don’t feel angry, you don’t know what needs changing, or you do, but you don’t do anything.
April 26, 2008 at 12:39 pm
though i agree your point, i do believe that the words ” prepare for the worst, hope for the best” work well in my life so far~
April 26, 2008 at 1:59 pm
It is normal to have feelings, to be anger sometimes ; it means from my point of view
i don’t agree with something.
For example :
Religion means nothing to me but i accept for what it is. I admit it helps sometime people. Most of the time I’m joking about it.
It never happenned that i hate somebody.
But can’t we joke about religion ? If not, it is intolerance and it is not better.
Human is not as perfect as it could be, mother nature has a still a lot to do.
April 26, 2008 at 2:52 pm
If anything is subject to having expectations, it’s a musical performance. Throughout my life I’ve had expectations with results that were; a. what I wanted, b. what I didn’t want, c. surprisingly beautiful, d. shamefully dreadful, and the other 21 letters of the alphabet as examples.
What I’ve learned: Don’t have expectations, work hard, follow through, and do what you say you are going to do. Practice and be studious, and the need for expectations melts away and leaves room for creativity, and a hearty bow after a wonderful job well done.
Thanks for a wonderful post Davey! Safe travels and have fun in ‘Bean Town’.
Ciao – J
April 26, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Expectations are pre-determined resentments.
=)
April 26, 2008 at 3:40 pm
‘Hope for the best and expect the worst’
Peace
xxx
Ps love the one-handstand
April 26, 2008 at 4:10 pm
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO A TALKY BLOG WITH MIKE, HE’S SO CUTE!!!
April 26, 2008 at 4:58 pm
i really like today’s blog, cause i have to battle with expectations of others have on me and myself all the time, constantly especially at work. THANKS FOR the reminders Dave!
can you do the one hand stand free -standing Dave?
i’m actually working on my hand stand push ups, i hope its not too bad for the back though. peace!
April 26, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Hi,have a good trip to Boston,..should do more project love,wishing for project love 2,it just great what u r doin~ its awesome,take care mate~
April 26, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I AGREE WITH YOU.
Your last paragraph especially. Just today, (because I live with my aging parents and I have a hard time with this) I was angry while waiting for them to get home.I didn’t understand why, but I know now it was because of pent up expectations of how I would be treated badly at their arrival. As I saw their car drive up, for some reason, I let all the expectations fall away. Low and behold…all three of us had a beautiful time! I knew then what had happened. EXPECTATIONS. Get rid of them. Let the universe unfold as it will…and you may be pleasantly surprised.
April 26, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I have lowered my expectation on ever meeting and blowing you…it has made me feel so much better…now I just masterbate watching your pictures..
peace out
April 27, 2008 at 3:29 am
Mike-in-Big-D. : “Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus!” and the Mirroir of Erised says: “Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi.” we share the same closet! lol
April 27, 2008 at 4:23 am
Hey, I wanted to let you know that the talkey blog you did of the 25 secrets inspired me to do a written 25 Secrets post on my blog. Check it out if ya want!
K.E.
April 28, 2008 at 2:01 am
David, wouldn’t you say there’s an inherent contradiction between “having no expectations” and “creating your own world”?
As i get it one would in the first case let destiny/universe/etc determine the flow of things and in the second one would let one’s own thoughts (and thus inherently expectations) do the handywork.
I’d say these two principles might not make naturally allies in the guiding principles department.
Any ideas?
April 28, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Is that a donut or a huge c**k ring there on the floor near you?