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Aug
4
saying goodbye to and old friend.
August 4, 2008 | 44 Comments
From time to time, I’ve enjoyed the occasional fling.
I enjoyed the experience of unattached sex – it was often fun, pleasurable and exciting. But lately, unattached sex has lost it’s luster for me. When talking to Jessica yesterday, she said, “Maybe you are growing up.” But I beg to differ. I don’t think that my non-promiscuous ways are any better or more evolved – I just think they reflect different wants at this moment in my life.
In another six months or year, those wants and desires could change yet again.
But at this point in my life, I’d rather masturbate than engage in sex with a stranger. Unless that stranger is Zac Efron. I guess there are exceptions to everything.
Nonetheless, old habits die hard. I oftentimes still find myself browsing profiles online, seeking something that I am accustomed to wanting, but don’t really want any more.
So, for now, I wave goodbye to a dear old friend.
Have you every experienced this change in your own life?
Meanwhile, Jessica and I took a delightful walk along the water yesterday after a traumatic experience in Chinatown (talky blog to follow). Here are a few pictures from our delightful evening:
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I think thats the first time I’ve seen Chipotle standing…
Great picture of you two! I dig that chick. Good energy!
I suppose that I’ll need to experience the period of occasional flings, unattached sex, and NSA relationships before I can say that I’ve moved past that point in my life. I have however “grown” out of some other things in my life. Some forms of music are no longer appealing, some types of clothes I no longer wear. I guess its not that much different than the topic covered in the post. I’ll get back to you on the relationships potion later…
Great pictures – looked like you were having fun!
Ciao – J
Yeah, I sure have experienced changes like this…for me, checking out Craigslist, or other internet hook up sites usually happens when I am more bored. It is summer, and I would rather be outside than looking for a hook up…man, If I could totally say “good bye to theis old friend”, I wonder how many other things I could get accomplished?? I always wind up thinking at the end that it really is a waste of time…rarely ever is there such a thing as a quick hook up…right?
Evolve.Evolving.Evolved. You are getting there. Peace.
lmao that made me laugh
You two are cute
Related to the blog now.. Things are just starting out for me – coming out to myself and to everyone I know. Kind of feels like im pushing a big “reset” button. We’ll see how it goes, but its definitely been a HUGE relief to finally accept myself and not be so hard on myself. You’re blog has been a big help. I’d say I’m at a 90% acceptance rate (to myself…) Still have my doubts and worries if this is the right “choice.” I’m sure ill get over them soon.
Your topic today made me think of how I got into my current relationship. A few years ago I also made a conscious decision that I would be happier focusing on a relationship with one guy. To me it was that was just what felt right for me at the time and so far I am totally happy with that decision.
I also liked your pics. That is one of my favourite parks to hang out in on a hot day. You should totally check out Ireland park next time you are near the waterfront. Ireland Park is more of a memorial garden than a park, but it has a great view of downtown and is full of really interesting sculptures. You can find the park behind the malting company silos at the foot of Bathurst Street
I almost forgot … Happy Simcoe Day to those in Ontario!
please please please at least jerk off in front of your cam, thats your new friend
Zac Effron should almost qualify as an old friend after all that stalking!
I don’t know if what you describe as unattached sex is really unattached – it created its own attachments, maybe just doesn’t lead to moving in together.
It doesn’t sound to me as though you are a completely detached person so I don’t think your sex is likely completely detached! Maybe that is a zen state to aspire to… or maybe not…
“But at this point in my life, I’d rather masturbate than engage in sex with a stranger. Unless that stranger is Zac Efron.”
What, am I now just chopped liver?!
Tom B.
lol
… and chipotle seems not to be that happy about it
i think Jessica is right, it has something to do with growing up
Omg Jessica is looking amazing!!! shes just melting away. Girl you should be so proud! share some of that motivation with me!
Awwwwww Jessica! So good to see her again! She looks so cute with that flower in her hair
Don’t worry Tom… He says your next !
Zac***
I have experienced and enjoyed the occasional fling. I think it’s a part of our sexual learning and it seems to me natural.
In reading these lines, I think that this kind of relationship does not satisfy you anymore, and it’s good to think so ; we all grow up. Maybe you’re tired of being alone too ; I’ve always though that the relationship of a night, the one who leaves you early in the morning, can’t satisfy you completely and is certainly not the “Top” in matter of Love. I have always regretted it and I was ill at ease with me after I did it.
Love includes sex but sex without a real love is not what I call Love. I now prefer waiting than wanting immediately a person I don’t even give me time to really to know and appreciate.
I think Davey is just missing a certain “C”…Davey’s in LUUUUUV
I kind of agree with Jessica. Maybe you are growing up. If it is possible for somebody who certainly seems wise beyond their years, to ‘grow up’ At some point I’m sure men must stop thinking with their penis more than their brain.
I have to believe this. Coz if I don’t. There really is no hope for me *sigh* haha.
Maybe it is the fact that you ‘re growing up. It’s usual, as you get older, to want sth more than a one night stand. You want intimacy.
Nice pictures. You and Jessica are so cute. And Chipotle of course.
Kisses
When are you coming back to Rhode Island? We miss you!
Yeap… I think you are getting older and when you get older so do the wants in your life.
Like when you were a kid you would not eat certain food… but as you get older you tastes change. When I was a kid I used to love pumpkin pie!! Now as an adult I cannot stand it!!!
It’s all part of life!
Davey…someone above said you should try a relationship. I agree with them that you may be tired of living alone. Take the advise you give us (it is good advise) and work on a long lasting meaningful relationship or friendship.
love the pic of Chipotle.
Jessica is looking very nice…glad to see you too together again.
peace out
…so there is no hope for us
…???
it happens to us all. we move from physical intimacy to emotional ones. somehow lesbians bypass this all together and move straight to emotional intimacy. either that or as gay men age…we all become lesbians! ;-P
Tramatic experience?!! :O
Let me guess. You walked by a restaurant and the owner came out and wanted to buy some Chipolte from you….I can say that by the way simply because I’m part Asian and I can get away with saying it even though it’s not true…or is it?
No. Wait. Someone at your table ordered a meal and they found out that their egg roll was ’sho very shmall’. hahaha…aww.
Ah ha! I know. You spilled something on your pants and you had no choice but to change into that ridiculous number with a baby blue hoody with green camouflage pants. And what’s with that t-shirt? It’s short on both arms and it has an absurdly stretched neck collar?
And remarkably, this hasn’t been the first time that you have done such a thing. You’ve been blogged wearing bad choices in shirts. I think we now know why dear Davey Wavey does not wear articles of clothing during most of his blogs. And you should be ashamed of wearing clothing.
You’re a gay and was photographed, let alone seen with wearing that? Oh the shame of it…THE SHAME!
Consider your membership revoked. Turn in your absurdly trendy sunglasses on Tuesday morning.
Really Davey….who gives a shit?
Deciding you are going to start peeing setting down would be more interesting.
I can’t believe that some of you people are mean and downright evil.
“Really Davey….who gives a shit?
Deciding you are going to start peeing setting down would be more interesting.”
Maybe Davey needs to vent every now and then… it’s his blog to do it on. Obviously you do or you have such a low self-esteem you get off on criticizing others.
To the part Asian guy… we’re people, not boxes. Don’t try to contain yourself or others to stereotypes or put labels on others. You’ll be happier in the end.
Davey: relationships as you probably know come when we least expect them. If the stars align, the right one will come your way before you know it and when you least expect it… hang in there kiddo!
I think you are going through some phase…
No, no… not that kind of a phase, you are gay… That’s for sure. Though I think that having a fling here and there is a kind of an age related thing.. your hormones go up and down ( up mostly) and you are just enjoying all the sex you can have. It is a natural way of how guy’s (and gay’s ) are. However, upon a certain time one likes to have sex with somebody they can have a nice conversation with afterwards. Why not having sex, unattached, still enjoy it, keep him as a friend. you can like somebody without having to fall in love with him.
When you are in a relationship, the occasonal fling you can have as a coupple, often ends in tears… that’s why I think that you should (or can )have some guy’s you like very much with whom you can have regular sex with. But make them your friends…don’t make them your “now I am horny, I want to fuck somebody-friend…”
having said this… a good wanking now and then is sometimes very relaxing and horny…
you can have sex in your head with whoever you like …Zac Efron cfr.
Or I can have sex with you….
Zac Efron is nothing more than an object, a fiction, an illusion. How can you have sex if there is no connection however fleeting? At least a touch on the arm; a gaze between the eyes; a few words.
If you are into Efron just masturbate with a picture of him then close your eyes.
Author: Jimmy
Comment:
“Jimmy, you pick fights like a baboon picks its ass”
I think it’s more about maturity than “growing up.” There are lots of folks who are in their 40s, 50s, etc, who are just as immature as when they were younger. It has to do with emotional development, and realizing, for ourselves, that there is more to life than instant gratification. It may be easy to live that way when we’re younger, but ultimately it aint pretty when we’re older. Find what you need inside yourself before you look for it in others. Kinda back to your comments on cultivating relationships – we have to cultivate ourselves too, weed the garden so to speak. Otherwise, it will be overrun with misplaced plants; not necessarily bad, but not right for us. It can be scarey figuring out what we want and then have the fortitude to pursue achieving it. Sometimes its easier to wander aimlessly. But ultimately, aimless wandering leaves one frustrated and empty, and so we look for things outside ourselves to fill the void. Stay focused, and you will manifest your dreams. Peace.
Evan a baboon picking its ass would be more interesting.
“an expense of spirit in a waste of shame is lust in action.”
Shakespeare.
I was so interested that most of the picks on the “three-way” love fest were of straight guys (very hot, but mostly very straight). If that is not desire for unattached sex, then what is? There is virtually no chance of “changing” most of the guys or develoing an emotional relationship with them, so any physical relationship would be without feeling – a definite downer. I agree with Davey – maturity brings more of a desire for emotional relationships and less of a desire for physical ones.
All this talk of maturing and evolving seems a little judgmental to me. Does that imply that having sex with multiple partners is immature and we just need to “get over it”? Maybe there is value in this experience and different value in another experience.
I can see Davey wanting to broaden his experience, but please…don’t give me that crap about how people with lots of sex partners somehow have a stunted maturity level or can’t feel. If they can’t feel then they would likely also make lousy partners
Chipotle is so cute. like jess said maybe u are growing.things change. now it might been hard but later on u will see it was for the best. Love u
You don’t need to come out to everyone right away. The important thing is that you are comfortable with yourself. It’s hard to face the world when you’re working against yourself.
“You’re blog has been a big help.”
lol, yep:
A LITTLE DAVEY WAVEY GOES A LONG WAY
I actually have had that kind of change in my life here recently and it’s for the better. I’ve actually decided that I want to not have sex again until I find the one I want to settle down with and another thing I want to do is stop getting drunk. I may have a glass of wine here and there or a wine cooler, just something light. But I will not be getting drunk. Because I believe being healthy is one major factor in being happy.
-Heather
i know what its like to have unattached sex. I was a whore. I slept with everyone.. and i mean everyone. I lost my virginity at 19. and by 24 i have been with almost 100 people.
I am now married and realize wow i was stupid. I went from being a whore to being married. I would never ever cheat on my husband but i am glad i gave up my ways.