This afternoon, I’ll be attending my cousin Emily’s straight wedding. I know, I know. I still can’t believe that these hetero-loving unions are legal, but I do support my cousin so I suppose it is important for me to attend the so-called “ceremony”.
In a world that is suffering the effects of overpopulation, it seems a bit ridiculous to allow marriages that almost always end up in the creation of offspring. Case in point: Emily’s husband is one of twelve children. There are already too many people in the world and too many mouths to feed – why go out of our way to invite more? And yes, gay people have children, too – but unlike straights, ours aren’t the result of having a bit too much to drink or a broken condom.
Moreover, have you ever watched a man and woman try to communicate? Men and women are raised in a very gendered world. We treat young boys differently than girls, and thus set our genders on very separate and distinct paths. How could we ever expect to mend these differences? It’s just unnatural for a man and woman to be together.
For me, the nail in the coffin is the disregard that straight people have for the institution of marriage itself. They’ve made a joke out of it. Just look at all the Vegas weddings with costumes and ridiculousness – or even more sobering, the astonishing divorce rate (somewhere around 50%). Clearly, straight people are unable to take marriage seriously.
And that’s why I don’t believe in straight marriage. Marriage should be reserved for gay people, just as God intended it in all her infinite wisdom.
(You know I’m joking, right? Just checking…)
October 24, 2011 at 12:05 am
Try Ouchterlony’s “Trumpet Tune in A Major” as an alternative processional. I played this just yesterday.