There are a lot of things in life that never cease to baffle me. One of them is the stigma associated with having numerous sexual partners.
While the stigma is weakest among straight men (straight guys that have many partners are considered “studs”) and strongest among women (women that have many partners are considered “sluts”), it is also carried over into the gay world.
“But I’m not a slut.” I’ve heard that response more than a few times while engaged in conversation. It’s usually said quickly and defensively. I always respond, “So what if you are?” That usually doesn’t go over too well.
If having sex with numerous people makes you happy, then who are any of us to judge? Sure, there are negative consequences to promiscuity like STDs, but there are negative consequences of many other things in life… like eating ice cream, getting tan or driving a car.
And let’s be real… most of us have, at at least some point in our lives, been promiscuous (myself included). Maybe it was the one night stand you had while on Spring break. Or the cute guy you met on the train. Degrading someone because of their sexual promiscuity is a lot like the pot calling the kettle black.
It’s all part of the journey. I think it’s important to respect where people are in their personal journeys of discovery, even if their on a path that isn’t our own. All paths lead to truth (some are just a bit longer than others).
One of my college friends always used to say, “Do what you do.” It’s a great mantra. So, do what you do – so long as it brings happiness, peace and love into your life, and the lives of the people around you. If being a slut does that, then do it up.
July 22, 2011 at 7:11 pm
The only thing bad about being a slut is that at least ONE person out of the “f**k buddies” you had sex with already by some chance have a partner. xD So really all it does is hurt people and kill real relationships. xD My only request is this, f**k off from my spouse and you can swim in secretions all you want. XD
A bit of trolling there, :L but you gotta give that some thought to the fact that it is true of what i have just said. ^^
July 31, 2011 at 4:59 am
Indulging yourself in something that mes you happy and doesn’t harm anyone is perfectly natural. I see slut as a compliment. I’m 18, i’ve had 8 different partners (4 of which were females). I’ve never hurt anyone emotionally, i was always either in a relationship with the person or simply good friends. i’ve never cheated or enabled a cheater.
Oh, and I’m not gross thank you very much, I have very good hygiene and to be perfectly blunt, I’m still as tight as I was the first time. My fiance knows of my past, and loves that I’m experienced. He actually enjoys calling me those “bad” names during sex or as terms of endearment.
FYI, theres a whole subculture in the bdsm community who wear the term slut with pride.
October 23, 2011 at 2:00 am
I think people who are insecure and need to be in some settled (boring) steady marriage without any passion or even truly engaging conversation can do that if they wish (and continue living a rather irrelevant life). Sometimes marriage can be a wonderful thing if the two parties involved are mature adult partners who apply the point that they don’t live life the way others want them to. If people wish to go out and live their lives in a flirtatious vivacious way then so be it. Life is too short to let others live it for you and sex is a small part of a holistic life. Just as it is for men, there are different men for different times in a woman’s life and through different phases. It isn’t even truly about sex. It is about bonding and relationships, and if you are ready and willing to have sex then it is actually your decision. Society has no say in that haha since as Dr. Seuss notes those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. In the end. Please prioritise and then live and let live.
1) don’t boast if you have had multiple partners (it shows that you still are living life for others’ fickle opinions and not for the betterment of yourself or those in nee). It is a personal journey so embrace that
2) no regrets. Others will try to punish you enough no matter what decision you take in order to make themselves feel better because of their own insecurities. There is no need for you to punish yourself as well
3) try not to be drunk when having sex unless it was a decided to do so prior to the drunken raunchy evening. Be levelheaded and mature about your decision. Do it only for yourself and not the guy, and try to steer clear of the little boys who want to have five minute sex to brag to their boys. That’s just a waste of time and emotional energy
4) if someone calls you a slut, remember it is because they are frustrated about not having a say about how your life should go. They say it, you smile and laugh at their pathetic attempt. You can only really be treated how you let people treat you. Any response from you indicates that they are pushing your buttons, so they will continue with that behaviour. You need to truly be above what others try and make you be, including potential husbands who want to be with a young (and often completely and utterly naive) virgin… who needs the hypocrit anyway. Na ah sister
5) stay proud of who you are and give yourself a chance to grow and mature into who you really want to become. Steer clear of opportunistic people, bullies, insecure people, those without any direction in life and those who are fixated only upon sex. Realise that you will always find people who love you for who you are if you are secure and confident, because they are usually secure
Just live your life now.
January 19, 2012 at 10:09 pm
[And let’s be real… most of us have, at at least some point in our lives, been promiscuous (myself included). Maybe it was the one night stand you had while on Spring break. Or the cute guy you met on the train. Degrading someone because of their sexual promiscuity is a lot like the pot calling the kettle black.]
Sorry, but maybe in the line of people you know. Sexual promiscuity is unheard of in my area, sure, we have more than one sexual partner in our lifetimes, but they’re in a relationship with them and aren’t “easy”.
Nice how you tried to stereotype the average woman. Such a shame you can’t use it on everyone.
[One of my college friends always used to say, “Do what you do.” It’s a great mantra. So, do what you do – so long as it brings happiness, peace and love into your life, and the lives of the people around you. If being a slut does that, then do it up.]
Ah wise words from a young and hedonistic college student.
Reminds me of eric cartman’s “I do what I want”.
January 31, 2012 at 1:46 am
The logic of having sex with multiple partners is not quite the same as having icecream or driving a car. When one is having an icecream, one is responsible for his own actions only . When one is driving a car, he is responsible for his own car and a car he may hit . But when one is having sex with multiple partners, he is responsible for any STD his partner might get and any STD his promiscous partner might transfer to his other partner who might transfer to another promiscous partner and this chain might go on in geometric progression . And in the end , an innocent not-promiscous person might get infected when any of the promiscous people try to get into a serious relationship.There are some STDs which condoms don’t prevent and are can pass on just by touching of the genital areas. Most people don’t test for STDs until they start showing symptoms. What is the garantuee that he hasn’t already infected 5 more people (who themselves infected 5 others and so on ) before they started showing symptoms and got tested ?
Moreover , studies have shown oxytocin that is released during sex is related to romantic attachment as well . So basically , the promiscous person feels romantic attachment for many people at the same time ….so what is the garantuee that he /she will not cheat in a relationship ?
If not slutshaming means to think that this behavior is perfectly fine or having respect for someone who indulges in this behavior, then I’m very happy to be a slutshamer