I’m the first person not to take life too seriously. A little humor – and the occasional penis joke – can go a long way. But not everything is funny – especially gay jokes.
When you laugh at someone’s sexual orientation, it makes paves the way for name-calling and then bullying. It creates a foundation that becomes a very slippery slope to homophobia. And while most people making gay jokes don’t intend to contribute to the mistreatment of LGBT people, I think we need to take responsibility for the words that come out of our mouths – and how they may impact others.
To that end, check out today’s impromptu talky blog (which I recorded after watching the new Sherlock Holmes movie) via my second YouTube channel, Davey Wavey Raw.
January 23, 2012 at 10:32 am
I get your point and I kinda agree with it…but not whole heartedly…I make jokes about straight people, so in turn I don’t get offended by them making jokes about gay people. I agree that it only takes on small step to go down a slippery slope, but since everyone is an individual and we all should respect that, don’t we also have an individual sense of humour or as long as the joke is not done with malicious intent, then it can be seen as funny to some people.
(currently thinking the phrase, “can’t please everyone all of the time”)
I’m not saying you’re wrong, i just think there’s wiggle room when interpreting these jokes…
January 23, 2012 at 10:40 am
I know some people dont make gay jokes to affend anyone, but sometimes it really is quite hurtful! Some things people also say the most craziest stuff, like the other night at my bar job some guy ( who was extremly georgous) ask me to suck his c**k after me asking what would he like. I laughed cause it took me by suprise but then he kept on asking me to suck his dick at the bar in an incredibly busy crowded place so that everyone could of heard. It was so embarrassing and degrading. Later that night he got his c**k out and was taking pics. He got kicked out.
But thing is, its difficult to deal with comments like that and also knowing he is straight it really affended me.
How do you deal with comments like that? Its soo wrong. I did laugh looking back at it that night and all the staff was just saying what a dick he was!
Jack
January 23, 2012 at 11:23 am
You could always go with the standard response… when he asks you to suck his c**k, say “Where should I start… you’re all c**k.” Reverse the embarrassment and humiliation back on him. Even if he’s a customer, no one needs to put up with that kind of behavior.
January 23, 2012 at 10:45 am
Reminds me of feeling crushed and brokenhearted when, as a closeted teenager, I would have to listen to my stepfather telling gay jokes at some family dinner and everyone else laughing. He is more considerate now that I’m out, but at that time I did not feel confident that I would ever have the support of my family.
January 23, 2012 at 10:46 am
While I agree with everything you are saying, I think it’s a bad example. What you talk about from the Sherlock film is more about how funny it is to see two straight guys, or for that matter, two people who aren’t in any way attracted to each other, put in a compromising situation. Good rant. Bad starting point.
January 24, 2012 at 3:09 am
@Cesar:
Right,Cesar,
While it’s an old joke that Holmes & Watson were what ,long ago,gays were called:consenting adults. Straight men dancing together,and that seen as funny,goes back [at least] to Laurel & Hardy !
January 23, 2012 at 10:47 am
I get that there are times when gay jokes aren’t appropriate. But I also realise that sometimes it’s okay to make fun of yourself. I’m an out, gay student and I have a fantastic group of friends that know where the boundaries are between funny and offensive. It takes time to get there, and sometimes they cross a line, so I let them know. Hell, I make fun of the short guy, the Irish guy, the Northerner. I think that jokes can be a way of belittling people, but they’re also a signal that, unlike some people like to believe, we’re just like everyone else.
January 23, 2012 at 10:47 am
Jack, that must have been quite an upsetting/uncomfortable situation for you to have to deal with. However, people will act out however they feel is need to. It’s a learning curve. That person probably woke up the next morning asking himself “why was i such an idiot last night” knowing that his behaviour and language were so awful. He may have repressed feelings about his own sexuality. He may just not have much experience at dealing with other cultures/genders/sexualities and doesn’t understand the subtle boundaries our society are so adamant about clinging to.
I’m not trying to justify his behaviour or actions, however, the very fact that when he exposed himself in a public place (not that doing it in private makes it any better in most cases) he was evicted from the bar as social convention does not allow such behaviour.
Getting a greater understanding behind the reasons why people make jokes or act with particular behaviours, i believe, helps with the tolerance of individuals and then we can help educate people as to what is appropriate and not appropriate to each of us as individuals…
John
January 23, 2012 at 10:53 am
I think you can tell a gay joke while taking care of how it can impact others. I wouldn’t want to censor anything anyone has to say. If you don’t like what you hear challenge it through dialogue. But telling someone they shouldn’t say something is mind-numbingly inane to me. The only way to combat ignorance is through education, but because someone makes a gay joke doesn’t by definition make them a bad person, or even irresponsible.
January 23, 2012 at 10:57 am
Just about the Sherlock film, the writers have probably never read the real books or only have a vague idea. When they put this onto the screen, without using a lot of subtext and screen time, they just create such situations for the characters as back then and now (if they are really straight) it would have been awkward. Plus Holmes never appears to get close to a woman, so he takes Watson, the closest to him.
If the audience laughs at that, the audience either feels empathy at the awkwardness that may be felt; or you just had an immature audience. Either way it isnt intended as a joke, as it is in the novels; and perhaps the writer did want to make the characters gay but did not dare write it at the time it would have been socially inappropriate. Who knows, we may not even have heard of Holmes had it been obvious.
That’s just my two cents on the film.
January 23, 2012 at 10:58 am
The dancing seen was kind of refreshing for me because nobody in the movie said anything about it. The only reason it could possibly seem abnormal is if the viewer finds it that way.
January 23, 2012 at 10:59 am
I see your point, but as someone mentioned earlier, jokes can be used in a disarming way. In my small part of the world, it’s easy to recognize when the intent is meant to hurt, and when it’s not. It depends on situation, of course, and relation, but also on the facial expressions and tone of voice.
And the Sherlock Holmes movies? I saw that as an attempt to “normalize” gay behaviour (please read this the right way) with the dancing scene at least. Back when these books were written, gay as an identity didn’t exsist, thus men dancing together doesn’t seem too wrong historically. At least I don’t think that was frowned much upon.
January 23, 2012 at 11:01 am
I disagree, and cannot stop staring at your nipples.
January 23, 2012 at 11:04 am
I actually disagree with you Davey, (possibly for the first time) I, being a gay man, have written a few things. Firstly a book which is being edited which I don’t think has any gay jokes in it but you do follow a couple of characters who end up coming together but all the way through the book they deny it. That isn’t what the books are about, its just a bit of a backstory for the characters. I’ve also written a play where most of the humour is around my main character, coinsidentally called Davie, who is gay. There are a hell of a lot of sexual jokes and homosexual jokes… most of them I have been in the situation to have said about me. I personally find them funny becuase, where I know they aren’t said with malicious intent despite my friends do make A LOT of gay jokes it’s given me a really thick skin and the ability to laugh at myself. Let’s face it if you can’t laugh at yourself then you can’t really laugh at anyone else.
I mean there are a few groups that have built up this thick skin due to jokes made about them. If you ever go to comedy bars you will alllways and I mean always hear a joke about a jewish person. Not some are distasteful but what I find entertaining is when it is actually a jewish person telling the jokes, the reason this is entertaining to me is for the soul reason that they are not offended by the joke and it shows that people can laugh at themselves….
I figure it’s the people that truely accept certain traits about themselves that can laugh at them. For me being gay is something I am happy to joke about, the fact that I look foreign is also something I find funny.
To conclude I don’t think the gay jokes fuel homophobic behaviour or the homophobic cognitive process. You could class them as a weapon, that homophobic personnes can use. But everything can be a weapon, for instance the nearest thing to me at the moment is a pen. I could use this to stab someone in the eyes, blinding them and then aim for their trachea, undoubtably causing them to drown in their own blood. I don’t use pens for this, they are to write with. Jokes are for humour.
January 23, 2012 at 11:17 am
This is completely untrue and quite the opposite, making jokes is peoples way to get comfortable with a subject. Also there are jokes that come from a good place that are meant to uplift and jokes that come from a hateful place that are meant to discriminate.
I love gay jokes but there are gay jokes that don´t make sense like those that imply gay people are rapists (dropping the soap) and that all gay people are flamboyant.
Overall it´s so nice to see more and more gay stuff and acceptance in our culture.
January 23, 2012 at 11:24 am
Hahahaha, if you ever visit Spain, you must know that the national joke here is about gays and “tartajas” or “gangosos”. It is not smthg to be proud of, but here everyone laughs at everything. And I think it is not that bad. This is an example: Paco Arévalo and his famous jokes about “mariquitas”, gay people. Exactly a joke about a gay doing the “mili”, the military service:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqzDEu6Z9Cs
Hey, Davey, could you recommend us or tell us which are your favorite books and movies? I am sure that would be an interesting topic to tolak about in your blog.
January 23, 2012 at 11:31 am
Im pretty much on the side that you are totally wrong on this. Humor is funny. Have you ever told a joke about poor people? Nuns? Any race group? Bottoms or tops?its funny cause there’s truth in what we say. It’s funny becuase we know our audience. Agreed, a bigot telling a race joke is wrong but it’s in the intent, not the execution. Sometimes when we see something we bring something to the situation that is not there. I think that is what you did this time becuase it’s just jokes. And jokes are funny. If I tell a joke about gays (I’m gay) it’s hilarious. If a bigot does, suddenly the joke isn’t funny? No, it’s still funny, but the intent is nothing to joke about. Learn to seperate the two.
January 23, 2012 at 11:36 am
With Gay jokes my friends crack them all the time… they best believe that I’ll reverse them in an instant if I want to. They are only meant to bring a brighter light to moments so long as the Joke is at an appropriate time.
January 23, 2012 at 12:01 pm
The more that you treat homosexuals as if they are weak, fragile, sick, disable people and the more that you tiptoe around them, you are supporting their alienation from the society instead of their integration. True equality will be jeopardized.
January 23, 2012 at 12:04 pm
I too think you’ve missed the mark here. I was just involved in a discussion on another site about a situation very close to this where someone who is VERY supportive of gay rights and issues did something that, to some, seemed derogatory to gay people. In fact, what was done was quite funny given the context and knowing the person as I do.
It’s very similar to Neil Patrick Harris, when he used the word “tranny” on live tv. Like he said, he didn’t get the memo. What he said was funny, and it was NOT derogatory. I don’t care what your opinion on the matter is on that one either.
We as gay people need to get the chip off our collective shoulder. You can’t live in a PC world 24/7. There is a line, yes, but humor is humor and guess what? Gay people are hilarious!
January 23, 2012 at 12:16 pm
It sounds like a bad example to me. The weight isn’t there. Laughing when two men dance together is different from laughing at two men dancing together. Your examples were not upholding any stereotypes. However, that doesn’t mean that the impact isn’t real. You you, as an individual, feel hurt then you were hurt.
Another thing Davey is that the people who were laughing at the theater may bee LGBTQ themselves. They may have been laughing, mockingly, at this representation on screen. I personally add gay subtext to every movie I watch, especially if sexuality isn’t the key focus. Try it, you may like it.
January 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm
It is odd viewing a movie at the theater and being aware of the different responses around you. As you say things have changed but it is still a process. In 1978 I saw La cage aux folles at an urban cinema. It was amazing how the movie was totally misunderstood by the straight viewers. Being a french farce it was amusing. I found that the audience, primarily straight, didn’t get it. The funny bits were missed and the tragic bits were where the laughs came. I felt a bit bad that the audience couldn’t see that it was not laughable. We are in a much better place now with more exposure comes a fuller understanding of what it means to be gay and the heartache it can bring.
January 23, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Please don’t get any bigger, Davey! Your body was much more attractive a couple of years ago when you weren’t soooo defined and big. Too much “USA gay on steroids” look now – leaner & more european looking before = better.
Thanks.
Your FAN in Denmark
January 23, 2012 at 12:40 pm
I laugh at gay jokes. I’m more likely to laugh when they are told by a gay person (drag queens seem to love them!) than by a straight person, but humor is humor. I laugh at straight jokes also, not to demean straight people but because they are funny and most straight peoople are secure enough in their sexuality not to be offended.
January 23, 2012 at 12:45 pm
Davey, I have to disagree with you on this one, like the others. Humor is one of the most effective ways to difuse a situation, particularly one that can otherwise be uncomfortable for some. Slippery slopes can occur, but then again, most everything we do in life could be a slippery slope to something worse. That’s where wisdom comes in, and discernment. We just need to know “when to say when.” I don’t believe this is one of those times.
January 23, 2012 at 12:46 pm
First off, I have heard way more gay jokes from homosexuals than from heteros. Are all these people self-hating gays? Don’t think so.
And, if we can’t enjoy the occasional ‘mo joke, then we shouldn’t listen to hetero jokes, or animal jokes, or plant jokes, or inanimate object jokes. No blond jokes either!
If ANY joke crosses the line, it is up to the listener to tell the joke-teller that his funny sucked.
A world without humor would be one not worth living in.
January 23, 2012 at 12:56 pm
I find it amusing that you make a penis joke but gay/homo jokes are off limit. You could say that making a joke about one’s sex could lead to someone towards sexism. The idea that the mere action will cause a reaction, I can drink a beer and not beat my significant other, same can be said about my black friends, gay or any other. I can keep a black,sexual, and or gay joke a joke and not feel the need to join the kkk, a rape gang, or a gay bashing party. To tell me to limit myself because you are worried that it could lead to worse action is understandable but stupid. It is nearly the same line of thought people use on prop 8, if people can marry same sex then they’ll want to marry their pets, children.
January 23, 2012 at 12:57 pm
Hey Davey,
I some what agree with you that it is slipper slope and a dangerous gray area. But, I also agree and understand what other wrote on here like that it can be a way of people becoming comfortable with a topic that might be a bit of an issue or awkward for them. I also agree with someone else that yes you can make heterosexual jokes as well. I guess the most important part of what you said is don’t make fun of peoples “SEXUAL ORIENTATION” be it LGBT, Hetero, etc…
But, what bugged me mainly about this video was you tone of voice and anger at the end of it. I was quit shocked at seeing you so upset. Like at least it registered and came across as angry to me. Your sooooo lovable and light hearted, I was totally and completely shocked! Were you angry, or sad, or emotional? Don’t you feel like you were intense in the like last 10 seconds of the clip?
I wonder what others think about that?
January 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm
Hi Davey,
I am usually with you on this sort of thing, but sadly I believe that you’ve chosen the wrong example to make your point on this occasion.
Whilst I would agree that the use of sexuality as a punchline or as the “butt of the joke” can be unproductive for LGBT people who are constantly seeking greater equality in the world, I think that using the example of the Sherlock Holmes film is unworthy. As a gay man there are many jokes that I hear where my reaction is either “that’s offensive” or at the very least “that’s unhelpful”, for reasons that are precisely in line with those in your video. However there are many situations where humour can be used simply to allow people to start openly talking about a topic, and by doing so it can enable them to gain a greater understanding and appreciation of the thoughts / needs of a minority group which can actually *promote* equality and acceptance.
I have seen the Sherlock film, and in addition to finding the whole thing to be extremely funny, I felt that it fell into the latter category. It’s not commonly known but the original Sherlock Holmes stories as written by Conan-Doyle were riddled with suggestions that Holmes and Watson were something of a couple. Only in these recent films (i.e. the Guy Ritchie ones) have this side of the characters been noted and added into the screenplay, whereas before it was a taboo subject that was conveniently ignored by the film makers. It’s all about portraying aspects of a story and traits of the characters which is considered acceptable to the public at the time the film is made. Interestingly enough the original stories blatantly describe Holmes as being a regular cocaine user, but that too has been conveniently ignored by the screenplay writers. Again, it’s all about what’s acceptable in society and on that basis I think that the gay undertones in the latest films suggest that the audience is actually progressing and is now far closer to where we (the LGBT minority) would all like it to be.
Just my “two cents” as those of you on your side of the Atlantic would say.
Keep up the great work,
Rich (London, UK)
January 23, 2012 at 1:57 pm
What do you all think of the movie, Bruno?
January 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm
I totally agree with you, but I think you chose the wrong movie example. Sherlock is British, so their humor is different than Americans. It was not intended to be funny. Maybe awkward, but that’s only to show their how strong their friendship was before it came to an end.
Some people who’ve read the original series strongly believe the relationship between Sherlock and John are more than just bromance, and were actual lovers, so the director of the movie probably believes so too, hence the hinting his options here and there, but Americans probably weren’t expecting these hints since most people aren’t away of the history of the fandom, and laughed out of uncomfort or being caught off guard, and not because “Haha, they look gay, therefore it’s funny.”
If you used another example from a movie that’s purpose was actually making fun of/having gay jokes, we’d totally be on your side. But since you chose Sherlock of all things, I’m sorry you have all these fans on your tail.
But don’t worry Davey, Just because we disagree with your examples, doesn’t mean we love or support you any less. <3
January 23, 2012 at 10:27 pm
I agree that sexuality is a continuum from totally gay to totally straight. And the religions- Christianity, Judaism and Islam (all emanating from the same source) have made western soceity believe that there is a black & white about sexuality.
Animals acn be completely hetero and also homo at different times. Man is an animal, actually a mammal. So our sexulaity stands to reason should be a continuum.
As regards the example of Europeans kissing. BAD example. The kissing in Greece, Italy, Spain and Portugal is cultural. These are also Catholic or Orthodox countries as such the more homophobic societies in Europe. North Europeans dont hug and kiss but still are less homophobic.
Sorry Jenn
January 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm
Davey, most of the time I find myself agreeing with you – and hey, maybe the fact I’m a gal (one with a rather… flexible gender identity though – femme, butch, heck I’m married, but since I was 15 my actual view of things seems weirdly fluid) means I’m missing something – but in this?
I think you are wrong.
Really wrong.
As in – contributing to the problem wrong.
Here’s what I mean – I’ve read the books. All of them. Heck – I’ve worked my way through versions in other languages, listened to the radio broadcasts, watched the old black & white movies, all the way to the modern – and honestly, these most current feel the most correctly in tone all of the other attempts. To me, the behavior of H&W at no point felt like “Let’s make overtly homoerotic jokes, waggle our eyebrows, and giggle about how ornery we are”. In the original books – H&W are brothers in arms. With all the fighting, sniping, and general bashing each other about while making damn sure No One Else Touches Their Brother. (I have an older brother myself. We’ll beat the literal snot out of each other – still, even with me at 32 and he at 37 – but god help anyone else who tries. Neither of us are big fighters, and 99% of all the brawls we got into was because we saw someone going after the other.) The closeness, the togetherness, the touching?
It’s a recent thing that that has a specific sexual connotation. Walk into a European town – you’ll see elderly dads walking hand in hand with their adult sons. Go to a Greek bar – you’re going to see men kissing each other in greeting. It’s saddens me so much that we’ve all so tightly grabbed onto the edges of ourselves, and view any and all intrusion into our space as sexual. In the books – Holmes & Watson have female lovers. But they also life together in tight spaces, save each others lives, and love each other fiercely. Often in the same breath they are cursing the birth of the other – but That Is Family. And love is more than simply sexual. There is sexual love. There is brotherly love. And their is Agape love – the love of the spirit. And only in the last hundred years or so did showing that love get tangled up in who wants to get into who’s pants. I’ll smack my brother on the ass – and I’m not pining to sleep with him. (Actually, to be completely honest? I have slept with him. Taken baths too. But we were also in the footie pj wearing time of our lives, so if anyone wants to go running around screaming that we were incestuously linked…. they need their head read.)
I’m sorry Davie. But looking for jokes, pouncing on perceived possible digs, and thinking it’s all a slippery slope to gay bashing because a film portrayed two men as loving WITHOUT necessarily being LOVERS is part of the problem. Until folks can grasp we all love in a hundred different ways – some of them IMMENSELY entertaining to those watching (seriously – be it between siblings or long term lovers, we all have mannerisms and actions that ARE silly to those outside.) but none of them wrong – THAT is what will feed the you against me, the us against them, the perpetuation of the idea that someone different is automatically Other. And other… is scary. Stop looking for darkness. There is enough in the world. And when you search for it in areas simply because you are afraid – you cast the shadow darkness lives in.
Yeah. Holmes and Watson are a couple. They also love specific women. Love each other and others and indulge in all the silly wonderful behavior that implies. Don’t darken that.
January 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm
One last thing – yeah, I know, already obscenely long but here it is…
Davy, the only way it works as a homosexual joke is if you believe that there is Gay and there is Straight.
A whole lot of us live and love happily in the middle. And find it incredibly frustrating when we’re told by the camps on the far extreme of both sides that our lives aren’t valid. That we’re hiding from the truth. That we’re in or out, gay or straight. Heman or June Cleaver.
As an amazonian Betty Crocker, who slides easily from top hat and tails to a wasp waist and heels? There is an infinite variety of colors in the rainbow dear. And it’s a lot more fun to play when you realize you have more than just 2 crayons in your box. I think… I think it’s entirely possible that in your – well justified – quest for the world to embrace YOUR life and the lives of those who are like you… you kinda forgot that it’s not just us against them. And for a man who wants the world to love each other, you really need to take those labels off people, and just allow them to simply be themselves, individually. Not a group, not a team, not a set piece. Just each of us ourselves – trying to figure out how to connect to those around us.
January 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm
@Jenn
I read both your coments and completely agree with them. If there was a way to promote comments in Davey’s system, I would do it in a heartbeat.
January 23, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Sometime, it is funny.. but no always funny.. as what @Todd asked “What do you all think of the movie, Bruno?” The Silliest Movie I ever watch.. but, I enjoy watching “The Gay Movies”, it’s funny..
But as in Malaysia, the Gay’s here are much funny.. Maybe because of the language that we use here.. huhuuh..
Anyway, enjoy ur day..
)
January 23, 2012 at 3:06 pm
I really disagree with this one.
The fact that we as a society are even capable of interpreting this as HEHEH funny gay moment in lieu of “Well that looked gay but it can’t be because gay should go die……..” Not to mention I really find Ho Yay amusing……
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HoYay
January 23, 2012 at 3:09 pm
after reading the comments-i take your side Davey.i hear gay jokes at work-everyweek.i can laugh and go with one as being lighthearted.however-two guys i know then elaborate their derisiveness.they speak and show their lack of education.they come from small towns in western Mexico.this is how perpetuation of stereotypes continues.and it never ends.i know i am thin skinned-but i do allow one never to get the best of me.in this case-education-is the key.
January 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Todd,
I found “Bruno” impossible to watch in its entirety. Not my kind of humor. If you want to see a really funny film that has something to offend practically everyone, watch “The Loved One.”
January 23, 2012 at 7:29 pm
Are you talking the ancient film with Jonathan Winters??? I saw that in Highschool when one of my teachers tried introducing us to offbeat cinema. I’d like to watch it again – 20 years later – to see if I ind it any better. I’m not sure I really got it back then.
January 23, 2012 at 11:44 pm
Mosaic Dave,
That’s the film, directed by Tony Richardson and released in 1965. Winters plays two roles, and there are a bunch of cameos by well-known actors and actresses — and Liberace, who has a hilarious cameo as a really smarmy salesman in a funeral home.
The film is a poke in the eye with a very sharp stick at the funeral business, Hollywood in general and many other targets.
It is still available on DVD (or VHS tape, if you are so inclined). I just ordered a DVD to replace my old tape.
January 23, 2012 at 3:33 pm
I agree. There can be posititve gay jokes just like neagtives ones. There are not all hurtful. Okay, I hope I am not starting anything but. . .
There was a new soldier assigned to a tropical island were the army was based. The Sarge showed him around. “Friday nights are the best. The islanders hold a feast and the food and drink are wonder!”
The new arrival replied “Sorry, I don’t have the stomach for exotic food and drink.”
“Well, there’s Saturday. The island girls come to the base and they are very accomidating, if you know what I mean.”
The Private replied again, “I am a little uneasy around the opposite sex.”
The Sargeant lookd him up and down, “Are you gay?”
“Certainly not!” came the reply.
“Then you’ll not like Sundays either.”
January 24, 2012 at 3:20 am
@Peter from Minneapolis:
Thanks,Peter f M,That’s really funny !
January 23, 2012 at 4:06 pm
I can’t say I fully agree with you. Sure… If the jokes are downright vicious, I can see that this would be unwanted. And then we naturally have to correct them.
But my parents joke about my orientation. I don’t happen to think that’s a big issue. To me, it shows their opening up to me being gay. Which is something I could only dream about a year ago.
so as long as jokes are innocent, I say keep ‘em coming. If they’re vicious and downright insulting, correct them.
If we cannot laugh about ourselves… aren’t we pitiful?
January 23, 2012 at 4:07 pm
Now what do you mean by gay jokes? I agree that the simple fact of implied or suspected homosexuality isn’t funny. But I think that there can be some comedy intertwined in the gay community. For example, a light-hearted quib like, “What does a gay horse eat for breakfast?—————-Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!” is both funny and innocent. Or even something a little more serious like “Do gay men go to church on Sundays?————–Silly, the gym isn’t open on Sundays; they go every other day” can garner a few laughs in light spirit.
January 23, 2012 at 4:47 pm
I haven’t seen the movie so I don’t know for sure but it sounds like that was the reaction of the audience more than the intent of the movie. I watched the Jane Eyre movie and just because of the people in attendance people started laughing at a lot of the antiquated ideas in that film but I don’t think the film meant for it to be funny.
January 23, 2012 at 6:27 pm
Wow. Really working the guilt there Davey! I love it!
January 23, 2012 at 6:28 pm
Its kind of interesting to really listen to the jokes we make, are jokes about race, gender, size, sexuality, age, illness, physical condition, religion, mental condition and many many many more of our other human conditions hurtful to anyone? they are, to everyone and anyone, but what if theyd disapeared, what would we laugh about? It speaks good of yourself if u can laugh about your own self. My boyfriend and I have such nice friends, but grown in Mexico, ud find many of them being all tough and macho, but everytime they make a joke about gay people, we just agree with our condition, we dont get upset, just show them that we are gay, and happy about it. Once, we went to a party, and we needed to leave early, and its very common for mexican men to say “don’t be a f*g, don’t go” and we just say ” well… I am a f*g”, i dont know if they keep making jokes or not away from us, but having a sense of humor and chosing battles makes our life a bit easier and less upseting.
January 23, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Davey, I took it completely differently. The 2 main characters are, for all we know, straight. Watson is soon to be married. Ironically they keep ending up in these compromising positions that would be – for straight people – quite awkward. Let’s face it, if we switched the sexualities of the characters to a gay guy and his straight, female best friend we’d be laughing for the same reason. The jokes here are not about homosexuality but the awkwardness of these situations for people who probably wouldn’t be into them.
January 23, 2012 at 7:22 pm
We take things personally when we agree with what others have said. If we didn’t agree, the things that others say would not affect us emotionally. If we did not care about what others think about us, their words or behavior could not affect us. Even if someone yells at you, gossips about you, harms you or yours, it still is not about you! Their actions and words are based on what they believe in their personal life.
January 23, 2012 at 8:29 pm
I have always said that if you want to be a strong person you have to confront all situations with your head up, and if there is anything that could hurt you, you have to claim it, except your volnerblitiy, get use to it and make fun of it. This way it loses the control that it has over you.
January 23, 2012 at 8:45 pm
@Davey Wavey:,@Everyone:
Like most other commenters so far,I’m mezzo/mezzo on this one Davey:Gay jokes told by anyone,whatever her/his sexual orientation are wrong if they are,or are reasonably perceived to be,hateful/belittling.However,like everyone else,LGBTs can be annoying,and/or silly,and/or ridiculous.Sometimes our behavior & attitudes,or affectations convey [intentionally,or not] f.g stereotypes.Sometimes the jokes,whether just for fun,or for reasons of self-hatred,are very,VERY FUNNY.Recently I came across several youtube vids on funny gay behavior:The best were hilarious[& true],and I forwarded one,”s**t Gay Guys Say” to BTI.To me it was as funny as any of the #gayboy problems posted on this blog a few months ago.I think we’re better off if we can laugh at ourselves:God knows,many of us cry enough!
January 23, 2012 at 9:33 pm
Davey, it seems for the first time that your viewers/followers are in the vast majority disagreeing with you. Nonetheless, it’s a great discussion.
By the way, I don’t agree with you either.
January 23, 2012 at 10:25 pm
Off topic here, but what’s happened to Davey Wavey and BlogTv on Monday nights?
January 23, 2012 at 10:26 pm
With the Sherlock Holmes books, I have heard somewhere that those 2 might have been writen as lovers.
January 23, 2012 at 10:38 pm
I think feeling bad about gay jokes is as valid a reaction just as an irishman feeling bad about irish jokes or an indian person feeling bad about the fake indian accent seen on TV serials like the Simpsons.
All these reactions are totally valid.
City boys dismissing them off as ‘my gay friends make gay jokes’ or ‘my straight friends know where to draw the line’ is being very superficial and callous towards and about the lonely gay boy stuck in small town homophobic Arkansas. So I think there is a validity to Daveys reaction.
Sorry I cannot be as dismissive as all of you have been. Small town homophobia can be dangerous. Pandering to any form of homophobia or dismissive attitudes towards races, genders or cultures is not cool.
Try living in societies where there are inequalities.
January 23, 2012 at 11:16 pm
I think few of us would challenge the assertion that mean-spirited and actually homophobic behaviour is unacceptable. What most of us have pointed out is that Davey’s example doesn’t seem to fit. It seemed neither mean-spirited nor homophobic to me. The site gags in the film occured to me as funny and appropriate.
January 24, 2012 at 1:40 am
90% of the Polish jokes told to me were told by my lovable, thoroughly Polish-American father-in-law. The source made them extra funny for some reason!
January 24, 2012 at 3:35 am
@prasad:
Sorry you’re in a difficult situation/location,prasad.
However,reading this and your several other comments,I feel that :1]You may be assuming too much__Why “city” boys? It’s true that many cities are more gay-friendly,or at least gay-tolerant,but being gay pretty much anywhere is no bed of roses.You are right in saying that urbanites either tend not to think about,or are dismissive of folks in the “sticks”. 2] It might help you to lighten-up a bit:Humor,when it’s not mal-intended,HELPS ! As an example,check back a few months to the BTI blog on #gayboy problems.
January 24, 2012 at 12:50 am
I am so happy you have done this video, you know why? Because perhaps you now realize what it’s like when YOU mock in your videos (such as your own disparaging comments about the Catholic church, which happens to be something of meaning to me). I love you Davey, but you make catty comments all the time. Just because you don’t agree with something or see something a certain way, doesn’t mean all gay people see it through the same lense. I hope the fact you have now voiced this through a video reflects your wider self-awareness about what YOU say in your own work.
January 24, 2012 at 12:56 am
Well, I agree with the general message of the video, while I may side with the majority here regarding the quality of the example you used. What I would like to point out, is that while I agree with the general message, I think you should take a look at your video regarding the shoe fetish and the inappropriate joking/bullying that you did there, including a “gay joke” about “this is why straights don’t want gays to get married.” It seems to me you should try harder to follow your own advice. With all of the negative feedback you received regarding the other video, especially on youtube, I’m shocked that you haven’t taken it down and/or made a formal apology. Still waiting.
January 24, 2012 at 3:09 am
I’m still waiting, too, Kevin. Sad to see that Davey is either oblivious to the people he offended with his last video, or he doesn’t care. I’m surprised he hasn’t at least addressed the negative feedback, let alone said “sorry.”