My cousin’s grandmother is the most saintly and generous person I’ve ever met. We always joke that when she dies, we’re all going to grab her ankles because she’s going to take the express lane to heaven. But that’s beside the point. Though she is incredibly generous, whenever someone returns the gesture – and gives even the simplest of gifts – she always replies, “Too much. Too much.”
I have a similar attitude when it comes to drama. Too much. Too much.
When we talk about these things, we discuss them as if they actually exist in this physical world. They don’t. Drama and conflict only exist within us if we choose to cultivate them with our participation. Like a parasite, these things need us to survive.
I’ve noticed that often the most outspoken opponents of drama are the biggest cultivators of it. I’m sure you know people like that (::cough:: Perez Hilton ::cough:: John & Kate Plus 8 ::cough::). By pushing back against drama, one can only make it stronger. Instead of fighting back, I recommend a more subtle route.
We can turn off drama and conflict by removing ourselves from it. We can make decisions to avoid situations, people and relationships that will likely lead to conflict and drama. If those situations, people or relationships are unavoidable (though I can’t think of an unavoidable relationship), we can practice defenselessness and surrender.
Though the ego wishes to defend your reputation, perspectives and opinions, it’s not a requirement. Your true value as a human being isn’t determined by the number of people that agree with you or share your opinion. Your true sense of worth isn’t dependent on you winning a fight.
If a conflict arises, you always have the choice to remove yourself from it. Better than trying to bend someone to your will is living in a world filled with pervasive peace.
Otherwise, it’s all too much. Too much.
June 29, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Absolutely right. My aunt has the same opinion, yet she inadvertently always bites back at her attackers. Yeah, Perez Hilton is always asking for trouble. But oh well, lets not make it our job to try and fix it. Sooner or later, he’ll see the errors in his way. I love your blog, btw. I’ve seen your music videos, and they’re really something. They’re good!
June 29, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Sounds it is easier to just walk away. It is all about karma. You attract in your life what you want…
June 29, 2009 at 4:57 pm
I totally agree. Most things are plain common sense. Its a shame people can’t see this. X
June 29, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Removing yourself from drama in my family is quite tough. You try to end it and make peace, then they bring up other things just to provoke you. There are those who seek confrontation, and those who choose to avoid it. My only escape is to get away, and that is what I am currently working on. Getting a place away from home. I am the only one in my family that chooses to walk away. The rest of my family is not happy unless they have something to complain about, even the littlest things give them something to say.
June 30, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I just smile and say, “Thanks for sharing.” Which is code for “I’m not really interested in your drama.”
June 29, 2009 at 7:27 pm
It really is…
Ciao!
June 30, 2009 at 7:38 am
how true it is.
June 29, 2009 at 8:42 pm
I sooo hear you on that one. I’m in high school and,obviously there’s so much drama. So I had to learn to remove myself from it. I just avoid it all together. But it’s hard sometimes because when some of my friends are fighting…they’ll all come to me and talk crap/vent, and ask me if I heard my other friends talking crap. So I obviously hear all of them talk crap about each other…I just don’t tell them. I listen to everything they have to say but I don’t tell my other friends what my friend said about them(the other friends)…O_o is this making sense? I need to get some more guy friends…-_- lol jk ^_^
June 30, 2009 at 9:47 am
I’ll be your friend.
No drama either.
M
June 29, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Great post, Dave!
June 29, 2009 at 11:58 pm
“Comedy’s joyous, a constant delight
Dramas annoy us…and ruin our night”
Snaps for the one who knows where this is from.
June 30, 2009 at 10:05 am
“The Producers”
(I like my snaps Ginger)
June 30, 2009 at 5:06 am
So so true and really hitting home after our earlier conversation.
June 30, 2009 at 6:22 am
Good Morning Davey,
At the Prison I volunteer at, the guys tend to dramatize everything, until I (figureatively) hit them in the face and remind them that they are in prison because they chose to break the law; it’s a reality check, so they rarely give me any grief because they know I am not a (poor baby) softie enabler.
I tell them, “you are where you are because of something you did, now you can also choose how to do the rest of your time” and that’s also true of those of us on the outside in our own “prisons”; if your mortgage costs too much, refinance, or sell and go be someone’s room mate.
I love you Davey, joey
June 30, 2009 at 9:59 am
To Davey and all of his followers,
There is an awesome book that I highly recommend; it’s called:
A NEW EARTH
Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
by Eckhart Tolle
This book is basically about how our ego’s have to create “drama” and other problems in order for our ego to survive!
It is the best book I’ve read to date; in fact, I’m going to re-read it beginning today!
One thing that I learned (or was taught) years ago is something that I try to remind myself of as often as possible. It’s very simple to remember but, like all things that we should do to improve our lives, it’s difficult to remember to APPLY it!
It goes like this:
“Change your thought”
That’s it! All we need to do is to remember that WE HAVE THE POWER TO “CHANGE OUR THOUGHTS”! If something or someone is bothering you, it is not their fault; it’s yours! It’s how YOU CHOOSE TO THINK about it!
Change you thoughts!
June 30, 2009 at 12:59 pm
While books are being recommended, this one is at the top of my list to give to others. YOu can get it on Amazon cheap: “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans. I have 5000 books in my library. This is one of the most valuable and insightful. – Coach Lance
June 30, 2009 at 10:48 am
Absolutely one of my favorite posts, Dave. Thanks for getting my morning going in the right way… (avoiding the bosses)
June 30, 2009 at 12:05 pm
very true!
June 30, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Surely it is just a dreary Gay stereotype behaviour? Who can be “assed” with such cr**?
It helps to have a brain then you can find genuine interests and adult behaviour.
June 30, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I detour drama.
Not interested.
June 30, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I don’t think it is ever OK to joke about grabbing grandma’s ankles.
June 30, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Human life is also made of conflicts and little dramas. I always try and solve conflicts with intelligence and diplomacy. I try to defuse tension in a group with often good results. For dramas, I keep a good distance not to be affected, but it’s sometime difficult not to be. When it appears that it is impossible to discuss or when the other party pretends not to see what is obvious, then I know it is time to give up and therefore stop any kind of conversation. It’s “too much” for me!
bye,bye,
June 30, 2009 at 5:30 pm
I understand and receive the wisdom in this, but doesn’t it feel inauthentic to you, Davey? I’ve practiced this way of life for a bit, and it always feels as if I’m not truly LIVING life…I’m instead choosing to avoid certain situations, people, or ways of being and cutting myself off from the fullness of life just to settle for a “happy” life. When I’m living like this, my truth is that I’m living a life with walls up. Don’t you feel the same way?
June 30, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I know that drama can make life more difficult.But living things need a struggle here and there.
July 1, 2009 at 2:30 am
as you get older the struggle will grind you down. All you will want is to live in peace. …
and “watch the wheels go round and round”.
(John lennon).
July 1, 2009 at 6:03 am
Gays, like other oppressed minorities like to deal with “A” conflict rather than deal with the one at hand. If it isn’t juicy enough it is not worth the time and effort–so create a more palatable one–more festive and dramatic. If you think the play has run to long on Broadway you can deny that ticket offer. I have a lot of gay friends who won’t do this place or that person because of “too much drama.” I have straight friends who will take it in small doses only occasionally for a unique take on “entertainment.”(“slumming it”) For me it is like drag, it becomes just that at times.
July 3, 2009 at 8:34 am
Just walk away…
July 3, 2009 at 1:01 pm
That’s how spoiled people get away with it.
They just live in their own world and never learn because none of us can be assed
with challenging them or telling them to grow up.
July 3, 2009 at 11:16 pm
walking away depends on situations. If u wanted to win a fight becos of ur pride then it is really unnecessary but if it is to clarify things, making your stand and principles or you have been wronged unreasonably then its right to stand up and not walk away. It is not just the matter how people sees you but i think u also need to do some justice for urself and who says making your stand clear have to be nasty fight? it is how you want to handle the situation where u can also talk in peace right…need not necessary have to raise your voice to resolve a situation.
July 4, 2009 at 3:04 am
Very sensible – quiet challenge – perhaps commenting that they are adult or near adult and that behaviour appropriate to a three year old does not make them attractive however beautiful they are!
NOW I am being bitchy!
What you said was brill ben.