Break the Illusion Blog by Davey Wavey

We’ve all heard gay men teasing each other about being bottoms. In fact, I’m often told that my Mini Cooper is a “bottom-mobile.” While these jabs are often silly and lighthearted, I’ve speculated that this teasing arises from our own insecurities about bottoming – and, perhaps, our own masculinity or femininity issues.

This afternoon, while on the train back to Rhode Island from New York City, I read some research that might shed a little light on the situation.

First, the authors found that most gay men are attracted to masculinity.

To say that most gay men idolize masculinity isn’t politically correct. But when you spend any amount of time (and I have) perusing the adult content we consume, you’ll find plenty of evidence to support this theory. Think of how many cowboys, firemen, military men and football players you’ve seen in porn – and how the hair stylists, ballet dancers or makeup artists never seem to make the cut. And it goes beyond the stereotypically masculine professions; there are any number of “straight boy” websites (i.e., “Bait Bus”), that are geared towards a gay audience.

Of course, there’s still plenty of loving for flamboyant guys. As I’ve mentioned before, my friend Matt loves feminine men – and personally, I can see the attraction. But there’s no question that masculinity is a huge turn on for many gay men.

Second, the authors found that the majority of gay men are bottoms.

Whenever I visit a city, I often hear gay men say that it’s full of bottoms. In Boston, I’ve heard, “Boston is full of bottoms.” Turns out, they say the same thing about New York, San Francisco and just about everywhere else I’ve been. Maybe it doesn’t have to do with geography; maybe gay men just like getting banged.

According to analysis of gay dating sites, about 65% of gay men were looking to bottom. The remaining 35% were tops. The data does’t lie. And so I think it’s very interesting that though so many of us worship masculinity, we prefer the traditionally more female role of being penetrated and submitting.

I can’t help but think that idolizing masculinity and preferring to bottom puts a fairly large pool of gay men in a rather strange predicament. If you’re put off by femininity in others, it’s logical to speculate that you may dislike it in yourself. Perhaps, as gay men, we hate how much we love to bottom.

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