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Calling Gay People Out!

April 18, 2012
by Davey Wavey


Sometimes, I feel like I’m living in a parallel universe. Yesterday was one of those days.

I recorded this video rant because I think the gay community needs to be called out. Watch it. And let me know if you agree in the comments below.


  1. Excellent post, Davey! It needed to be said. Keep it up!

  2. Right on Davey!!

  3. Exactly! There was another mention of those kinds of comments online last week from Brene Brown (who I found through one of your blogs) following her talk at TEDxLong Beach this year:


  4. Hell it is about time that we all showed some support for each other. Another life lost and it will not be the last. More kids these days are being bullied and we just talk and talk about how it should be ended.
    So guys and gals do something to show those that we share this very fragile planet with that we do care.

  5. Great post, I completely agree. I also think that gay people tend to bully others for sexuality issues. Anybody that claims to be bisexual or questioning is ridiculed and often people are ridiculed for being too gay, as if that was a problem or even such a thing existed.

    I think people can choose two ways to react to bullying. One is wanting to inflict the same harm on others. The other is never wanting anyone else to experience what you felt. The second one is more productive but the first is too common.

  6. Totally, how funny, I’ve been having similar discussions with my close circles of friends, its been the big issue for a while now, jumping on everyone’s back when they’re nasty, gossiping, spreading rumors and just plain old bullying, but then some will turn around after such discussion and be like “hey can you believe that shirt X has on OMG” and crap like that and i wonder f%$k me cant you here yourself? If you truly believe in bring an end to something , be it values, morals or beliefs or habits etc and changing the world then the first place to start is at home, we don’t like to do it but we all need to take a deep look inside ourselves and ask do i really like the person I am when i do the things i do, and if not well try to seriously practice what you preach and of course Rome wasn’t built in a day and just like kicking any old habit it will take time, hard work and perseverance but you can get there if you push yourself and really try!

  7. Great comment Jason! I sometimes don’t understand why people justify their bullying as payback for what they felt.

  8. Thank you, sir. This needs to be said again and again and again. We have to be A COMMUNITY and support each other first of all. I was crushed by Kenneth’s suicide and decided to write a letter to all young gay people out there who feel they are alone:


    BTW, I think you’re absolutely fantastic, Davey, and the way you can talk about things like this in an accessible language that young people can understand is just wonderful!

  9. It stems back to the old saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” . Why say something negative and hurtful? What do you gain by it? Does it do any good at all in the world? Nope. Nada. Zilch. I try to live by this and do call my friends out when they are talking negatively about someone. I’ve done it enough times now, that they know it upsets me, and don’t do it around me any more. I’m hoping that when they are talking to other people and think to talk negatively about someone, I pop up in their mind and they think twice!

  10. @Davey Wavey:,@Everyone:
    Isn’t this post essentially the same as the excellent post you made yesterday,Davey ? That post about Accepting drew a lot of great comments,including discussions of gay-on-gay discrimination .
    The ONLY DIFFERENCE on today’s youtube vid was that you mentioned the Iowa teen’s suicide:
    ISN’T IT TIME to begin an ANTI-BULLYING CAMPAIGN?____OR to post links to existing campaigns/sites/help centers.Several people,including myself have requested this over the past few weeks. I saw the movie “Bully” a few days ago,about all kinds of bullying (not limited to anti-gay attacks).One campaign,started by families of the victims was Speak Up for the Silent.How about some links,Please,to this and other groups?

  11. RIGHT ON, Davey!!! You are absolutely correct.

  12. Agreed.
    Even if something like that is our opinion we should say it in most non offensive way.

  13. Dave, I have felt the same about some of the S**T you have received on this blog. Sometimes I can’t tell the diff between the haters and the supposed members of the “fraternity.” I guess you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your “family”

  14. Has anyone ever mentioned how sexy you are when you’re angry?

    Seriously, tho:

    You are also ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!

    You have a great moral compass, Daveywavey, and it’s one of the many reasons I follow you–your blog, YouTube channels, twitter, facebook, etc., etc….

    As Gandhi allegedly said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

    Thank you Daveywavey! You’re the cat’s pyjamas!

    Peace and Love!

  15. Davey, you are spot-on with this entry, and I agree with bill(Guillermo3) that this is pretty much what you talked about in yesterday’s post. For some time, I have felt that a big reason for the vicious, hurtful comments people put on blogs–of ANY kind, gay or otherwise–is that everybody can do so anonymously, hence it’s easy to be a coward. (That also allows people to be really honest at times–guys are a lot on this site–but it tends to promote nastiness in spades.) If our community wants to be truly respected out there in the bigger world, then we need to lead by example, by being more respectful in such comments.

    And in social settings, expecting gays to treat other gays in a welcoming, supportive way that conveys “you are one of us, please join in”–that’s not something I’ve experienced. If you look like a gay porn star, sure, but otherwise, keep your distance.

    Here’s part of what I wrote yesterday in response to Davey’s post then:
    “I agree with Davey that being more accepting of people [as in, someone you loathe]–even if you disagree with them–is the best way to eventually win them over to accepting you. I’m not saying be a doormat, but that loving your enemies is the best way to eventually win them over. The struggle has not been easy, and some have even died because of hatred expressed physically towards gays (and yes, when that happens, it is correct to be angry and to say so), but to ultimately win the war, be better than your enemy, including what you say to them and how you respect them as fellow human beings. Not always easy, but the payoff is (and will be) worth it.”

    But as DW said, it’s REALLY tough when fellow gays won’t respect each other, and that often is the case.

    Again, very well said, Davey.

  16. Just an observation, Barrack Obama had a poster that said “We live in a culture that discourages empathy.”


    Hippocratic actions never work to anyone’s advantage. If you can be kind, be kind, you’ll live longer and be happier.

    To Davey Wavey, you’ve got an eye for seeing people’s blind spots, but rarely does the person who’s acting that way ever realize that they’re doing something wrong.


  17. Yes.right on! This is what has kept me away from the “gay scene” for most of my life and I hate it. I would absoltely LOVE to have some gay friends but I just can’t stand all the drama and name calling and believe me I have tried over the years. So all I have is straight friends which kinda blows but they are good friends and NO DRAMA!

  18. I agree that as a society we are hypocritical in how we post sometimes… But I do feel like the people that leave negative comments aren’t the same who are responding to the bullying/tragedy posts.

    I think the best way to approach the situation is to address the people directly and also continue to send out the positive messages whenever you can… Most of the time people spew negativity is when people feed into them negative comments. So let’s get out there and make the world a better place by sharing the love :)

    And I feel that even when providing criticism it is good to follow it up with positivity to show that you are coming from a good place and aren’t calling someone out on it.. or they are less likely to listen… defeating the purpose of the message.

    Keep it positive!

  19. I agree. I also feel that you have contributed to this attitude in some of your past remarks about the Catholic Church. You have have your own feelings about the Church, but some of the irresponsible comments you have made have left me feeling alienated and hurt.
    The Church is not perfect, it does not profess to be, but I find it meaningful.

  20. Davey, try to be patient with the Gay Community – They(we) are just starting to come into their own rightful place in society and they are letting off a lot of bottled-up steam….the nastiness, the bitchey remarks, the tremendous anger that they still feel from years (centuries!) of repression. There’s a lot of Internalized Homophobia coming out from a group of people who are just starting to see the Light at the end of the tunnel. This too shall pass. It gets better. And again, be patient. Their are a lot of hurting brothers out there – You’re doing your part to help them with your very thoughtful website. Your kindness and concern is appreciated. Peace Out ( and remember, you can’t save the world or the gay community – but you’re helping!)

  21. @Chris…when you direct negativity toward each other, it is BULLYING. When you act boychy, call someone out on their age, weight, clothing, decor, lifestyle, you are being the subversive bully. Pur community has turned bitchyness into an art form and we go along with it thinking we are clever, cute, witty, urbane but we are just being mean spirited, cruel and a bully along with being a bore and a snob. Before we can take on the “others” we need to attend to our own faults. Being kind and considerate of each other serves as an example and sets the tone for others. Lead by example…

  22. Correction: “Bitchy” and “The gay community…”

  23. Davy says unbelievable weird.

  24. Totally agree! It’s time to lay the bitchy queen to rest, unless used in self defence :)

  25. It is a double standard, no question.

    It could be likened to African American people addressing each other by the “N” work. It’s acceptible for them to do so to each other, but for no one else.

    It would appear, that some feel that if you’re gay than it’s okay to go one another in such a negative way, but if anyone else does it…..

    Problem is, there is nothing empowering about it.

    I have even seen it happen here!

    Be the change you wish to see in the world.

  26. Yes and no..
    Principally there is no need for gay people to be better than others.
    Otherwise you are right, we all should be more friendly and tolerant -
    no matter if gay or not.
    AND someone has to start. Someone has to be the first.
    So I want to say to all my straight fellow human beeings:
    Stop bullying! You will see: Live can be so nice if you are.
    It will come back to you, beleive me!!
    And if you gays want to do the same: COOL AND THANK YOU!
    I`m sraigt and you are right!
    I love you, Davey!

  27. I agree with you on this, BUT I feel like you left out one very important thing.

    On the internet people are very often anonymous, whether it’s a username or simply anonymous comments, the behaviour exicuted there is probably different from how one would interact with real acquaintances.
    I’m not making the arguement that this makes it ok to be nasty, but it does make it harder to change it. And maybe a solution to that is just for people to grow a thick skin if they do stuff on the internet, to cope with it, because call me a cynical skeptic, but I don’t think it’s gonna change any time soon.

  28. Those who cut or dish others are dissatisfied with their own lives and, as mentioned above by others, hurt people hurt others. Instead of calling the other person out, it might be helpful to ask, “Who injured you?” If you ask it in a caring way, you might be blown away by the response.

  29. Davey makes me think more deeply about things and sometimes he makes me laugh, as is the case today. The previous blog was about accepting others as they are and not being judgmental. Isn’t calling others out being judgmental of others? We judge others for judging others according to some illusory standard we have. This seems to be a predicament.

    Years ago after reading a little book called I’m o.k.,You’re o.k.,I learned that the best way to handle such situations like those that got Davey upset is to talk to others as an adult, even when they are being childish. In calling others out, one assumes the parental role and the expected response is apt to be childish. So nothing gained. When Davey settles down and thinks about it, he will probably agree. People who externalize their pain by criticizing others might need some adult empathy. If we want a better world, we need to help others heal.

  30. spot on DW.ive said it before-i will say it again.United We Stand-Divided We Fall.

  31. I have to chuckle in the face of this (sorry)… I’ve been saying the exact same thing for years and years now (yes, I am that old). Our community can be one of the most hypocritical communities (as can any other group of oppressed peoples) one can point a finger at. We don’t like it when we’re discriminated against by persons of a straight persuasion and we (rightfully so) take offense when those who oppress us attempt to justify their prejudice and narrow-mindedness with religious beliefs… Yet so many who are LGBTQ do the exact same thing. How many times have I read comments targeting the older gays and lesbians that are derogatory; slams made against those who are heavy, not masculine (too effeminate) or in the case of lesbians, “TOO” butch/masculine?

    I understand the comment made by “Dave From Canada” but disagree. The gay community isn’t something that has just come about. We’ve existed for many, many years. It’s true that some among us are just letting off a lot of bottled-up steam but that (just as those who use religion against us) is only an excuse for the behavior (which is unacceptable and unproductive).

    How many times have I read, right here on this blog, comments that make sweeping accusations against all persons who identify as Christian or have a belief in God (or some similar higher power)? OFTEN!

    Not all persons of faith are “against us” (as one might describe the LGBTQ community). Many are very accepting, as they’ve been motivated to question what they’ve been taught over the years or have discovered firsthand just how unfair the labeling of” queer persons” might be because family members of their own have since come out to them. I’d like to say that a good many of those who embrace the personality traits of bitchiness and venom are simply “much younger” and haven’t yet grown up — but that isn’t true. Many of those who make bitchy, venomous comments are in fact grown adults; their acts of trashing others only reveal (so very well) just how childish and immature they are (even at their age).

    DW, you said it best when you said, “Everybody wants to change the world but no one wants to change themselves.” Change must ALWAYS begin right here at home. How can we expect others to give to us what we aren’t even willing to give to them?


    • And FWIW, none of us can be perfect 100% of the time. We’ll all stumble and occasionally express ourselves in a way that is anything but just and mature (regardless of our age). My [above] comments are directed at those who make it a habit to behave like immature, bitch queens who live to trash and degrade others.

  32. Pingback: Calling Gay People Out: A Response « Quips and Quills

  33. It really depresses me how…toxic the gay local gay community here is. Any time I have gone to one of the gay clubs, or gay social events, I’m surrounded by extremely negative conversations and attitudes. The prevalent attitude is “oh well I had a hard time growing up or I was bullied therefore it’s ok for me to treat others in negative way”.

    Most of us will be aware of some of the difficulties of growing up as a lgbt person. Some of us will have experienced discrimination. Some of us will have dealt with questions of sexual identity and the confusion that can go hand in hand with that.

    My experiences as a gay youth have lead to me to try adopt a more open minded and altruistic attitude.

    I find it a bit mind boggling, and sad, that people can treat others who have experienced the same circumstances in such mean and petty ways. Honestly, if making others feel bad about themselves is a way to deal with your issues, you are quite frankly not a decent person. It is definitely not ok, and it makes the lgbt community worse off.

  34. DAVEY, all I can say is a million thank yous. Thankfully most people agree with you and see the utter hypocrisy and shallow mentality of gay people. I grew up in the 70′s, think Anita Bryant and Harvey Milk. It was a whole different world then. If the “gay” community continues to tolerate this boundless attiude of hatred for any thing other that a beautiful faced guy with muscles, we are going to self destruct as a community. Those who justify hatred because it suits them definetely need to be called out and their behaivior not be tolerated. I guess the abused grows up to be the abuser who justifies abuse! We must not tolerate this, for good of the commuity at large. I felt the need to specify concerning you topic here!

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