It may take one to know one, but it certainly takes two to tango. As such, I won’t be doing much tangoing in the near future; my boyfriend headed back for Canada after his week-long visit.
Alzheimer’s aside, I don’t think that I’ll ever forget the feeling of holding him in my arms at the airport. It was like the spark that jumps to the doorknob when you’re wearing wool socks.
At first, seeing him in the same room was enough to bring a smile to my face. But after a few days, the novelty started to wear off. As with so many relationships, little annoyances overtook my appreciation: the snoring, the endless iPhone-ing, the smelly farts.
But just as my boyfriend’s farts were getting particularly unbearable, his trip came to and end. He hoped on a plane and landed 3 states, 1 international border and 668 miles away.
And now, I wish I could be annoyed by his snoring, iPhone-ing and farting. Because any of these things would mean that he’s here.
If I was wiser, I would appreciate the lessons being offered. I’d celebrate the physical distance between us, and use it as part of my spiritual growth. I’d remind myself that everything works out for the better, and that this situation is perfect as it is. And if I was really, really wise, then I’d treat each moment with my boyfriend like that moment at the airport.
I know that the trick is enjoying our time apart as much as our time together.
But I’m not there yet – not today. Today, I’m sad. My bed feels empty. My heart is heavy. And I miss him.
Oh, to be human.
December 23, 2009 at 4:41 pm
My boyfriend’s going to South Africa for 5 weeks and 24 other countries starting in February, and I’m missing him already. It’s a great opportunity but it also sucks. He’ll be visiting home in between each stop on his tour for a little while, so I guess I have that to look forward to.
He hasn’t thought too much about how (ultimately) a year away is going to affect our relationship, which makes me feel kind of unappreciated. Granted I know he loves me, but knowing I’m not alone would help.
December 23, 2009 at 4:51 pm
“the endless iPhone-ing”…one has to assume that the majority of the time when he’s in a different country that he’s ringing you?
The iPhone-ing would send me round the twist and that’s supposing he sings (to you) for his supper.
This IS what love is.
December 23, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Oh, you’re human, Davey. You feel.
December 23, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Perhaps that’s the most important lesson of all, a reminder that you are human. Perhaps the fates have arranged it as such that, despite living for the now and working towards inner peace through shiftings of one’s perspective, we are to not forget that at the end of the day, we are still human.
December 23, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Awwh Davey -Hugs-
What I wouldn’t do for a Boyfriend this Christmas. Anyone wanna chip in and buy me one? x
December 23, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Whatever you want, someone out there is dying to give it to you. I have no doubt that someone – either whom you already know or not – wants to be yours as much as you want to be somebody’s. If you’ve got someone in mind who you’ve been thinking about but have been too afraid or guarded to ask, go for it. You never know what could happen. Maybe they’re the one and you don’t even know it because you feel scared or apprehensive or whatever.
December 27, 2009 at 12:45 pm
I’ve all but given up. Most guys want sex and nothing else. At this pointin my life, I want more.
December 23, 2009 at 5:44 pm
David,
I know what you feel like when you miss somebody. Suddenly, Emptiness! But you tell this with humor – I have the idea that we haven’t lost you totally ! Wait a bit and the I Phone will ring again and put a smile on your face! In any case, I want you to be happy for Christmas!
bye don Juan,
December 24, 2009 at 4:19 am
David,
Just few words today, I woke me up earlier
to take a ferry but just before I’ve wanted to wish you :
A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND ALL THE BLOG BUDDIES!
Hope also all will be fine for you!
David, a little kiss from me to comfort you and because
it’s almost Christmas!
Eric
December 23, 2009 at 5:47 pm
it is those things we find most irritating in others that over time become the most endearing. it is those imperfections that make our view of another perfect. sadjguru once said – if you are lonely when alone then you are in bad company. only when you are happiest when alone can you be happy with another. perhaps in your loneliness you should find in yourself – what we have come to find in you. a generous loving man of peace who sings with angels and walks among the mortal. Peace.
December 23, 2009 at 5:58 pm
All I can offer you is my virtual love. I’ve been there too, to have someone you love leave for extended periods. To have your bed smell like them, your clothes, every thought in your head filled with their memory. But, as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow stronger. You’ll get through this, and one day you’ll be together forever. With love, anything is possible.
December 23, 2009 at 6:31 pm
How do you know that all of what you’re feeling isn’t part of your spiritual growth????
December 23, 2009 at 6:57 pm
ummm….. I think that’s a little too much information.
December 23, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Australian Father Gives Gay Son Worst Possible Christmas Gift. http://bit.ly/5cPoGH #gay
December 23, 2009 at 9:05 pm
That’s hot! LMAO!! What some people won’t do to try and prove a point.
December 23, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Scotty should be very humbled and thankful to have a man who feels toward him like you do. Merry Christmas Davey!
December 23, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Aw. It’s totally awesome that you are willing to share your vulnerability with all of us. All I can say is that you are incredibly lucky to have someone who you can share such intimate moments with in your life and he is very lucky to have you as well. Remember, all your blog buddies love you Davey!
December 23, 2009 at 8:48 pm
So there I was on the plane to NC today reading the SkyMall catalog full of stuff you always needed but never knew you did, lol, and there it was. A camera that films you in 3D complete with glasses. If both you and Scott had these you could almost hug each other! Almost. He has left you physically but he will always be etched on your heart and soul. Thanks for sharing your life with us, friend. We don’t need an early Christmas present talky blog as everyday we share with you is a gift. Take care.
December 23, 2009 at 10:03 pm
Merry Christmas, Dave.
December 23, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Awww….Davey your too hard on yourself. You are a very evolved and spiritual man. You do the best you can at any given moment. I’m sorry your heart is heavy and you are sad. But I know you will take this experience and continue to keep growing from it.
I wish you a VERY Merry Christmas!! Please know how much joy,love and awareness you bring to so many people all year through! You are loved and very much appreciated!! I’m sure your boyfriend misses you very much too. And as The Course In Miracles states. Only the love is real….all else is illusion.
Big hugs,
Chris
December 23, 2009 at 10:51 pm
My husband went to Tasmania to be with his mum in Hobart on Christmas day. I miss him so much. But I understand considering his mum is not going so well. This is the first Christmas we have been separated from each other in 8 years.
December 23, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Don’t be so sad you’ll always have him in your heart and you know that he’s there so as long as you know that you’ll always have him in your arms.
December 24, 2009 at 5:23 am
I undesrtand that farting is part of your bf as persone, but I could never ever miss that part… anyway, I hope you’ll be better
December 24, 2009 at 5:46 am
In europe is now 24.december! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
December 24, 2009 at 5:47 am
Temperance of emotion is not living. kiss the darkness.
December 24, 2009 at 6:57 am
I am familiar with what you are going through. Thank you for sharing your life with me!
December 24, 2009 at 7:25 am
Davey Wavey
You never worried about your smelly “fa-ts” when you were in Jerszzy with me…How c*m? ..Love “your” David
December 24, 2009 at 7:28 am
Be lucky he’s still around. My b/f died 8 years ago and I miss all those aggravating things especially the empty bed.
December 24, 2009 at 7:40 am
Dear Davey,
BUT, everytime you think of him, you are “together” and the next time you plant to be with him, start eating refried beans a few days ahead of time
Hey, if ya’ can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
or, If ya’ can’t stand the smell, put Vicks under your nose!
Love, Joey
December 24, 2009 at 7:47 am
Snap out of it !
December 24, 2009 at 8:18 am
Dear \Dave, After the first five years all these things do not mean much after the first 46 when one of you is 75%+ deaf they still dont mean much. Just get on with life and it will get on with you. Old age by yourself is no fun. I am not looking forward to it. Alan
December 24, 2009 at 8:54 am
You’re not alone, and the good thing about having a heavy heart is that you can’t be said to be heartless and without a care.
You may be sad, but you also look happy when you think of the reasons why you’ve had such a successful long distance relationship.
Cheers!
December 24, 2009 at 10:43 am
So get off your ass and go be with him! Love relationships are worth leaving the security of your home, city, country of birth, even across continents. I have done all of the above and never regretted a single one of my moving to be with the one I love. Now, for the first time, someone I love has moved to be with me. We have been together for 8 wonderful years and got married last July to make it official.
Nothing teaches you more about life than our love relationships. They are the true gift that life has to offer.
Have a wonderful Christmas (and all the other holidays) to all of you.
Be well,
December 24, 2009 at 11:27 am
I like all the comments made before mine. Very insightful. I would like to address Matstar’s comments of Dec 23rd 5:29 pm:
I believe you and I are looking for the sames things. Drop me an email, luv to hear from you. My email is seanmagic1964@yahoo.com
David
December 24, 2009 at 11:58 am
what a holiday situation we have here-this seems to be of guys together-off to there families separately-how unfair.the opposite happened with our future son-in-law-both vehicles he has broke down in the burbs-depressed-with family issues-his gf at school in Ann Arbor-how his spirits soared knowing she would be coming home to see him.his depression-and then his soaring as an eagle.i picked him up at his condo-and i was stoked.he had been preparing for her arrival.wine-a cooked meal-candlelight-i provided the candles.—this of course will come to an end-holidays come to an end-my niece goes back to Michigan-im prepared for for our Paul-going to be depressed.i hate when he is depressed-i was shedding a tear last week just thinking about it.its affected me-and it isnt even my personal relationship.why?im just emotional.getting over parting ways-time heals slowly.———Parting is such sorrow.
December 24, 2009 at 12:08 pm
You never mentioned anything about your annoying habits. Bet you got a few too. We all have. So listen why don’t you just get married in Vermont or where ever and have him apply for U S citizenship as your spouse?
December 24, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I haven’t seen my boyfriend in months, he’s coming back next month…and I’m pretty sure I’d start complaining about him once we’re together again. Thanks for reminding me about the importance of time, I’ll try to enjoy instead of complain when we’re together.
December 24, 2009 at 12:42 pm
-hug-
You’re not a lone, Davey Wavey. Just remember that. <3
December 24, 2009 at 2:30 pm
very cute..
(been there. am there. *sigh*)
although…aren’t you concerned that people will think of your boyfriend as a smelly farting machine?
December 24, 2009 at 5:39 pm
To me it sounds like you aren’t even ready yet to appreciate and celebrate your boyfriend while you’re with him. After that you’d be able to appreciate and celebrate him while he’s gone.
December 24, 2009 at 6:37 pm
You guys that have boyfirends that would miss you guy while you are away or you miss them are sooo lucky. me and my boyfriend have just talked about me dancing in ny this summer and he doesnt think we would last becasue he thinks I would hook up with someone. Is it bad that im starting to hate being ina relationship
December 24, 2009 at 8:15 pm
boyfriends? fun, sexy, moody, talkative, friendly, happy, angry, sad, wonderful, possessive, lover
December 24, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Davey, I can appreciate your feelings. After 40 years, 8 months and 5 days, I lost the love of my life last January 28th. This is our first Christmas apart. To fill the void I still have his/our 94 year old mother with Alzheimar’s to take care of. The latest heartbreak is she doesn’t even recognize his photo anymore. So smile knowing you are only 3 states and a border apart. Davey, pick up the phone right now and remind him that you love him and miss him. You’ll feel much better and so will he. Mele Kalikimaka. (Merry Christmas)
December 25, 2009 at 4:25 am
I agree with your situation. If I were fortunate enough to have a boy friend as special as you, I would be caught in a void without you. I would give anything to have a boyfriend like you and even apart, would feel your energy. Yes I would miss you and want to hold you, pet you and kiss you always when together or apart. I feel the way you do right now just wating for another live bloge when you speak to me about some life realization and I really feel like we are having a moment. You are my favorite guy and that is all I have to admit. LOL
December 25, 2009 at 5:27 am
aaaaaawwwwwwrrrrrrrr, that’s insightful and romantic. life on the other hand is a bitch.
Partners keep annoying you all the time, they do things you don’t like and don’t appreciate, but like everything there is no good without bad.
So as long as the total balance is on the positive, you don’t mind these annoyances, it’s just when there is nothing to compensate it that you say, f@#k off…
December 25, 2009 at 11:10 am
December 25, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Hey Davey,
Thank you for sharing!
December 25, 2009 at 10:39 pm
My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, but together for a total of 13 years. We started out as a long distance relationship. When we got the chance to be together, we cherished that time so much. Over the past 11 years since we’ve lived together, we’ve taken each other’s presence for granted. Now, he’s working out of town at least two to three weeks every month, only coming home on the weekends. It’s like going back to the beginning. It’s interesting how we’re re-discovering our relationship all over again each weekend. We definitely don’t take it for granted any more. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder.
December 26, 2009 at 6:43 am
Hey Davey maaaaate, when are you landing in Sydney, we’re waiting to show you all and more!
December 26, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I completely understand how you feel. All their little quirks seem to get on your nerves but after those little quirks are gone somewhere else, far from you, you wish to have them by your side. I’m actually dealing with it right now.. But anyway Davey, smile and remember the quirks until they return to you.
Love, Peace, and Hugs,
~ Eva
January 6, 2010 at 3:12 am
I know this feeling all too well. Makes you want to give yourself a swift kick in the a**.
February 10, 2010 at 4:22 am
Yet again, I find myself at the end of a long line of people offering you advice; but I also find myself in a similar situation. I was with the man who asked me to marry him for 18 months. There were up times, and there were down times, but in between, there seemed to be nothing. The key to a relationship is friendship. If there is no friendship to fall back on, there is nothing to fall back on, and picking up from nothing is the hardest thing in the world. Trying to figure out what you have is the hardest thing in the world. Accepting things as they are is the absolute hardest thing in the world. But! the good news is, that there is an entire group of people (such as myself) that are here for you no matter what, because I have been helped so much by your words, and I want you to know that I am here for you.
A million words later, you are a fantastic individual, and in a relationship or not, you continue to make my life better on a daily basis, and for that I thank you.
I love you.
-Christopher H. Morris