I was betrayed by my butt. Okay, well not exactly.
I’ll spare you the details of my symptoms, but on Friday I realized that I needed some medical attention. Poking and prodding ensued, and a few diagnoses are being considered pending further testing. The most notable of these is colon cancer.
I know that in the larger picture of life, everything is exactly as it ought to be. Whatever it is, it’s a necessary step on my journey, be it colon cancer or anything else. And whatever I experience, it is because it’s necessary for me to evolve.
I have two hopes. My primary hope is that I’m able to become more conscious through this. My secondary hope is that the people in my life find the wisdom to palate that which they may find unpalatable.
As someone who is facing a potentially serious diagnosis, I have found great pleasure in observing the reactions of others when I declare that I’m not afraid to die. It’s a true statement; I’m not afraid to die. I’ve been saying it for years, though it was much less arousing when it seemed less likely. These reactions are reactions of ego and attachment, and I enjoy evoking them. Maybe they will shrivel up in the sunlight.
At any rate, I share this with you because you have become a part of my life. Telling you seemed like the natural next step. I owe it to you. This blog started as a journal, and this is now part of my silly little story.
And as I learn more in the upcoming weeks about my situation through further testing, I’ll share it with you.
I promise.
November 17, 2009 at 6:41 am
David,
The following sentence is ONLY written to force you to smile :
“Sometimes when one is ill one has the tendency to immediately consider the worse and by sometimes I mean always!”
and THAT IS NOT REASONNABLE!
I won’t say much but I’m really sad you have health problems.
It is wiser to wait and not to brood about all possible diseases. I’m sure the future will teach you it wasn’t as serious as you have thought at first. I’m not a soothsayer, but I’m sure to hear you say in the next days: WHAT A RELIEF!
My best thoughts.
bye,
November 17, 2009 at 6:44 am
Oh my it took alot to share this with use, and if you ever need someone to talk to im here here for you. You can just email me at olivercooper21@yahoo.com
i hope its not cancer
best wishes
Oliver
November 17, 2009 at 6:53 am
I sincerely hope that it turns out not to be cancer, even if you are not afraid to die, because it would just kill everone who loves you if you did. But it’s always a real possibility to everyone, so just hope for the best, if ur religious, pray, and live to the fullest, thats all I can say.
November 17, 2009 at 7:03 am
Davey, You’re right, there is no fear in dying. I try to remember, ‘everything all the time’, as in that which is perfect. Having said that I would hope that your eventual diagnoses is something other than colon cancer. If it is there is nothing that can be done except to accept it and choose a course of action, or inaction. Take care.
November 17, 2009 at 7:14 am
Well, you may not be afraid to die (which i think is a good way of thinking), but i would hate it if you did. I think you’re a terrific person, absolutely fab at being you, and you are a real price for this world. It would really, totally suck if you’d die.
But let’s not get to sentimental already, might *just* be an STD or something else less harmful.
I wish you the best!
love you
xx
November 17, 2009 at 7:20 am
Thank you for sharing. There is no reason to be afraid to die. You are here for a reason and if your time to continue is here, so be it. You are the master of your universe. Thank you for touching my life as well. I can only hope that it will continue, but this is sadly not in my hands. Love always …
November 17, 2009 at 7:23 am
Keep your positive attitude. Mine helped me thru several things. In 2002 I had a major artery replaced from my tits down into both legs, in 2007 I had a stroke then in 2008 a heart attack & surgery. I heard from many people including my doctors that it was my positive attitude that got me thru all of these things. Use yours Davey. Smile thru all the test and poking. That’s what will heal you, that and all of us sending good vibes to you.
November 17, 2009 at 7:34 am
If you can go to that place in your being where you can be neutral toward any outcome, and surrender your will to your true self, you will discover the peace that you need to survive this ordeal. You CAN do it. Crying is obligatory if you need help.
November 17, 2009 at 7:38 am
i will be praying for you davey……… i hope everything turns out to be ok with you. i enjoy reading your blogs…… be strong take care antony from ny.
November 17, 2009 at 7:52 am
Davey Wavey..Come back to Jerszzy..I will take care of you as always..Love “your” David
November 17, 2009 at 8:05 am
With all the positive energy going your way, RI will be the best place in the world to be right now. I am sure that others will also benefit from all the universal good will that is headed to that area of the universe.
My other half of 25 years and I have laughed, smiled, gained wisdom and grown through your blogs and we have discussed your situation. Both of us agree that your wisdom and attitude will take you to the place you need to be, so hang in there and know that the universe will decide your fate and it will all be good.
November 17, 2009 at 8:17 am
We are thinking and praying for you Davey – you are a big part of our lives too….
November 17, 2009 at 8:24 am
I’m sending good thoughts your way. I hope things work out the way you want them to.
November 17, 2009 at 8:28 am
Take care, Davey. You will doubtless have a colonoscopy, and that, together with a biopsy, will give a definite diagnosis. If caught early, colon cancer is very much curable, so long as it has not spread to some other part of your body.
My wife was diagnosed with colon cancer several years ago. Unfortunately, it had spread to the liver, and then to the lungs. Nevertheless, after surgery and chemotherapy, she is currently showing no evidence of disease, and feels fine.
Google “colon cancer support groups” and you will find some good information.
November 17, 2009 at 8:31 am
Thinking about you and sending all good energies your way.
xxoo
Gary
November 17, 2009 at 8:31 am
Davey!! i know that if the diagnosis turns-up to be malignant then God will heal you! But as Richard Haines sez(says): stay positive and it will-not-be cancer. And like everyone here, i “Love-You”, Davey
!!! You’ve done “Sooo-Muchy!” for me. Although i Trust-in-God that All will be “Fine” with You, i’m still moved-to-tears as i type-this. And i don’t claim to be a fine christian, but i’m still-aware that God is “All-Powerful” and He gave-us our “mind” to use in all positive ways, such as healing-ourselves by “Positive-thought” through Him, also similar to what Richard Haines was saying. Don’t forget Davey that you’re “In-my-heart,” 
as Always! And thanks-again to you, Davey and everyone-else here, as we’re All “Rooting-For” You 
!!! Much Love, … … … davvi
November 17, 2009 at 8:35 am
First and foremost I hope and pray that it is not colon cancer or any other hideous, life threatening disease. However, if it turns out to be the unthinkable and even though you are “not afraid to die” I hope you fight! And when I mean fight I mean fight like you have never fought before! Fight dirty! Fight long and fight hard! Fight with ever fiber of your being! Fight, fight, fight!
You may “not be afraid to die” but there are so many people in your life who are afraid for you to die and the world needs more people like you! Whenever I need a pick me up or a smile, I fantasize that world is full of kind, caring, loving and accepting individuals like you and I feel immensely better. You are an amazing guy and this world needs you around for a long, long time.
November 17, 2009 at 8:48 am
I think you may be jumping to conclusions unnecessarily. You have symptoms now, not a diagnosis of cancer. It is very unwise to alarm yourself, or other people with what might be, or what could be or any other possibility. The imagination can come up with innumerable scenarios and outcomes. You talk about living in the moment — this is a good time to practice that. Wait, quietly, until you have a doctor’s diagnosis before talking of dealing with cancer or the possibility of facing death. That is over-dramatization of the actual situation that you are facing. It is good for everyone to learn to live in the moment and just deal with the actual, current situation.
This is not being insensitive to the symptoms that you have, but it is not wise to put out potentially emotional statements that have not yet been proven to be true.
November 17, 2009 at 9:03 am
Hang in there, Davey. My prayers and thoughts are with you. But I concur that it is unlikely at your age to have colorectal cancer. There are many other reasons for bleeding. Hopefully that will be the case. xoxo
November 17, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Totally agree… it could be anything, and the cancer is at the bottom of the list… Especially if we have in mind his great and healthy life style, his positive way of thinking… might be genetics, there are some researches saying that cancer could be passed from same sex ancestors… but scientists are not sure on that. He has our greatest support and hope and love… whatever comes out, it will be the best, even if it is cancer, because life only gives what is best for as in a certain moment.
November 17, 2009 at 9:18 am
Whether it is a cancer or not, the point of everything is how you deal with it… And I wish you to be strong and to know that Life is giving us exactly how much we can bear… As I just saw a title and a picture, I wanted to say “how can such a nice butt betray you?” but in a way I find it inappropriate at the moment… anyway, I wish you the best, and whatever happens, it will be the best, and not because I say so, or we say so, or anyone choose so, but because Life will always send what is best for you, for everyone, in one way, or another. Be strong, I love you, and am with you…
November 17, 2009 at 9:31 am
Dave, Wishing you the best ! …. Nick
November 17, 2009 at 10:17 am
stay positive-as you always do-youll make it through this rough patch-i know you will.
November 17, 2009 at 10:18 am
I’m sorry to hear this Davey. I’ll be thinking of you every day.
November 17, 2009 at 10:23 am
peace be with you,davey
November 17, 2009 at 10:47 am
I have a wish that I’ve been saying out loud to people, and it is that I hope they have good health and good journeys.
I’m glad you’re not like a stereotype that has been mentioned to me of being a man that is rarely seen by the doctor unless something is leaking or needing to be put back on or in a cast.
November 17, 2009 at 10:48 am
Wishing You The Best!
David Dorian
November 17, 2009 at 11:21 am
Hope all work’s out ok for you!
November 17, 2009 at 11:25 am
Sending you and your butt much love, Davey.
November 17, 2009 at 11:59 am
Where I honestly feel for Davey, no medical diagnosis is fun, be it cancer or a simple STI like the clap. This is an excellent opportunity for everyone out there to know a few things: Even if you are young, and healthy and work out…. yer not immune from cancer (this is sparked by an earlier post). Sexually active gay men should be regularly screened for anal cancer (speak to your doctor). And while there is nothing wrong with crying, grieving , being upset, etc., a shocking diagnosis need not bring your world tumbling down. For example, when I got my HIV+ diagnosis, I didn’t cry, scream, shout, get angry, etc., because I knew that I was at fault. If you know you are doing what is healthy, while it sucks to get sick, sometimes things just are…. I wish all the best to you Davey, and hope you have a minor diagnosis, but know that you a ton of people to talk to if it isn’t so minor.
November 17, 2009 at 12:02 pm
DEAR GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You better believe I’m gonna be making my voice hoarse with prayers. Me and Cody(BF) love you so much and really love your site. Hope you get better!!!!
Love,
Jake&Cody
November 17, 2009 at 12:14 pm
If you are going to brave, then so must I. I hope for the best. You really are unique.
November 17, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Oh boy do you have fun to come…..
When the man sticks a foot long needle up there and asks with surprise that you can feel it….
… and you feel like turning round and thumping his and saking whether he feels that.
**
Sorry Davey but this is an exercise in pain not philosphy.
You cannot avoid this one.
Reality has arrived in the Davey Wonderland.
What have you been doing for such a thing to happen to you?
November 17, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Davey..
Sending you some positive energy from L.A. [yes, it IS possible! ] as well as healing thoughts.
“It ain’t over [diagnosis] til the FAT LADY [your doc's] SINGS [prognosis]!
xoRick
ps: If I can make myself the promise of overcoming a brain virus and becoming 100% functional once again, you have that same ability!
xo
November 17, 2009 at 1:37 pm
I pray you don’t have cancer. You are still so young and have such a positive energy that would be a shame to have you suffer something that could cut that energy. Whether you do or don’t I wish you love and strength. Love.Peace.Hope.
November 17, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Until you know something, there is nothing. If something is determined you can handle it. You can not fight the unknown. You have a team of friends here. Chin up, Davey. We’re here.
November 17, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Wishing the best for you, confident that whatever you must face you will be able to. Peace.
November 17, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Davey, it is so easy to say something like “fear the worst and hope for the best” but it seems so cliched. I hope and pray that the diagnosis is NOT the big “C”. I hope you have a core of friends and family close to you to help you through this. On the lighter side, you do have a cute butt.
November 17, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Oh my goodness!(hah)
Well, I wanted to tell you some things that *may* help! I am taking a health psychology class. We’re learning about the Mind-Body connection, and from what I see, you’ll be fine. If you do have cancer, *knock on wood*, imagery, acupuncture, tai chi, meditation: they ALL can massively improve your chances of survival (when paired with medications and such.) It seems that this positive frame of mind allows the drugs to work.
I did want to say, even from an online observer, who really, may not play a large part in your fan base or your life, that I think about you daily. You’re courage and love has no bounds, and it inspires me to take chances. Your advice gets me through the day. I aspire to be like you. A role model and a true representation of what love really can be. Unconditional, fun, and everlasting.
All the best. Hope everything goes well.
Always in my thoughts,
Hilary.
November 17, 2009 at 2:18 pm
*your
November 17, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Dear sweet Davey, My thoughts and prayers extend to you at this time. Been there, done that so to speak. I sincerely hope that everything will turn out well with God’s help. You are a great friend and an even better pal and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you. I look forward to our little chats and sharing sessions. You know how much you have enlightened, affected, shared, cryed, sympathized, and just basic made all of our lives a bit more joyful and happy. We are all here for you in your time of need. Just ask!!
November 17, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I lOVE YOU davey
xoxo
November 17, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Just wanted to add my wishes that you will overcome whatever this problem turns out to be. Then again, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride… In any case I am sending good thoughts your way…
November 17, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Davey,
I am sure you are touched by all of the messages of love and support that are pouring in. We appreciate your physical beauty, but more and deeper than that, we appreciate your “soul” or whatever that is called which is immortal and lives forever; that which binds us together.
An old monk once told me, “Live as you CAN live, not as you can’t.” That is what is so beautiful about you. You live in the “present moment.”
None of us know for sure what the future will bring, but in the end, “vta mutatur non tollitur!!!!
Pax tecum, Seb
November 17, 2009 at 3:28 pm
happy thoughts your way Davey
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!<3
November 17, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Everything will be fine! Davey! Everything must be fine, no one could displace You.
November 17, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Hope everything is ok. Stay positive
November 17, 2009 at 4:56 pm
I have lifted my voice to HaShem on your behalf, my dear friend. Do not be worry, you are in good hands. Many thanks for sharing what it´s in your heart!!!!
Thanks for letting us know about your personal life…
Love from Over Seas,
Chris
November 17, 2009 at 5:02 pm
man i really hope that you dont have cancer!! :[
November 17, 2009 at 5:08 pm
It’s odd that this would be the post topic today, of all days. In Society and Change class today, we learned that one of the top ten causes of death in high income society (which North America, by anyone’s recollection, falls under) is colon and rectum cancer. And, we, being the immature students that we are, were laughing about it because it seemed somehow funny. We knew that it was a serious thing and that we shouldn’t be laughing, but we laughed anyway.
And now I find it strangely ironic that someone who I respect and am inspired by may be facing such a diagnosis.
I wish you the best of luck with whatever happens, and hopefully it isn’t anything life-threatening.
November 17, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I know that you will be anxious, worried and maybe frightened, even though you sound brave, until you have results but as has already been stated today, your doctor will have given you the worst scenario. Your health and age are on your side so I am sure that it will be something which can be treated and dealt with effectively.
Waiting for your blog giving us the good news we all want.
Love you Davey. You will have strength through all our thoughts and wishes. If all your blog buddies think hard about you for a few moments each day we can all help you beat this.
Love and peace and lots of kisses
Robb
x x x x x x x x
November 17, 2009 at 6:18 pm
wow davey hopefully things will work out for you just fine as far as your views on death i share the same ones i am hiv+ have been since 2000 and i still feel the same way about death i will light a candle for you
love and hugs
rob w