Dear seat-skipping straight boy,
Last night, I went to see The Twilight Saga: New Moon with a friend, Craig, from Massachusetts.
My friend is gay and we were discussing the tendency of some straight guys (like you) to leave an empty seat in between them at the movies. I don’t know if this is an international phenomenon, but any American that has gone to a Friday or Saturday night movie probably knows exactly what I’m talking about. In other words, you are not alone.
Craig understands this spectacle first-hand. One of his friends is straight, and he won’t sit next to Craig. Even if they go to the movies with a girl, he’ll make sure that the girl sits in the middle. Craig assured me this his friend was tolerant of gay people – but I couldn’t help but wonder if this straight friend was tolerant of himself?
I don’t know that leaving a seat between you and your male friend is homophobic so much as it smacks of insecurity. It’s an act that says (at least to me), “I’m afraid of what people are going to think of me.”
To varying degrees, almost all of us care about the opinions of others. But the more we learn to love ourselves, the easier it is to move beyond the judgments of others. In the paraphrased words of Jill Bolte Taylor:
I know how wonderful and miraculous I am. I’ve seen it! If someone else can’t see it, that is their issue.
I don’t want to tell you what to do, but seat-skipping straight boys take heart!
Love,
Davey Wavey
November 30, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Well that person isnt a friend at all I dont think. Although it didnt occur to me at first that the only reason he did that was BC he was afraid of the way people were looking at him and not that he was uncomfortable with his friend.
Also, everyone does that. no one is comfortable sitting next to a stranger and if they had a chance they would sit a seat away. We all like our own space, at least from people we dont know. It doesnt always have to do something with sitting next to a gay person, I mean if you are just sitting down next to a person then you dont know you are gay right off the bat.
December 1, 2009 at 7:03 am
LOL, i’ve never, ever heard or seen this in the land of the sydney eastern, northern or city suburbs…
could be cause i’m not looking though.. but i’m sure this is an american (or fear of judgement) thing.
too funny, i’ll be watching out from now on
December 1, 2009 at 8:28 am
People have issues, I have issues, you have issues, can’t change that without serious time on the shrinks couch! Cest le vie
December 1, 2009 at 4:26 pm
If i saw at the cinema what i saw in the pic above i’d SO take the seat in the middle
December 1, 2009 at 10:17 pm
ive had this split seat arrangement sometimes-but that is an exception.only with someone who really isnt close to me.not the case with my circle of straight friends.my straight friends we constantly sit close together.my best friend Alex-he is str8-but we have so many things in common-were so talkative-dont think we care what others think-if they do at all.oftentime we take the suburban train into the city.he to school-me to meet up with other friends-we sit together-drink together-laugh-bitch about everything.i would be crushed if we sat apart.but that wont ever happen.just because guys sit together doesnt mean its sexual.then again-i think its a generational thing.younger people fist pump-even hug.we value our friendship.—-i couldve on the last movie i saw-last week-i shouldve gone with a friend.i went to see 2012.if you see this flick-you need support.do not see this movie alone.
December 2, 2009 at 2:33 am
Hey Davey,
I think his insecurity might be more like, “Will I be able to continue to control my curiosity if I’m actually that close to another guy in a silent dark room?”. lol
lmao,
Kenneth R. Livingston
December 2, 2009 at 11:19 pm
I’m thankful to have good friends. I can go to the movies alone with my straight male friends and it’s not a problem. They’re accepting of me and secure enough with their own sexuality to hang out with me like they would with any other friend. I have had friends in the past who were too self-conscious… but I’ve found those people were barely friends. =)
December 3, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Omfg! You’re so hot. :>
I wish I could have your body.(:
December 3, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Omfg! You’re so hot. :>
I wish I could have your body.
December 3, 2009 at 6:36 pm
well… that’s true…
how can I say?
hum… well, when I assumed for my friends that i like boys, some friends (of mine) just stopped to talk with me… and anothers, just stopped to look at my eyes….
this is soo sad, man… :’(
December 5, 2009 at 9:24 am
so let me say this: how could you call a guy your “friend” when he panicly leaves a space between you and him in the cinema? how ridiculous! how sad! how homophobic! and: how under-confident! how self-punishing!
yeah, i leave a space to other unknown people – if possible. yeah, i put a girl in the middle (it’s not sexual!), as it might be usable.
but i never watched such a scene here in europe!
December 6, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I have never been in this situation! all my straight male friends are more than happy to sit next to me and hug me when we meet! some even kiss me. If there is a waryness with them its homobhobic on their part, they are out of thier depth, not your fault is it…?
December 6, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Actually your friend’s friend doesn’t really seem to be a good friend. I don’t understand what is wrong with sitting near a person that is gay. Of course, if it is stranger (whatever if (s)he is straight or gay) I like to have some space, but it’s not necessary. But friends and space? Ridiculous.
Ps. Did you like that movie? Sadly I did not ._.’
December 6, 2009 at 9:40 pm
ha ha
my “straight” friends do this, and I for some reason it never did cross my mind as you put it.
lol
my brother is like this to…so I asked him, and he said, he doesn’t want to be to close like that to another guy…
lol
December 12, 2009 at 1:17 pm
I had a physics teacher in high school explain it really well. The Pauli Seclusion Principle. He called it the urinal principle. Electrons in an atom are paired in twos, however when there are 8 electrons in one ring they go on their own before they are paired next to each other. They don’t like to be next to each other unless they absolutely have to. For the girls in the class he called in the lunch counter principle.
December 12, 2009 at 5:04 pm
u silly born and raised Americans? why does intmacy between two men always considered gay? um in southern Italy it is common for men straight men included to go somewhere hand in hand or arm in arm..no one thinks twice and all of Italy is not filled with gay guys! In my family we freely love each other, touch and kiss..to my “american” neihbors i am sure this was difficult but who cares. the theatre? i will plant my ass down wherever i find a seat..to sit right beside someone and no seat in between to me seems normal..i think its more of a american culture thing, than “a gay or straight thing”
December 14, 2009 at 1:30 pm
I had a VERY STRAIGHT Italian Stallon friend John from Boston. The first time we went to a movie ‘I’ left a seat just so he would be comfortable about being with a gay guy. He was insulted and said “You came to the movies with me, So sit with me”. He always treated me so Squarely when it came to Me being gay. My own Boyfreind Gary would leave a seat between us. So I used the same ‘line’ on Gary. He never did that again. THX JOHN!!
December 17, 2009 at 11:31 pm
My best friend used to sit next to me at the theater. But ever since I’ve been out with him he won’t unless it’s a packed theater. I’m not sure if I mind or not, more of an academic interest I guess.
January 20, 2010 at 2:12 pm
What bugs the hell out of me is, that most “straight guys” think that if they have a gay male friend, they’ll try to stick their dick in your ass. WRONG! If a gay guy was to do anything, it would be, giving you a blowjob, or putting your dick in their ass. I would never rape a guy. But I sure would let him ‘rape’ me if he was hot. For the straight guys, guys give better blowjobs than girls do.
Trust me. And gay sex is so f^cking amazing!
Davey, You’re so amazing.
June 22, 2010 at 9:31 am
You’d be surprised at some of the ‘straight’ guys that went to a movie recently…and I loved it. One sat behind the other, reached between the armrests and put his free hand inside the front of his friend’s shirt for about twenty minutes…thought of you, Davey.
Very hot!