This, I know: When you determine the value of other people based on their physical appearance, it becomes much harder not to evaluate your own worth based on how you look.
Way back in the day, a website called “hot or not” used to be very popular. On “hot or not”, submitted photos flashed across the screen while users rated the attractiveness of the photographed individuals on a scale of 1 to 10. It’s addicting and – I’ll admit it – entertaining. But it also doesn’t help nurture a healthy self-image.
If we judge others by their externals, we’ll probably do the same with ourselves.
Being gay doesn’t make matters any easier. For much of gay culture, value is the way you look. It’s hard not to participate in this mentality; I find myself cruising profiles on gay dating and hook-up sites, waiting for a muscle daddy or piece of twink candy to catch my eye. Guilty as charged.
But at the end of the day, it’s too easy to blame our culture. While much of the world around us may determine our value (either in full or in part) by the way we look, we are each free to maintain our own perspectives, minds and viewpoints.
And if you figure out how to tap into that freedom, please let me know. 
May 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Very true, I tend to do the opposite though. I don’t relate someone else’s worth as a person based on their appearance, however that’s how I rate myself…twisted existence
May 19, 2010 at 12:38 pm
I have to start by saying I’m a total Davey Wavey fan, follow your blog and think you’re just a great guy! I say that because I’m probably going to take some s**t for this post.
I totally agree with your perspective! But, I also have to say that you’re what most would consider a 10 in the looks and body department. And, what do you show on your blog and FB page for pics…most of them are you very scantilly clad showing off your awesome body. Doesn’t that, in some way, work against what you wrote in today’s blog? I’m sure people follow you for many reasons, but I think you’d admit that, at least initially, many followers are attracted to you physically and I suspect you’re aware of that so you use it to your advantage.
That doesn’t say you’re judging people based on their looks, but it is interesting to read a post from someone who uses his looks frequently to attract attention. Wouldn’t it be refreshing if everyone followed Davey Wavey (or anyone) because he was funny, an intellect, had great perspectives, etc. and the looks piece was insignificant.
Thanks for letting me post. Always will be a big fan!!
May 19, 2010 at 1:14 pm
I think the only reason why we judge people based on how attractive they are, is because that is what society has said that we must judge people by this, because that’s the only way to judge people, based on what society says. We have blindly followed this idea, because without something to give us direction, we lose ourselves. That’s humanity’s problem, they need direction to make their lives work and they will take it from anything that makes a little bit of sense. But why should we care about what people look like? This body is only for 100 years at the most, but the soul is forever. Long after this body that we reside in now is gone, our soul will have taken another. The soul is not burdened with the ideas of the feeble human mind. All it sees is love, without seeing gender, race, language, culture and everything that makes people who they are. Love and the soul is just that powerful.
(Sorry for this, but i needed to rant)
May 19, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Hi Davey,
It is a very great thing to judge our surroundings including people on the beauty they possess. This does things for humanity like progress the genetic perfection of humanity as well as inspire us to create things of beauty. There are no goods or bads it is like being inspired to make humanity and our achievements closer to perfection and to make hope for the future that we may last. Some may say this is shallow, however that is just not the case. Things on the globe including people who are ugly or not beautiful tend to be unhealthy things. Health in all living things is just naturally beautiful. That means inside and out. You can look sometimes at someone who may not have made themselves look like a model this morning yet the beauty still remains because you can just see it shining out from them. So beauty is not just physical health when you see something and you think wow, that’s beautiful whether it be something you see out there in a person or in your self 99 times out of 100 it is because that thing or person is healthy.
Simply anything healthy visually or psychologically or socially is just naturally beautiful because health is most always beautiful.
Kenneth R. Livingston
P.S. people do not stop striving for beauty all of us…….cuz that just means we are careing for ourselves and eachother better every day
May 19, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Hey Jake,
Beauty/Health exists because what ever it is that has that quality and been taken care of very well. Cheers for taking good care of things, and just caring in general!!!!
Thanks Jake
Kenneth R. Livingston
May 19, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Hey Davey,
Keep in mind it not making the judgement it’s acknowledging what is beautiful and trying to create more of that healthy beauty.
Kenneth R. Livingston
There should never be a judgement or comparison placed on something that is ugly that’s wrong the concept is to acknowledge most what is beautiful/healthy so that in our own minds we are promoting personal and societal progress growth and health!!! Goodness and health is as addictive as harm and hate!!!!!!
May 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Hey Gary,
Good point Gary. Keep in mind though that people USUALLY who look physically attractive usually are because they are physically intelectually emotionally and socially healthy!!
Kenneth R. Livingston
May 19, 2010 at 2:01 pm
People derive a sense of self worth from numerous sources. Some focus on their paycheck, others their bodies, and others still in their ability to influence others. Some people need to be the smartest, the fastest, or the overall best at something to feel like they’re worth anything. There was a time when I had to be out volunteering, trying to save the world one bit at a time to feel like I was really doing something with my life. I’ve been in relationships where I had to be the top, the sugardaddy, or the cute one to be happy. What matters to me, these days, is not where my self-esteem comes from or what helps to bolster it, but not drawing too much confidence from any one source. If making more money or being smarter than my boyfriend (best friend, roommate, sister, cousin, whatever) makes me feel good about myself, then so be it, so long as I don’t obsess over it, hurt others trying to put these qualities on display, or feel suicidal if one of my many dimensions is turned on its head.
May 19, 2010 at 2:43 pm
So here is the basic problem. There is a paradox at work. Truth be told on some level taking care of yourself and staying healthy is about self respect. We are naturally drawn to the “attractive type” for specific evolutionary reasons that are not necessarily bad. As humans we tend to take things way too far though. I have seen both sides of this coin. I’ve seen people who don’t care about anything but how you look and are just shallow empty jerks, and I’ve seen people who use the “I’m beautiful just the way I am” mantra as an excuse to eat whatever they want and not exercise at all. The health ramifications are often very ugly.
For me the “I want to believe I’m beautiful just the way I am” mentality has been a block against dieting hard core and working out for a long time. I didn’t want to diet and workout for “shallow reasons”. Then something finally clicked and I felt more than realized that wanting to look good is part of self respect. I care about myself enough to care about how I look. It is a healthy thing, and it has gotten me to the gym, and eating better. Could it go too far? Definitely. I don’t know if that’s where I’m going yet because I’ve only recently started to see physical changes from the change in my eating and workout habits. I know in general I feel a lot better about myself, have a lot more energy than I did a few months ago.
Judging ourselves just a little on how we look can be a good motivator. Don’t completely knock it, just don’t let it go as far as hot or not. You don’t have to be a cut perfect twinky, or some super hunky leather daddy. Being generally healthy is indeed beautiful and we should care about ourselves enough to try to maintain that.
May 19, 2010 at 4:09 pm
How does your boyfriend feel about you cruising sites for someone who likes your hot ass?
May 19, 2010 at 4:17 pm
A lot of my friends are overweight girls. Don’t ask me why.
I was in a drawing class, and I chose to draw people. My friends thus became my models. By drawing them, I’ve realized just how beautiful they are, regardless of their size, etc.
May 19, 2010 at 4:20 pm
I read something in the book titled “The Vortex” by Esther & Jerry Hicks:
pg. 80. paragraph 4:
“When you discover that your happieness is not depending upon outcomes of others, but that it is simply the result of your own deliberate focus upon (happieness,) you will find the freedom that is your most intense desire.”
Read this book it deal a lot with relationships.
May 19, 2010 at 4:26 pm
deep
May 19, 2010 at 5:37 pm
How has no one commented on the 7 3/8? Is this hit rating on hot or not or the size of little davey wavey?
May 19, 2010 at 11:20 pm
I totally had the same thought before I actually read the post. Then I felt the comment to be a little inappropriate.
May 20, 2010 at 12:32 am
Gary: I found your post insightful. I also feel it behooves us all to use whatever resources we have at our disposal to attract people to whatever it is we believe in. People may buy a Mercedes for its engineering but ultimately if it looks like s**t they’ll probably pass it over for a BMW. Davey gets many people in by looking attractive but he has amazing substance underneath the hood (not a circumcision reference LOL). Nevertheless I see no conflict in him writing about the internal aspects of a person being far more important than the superficial ones.
May 20, 2010 at 2:32 am
i reall don like judging others while am not perfect……… and if i judge someone in this case it is a total waste…. but i must admit sometime i judge without thinking so in that i cant do anything …..but mostly i don like to judge others
May 20, 2010 at 9:06 am
I believe that looking good is reflective of one’s internal mental state. If we feel good about ourselves, then we’re going to take care to present ourselves well to others – physically, mentally, and spiritually. How do I tap into that freedom? A lot of introspection, a spiritual program, a good diet, and (next) back to the gym.
I’ve been working on myself in the past couple of months in a different way. Having been the son of an active alcoholic, I grew up in a difficult and confused environment. Al-Anon has been working for me to set some things straight. It’s hard to describe, but in these short two months I’ve found a certain serenity that gives my contact with my higher power. I am feeling much better about myself which has motivated me to improve myself in several ways. My interactions with people – despite some stressful encounters – is much more rational. I’ve been motivate to lose the few extra pounds I’ve been carrying around and it’s showing. As I said, the gym is the next thing I do. Soon, I’ll be that muscle daddy and who knows what will come next? If nothing else, I’ll be a lot more attractive spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, to say nothing about the physical!
May 21, 2010 at 12:58 am
I do believe I have found freedom from self-hatred and what not. You have to tell yourself “I love my body, I love my body. What people think doesn’t matter, what people think doesn’t matter.” and it’s like a mantra it starts off as a lie but one day the lie is true.
May 21, 2010 at 3:27 pm
Hey Logan,
Yah it is great to be better at something than someone else!!!! It so good because when we can do something better than someone, that gives us the ability to benefit those around us who we care about with that skill or quality.
Kenneth R. Livingston
May 22, 2010 at 5:30 pm
I guess I would not be considered very attractive, I think I have reached a stage where rather than be insecure about it, I have completely blocked it out.
May 22, 2010 at 5:30 pm
I agree, If you tell yourself a lie enough times you will start to believe it.
June 18, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Something I read once said, You shall know them by their fruits. Let’s be honest. On the surface, many people seem charming, tender, and full of warmth. While words are wonderful indications of intention, actions are also part of the equation. And we don’t know what someone does in their private time. Even more troubling is the fact that we don’t know when we are going to need help with anything. And with our criticism it’s just easy as pie to backbite and say: Oh, you’re nothing special! Of course, in our judging we tend to forget that not a single one of us is perfect. This is why if you can help yourself, it’s better to just work really hard at being good to people. Not because you’re expecting good from them, but because when you stop being selfish, you realize that things only work best when all of us work together, without all of the superficial mess. No job in this world truly requires just 1 person. What’s funny is: 1 person who fails to do what they promised, is all it takes to set a project back.