Until yesterday afternoon when I moved into my new Toronto apartment, I was spending my time at my boyfriend’s house. Since he’s 21 and in school, he’s living with his mom and dad at their home just outside the city’s downtown core. Their house is an elegant turn-of-the-century mansion that feels more like a museum than a place of residence.
I like jumping in puddles to see how deep they are. Like pickles and chocolate, elegant mansions and I aren’t a great mix. But for a few days, I can manage to grin and bear it.
After using the wrong dish towel, not eating with a placemat and sitting in a chair that wasn’t meant for sitting, I reached my breaking point. I dashed into the living room and switched the order of the couch’s two differently colored ottomans. “What now?!,” I exclaimed to my boyfriend in a half-joking frenzy. “What now?!”
Interestingly, the roof did not collapse. The house didn’t fold in on itself in a tribute to Steven Spielberg’s Poltergeist and chaos did not befall the planet. Life went on, and perhaps all the more interestingly. Until my boyfriend quickly switched the ottomans back.
Last night, I was relieved to move into my new home. I’ll be living here for 4 weeks, and the unit is pretty wild. I’m staying in Toronto’s Rosedale neighborhood, and I’m living on two floors of a once-grand-but-now-dilapidated old home. Judging from the glass fruit and retro furniture, the home was last renovated around when I was born. It hasn’t received much TLC since then, but I have a deep love for urban decay.
Plus, no placemats required. I’ll be just fine.
March 2, 2011 at 1:11 pm
Beautiful home..my parents home is also large with almost 8 thousand square feet and 6 bedrooms..thank goodness they allowed us to be us and mess up the place….
March 2, 2011 at 1:13 pm
Haha
glad to see you get worked up bout small stuff too 
March 2, 2011 at 1:14 pm
Welcome to Toronto, Davey!
March 2, 2011 at 1:15 pm
wow fancy schmanzy
March 2, 2011 at 1:17 pm
forgive me what I meant my ‘us’ was all eleven of us kids..
March 2, 2011 at 1:18 pm
its like two different worlds but two very loving people try hard to make it work out thats cool but yep theres not place your own place, when you spend time at other places it jsut feel right….. hope you decorate the place fab like you always do
)
March 2, 2011 at 1:19 pm
At last! We can see you tolerance limit, little wasted man!
March 2, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Rosedale, eh? La-dee-dah, sir! That’s one of the nicest areas of our fair city.
You should try roughing it over here in Parkdale
March 2, 2011 at 1:53 pm
wwooowwww it so beautiful home¡¡¡ i love it¡¡
March 2, 2011 at 2:33 pm
This reminds me of my old home!
March 2, 2011 at 3:41 pm
I have to ask you Davey… How do you deal with people… or wait… lets refraise this…. Put yourself in my shoes if you can for a sec… now I have a real easy time trusting in my friends and so when they do stupid but unneccesery (did i spell it right?) things, say like a friend of mine offered to give me a ride to school today…(this offer was made monday but was meant for today) but like a half hour before i have to be in class… we both take the same class odd enough… he calls me up and asks me to tell our teacher that he might be late… or might not even come at all because he hade to go do a checkup on his car, no apologies (again excuse my spelling) just that he wanted me to tell her that he might not come… later now during class… he comes late as he said he would, but then like about 10 minutes b4 class ends he dissappears… without a word… Now tell me… Am i taking this to seriously and should just shrugg it off or what?
Once again I’m sorry for my horrendious grammer, but i would really like to know what you think and what you think i should do.
Sincerly John of sweden
March 2, 2011 at 3:42 pm
oh sorry forgot to add that i feel really dissapointed in them… thats what i was trying to ask if i was overreacting about…
March 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I love to re-arrange peoples furniture when they are not looking.
March 2, 2011 at 4:52 pm
What a brat! Seems to me a more thoughtful and loving post might begin with the following words: “Thank you, Mr. & Ms. Wilson for your kind hospitality.”
March 2, 2011 at 5:38 pm
Wow, it does look like a museum. Why on earth do they have chairs not meant for sitting??
March 2, 2011 at 5:47 pm
It would seem that your insecurities are showing!
You are a guest in the home of your present boyfriend. Instead of appreciating the courtesy, you mock aspects about their home. How do you think that makes your boyfriend feel? After all, you would, most likely, have been critical had you entered the house and discovered décor similar to where you will be staying.
Had your boyfriend ridiculed your parent’s home for being ‘quaint’, or that it was situated in a ‘modest area’, and proceeded to rearrange your parent’s living room, you would have been upset, as would your parents.
You owe both your boyfriend and his parents an apology for being rude.
If you are unable to do that, maybe you should find a boyfriend who comes from the type of home and background with which you are more familiar.
March 2, 2011 at 6:20 pm
Sorry Davey but there is a world outside of your own. This is what is called life. I use to clean these types of homes and asked my self why would people what to live this why, with all these things. It is pride sometimes but most of all it is just there home and they have a diffrent prospective of how to live. It is just like you have a different prospective of how you like to live. It is the order in the world. You have just seen a small part of it. I do see your point and also live a very simple life.
March 2, 2011 at 7:24 pm
I feel the exact same way when I visit my grandparents’ “house.” I sympathize with the joy switching the ottomans must have provided. I’m an advocate for introducing a little chaos into one’s life.
March 2, 2011 at 7:50 pm
John, I’m going through something similar so I thought I’d message you.
You have a choice to make; one you may have to make continually throughout your friendship. Can you live with his behaviour?
First, understand that his behaviour is not about you. He’s not doing this to hurt you or to annoy you regardless of how much it may seem like it. HE probably doesn’t even realize he inconvenienced you.
Secondly, getting angry isn’t going to help you here. Restrain your anger and annoyance and, if he really is your friend, treat him with love and acceptance even if it means accepting his behaviour.
Do you want to have him as a friend? Can you see beyond being angry or annoyed? Are you willing to let him be who he is and act how he’s acting and love him anyway? If so, accept him for all that he does. As long as you can handle his behaviour then just let it be and let the bad feelings wash away like water through a river.
On the other hand if you can’t abide how he’s acting you may want to let him know how much it hurt you that he didn’t consider you when he changed the plans for this morning. Focus on how you feel only and not so much on blaming him. Let him know that you’d really appreciate that if he’s going to change plans he should give you as much notice as possible. Everyone has a right to change his mind but it’s a lot nicer when they inform the people involved. if he changes his behaviour then great! If not, you may want to evaluate what you’re really getting out of the relationship and if it’s not worth it for you to be a part of it just let him go peacefully.
Hope that helped.
March 2, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Sounds just like my boyfriends parents, me and my boyfried’s mother go together oil and water!! I just have to put that smile on and get over it!! but face it I hate that old bitch, when she talks about me to her friend she make it sound like I am her son’s girlfriend, Thats why when I met her friend at their xmas party (unexpected) we made out in front of them!! HAHA Linda (my BF’s mother)
March 2, 2011 at 8:04 pm
My best friend in the world has VERY showy parents. They have a house that could reasonably be called ostentatious. Everything in the public areas of their home is meant not only to impress but to WOW people. Fortunately they are not the type to be up tight about their possessions. About 12 years ago when we were still in our hard-partying days, I would sleep at their house at least 3 nights weekly. We would often drink to glorious excess and I was a red wine drinker. His parents had bought new furniture for their living room; it was completely off-white. It was BEAUTIFUL. I can’t tell you how many times I passed out on that furniture in party clothes, smelling of smoke from the bars. It’s hard to believe we never destroyed that furniture or anything else in that house and, fortunately, even if we had his parents would have been cool with it. I love people like that.
March 2, 2011 at 8:51 pm
Davey, Davey, Davey…
I love you man, but…couldn’t help but think that you are being a little childish and selfish in this matter.
Sometimes we all have to set aside our personal likes/dislikes for others – I would think that you (especially) would show some of your much touted love for your boyfriend’s family and their lifestyle.
Sorry you aren’t mature enough to at least set aside your petty dislikes for even a few days.
Sometimes using something as simple as a placemat or wearing shoes (maybe to your slight discomfort) are required of us adults.
March 2, 2011 at 9:33 pm
Elegance is fine for some but personally I just prefer to enjoy each moment as it comes (and if you are constantly concerned with the freaking order of two ottomans, how can one do that?!) ROFL
I’d rather live in an understated cabin in the middle of some wilderness, enjoying LIFE and all of the beauty that nature has to offer — than live in a place meant for the Belvederes.
(Basically, DW… I’m inclined to think that you and I agree on this at some level.)
M
March 2, 2011 at 10:13 pm
I suppose I would be grateful to be invited to stay in this home and be accepted and welcomed by these people. I would never criticize their home or lifestyle as I accept their hospitality.
March 2, 2011 at 11:31 pm
I never use place mats.
March 2, 2011 at 11:31 pm
Gorgeous house!
March 2, 2011 at 11:48 pm
Word up.
March 2, 2011 at 11:48 pm
Hi Davey !
I found ur website by playing on manroulette hahahaha and i just wanted to say you that your videos are just delirious and i like a lot the way you talk because for me, who is french, it’s not difficult to understand you and then, to laught at your jokes or whatever.
but anyway my comment doesn’t have any reasons to be, but i think i’ll come back sooner ! As we say in french, ” à très bientôt & au plaisir ” by the way, have a look to my website, which is less captivating as yours but well .. xoxo
March 3, 2011 at 3:10 am
Davey: You are a philosopher, dear. Step back. You were welcomed into your boyfriend’s parent’s home. First, woo-hoo for that! Did they treat you like a special guest? If so, then triple woo-hoo for that!!! Darling, you present yourself bare chested and in tiny undies and ask the world–whoever will–to accept that. Your BF’s parents present themselves differently, and ask you to accept them as they are and in ways that make them happy. Would you have felt that your BF’s parents were good and accepting guests if, while your back was turned, they slithered on a scratchy, bulky, wooly sweater onto your bare torso while they were visiting you in your home? Their home decor is different than yours. That’s fine. Their expression of hospitality is different. Fine, too. My mom would no more serve a guest a drink–from water to double martini–without a starched and ironed white cocktail napkin than she would become a circus mime. I love it. That’s her. She and I live differently yet we accept where the two of us are and enjoy the differences. Sweetie, so much of your spirit is about acceptance–of ourselves, of others, of you. Thank God you have been accepted into your boyfriend’s parent’s home. Tell us about the ease and awkwardness and lessons of that. Their ottomans? Really?? BFD.
March 3, 2011 at 3:44 am
Oh dear, I’m usually so inspired by your posts, but I was disappointed today. Usually you show so much respect for yourself and others. Today you not only showed disrespectful behavior, but also took the time to relish in it by posting it on the internet. Someone put a lot of love and time and effort into a house like that, just as you put love, time and effort into your projects.
I understand you were trying to make a point about differences in personalities, but really you just made me sad. Tolerance and enlightenment has made great progress, but I don’t know of anyone who would let their 21 year old gay son bring home his older boyfriend to stay with them, especially among the upper class. That right there is a small miracle.
March 3, 2011 at 8:33 am
Hi Davey, you are a snob anyways but a reverse one- professing hate of luxery and grandiosity! Why don’t you accept whatever comes around from LIFE AND THE UNIVERSE AND NIBIRU. It is not your style? Don’t mention – that is class by the way Davey being able to enjoy the ride whatever be the horse- it seems you failed miserably trying to preach me that this is not a beautiful surrounding because it is not yours! Americans amaze me when they throw their tantrums and rants about how they do not like luxery and live a simple life. Their Bible past explains that. Oh God do not look at me I am a sinner. Walmart would disagree with that jehovah vision, who is selling them more than 20 billion dollars of junk to adornate their living quarters. Oh how annoyed I was by your sanctimoniosity! This is life Davey.
March 3, 2011 at 9:21 am
When I first saw the pic I thought it was a joke. The room looks like a posh hotel lobby.
March 3, 2011 at 9:21 am
Sounds like you really love your boyfriend. You put up with your maybe future in-laws’ strange way of living. But be careful not to push him away. That home is a manifestation of who he is. That is where he grew up and why is is the man you love. The parents are a huge part of that. I’m sure you were very polite to his parents. You are clearly a very nice fellow. But sometimes our unspoken thoughts and prejudices come out without us realizing it. To avoid that, we have to change our negative feelings from within.
March 3, 2011 at 9:26 am
Davey! This is unrelated but I had an idea for a talky blog for you. I was thinking you could make a video for parents with gay kids. A little while ago I found a few books in my parent’s house that were something a long the lines of “So your kid is gay… so what?” I think parents want to be supportive but it can be hard for them to understand how to do it. Maybe the talky blog can have footage of parents or can just be about successful gay individuals.
Just an idea!
March 3, 2011 at 9:51 am
I understand why you fought back, though. You were told that you used the wrong towel, should have used a placemat and sat in an inappropriate chair. It was like they were rejecting who YOU were.
I hope you guys all find a happy medium. =)
March 3, 2011 at 10:28 am
You were a guest in the home of your boyfriends parents, enough said!
March 3, 2011 at 10:39 am
even chairs can be valuable object d’art!
March 3, 2011 at 10:54 am
Why did I think you lived with your BF in a downtown highrise?
March 3, 2011 at 11:39 am
My daughter lived with a family in a very basic home in Africa for two years while in the Peace Corps. We went to visit and stayed in their compound for a few days. It was hot, we had to squat to relieve ourselves and flush it with water, we ate with our hands and learned to sit under an Acacia tree in the hot noonday sun. It was glorious and the people were just wonderful but the typical American response would be abject horror. We should all learn to appreciate what we do have and accept how others live. Try to be more Zen about these things and just accept.
March 3, 2011 at 11:55 am
So your boyfriend is out f the closet? Last time you said he wasn’t out yet, and now your staying at his parents house??? Confusing
March 3, 2011 at 1:45 pm
There’s a really great film online for parents whose queer kids are coming out called “Lead with Love” http://leadwithlovefilm.com The site also has resources for helping families love their gay, lesbian and queer offspring.
March 3, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Davey, Having skimmed through the feedback thus far, it seems most are a little surprised by your lacking in grace when staying at your BFs parents home. I tend to agree. Like visiting my family, it is their home and to be respected, not seen as some game ie: move chairs around – you are not a 12 year old but a grown man, especially given your BF is living with them.
Usually inspired by you, not today man.
Anyway, must hop on a plane to leave the madness that is Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras – that’s right guys, leave. We are off to Bali.
March 3, 2011 at 7:18 pm
A person can be out to some people and not to others.
March 3, 2011 at 7:21 pm
There is no mansion great than the inner psyche of the human being. Everything in that ‘mansion’ was made by craftsmen, each a specialist, an artisan. Grand places once freaked me out until I started to see that grand mansions where the works of people who had mastered their craft and left evidence of themselves. An antique gilded vase maybe just a prop to some, a beautiful object to others but me it’s something a long dead hum being made to say ‘I was here and this is what I was capable of”. From that point of view, a mansion is filled with opportunities to appreciate the artful capacity of man.
March 3, 2011 at 9:25 pm
hey DW-welcome to another part of the world.how other people live-remember-you are a guest-when in Rome-do as the Romans do.if you visited my parents condo-youd have to conform as i do.their condo is best described as a museum.their place is all about rules and regulations-and its sickening-its fascist and nazi-and im being nice describing it that way.how would you like going to school all week-and when your friends were playing outside on a friday or saturday morning-you were required to clean this museum of a house?now youve a taste of medicine dished out by others-like i said-when in Rome-do as the Romans do.if you dont like it leave.if you want to see an example of conformity right smack dab in Toronto-visit Casa Loma-just northwest of Toronto-City Centre-Casa Loma is a Castle-now thats conformity.anyone who has been there-knows what im talking about.
March 4, 2011 at 9:09 am
Plebeian !!
March 8, 2011 at 7:45 am
You’re making your Toronto migration much earlier this year! Will you sell your RI flat?
April 1, 2011 at 2:21 am
Davey,
my house is the same way as your boyfriends parents house. We have a room that is only for formal party’s, no one is allowed in it otherwise besides to clean. Our dining room set is never used, it is a decoration. 2 of the bathrooms and one bedroom are just for looks and extras. the pillows have to be aligned on the bed so that the seam is hidden. and there can be no foot prints in the rug. I know what you mean when you say you want to eat without a place mat, but this crazy order of things also can be nice.