When I was in 7th grade, I was infatuated with a boy in my class named Chris. He was everything that I wasn’t. He was attractive, popular and athletic. I was a geeky, overly skinny kid with glasses and good grades. While it wasn’t love, it certainly was a crush.
One day, Chris and I were assigned a project together. After school, I gave him a call and he biked over to my house. Waiting for him, my stomach was full of butterflies. I was nervous and anxious; I wanted to say the right things. I wanted Chris to like me – a lot. When Chris arrived, I tried really hard. And before he left, I asked him if he wanted to sleep over. Yes, it was a desperate attempt to get in his pants. And I know he saw right through it. Weirded out by my request (I guess guys don’t sleep over in 7th grade?), he declined and we never really hung out again. My young little heart was devastated.
Lately, I’ve received a virtual flurry of emails from people in similar situations. They are in love with a straight guy and they don’t know what to do. First, I feel for them – been there, done that. Second, I think we can all take a step back. The bigger question is: What do you do when someone you love doesn’t love you back in that same romantic way?
This bigger question knows no bounds of sexual orientation or gender. As a gay guy, you may fall in love with another gay guy who just isn’t interested. Or a straight girl whose love for a guy isn’t reciprocated. We’ve all been there, right? I don’t think it’s all that dissimilar.
Though I’m no love doctor or relationship guru, it seems to me that the there is an appropriate thing to do in all of these situations: Nothing. When you love someone – truly love someone, and not just in the way that I was infatuated with Chris – then you really want them to be happy… even if their being happy doesn’t involve a romantic relationship with you.
If you love someone romantically, then you must at least have some sort of friendship with them. Instead of being upset that you don’t have more, be thankful for what you do have – a powerful friendship.
And who knows? Maybe some day they will fall in love with you, too. But it’s not worth building your life around that possibility. Find someone that reciprocates the love you have to offer.
November 3, 2010 at 3:38 am
The one thing i hate the most. But…that crush, that “love” for the guy, for me, always faded away in a second when i heard him say or do something i disliked.
September 20, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I had had several crushes on boys who could have been either one (but were probably straight) which also faded when they did something I didn’t like. The truth is,those were just crushes, nothing more. But then I met one boy who never seemed to be able to disappoint me. Even though he was younger than me, he he was insightful, and always cheerful. I remember distinctly that he would always smile, even when he was upset. Being older, I would advise him on how he should talk to girls (I’m bi, though he never knew that), and I guess it’s true that the most important hing is for the person you love to be happy, because whenever something went good with one of his female love interests, I only felt happy and never really jealous. I think that was the first time I ever truly fell in love. I also think that we should recognize that even years later, you really never get over these feelings, even though they affect you less and less as the years go on.
November 3, 2010 at 3:47 am
OH..I get it…Davey Wavey going straight. BTW keep the hat Billy Ray—>Kinda hot….
November 3, 2010 at 3:48 am
Mike………….huh?
November 3, 2010 at 4:15 am
Thanks, man.
I think we all needed to hear this, or at least I know I did. Thank you. =]
November 3, 2010 at 4:33 am
can someone tell me if this is normal, i have never had a crush on anyone in my life (never!) and im in 6th grade… i hope im normal
November 3, 2010 at 4:34 am
oh sorry about the above, im not in 6th grade, im in 8th grade
November 3, 2010 at 7:49 am
Davey Wavey..
..I guess he was not a friend to begin with..right?..I have always had the theory that ALL guys are at least “bi” and ALL guys will suck when propositioned at some point..and let’s not forget ALL guys have a feminine side..so…
First of ALL..why are ALL the cute guys named Chris?..As for your crush on a boy..we have ALL been there..done that..and after many years..I recently told a so-called good friend that “I always “fantasized” about him and me together”(didn’t even mention what that fantasy was)..he literally took offense at what I said and we are NO longer friends..
Love David
November 3, 2010 at 9:02 am
Awesome story, I liked a straight guy and he knew that I did and he told me that he doesn’t play my side of the field. He respects me and I respect him; he’s a really great guy.
November 3, 2010 at 9:16 am
I say go for it, just don’t get to carried away if he says “Yes”. Trust me i sleep over all time at straight guy houses and they know I’m gay, just don’t make him uncomfortable and you should do fine.
November 3, 2010 at 9:17 am
Wow davey this really an Great topic that I could seriously write a novel. Unrequited love by a straight guy has broken my heart more than once.
That being said I was in a fraternity in college & can say that I had some of the hottest sex ever.
I have found that even if I did not initiate the sexual contact with the straight guy that I would ultimately get the blame for it. I have lost a few really good friends because we hooked up once.
Now that I am happily married & older, wiser…lol I still sometimes find myself infatuated with a hot straight guy.
November 3, 2010 at 9:27 am
I really hope I have learned my lesson. I have seen some of my gay friends stare down straight guys to the point where the guy gets up & leaves. My hope going forward is that I can be respectful of others & build friendships not built on sex.
November 3, 2010 at 10:50 am
gr8 subject-ive had crushes on four guys-one currently,just dont assume theyre all str8.infatuation-yes.cultivate a relationship and a love thats real.im working on two guys right now.
November 3, 2010 at 1:09 pm
I’m still in 7th grade, felt that a couple of times.
November 3, 2010 at 3:55 pm
DAVEY, your EYE BAGS!
November 3, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Sometimes I hit on/look up and down straight guys whom I pray are gay… I’m sure that I’m putting myself at risk but… I can’t help it! Some straight guys are to pretty to be straight ☺ I guess thats why you can pay some of them to play for the other team.
November 3, 2010 at 4:22 pm
@Davide
Yes, i have a crush on you. Can’t help it lol
November 3, 2010 at 5:02 pm
why? you being silly you don’t even know me…we haven’t even spoken…I not understand this..but such as it is…it could be worse you could be in love and I break hearts!!!
November 3, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Well i’ve read some of your replies on Davey’s site, and i’ve also read some of your own blog posts on your sites. You are a very intriguing person. Your very family oriented, very masculine, very confident without being too cocky. You hold to older traditions which is much less common. And yes your also good looking
But i like you for who you are in your posts. I say it like that because most people are open online and closed off in person. Writing always says a lot about the writer. I could go on, but I don’t want to bore you or other Davey Wavey readers. Also I have difficulty thinking while your image floats in my mind lol
November 3, 2010 at 5:13 pm
Oh you got that right, i so agree with you there, i look at guys all the time, especially when they where those jogging bottoms that reveal their penis region bulge
November 3, 2010 at 5:13 pm
he is still hot no matter what
November 3, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Oh my as my brother Jules would say “are you on crack?” I am good looking aren’t I? Everytime I walk past a mirror I say “who is that handsome man? Oh he me” still can’t believe how handsome I am. Seriously thank you for the kind words-I am gushing in embarrassment. But enjoying every minute of it. Grazie amico
November 3, 2010 at 5:31 pm
Lol no no. No crack for me…wait is that an offer??
Embarrassment? lol
Just be glad i’m censoring myself ;D
November 4, 2010 at 3:49 am
Ugh, the straight boy crush….. My best friend, who I truly love as a brother, is straight. We met when he began dating a friend of mine in HS. We never really talked before they started dating, but now we’re inseperable. I can’t lie and say that I didn’t harbour slight feelings for him at first, but I denied those feelings. It was healthiest for me, him, my friend he was dating and our already solid relationship. I never would, and never will, put anything before our friendship.
November 4, 2010 at 12:30 pm
Davey – So very true and couldn’t agree with you more! Peace to you all! Make today a great day!
-C
November 5, 2010 at 10:41 am
i love me my straight boys. I like guys who act like guys. Camping, muscles, soccer, muscles, not afraid to get dirty, muscles. I dont care for the stereotype gay, squeaky high voice, drama queen, fashion diva. Being manly is so hot to me.
November 5, 2010 at 5:20 pm
Alright everybody drink a kold bottle of water, or get it frum yur BRITA lol. Im sure alot of people go through that kinda fantasy Gay or straight. I have a similar story about a guy named jordan, weve gone to school and had at least two classes together since 8thgrade/2003, he’s so damn fine but, he’s really good friendz with my meat-head older brother wich makes it even harder to smile without blushing. i think itz ok to dream. this guy Im talking about is a dj now and he goes to UC Berkley and he did a show on my 21st birthday on WED and he even invited me, but I didn’t maxout my credit card to go see a guy i know iz straight, just becuzz Ive had a crush on him 4ever!
November 5, 2010 at 8:42 pm
so true to life, i think we’ve all been there… i destroyed a friendship by trying to push the issue, and have always regretted it… the guy was an absolutely amazing friend and i should never have tried to make it something more, but on the flip side, if i’d never tried, i never would have know what could have happened…. life would be great if it had an ‘undo’ button…. but you live and you learn… if you never take any risks in life, then is life truely worth living?
Martin
xxx
November 6, 2010 at 10:37 am
I met this guy through a dating website, and amazingly, we completely hit it off, we chatted for hours and there was that amazing buzzing feeling and we shared a kiss when the night was over. Unfortunately, I was leaving the country the following week. We kept in contact throughout the year via msn and my crush for the guy just got bigger and bigger. During he year, he told me he was dating a guy, but that it wasn’t very serious. Finally, when I returned a year later, we met up. I was really excited to see him and tell him how I felt, but was also worried that he might no longer feel the same way. I kept debating with myself whether I should take the chance, and finally I decided to go for it and tell him how I felt. I was totally gutted when he told me he was still with the same guy and that he was happy with his boyfriend. He wants us to remain friends and I know I should appreciate the friendship we have, but I find it hard to let go of such feelings. I guess I need to learn to let go and stop thinking about what might be and concentrate on what is and enjoy that.
November 7, 2010 at 7:06 pm
मेर को बता. किस और दुःखद है? प्यार जो भी बदल नहीं है कि प्यार जो भी बदल है लकिन बतला नहीं हो सकती है?
November 8, 2010 at 12:13 am
I’m in that exact situation! However we tell each other EVERYTHING and to not tell him that he’s the one just seems like lying by omission. I don’t know how to shake this feeling! Time will have to be the deciding factor I guess. GREAT post Davey!
November 9, 2010 at 6:22 am
i had a crush in high school too. i still have it. He’s name is Dereck. Every time i see him i have butterflies. right now i am in love with a straight guy. he’s name is Axel. a really cute boy. he got 19 and i have 25 years. both of them know that i like them. so… no problem in that aspect. for me, i have been with Axel in a romantic and sexually way. i call those type of guy “bugarrones” (español en Puerto Rico) jajajajaja Axel knows that i love him a lot but he “doesn’t love me”. i have suffered a LOT but in the end i said to myself that if u love someone like him, u need to let him go and if he return, he’s yours. i know he feels something for me and maybe he doesn’t say it cause he’s afraid but at the time i just try to forget.
November 15, 2010 at 5:02 am
I have a question that goes along with that if you could help please
November 17, 2010 at 8:29 pm
me too
i’m totally infatuated to an engaged straight guy… spent many nights sleeping late 
we’re friends and i think as you said it… the best POWERful thing 
thanks for this blog 
November 19, 2010 at 11:16 am
feel much better after having seen these comments. I am not the only one!!
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December 14, 2010 at 9:27 pm
love u and thanks…in similar situation and this has helped tremendously…yours in fitness, me(:
December 19, 2010 at 7:52 pm
I’m going through the same thing I’ve known my bestfriend since the 7th grade(2007) and I’ve always had a crush on him. Not only is he incredibly attractive, but he is a good person at heart.I always knew we couldn’t be more than friends cuz he’s into girls, but now i’m startn 2 want more. Like often i catch myself fantisizing about him. Even hearing him talk on the phone sometimes turns me on. I do think that i have strong feelings for him though. Everytime he spends the night over my house i get horny and lust for him. He has no idea at all because he thinks i’m straight. But i want to tell him so bad though. But i don’t want 2 mess up what we have because we have a close friendship and we consider each other brothers. I don’t think i’ll tell him because if i tell him i’m gay we probably won’t be as close ever again. My biggest fear is that he’ll just shut me out of his life. I never told anyone that i’m gay before and i’m scared 2 because i’m scared people will treat me differently and there’s so many homophobic people out here.
December 20, 2010 at 7:52 am
hi there michael
dont fret too much about it just occasionally let out your gay side gradually, i only just come back from my straight best friend’s wedding last night, i havent exactly told him im Bi but i think on some levels he already knows, cause i dont drink much, i dont really like football, i love shopping for clothes, dancing exercise and yoga.
i have only told 3 of my close girlfriends and 1 of my brothers that im Bi.
and i do agree wtih your last statement there a lot of homophobes out there, you just have to pick your friends and the right moment.
peace out xxx
good luck xx
July 7, 2011 at 7:17 am
I completely agree with this. Im Gay and my best friend is straight. We have messed around in the past, but mainly experimenting and i think that actually helped me admit i am gay. We have since stopped fooling around and he has been seeing a girl. when he first told me i got insainly jealous and couldnt handle it. We have since talked it through, and he has explained to me how he feels and that he doesnt regret anything that we have done in the past just he doesnt feel the same way deep down. I feel now that we are stronger than ever, he is my best mate and i love him more than i would my own brother, we still tell eachother everything and there is no awkwardness between us with any nakedness (whilst changing etc). I have never told him that i was/still am kinda in love with him, i dont want to freak him out or lose the friendship that we have. If however he would ever change the way he feels about me and want a relationship i would jump as the chance, however as somebody mentioned earlier, he would have to make the first move, as i would never want to jeopardise what we already have.