When we fall, stumble or trip, we’re faced with a question: Will this be an excuse, or will this serve as a push to grow, evolve, develop and learn?
Relationships serve as a clear example of this truth. As best as I can figure, I’ve had true 5.5 relationships with 5.5 boyfriends that have all ended in separation. It would be easy to use this track record as an excuse and say, “Things never work out with me and men. There’s no hope for me. I give up. I must be cursed.”
But it’s just as easy, and perhaps far wiser, to use these relationships as life lessons and learning experiences. After all, sometimes you need to learn how not to do something in order to do it. It’s through these 5.5 relationships and 5.5 boyfriends that I’ve come to learn a lot about myself, my Self, life, and so much more.
Excuses sabotage our life while lessons aid it. When picking between the two, I suggest the latter.
August 27, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Does this mean you are single and available?
August 27, 2009 at 6:16 pm
5.5? O_o
September 1, 2009 at 7:05 am
Perhaps the knife explains how Davey wound
up with half a boyfriend . . .
August 27, 2009 at 6:21 pm
How did you work out 5.5 boyfriends? Anyway, being 15 I actually havent had any “relationships” as such. Yeah, there have been guys; we went to the cinema or to town but nothing serious. Although I havent had a serious relationship I still have learnt lessons along the way, and all these lessons help me get to know myself, and what really interests me. I also ahve learnt who I am good with, what kind of person. Not to mention the dragging relationship advice tht your girlfriends give you (gawd that gets annoying) but again, all the advice teaches you and you bear that in mind next time you make a move. Ok, I have run on too long and probably boring you, and you probably are completly lost and don’t understand what I have said.
Sorry for the longwinded comment.
Love and Peace
Jack
August 27, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Also check out my blog
http://iami-youareyou.blogspot.com
Love and Peace
Jack
August 27, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Self realization is the one thing that can be gleaned from
interactions with another person, no matter if it was a good or bad experience.Learn
from each of your relationships, and love will come.
Peace
August 27, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Well, I haven’t exactly been in a serious relationship yet but I understand what your talking about. I would see that to build a relationship or fit a problem is to learn what mistakes you made in the past. It’s one of the many steps to led to a better life. Have a nice day Davey, Cheers!!!
August 27, 2009 at 6:43 pm
I’m stuck on how you can have .5 boyfriends but I see the rest as simple as everything is a lesson, we as humans try to explain them after the fact.
August 27, 2009 at 7:46 pm
A few possibilities for arriving at half a BF:
1. One was a lower-body amputee.
2. One was very feminine and only counted as half a boy.
3. One had a massive c**k that counts as i/2 a person.
4. One had vestigial conjoined twin.
5. One had multiple personalities, only one of which was the BF.
Any other thoughts?? LOL
August 27, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Very funny… #2 is borderline though…still I laughed. (:
Marquee Mark
August 27, 2009 at 9:07 pm
I’m sure that for each of those items, at least one person out there will take issue. Certain people will find certain things funny and not others. The important thing to remember is that the intent was not serious and it was not to offend. It was in jest. If people don’t find one funny they can choose to let go of it and enjoy the ones they do find funny – as you did – rather than get angry.
August 27, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Please no more “LOL”.. that phrase is so ’00
If you cannot be witty with the words you write…
appending a “LOL” to the end of your
prose makes it even more sad to read…
Here is MY rage against the MACHINE: No more “LOL”!!@!
Peace Out…
August 28, 2009 at 12:34 am
LMAO!
August 28, 2009 at 12:53 am
HAHA!
August 28, 2009 at 1:03 am
He hasn’t finished with relation #6?
August 28, 2009 at 9:17 pm
That’s an interesting perspective I hadn’t really thought of, although I don’t think the current BF would like to be referred to as half a BF LOL!
August 27, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Being in a long term relationship ( 10 years ) I can truly say that each of my boyfriends in the past have been learning experiences; some more negative than positive, but all have led me to the full scope of humane love.
Peace.
August 27, 2009 at 8:10 pm
At 12 and a half years, I agree.
August 27, 2009 at 7:49 pm
I’ve had half a relationship… it was a quasi relationship that wasn’t confirmed. I called him my non boyfriend.. because we werent anything more than that. Listening to “Forever is Over” by the Saturdays…
Just remember that despite you are single.. you are still desirable to somebody else.
August 27, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Davey Wavey says: “Excuses sabotage our life while lessons aid it. When picking between the two, I suggest the former.”
I’m confused.
Don’t you mean to pick the latter??
August 28, 2009 at 2:30 am
Yeah I was thinking that too, he must mean latter, otherwise it’d be a very un-Davey-Wavey-like sentiment! I’m surprised no one else picked up on it.
August 28, 2009 at 6:36 am
No, we noticed, just didn’t think it was worth mentioning.
August 27, 2009 at 8:18 pm
YOU RESEMBLE THIS IN THOSE PHOTOS
http://gallery.photo.net/photo/4553360-md.jpg
August 27, 2009 at 8:31 pm
It’s easier to bitch and moan than it is to take responsibility for our situations. It’s easier to make up excuses than it is to formulate solutions. It’s easier to find a scapegoat than it is to muster the courage to venture beyond our perceived limits. It’s easier to cry than it is to declare ourselves capable of overcoming anything life throws at us. These actions are all easy, and they all allow us – no, force us – to be small.
When we make purchases with a credit card, we pay exhorbitant interest until we repay the entire loan amount. This too is easy. If we don’t have the cash now, we can put purchases on credit rather than waiting to make the money. In some cases we carry our debts for so long we end up oaying 2 or 3 times what an item was worth, in the long run. In some cases, these debts can drive us into bankrupcy.
Consider that every time we make an excuse and take the easy, short-term course, we are mortgaging our futures for relief of some perceived difficulty now. As we pay monetary interest on our loans, we pay spiritual interest on our excuses. In the long run, our playing small and shrinking from taking responsibility has us live in mediocrity until the debt is repaid and we finally take control.
Americans – and to a somewhat lesser extent Canadians – typically live in deep financial debt. We try our best to keep up with the Joneses by forking over money to MasterCard, Visa and American Express. If my neighbour has a 42″ TV, I had better get a 47″ TV despite what it will cost me in the long run.
Likewise, we try, spiritually, to keep up with those around us. We drive ourselves into a spiritual debt so that we can be perceived as having it all together. We won’t seek help for our problems for fear someone might find out we are not all Supermen. We deflect blame and responsibility because it’s easier to be seen as ‘not responsible’ than it is to be seen as at fault and taking responsibility.
Deep down we know the truth about both financial and spiritual debts. Deep down, we know we’ll pay far more in the end but it’s so damn easy. The credit card companies make it easy to get into financial debt and the world makes it easy for us to get into spiritual debt. People even comiserate with us so that we will comiserate with them when they start making excuses.
Making excuses for our sittuations is ordinary, mundane, mediocre. Whether we are the cause of our own siituation or not; whether something is our fault or not; whether we started it or not, we can be responsible for the outcome. And when we get over what’s easy right now and get over looking good in the short term we will live extraordinary lives. They won’t be easy but they will be simple and fulfilling.
August 27, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Did you meant to say The latter? Otherwise you advocate for excuses…hmmm…
August 27, 2009 at 10:15 pm
I’m sure he meant to say the latter…
And life lessons to make progress are what it’s all about! Hell yah!
Ciao!
August 28, 2009 at 3:09 am
Yes!
August 27, 2009 at 10:30 pm
David: Put down the knife! I realize you have a Hitchcockian drive to look out your
‘Rear Window’…but please do not go ‘Psycho’ on us!!
Instead, how about you do the ‘The Man Who Knew Too Much’ and end up in London, England.
Now, let’s start singing that favorite song of Doris Day: “Que Serra Serra…What Ever Will Be Will Be”…Peace Out!
P.S.: Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte…
August 29, 2009 at 2:29 am
not to be picky, but it’s Que sera, sera.
August 27, 2009 at 11:07 pm
davey did u break up with neutron b?
August 28, 2009 at 12:31 am
Amen to that.
August 28, 2009 at 12:54 am
I agree, Davey. I had a seizure two days ago, and it has been (only a little) challenging, but I have forced myself to face what I know about the episode and learn from it everything that I can this time around…’cause frankly I don’t want there to be a “next time around”
August 28, 2009 at 12:59 am
Didn’t you mean the latter Davey? :-S I hope I’m not the only one who’s noticed this lol – but I can’t read all the comments atm. Peace out, and have a lovely day (it’s pissing it down in Wales so I’m all for anywhere without rain!). x
August 28, 2009 at 3:08 am
Yes lol – the latter. I changed it.
August 31, 2009 at 10:03 am
WoW!
You DO read the comments.
August 28, 2009 at 3:57 am
i’m trying to apply this mentality to my current health situation, which i notice i’ve started using very much as an excuse. it’s hard not to give up and wallow in self-pity, etc, but really, i’ve only got myself to blame if i give up on the rest of my life because of this.
August 28, 2009 at 7:06 am
When working with clients, I am quite blunt in this area. I truly believe excuses are lies we tell ourselves. We make up excuses to not people’s feelings, to excuse our behavior, or to keep us from having to do something we want but are scared or afraid to move out of comfort zone.
I love how you show it is just a lesson. Everyone is not going to work out our way. But, we have the chance to learn from it, grow from it and make it better next time. Sometimes what we think we want, really isn’t in fact what we are searching or longing for. Sometimes not getting what is a blessing in disguise. Sometimes it is opening us up for a better opportunity that we did not even know existed.
Great post!
August 28, 2009 at 7:07 am
I agree Davey – the better perspective is to look at it as having succeeded in being intimate with 5.5 boyfriends – obviously there were some identity issues with one of them; everything was his and that included half of you.
I’d think that there are some people who would like to say that there are some excuses to make it okay to have a new personality inside themselves and blame it for everything that they’re not supposed to do then kill it, but that negates the aspect of healing that it is better to forgive and live and let live than make yourself less than part of the community at large.
Growth is something that always happens weather you realize it or not. Let’s hope that it is good for the both of you and can be a source of healing and strength, learning to be independent of each other and friendly, but that’s your goal isn’t it? To become someone better than what you were?
Cheers! (Does this mean that guys in England are going to see you single??)
August 28, 2009 at 7:39 am
I’ve had three relationships in my sixty years of life on this planet (so far, so good). The first dissappeared beyong some far horizon, the second died last year and the third I still see on an irregular basis.
I’ve learned that I shouldn’t have been such a pleaser all my life, always went overbaord to be liked by others, especially the men I wanted to have sex with.
I’m My Self nowadays, single, but I have more than enough truly caring and loving people in my inner circle, male and female.
August 28, 2009 at 7:45 am
I love what is being said here,every challenge we come across is an opportunity to check in with ourselves .what is the lesson here for me?
I think this is a fantastic way to see every day as an exciting adventure. Takes the mundane out of some repeated lessons that for some reason I have to learn more than once…
peace to all ~ ~
August 28, 2009 at 7:46 am
Your so right about this. I’m getting out of relationship number 3 and its a very mature way to handle a breakup. Look at what you both did wrong and learn from it, grow and move on. As always reading your posts are exactly what I need, thanks!
August 28, 2009 at 8:59 am
I dated an awesome man through my 20s who wanted a relationship, but I wasn’t ready. By the time I recognized his value – around age 30 – he had turned shy of me.
I did have a relationship through my 30s, but my partner died at a young age.
I avoided relationships throughout my 40s.
In my 50s dating has been more enjoyable than ever. I’m three yrs in to a relationship, but having an experimental nature, visualize myself moving on in my 60s.
Never say never. The Fat Lady hasn’t sung.
August 28, 2009 at 9:55 am
I wonder who makes up the 1/2 of a relationship
August 28, 2009 at 11:33 am
It is annoying.
If you ask people whether we are equal human beings they will say of course we are.
Then they will tell you that it is not possible for Gay people to form lasting relationships and taht monogamy is a myth etc.
**
We can be whatever we want to be and shopuld stop making limp excuses for our failures to make relationships last.
**
The proble is taht because we are isolated when we are young, Gay men start behaving the way that straight men do in their teenage years when we are in our twenties or later.
**
But that does not mean we have to stay children forever.
We can form mature relationships just like anyone else.
This is the battle for the young gay generation.
They have had a better start tahn us old guys and a “better product” is coming through slowly.
The are more balanced and stable and if they choose can really m,ake the world their oyster… and taht includes real enduring fulfilling relationship with deep love.
Come on gay youth – don’t follw the sad past of is old guys. You can do better.
August 29, 2009 at 12:36 am
Well, I regard this blog as an answer to my email. I think you should differenciate between true love and a relationship. I feel like being in true love and losing it can be an obstacle in the face of future relationships!