It’s day two of my trip to Atlanta. The city is a lot of fun and I’m really enjoying taking in the southern culture – and most especially, the southern food.
My friend, Matt, has been living here for almost a year. Independently, we both came to the mutual conclusion that “status” is very important in Atlanta. Status is one’s relative position in society, and it can be boosted by what you drive, how you dress and the way in which you carry yourself.
In my limited traveling, I’ve never encountered status elevated to this degree – not even in New York City or Los Angles.
The elevation of status comes from a fundamental feeling of inadequacy. It is the mind saying, “I am not enough.” And in order to become “enough,” tremendous amounts of time, energy, effort and money are spent filling an imaginary hole.
The hole of inadequacy is imaginary because each of us is enough. In fact, more than adequate, we are amazing, beautiful expressions of this perfect universe. At doesn’t take a Patek Philippe watch or a Bentley Continental GT to claim this birthright.
December 12, 2009 at 3:06 pm
In total agreement. If only more people had your perspective, Davey…
December 12, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Agreed
December 12, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Wow! I have to say I agree with you completely. Except I was shocked when you said it surpasses LA. But then again I’ve never been to LA. Lol
I moved to Atlanta a little over 10 years ago, and I have experienced this quite a bit. I always felt like Atlanta for me has been a transition city.
I moved here thinking that I’d find a good career, possibly with my biochemistry degree, and find a husband. I didn’t find either.
But I experienced way more than I ever expected. I discovered more about who I am as a person, my direct connection to God, my own theoried of spirtuality that I hope to write in a book one day. I had to fight for my life when I fell into a nasty crystal meth addiction (which is verty prevelant in this city).
I have come to realize that no status will ever mean anything to me if I didn’t do the work that I have done here.
I’m 34 now and sometimes feel old. But I realized that I’m single and still young, and more ready than ever to live in the present and plan for the future.
I believe that things do not happen by mistake. I used to think I made a mistake moving here. But all is going to plan! I am thankful for all the growth I’ve made.
And if nothing else. The south has taught me to have better manners, and to smile, especially when I don’t want to. If you can make another person smile even when you are down, there is nothing more gratifying.
Once again I’m long winded. But ib all fairness I need to practice for my book. Lol
December 12, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Have you ever read Edith Wharton’s “The Age of Innocence”? In that novel the reader sees a portrait of a society where that’s all about status.
December 12, 2009 at 3:55 pm
My friend, I have noticed in America “status” is different then in Italy where I was raised and grew till I was 14. First impressions are lasting impressions in Italy.Italians unconsciously assess another person’s age and social standing in the first few seconds of meeting them, often before any words are exchanged. Manners are very important in most of Italy. In america so many cultures and peoples that its easy to get lost in the masses. Cincinnati my home now, racial tensions have been intense in the past. But i am not so sure of “status”. I guess it comes down to basic realization that everyone has a need to be loved and accepted, to love and and give. Currently I am in Italy visiting my grandparents, family and friends. many ways Italy so different then America but in some ways very familar. I have been lucky enough to travel to many countries, and i believe there are no foreign lands just foreign people. Grazie Amico, Davide M.
December 12, 2009 at 4:00 pm
forgive me meant to say ” no foreign people just foreign lands”
December 15, 2009 at 8:19 pm
No way! I live in N KY!
December 12, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Interesting perspective. I have lived in Atlanta for nine years, and cant say that i entirely agree. While status can be important in some circles, I don’t think its any worse here than NYC or LA. Of course there are people who believe that their income, or more importantly the things they own as a result of that income, is what brings value to their lives – but quite frankly that’s everywhere. You can see that in the smallest of towns, or the largest of cities. In both those settings each individual get’s to choose who you want to be associated with. In fact, I think it’s more visible in smaller places, which is why some people might think Atlanta has more elitism than other cities – we’re much smaller than NYC or LA. But ultimately, you’re either exposed to elitism or not by the people you choose to be associated with and the places you choose to go. If, like most people visiting a city they don’t visit often, you’ve only been going to the “best” restaurants, and the “hot” places, etc than you’re more apt to see elitism. And unlike NYC where there are literally thousands of “best” restaurants and “hot” places to visit, in Atlanta there’s only a small selection, so your more apt to see social stratification in play.
I find myself both in that world, and not in that world as I choose. It’s up to me, as it is up to everyone!
December 12, 2009 at 5:21 pm
william I agree with your comment. Atlanta was alot of fun i have been there twice. and i think the ppl there were awesome! besides the guys are hot@
December 12, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Have you not seen Real Housewives of Atlanta? Status is everything.
December 12, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Hahaha – if Real Housewives was real I wouldn’t be able to live in any of those cities (NYC, LA, NJ, Etc.)
December 12, 2009 at 5:57 pm
I watched weeks ago a reportage in which black men were talking about the extreme importance for them to dress in the most elegant way with beautiful costumes, ties, etc… Their points of view were very interesting and I have to say they were really classy. Then, I looked at myself in the mirror, not yet shaved, and I said to myself, as a cold comfort: “To be stylish or not to be stylish”. Yes, but don’t exaggerate!
bye,
December 12, 2009 at 5:57 pm
I don’t believe in social statues. Most of the people I know that act that way are total snobs. I guess I steer clear of those kind.
December 12, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Wow – you’re spot-on with your perception about Atlanta. I lived there for 10 years, so I know exactly what you’re talking about.
Despite the element of status you perceive, there is a great niche of down-to-earth individuals in Atlanta. I hope you get a chance to encounter some of the nice things about Atlanta before you leave.
I grew up in upstate NY. One of the things I miss the most is the peacefulness & solitude – and the direct reflection on my soul. I don’t think your perception is isolated to just Atlanta; I think society is headed in the direction of the emotional void & what status seems to fill.
I now live in Fort Lauderdale, and I’ve never felt so isolated. Again, it’s the “status” thing all around me. I keep reminding myself to “be the person I want to find in my life”, and hopefully I’ll attract like-minded people. It’s not working yet…..but I haven’t given up hope! Thanks for being my daily reminder!
December 12, 2009 at 6:18 pm
estas lindísimo!!!!
December 12, 2009 at 7:27 pm
I have lived in Atlanta 10+ years, and totally agree with Davey. Someone who doesn’t see the ATL quest for status is probably heavily involved in it, and desensitized to it.
December 12, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Hello Davey! I am so honored that you are visiting us here in Atlanta. I hope you are having a great time despite our very unusual cold spell and rainy weather this weekend. We certainly are not living up to “Hotlanta” right now.
Atlanta does have its share of people for whom material things are a way to elevate themselves above others. Some other Southern cities like Savannah and Charleston have almost “aristocratic” feeling to them that is present in some circles here, too. Sometimes it seems that belonging to or breaking into certain circles becomes a defining point of some folks lives. But, after living here for 22 years now, I have found that there are a lot of very gracious, generous, caring and even non-judgmental people, too.
It would be great to say “hello” in person during your visit. But if that doesn’t work out, I hope you have a great time. If you visit again, I would recommend April as the most beautiful month. Everything is in bloom, the weather is not hot yet, and everyone who does not have allergies is in a happy mood.
December 12, 2009 at 9:21 pm
I think all big cities are guilty of elitism to some degree or another. I live in Dallas and they even have a name for it, “Dallitude”.
I would never hang out in the circle where status is king because status is only temporary. Eventually it comes to an end one way or another and I would prefer to be judged by my deeds and actions and not by where I lived or what I drove.
December 12, 2009 at 11:29 pm
meh – status is less about inadequacy than it is about the projection of power. it is based on the instinctual desire for security and survival and thus is self-defeating because its quest is an illusion for it lacks a spiritual center.
December 13, 2009 at 3:27 am
Do you not feel that the perceived need to project one’s power is a function of one’s fear of inadequacy or powerlessness? One of the basic rules of boxing – any pugilistic sport – seems to apply here: When you feel weak, make them think you are strong.
December 13, 2009 at 4:18 am
i agree with you, we are all already good and “enough” already
sometimes we are comparing too much of ourselves with the others that we forgotten about what our good points are and where do we stand, trying to catch up with others so much we’ve forgotten that we’re in such a good position so many others will die to be in our shoes now.
great post!
December 13, 2009 at 5:34 am
I agree totally
December 13, 2009 at 7:17 am
Dear Davey Wavey,
Right again brother, we are all we need, and when everyone understands that concept, there will be no more war or famine.
How did your test go Davey?
I love you Babe,
joey
December 13, 2009 at 9:36 am
ohhhhh boi. I’m kinda scared now. I recently graduated college and am moving there in a week. I have no status!
I hear they have amazing restaurants in Atlanta though….
J
December 13, 2009 at 11:28 am
ive been to Hotlanta-twice.i was struck by the fact-its a very large metro area-in the middle of the south.its flavour is that although its in the middle of the south-its a city of transplants-northeners-midwestern etc.status?depends how you look at it.i see it differently-NYC-has a different unique set of values as does L.A.depending how you look at it-having been to L.A.area 3x-one can be struck by what most impresses you.call it California dreaming-youthfull-fit -athletic culture-comes to mind.then again-i spent most time in beachtowns-from Malibu-south to San Diego.—-going back to Atlanta-anyone in the South will tell you-if you make it to Atlanta-its about the best you can achieve-while living in the South.this is a great post.as the Italian blog buddy above mentions-Davide-first impressions make all the difference.
December 13, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I have lived in Atlanta for a decade and more…and I disagree that Atlanta holds the title for “status based attitude”. I think you’ll find that anywhere at anytime and at any age….depending upon the company that you keep.
However, I do think that you’ll find it even more so in your age group of mid-twenty something’s where people are just starting out their careers and starting to find their true selves. Keeping up with the Jones’ (Benji’s) is part of that growth period…and it’s not all bad…as it can be healthy as long as it does not become all consuming. And people can flaunt their status…or successes, in many ways…from driving flashy cars to showing off their perfect pecs.
As per clothes, it truly has less to do with what you are wearing than how you wear it! And as for material things, it is less of what you have than who you are…
Yesterday, I walked by my main closet to a spare one and pulled out…some old shirt that I have had for many many years. It just seemed right for the day and time…
Some may say it was dated…less last season and more last decade…
::::Carrie Bradshaw spin:::: “Yes, vintage A&F”
But truly a classic from a time when the store was still at Phipps Plaza (the only one in GA at that time, mid 90′s)….and when the label was on the inside of the shirt rather than blaring on the outside.
December 13, 2009 at 1:42 pm
IMHO, status consciousness and urgency are nowhere as acute as on a college campus, in ANY city.
I lived in Atlanta for 11 years. Perceived status is very important in gay clubs, private membership clubs, top-line restaurants – even in churches in the “better” neighborhoods.
Merely dressing appropriately and minding one’s manners, however, are necessary at work, on dates, in nice restaurants or when cruising bars. I don’t think those requirements are a sign of status-seeking. Moreover, they are practiced *everywhere* there is civilized society.
I don’t agree with Davey that Atlanta is more status-conscious than other similarly situated cities.
December 13, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Davey iwould love to have sex with ia m still virgin
December 13, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Davey says: “And in order to become “enough,” tremendous amounts of time, energy, effort and money are spent filling an imaginary hole.”
There is so much wasted time and resources (human and natural) spent on the concept of “better than” in human culture worldwide. I’d rather fill a real hole than an imaginary one
December 13, 2009 at 7:47 pm
I agree – Atlanta seems to have been overly successfully commercialized to the point where people aren’t as important as the products they buy. I disagree with that perspective – without the consumer, the products are less than useful, they’re lacking form and function at that point.
Hope you’re doing great and having a wonderful time.
Cheers!
December 13, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Agreed. :]
December 14, 2009 at 12:05 am
I used to keep up with goings on in Atlanta, although I’ve only been there a few times and not at all in the last 20 years. I got the email version of the Southern Voice gay newspaper but they just went out of business last month. So now I know nothing, I suppose I could read the Constitution paper but I read so many as it is, NYT and a few others in paper and more online.
December 20, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Are you really gay Davey? Status is one criteria of the gay culture. Davey you need to get out more often!