It’s just after sunrise in snowy Manchester, New Hampshire. I was able to take a break from the “holidaze” for a weekend vacation with my boyfriend of 18-months.

My boyfriend is visiting from abroad; it has been three months since we’ve been in each others’ physical presence. There are a number of challenges that can stem from a long-distance relationship, but there are also many gifts.

If my boyfriend and I lived together, I doubt that we’d fully realize the value of each moment we share. I am quite certain that we’d take each other for granted. If we lived together, our shared time wouldn’t be infused with this level of excitement and appreciation.

But, as I’m sure you can imagine, long-distance relationships aren’t all butterflies and daisies; having a long-distance relationship can be very challenging. And at the age of 26, I feel like I’m in a place where I might want a bit more. I’m ready to share my life with someone – not over the phone, through emails, or a few times a year, but in-person and always.

My nomadic lifestyle has made me the king of long-distance relationships. I’m never in one place for very long, and in all honesty, how could I ever expect anyone to share in such a temporal schedule and vagabond existence? More than 20 moves in a few years would be asking a lot of anyone.

Nonetheless, I promise myself that I will enjoy our time apart as much as our time together. To paraphrase a recent quote that I heard, “If you do not enjoy washing the dishes, then you won’t enjoy the dessert either.” If I do not enjoy our time apart, then I will not enjoy our time together. If I were to dread our time separated, then my boyfriend’s next departure would loom like a dark cloud on the horizon, blocking out the sunshine.

This long distance relationship also challenges me to look past the illusions of time and space. At the end of the day, I know that there is no distance between my boyfriend and I. Everything is one. It’s just not always easy to see that.

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Comments

21 Comments

  • At 2009.12.19 08:13, Davide M. said:

    Davey my friend,

    I complete understand your situation. My story is very close to yours. Without going into long boring details. I will say that my bf is coming back with from Italy. He is giving up all he knows, his home, many belongings, his career, list goes on and one just to be with me in America. And to be perfectly honest, this scares the shit out of me. Grazie, Davide M.

    • At 2009.12.19 08:41, daveyfan said:

      thanks for touching on something that’s been on my mind, too. so much. maybe it’s the ‘hubby hubby’ ice cream?

      but i had to laugh when i read your tweet about being in man-chest-er yesterday. haha, they should hire you as their celebrity spokesman! i’d love to see THAT calendar in the general store next to the maple syrup!

      • At 2009.12.19 09:32, CorLeonis15 said:

        I tried long distant relationships once… Didn’t go very well. I was willing to sacrifice and invest time and energy to make it work, but he wasn’t as willing, so in the end it fell apart. And we were only an hour drive away, so I don’t want to imagine a cross-country or trans-continental relationship :|

        • At 2009.12.19 10:23, joseph said:

          how blessed we are to have your loving spirit in our lives. yet even we know your presence with us or us with you may be brief. so ask yourself in this transitory life why you seek someone to become a permanency in yours. for you will find that asking the question and its contemplation will be more important than the answer you receive. Peace.

          • At 2009.12.19 12:26, m4m said:

            Dave, hope you enjoy the day as well.

            • At 2009.12.19 12:44, eric said:

              David,

              This morning I woke up early with snow (outside) everywhere. I started to work on my computer until now (without eating much) and I am a bit tired but I have enough energy to read your post.

              So, I’m happy to read that you and your bf are together again! Yeah, I’m really happy for you!

              David, I think it is really time you get married, and for good! Yes, it comes a time when you really feel alone and you need the actual presence of somebody. Don’t wait to have grey hair and grumpy to do it! (lol)

              I’m still single, though I’m 24 since November, I must stay concentrated on studies, after I will see!

              I hope the next surprise you will make us will be the definitive installation of your bf in Rhode Island or maybe you will decide move to Canada! Who really knows, God apart?

              Anyway, I always wish for you and your boyfriend the best and I will wait quietly the wedding announcement in your local gazette! I jest a bit about that!

              have a nice afternoon!

              bye,

              • At 2009.12.19 12:55, Eliud said:

                Hellooo!!! Davey I’m so happy that u’r in loveee!!! hope u guys do well in u’r relationship and have agreat time together.
                U’r a cool guy and very cute to so if I have u I’ll never let u leave jajaja well see ya and keep in touch by the way I love u’r site!!!

                • At 2009.12.19 13:20, eric said:

                  Though it’s a big change for both of you, I’m sure
                  it will be wonderful for you to live together!

                  Personaly, I think that you are already great with
                  lots of qualities, then how can it be otherwise with
                  your boyfriend?

                  Wait a bit and all will unfold as it should be! (I think I took that expression from Davey ; I begin to be a bit impregnated with
                  his style! (lol)

                  bye,

                  • At 2009.12.19 13:31, Joe Blfstyk said:

                    Have fun in my hometown. It’s a great little place. “Live Free or Die” as they say.

                    • At 2009.12.19 13:33, Kurt said:

                      Davey……..when you go to Australia have you thought of going to see “Sailor Bob Adamson” and attending one of his talks. I think he is in Melbourne. I think it would be great to see him in person.

                      • At 2009.12.19 14:44, Fluffybri said:

                        We each choose our own path in life, even if it is not consciously.

                        The life you have today might be completely different in a few years. My life is completely different today at 34 than it was when I was 26. When I was 26, I waited tables, made good money, and partied all the time.

                        But things changed. I quit drugs, quit partying, and waiting tables. In fact I am in a place today I would have never expected. And I started transitioning into it when I was 29 or so.

                        What was once very important to me stopped being important.

                        I guaruntee this will happen with you to some degree.

                        So enjoy today is correct. You see the beauty of your situation, but you acknowledge your frustration. Change is constant so remember you will progress in the way your soul chooses at the right time.

                        We create our own reality, although it is not usually consciously. But we are spiritual beings creating a physical reality. This takes time. :)

                        • At 2009.12.19 15:06, Andrian Mancinelli said:

                          if my brother dont want him..i take Nicola..hes hot!!

                          • At 2009.12.19 15:44, eric said:

                            You little scallywag!

                            • At 2009.12.19 15:51, Erick said:

                              I had a long distance relationship that worked quite well for a couple of years. Plenty of individual space, intensity of the time together and the knowledge that the parting came just about the time that little things began to irritate. It required very little of us when it came down to the work of living together on a full time basis. When we shifted to that status there were some difficult moments because we had actually interacted for the most part when we were on our “best behavior.” We actually ended up having a nine year run and the gifts that I received from that experience still keep giving. We’ve become best friends who live in different cities and so we’ve returned in a way to a version of the long distance part of our relationship which was so much fun – knowing that for some few days every once in a while we would be able to smile at each other face to face and without words express so much.

                              Erick

                              • At 2009.12.19 15:58, Brian McDonald said:

                                Davey I wish to put forward an idea of a christmas present you could give all of us this christmas. Ithink you should give us a naked picture of you

                                • At 2009.12.20 13:10, Al said:

                                  My partner and I have been together 31 years, and at the start of our relationship he traveled
                                  15 out of every 30 days. Just when we we were getting tired of time together he was off for a week or so.The times together were so incredible.

                                  I think lasting relationships need that away time at first so you learn how important you are to each other.

                                  Davey, your away time may tell you the true importance of your relationship.

                                  At 59 I admire a younger guy that can inspire
                                  multitudes with his words. If I was a believer I’d say bless you.

                                  • At 2009.12.20 14:18, Volker said:

                                    I’m in full agreement there!

                                    • At 2009.12.20 14:29, Volker said:

                                      Mine is a long distance relationship of sorts too, using email, IM, the phone as our way of communicating. We both live in Canada. I’m on the west coast in BC and he’s on the east coast in Nova Scotia. We’ve exchanged photos, so we certainly know what each of us looks like but we’re both looking forward to the day when we’ll see each other in the flesh. Meantime, I have my stuff to do and he has his, and in all this we both have our life’s lessons to learn. My bf will be here when he’s ready and then things will fall into place. All in good time!

                                      • At 2009.12.20 17:41, christopher said:

                                        ah-DW-a Marco Polo of sorts.glad you have a bf-hope that there is mutual interest.at 26-it is time to begin the thought of nurturing thought of a life with someone.when youre forty–you may have the thoughts -of being a dinosaur-seize the opportunity.

                                        • At 2009.12.21 12:12, Eddie on the Cape said:

                                          TRES glad you’re still with S.D. Had not heard boo about him for a long time…thought things had fizzled out or something. Maybe you can convince him to do another talky blog with you! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

                                          • At 2009.12.22 15:12, BosGuy said:

                                            Enjoy your time in Manch-Vegas. I grew up in the town next door and attended high school in Manchester. Never thought of it as a romantic destination before but I suppose it is not where you are but who you are with that determines that.

                                            Wishing you a Merry Christmas.

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