When I was in Australia last month, I got a bit carried away while dancing with friends at a local club.
{I encourage you to use this space to read between the lines.}
Since it was my first time going out in several years, perhaps I was just making up for lost time. That is my excuse. At any rate, some of us took a break from the dance floor and retreated into one of the quieter lounge areas.
Sitting in the lounge, I glanced across the room and noticed a young man that must have been my boyfriend’s long-lost twin brother. I was startled by the similarities, and our eyes immediately caught. I quickly looked away, and then peeked back again. He was still looking. In fact, he was glaring with a gaze so deep that it burned me.
The guilt inside me started to boil.
For a few moments, I was convinced that it actually was my boyfriend. And that somehow, he had overcome the obstacles of time and space to scold me for my transgressions.
Truth be told, the young man was probably just trying to eye-f**k me, or someone around me. My misbehavior was probably the last thing on his mind. And in actuality, I was simply projecting my own internalized guilt onto the blank canvas of the universe that was in front of me.
So is the power of projection.
Deepak Chopra, in his blog, writes:
Studies show that when shown neutral photos of various people and situations, depressed people habitually see them as negative, disappointing, sad, and unlikely to lead to a positive outcome.
Whatever we hold inside, we project outward into the world. In this way, our thoughts and beliefs literally shape our experience of reality. Using projection, we see what we believe (yes, it’s not the other way around).
Fortunately, that which you project is entirely within your control. Behind you is an infinitely large library of films. You can decide which films will play today, in the same way that you can choose the thoughts that you will cultivate.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: You, my friend, are very powerful. Today, I encourage you to use your power to project light and love onto this canvas of a universe. It is, after all, much more fulfilling than the alternative.
February 24, 2010 at 1:48 pm
You are so amazing, I love reading your blog as it just stands to reinforce all the things about the universe that I’m trying to learn and reshape my thinking of it with the help of my wonderful boyfriend. Thank you for your help as well Davey!
February 24, 2010 at 1:48 pm
Bravo! Insightful. I don’t have much “projection” no one pays much attention to me these days, after I stopped playing the head games and manipulation. Sometimes I miss those days, I usually got what I was after.
However I have a beautiful family, wonderful siblings, great friends, and a handsome, strong, sexy, intelligent boyfriend, who somehow manages to put up with my selfish behavior, mood swings, hidden memories, my inability to talk and still thinks I am the hottest person on earth, even with my beaten and broken body.
So I have no complaints, I have happy and secure.
February 24, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Jeeze- did you cheat on him or what?! You keep hinting around at some “thing” happening in Australia, so was it something real or like a “Scarlet Johansen and Bill Murrray in Lost in Translation, where we were a thing but not really a thing type of thing…” C’mon! Quit pulling our dicks!
February 24, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Huh?? so what happened with the guy?
You shook off the guilt, projected your horniness into the universe, he walked over said something and 30 mins later you guys are back at his and….
….or he picked up on your guilt, sensed something negative, thought “that guy is staring at me, I knew I shouldn’t have worn such a tight top!” and stormed out of the club and you never saw him again.
February 24, 2010 at 3:29 pm
Dave=Changing the World, 1 person at a time!
-thanks-
February 24, 2010 at 4:21 pm
That is very true and i am going to do just that Thanks for doing the same because it is deff felt here in california!
February 24, 2010 at 4:48 pm
i wish i could meet davey wavey & exercise alot with him.
February 24, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Guilty?
Why??
I thought you were the great open relationship advocate?
Or are you?
February 24, 2010 at 8:28 pm
I obviously didn’t follow the Aussie blogs as closely as perhaps others… It amazes me that so many people are SO concerned with whether you did or didn’t ‘cheat’ on your BF while you were in Sidney, Davey. For me, it’s not unlike the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky b.s. It’s YOUR business whether you did or didn’t have what ‘others may’ consider to be an affair or not; that is between you and your BF. It isn’t our right to judge you for such a thing when your actions couldn’t have affected “us” in one way or another. If Bill couldn’t keep his dick in his pants while in office, that’s between he and his wife, Hilary.. not the rest of the world (unless it prevented him from effectively doing his job, which it didn’t). Mind you, the b.s. that the “oh so righteous and better than he” stirred up AFTER news of the affair leaked out may have had some affect on matters of state — but the difficulties weren’t because he was getting a hummer under the desk or t**t-f*****g Monica with a cigar. Same thing here. If you did anything with anybody while down under, to get your nut off that’s between you and Scotty. Not the rest of these bitter queens who are living their lives vicariously through another. (Yeah, that was harsh I guess but I’m just tired of seeing the same old judging b.s. comments on here, calling you to task as if THEY are your BF and not Scotty. ) Don’t get me wrong; I doubt I’d tolerate a BF who was cheating on me but you’re not my BF so I’ll pass on passing judgment.
Now, as for projecting… Yep, Deepak Chopra hit the nail on the head and so did you. We DO see the world through the eyes of what we’re feeling inside. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t things going on in the world that have little or nothing to do with us, but how we allow it to AFFECT us has EVERYTHING to do with what’s going on inside.
Namaste,
Michael
February 24, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Well I hope you feel better after that little rant.
It’s not to call him out on his cheating ways—its to call him out for pedaling hypocritical hyped bullshit, mostly in his underwear.
And to glean that perhaps he’s not the most authoritative source to dole out advice for others.
February 24, 2010 at 11:27 pm
Do you really see this as advice? When I read Davey’s entries I see them more asgifts given freely. I see no expectation on Davey’s part that we use what he says or follow his example. He’s writing about things that work for him and passing them on so that those of us who are reading can try them if they appeal to us.
February 24, 2010 at 11:30 pm
Hit a nerve, did I? You are one of those I’ve seen making the most of his perceived (?) indiscretions in Sydney so perhaps you are projecting here… I don’t feel better or worse; it was simply an observation after reading several comments over the past several days where people keep sticking their noses into what he did or didn’t do in Australia. Who the hell cares if he cheated on his BF? IF he did then it’s for Scotty to decide if it is a problem or not (just as it was for Hilary with Bill). Get the f**k over yourself. I do understand the point that you have tried to make on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS (but ONCE was really enough, don’t you think — or are you going to beat this dead horse until it’s nothing but a dusty, jumbled pile of bones?)
February 24, 2010 at 9:18 pm
Thank you for all of your inspirational posts! I find myself constantly coming back to check and read the new blog posts. You have helped me recognize myself, and sometime in the near future (hopefully) let my friends and family recognize me for who I really am. Thank You so much for all the videos and blog posts and don’t ever stop posting them!
February 24, 2010 at 11:32 pm
Our thoughts about others and about he world around us definitely betray our feelings about ourselves. I’ve been dating a guy lately and I’m constantly thinking that he’s going to think I’m a total retard because at 34 I have NO experience in the dating realm. I’m projecting my thoughts about myself onto him. It will certainly make it easier on me to accept when he finally gets bored of me being uptight all the time. And if I continue like this it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’ve been doing a lot of self-examination and I’ve even talked to him about it so I know he doesn’t see me as a retard and really likes me. I’m actually stopping to realize when I’m projecting, these days, and I can normally catch myself and stop it. I’m glad because now I can just be me and not worry.
February 25, 2010 at 12:54 am
Another lesson from your situation that I’ve learned through the years is: If you wouldn’t do it in front of your boyfriend, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it at all.”
February 25, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Interesting that “Nick” has this comment
February 26, 2010 at 1:51 am
duh……it’s called lesson learned.
February 25, 2010 at 1:14 am
Hey Davey,
Thanks for the reinforcement!
Kenneth Livingston
February 25, 2010 at 2:09 am
You see! this is why being GAY is GAY they should not have same legal rights as married men and women. BECAUSE being gay is basically ALL ABOUT SEX! its the TRUTH! you can pretend and lie and say its a deeper meaningingful relationship but FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT part being GAY/BI/LEZBO or whatever you call it ALWAYS BE LABELED WITH SEX/f*****g having sexual relations with others or as many as you want. ITS not like a relationship with a man and a women.! for the most part men do want p***y from women but theres a time and place when to have sex and when not to…oppose to being gay SEX IS ALWAYS ON THEIR MIND!!! ALL DAY EVERY DAY MORE THAN A STRAIGHT HETEROSEXUAL GUY! GAY people are the most sexual person than anyone in the WORLD! its ashame! because it boils to this its SEX that makes the world crumbled with all the lust and bad desires that you cannot control! i respect gay people but being gay is just ABOUT S-E-X… talk about that precious wavey davey twink!
February 25, 2010 at 3:28 am
Wow.. your ignorance is not even worth refuting.
Advice: Get around the fact that DW is gay and understand that that is not his message. His purpose is to spread love and peace using his blog. This post, despite the juicy love life details, is about projecting yourself in a positive manner to the world. Try focusing on that message eh?
February 25, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Checked the website you listed. From that and what you say here it’s not clear whether you are uninformed or just a “dumbass;” or on the other hand you may be a homophobic str8 or a gay man unable to accept, own and honor your own gayness.
For whatever reason, you can’t seem to appreciate that gay relations are like all human relationships, existing in a variety of ways. As a gay man I believe that what appears as a singular focus on sex is partly based on youthful hormones, but more importantly because it is more difficult in our homophobic society for gay relationships to develop “normally” over time.
I have experienced not only sex but love as a gay person. If you’ve followed Davey’s recent blog on relationships, you can’t but believe the large number of posts in which guys speak of deep love for their partners.
February 26, 2010 at 2:09 am
Well then, how do you follow that? I’m sorry that you have such a hatred for the “gay culture.” You must have come out fairly recently to have such a strong opinion. You speak of us as if we’re all the same, I’m sure you’d be happy if I pay you the same gratitude. However, you’re wrong, here’s the truth. All men think about sex every day, all day. There’s one difference, in a heterosexual relationship a woman does not. In a gay relationship both consenting adults do think about it all day, so what else is to happen? If you have two testosterone driven men in a relationship, it quickly becomes about sex, that’s just the cruel human nature of the situation. However, I would like you to think about this. If you, raise a man in poverty and force him to steal in order to eat and survive, then persecute him as an adult for that which his first education taught him, then what can be said that you first raised a criminal and then prosecuted him for being a criminal. The point to this that I’m sure you missed is that if you suffer gay people and deny them equal rights in marriage then what else is to be concluded, that you first raised a gay person to be promiscuous but then punished them for being promiscuous. If you never give gay people equal rights then you’ll never give us a chance to be anything other than what we are; and might I add that if you don’t get to know us, then you really haven’t done your homework and you should keep you opinion to yourself. It’s like that saying, I recommend know before thinking.
February 26, 2010 at 3:40 am
Hey ‘GAYNESS’ you have some truth, but clearly trying to make it the whole truth is wrong. Ever talked to a woman? Heard what its like to walk into a bar/pub even walk down the street? That’s sex, sex, sex isn’t it? Try not labelling someone its pretty much irrelevant and pointing the accusing finger says more about you than anything…AND the message I get from Davey Wavey is love and interest in his fellow human beings (with a bit of sex)! Have a nice day..oh yeh and.. peace!
February 26, 2010 at 12:49 pm
YIKES!!!!
February 27, 2010 at 9:50 am
Gayness,
I have a confession, well two actually.
(1) I’m gay.
(2) I do NOT think about sex all day, every day.
Can I still possibly be gay? Yes, damn straight (slight break for comedy there), I certainly can.
My partner and I have been together for over 8 years…in a very happy, healthy, (dare I say ‘blissful’) monogomous relationship. I typically don’t respond to posts such as yours; however, it grows tiring (and monotonous) hearing folks equate gay to ‘sex-driven’. I’m relatively sure if you checked the testosterone levels in a healthy gay man and a healthy straight man they would be….ta da….close to equal. What’s more, even if they’re not, I…and everyone of my gay family of friends (with the exception of those struggling to find themselves) is proof you’re thinking is incorrect).
Thanks.
February 25, 2010 at 8:01 am
I’ve become increasingly aware of my negativity of late. Thanks for this fresh perspective, Davey.
February 25, 2010 at 9:39 am
The most difficult person to observe without judgement and bias is oneself. Self awareness is the ability to notice what is going on within yourself at this exact moment. It is hard to do and everyone can learn to become self aware. It is life changing.
February 25, 2010 at 9:40 am
Wow, so many things to respond to here, lol. I guess I should start from the top…
Michael M – I agree with you 99% in so far as no one has any right to judge what another does. It is between the people involved and they must sort through it themselves. HOWEVER; the only point that I will disagree on is that Davey chooses to post this stuff on his blog. Though no one has a right to JUDGE him, he opens the door for questions about his actions. If he didn’t want anyone to know, or to ask those questions, he wouldn’t mention it. So, even though the questions might be a nosy attempt to live vicariously through Davey, they have every right to ask them.
JT – It’s a blog man… every single person here has the right to start one and write whatever bullshit they choose in it. If you don’t like the commentary or the message, don’t read it. Maybe it’s his underwear that keep you coming back like so many others?
Gayness – I hate to sink and respond here, but I think it’s neccesary. Gay or straight, MEN think about sex every 3 seconds. So you can claim to “be holier than thou” all you want, but you are just as guilty of it as the rest of us. The reason that sex is such a major part of the gay world is two fold in my opinion.
1. Not being able to have acknowledged committed relationships gives gay men NO reason to stay in monogamous relationships. If straight men couldn’t get married, they would be pokin their salami everywhere they could without worrying about loosing their house, their kids, etc. So, IMO, societies unwillingness to let gays marry or have unions only contributes to the promiscuous lifestyle.
2. It’s the law of averages. Men think about sex every 3 seconds, so if both of the people involved in that process are men, the numbers tell you that sex is going to be more likely. Men will be men and when you put two together than are attracted, nature takes over. This doesn’t mean that EVERY gay man is promiscuous or that statistically gay men f**k more than straight, it simply means that it is more likely with two men than with a man and a woman. Also, just a reminder, more than half of all your straight marriages end in divorce. There is just as much indiscretion in the straight world as there is in the gay world, so get off your high horse, straight guys are just as big of scumbags as you claim gays are, probably worse.
Jay
February 25, 2010 at 1:35 pm
All the points you’ve made in this comment are great and you’ll get no argument from me… My own comment was mostly driven by the onslaught of negative “seemingly overly judgmental” observations I’d been seeing of recent from a few commentators (which was just getting on my last nerve – lol). Blessings and Light. -M
February 25, 2010 at 1:05 pm
O_o
(trying to eye f**k via the internet.)
February 25, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Davey,
I understand and tend to agree with on the projection idea. I also tend to disagree with you when you emphasize our personal individual power to define or project our reality and, thus live in our self-created world. I firmly accept the idea that we are social beings at that our lived-in reality is created through social interaction.
In the early 20th century, a sociological social psychologist, W. I. Thomas, said, “What we believe to be true IS true in its consequences.”
Thus, if I believe (define) you as a cheating bastard, I will act toward you based on my perception. If I believe that I am the cutest hot stud in the world, I will act that way toward other hot or homely guys.
If I’m in a bar, lounge or club and a guy eyes me and I look directly at him, what will happen will depend on how WE “define the situation” and proceed to “build” the interaction from there.
These are well understood and used ideas at least from the early 20th century. They have been expanded into Goffman’s dramaturgical theory and are one of the foundations of deconstructionist / constructionist explanations used today.
Anyway, without denying “objective” reality, I do agree with you that we live in a socially constructed world.
Sorry for being so “academic,” but I think these ideas help a lot. Peace!!!
February 25, 2010 at 2:19 pm
If anyone reads my post, I wonder if Davey really actually reads any of these responses. I mean think about it. There are lots of responses to every post he does practically everyday. I am not the author of this website and I do not know how busy or fulfilling his life is, but I imagine he doesn’t read these or if he does he scans through and randomly reads one or two. Because each time I see all your responses, most of them wind up going WAY off on tangents some even digressing into attacking each other back and forth while totally forgetting the substance of the blog itself….every time it seems to always dive right into that…..
February 25, 2010 at 3:31 pm
You should have left him every opportunity to let HIM flirt with you. “Beauty is temporary, dumb is forever.”
February 26, 2010 at 12:50 pm
lol true!!!!
February 25, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Hopefully you spoke to him? Did you transgress? Were the gentials the same?
February 25, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Deepak Chopra may be saying that people with a neutral gaze may look depressed to people who are depressed, but that ignores the obvious desire of everyone, and that is to be happy.
When you look at a child that is a happy baby, you will often see an honest expression of the child’s emotional state. If you do something that makes that baby cry, the mother will usually slap the taste out of your mouth, but what’s most important to recognize is that the mother has desires for her child to be happy.
(A baby’s happy coo is much more pleasant than a scream of outrage.)
Cheers!
February 26, 2010 at 12:52 pm
never ask a gay guy if he dresses in woman’s clothing, well most gay guys. Punch in nose
March 5, 2010 at 9:40 pm
you know we all have our indescretions-we stray from our faithful ones-but if we truly make amends-all will be right.