Loving, cherishing and celebrating ex-boyfriends is an unpopular phenomenon that completely and utterly blows my skirt up. And it’s a phenomenon in which I participate.
We often see and experience break-ups that end in malice and with hard feelings. I don’t need to cite any examples, as I’m sure you know of plenty.
People separate for a multitude of valid and often unpleasant reasons. But as unpleasant as the may be, they don’t justify a transition from love to hate. The line between love and hate is only thin when there was no love to begin with.
I only hold love in my heart when I smile upon the memories of my ex-boyfriends. Whether it’s Joe, Andrew, Billy, Matt, Anthony, Adam, Nick or Will, I can truly appreciate the learning experiences of these journeys and the connection that we shared.
When I date someone, I find that it is a merging of lives at some level. When we part ways, I find that this merging doesn’t fully come undone; instead, I enjoy keeping in touch and exploring our connection in a different context. I think it is only natural to want to hear about your ex-partner’s family, job, journey and adventures. If someone played a huge role in my experience on this Earth, I don’t think that I’d want to write them out of my life forever unless the relationship was truly toxic.
I think it’s a healthy perspective and a healthy practice to love ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends and ex-partners. It’s not as exciting or dramatic as many of the separations that we often see around us and on TV, but it tends to be a bit more fulfilling and peaceful for all the parties involved.
September 30, 2009 at 8:10 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more. I am in contact with all but one of my ex’s and they are all very special to me still. Most of the time when you look back at what happened you realize that you’re a better and stronger person for having had them in your life. My ex of 10 years is still one of my best friends and I cannot imagine him not being in my life… or his family to whom I am still very close.
I really believe that when you let love in, you should let it in for keeps… even when it changes down the road. Thank you for this post..!
September 30, 2009 at 8:22 pm
This post is fantastic & my feelings exactly … even though some exes (& their gfs) disagree.
September 30, 2009 at 9:06 pm
…You always know how to motivate me when I need it most. I swear you’re an angel. You make me feel like a million bucks with your kind words and motivational speaking.
I feel it is time to really open myself up. If you’re interested, I would like to share something very personal to me. It’s what has been lurking in my heart, and, I feel you’ve really helped me realize and work through it.
http://hilanne.wordpress.com/2009/09/30/give-or-give-up/
xo
September 30, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Love is the wrong word to use in my opinion. I would use the word “recognition”: – recognize what happened with you ex partner, and why. There should be no shame or particular hate in looking back at your significant others.
Whether they ended the relationship with you, or you with them – you were with them, and possibly even loved them for a variety of reasons. But new information and experiences came across that lessened that reason which led to the break up. I wouldn’t be “thankful” for an ex for hurting me or not respecting me which led me to be a “better and more aware person”. I was ignorant at the time, and now know better (ideally).
Relationships do end for various reasons, some pleasant, some understandable, some unforgivable. There are some that can’t be looked back on with fondness or understanding – but not to and extent of anger. As long as you understand what happened (which is usually no big mystery) and use that knowledge for the future, you might have no reason to be upset with yourself or your ex partner – a little older, a little wiser.
Just recognize what you had with them (whether it was genuine but then changed -or- it was illusionary the entire time) and work your way from there with the next person (or back with your ex – people do change, hopefully for the better).
If you recognize your ex partner as good company, as a source that raises your mental, physical or emotional welfare, stay connected and try to raise yourself (apply it to all friendships). But if you recognize them as someone on a lower level, there is no reason for love or feeling towards them. You had your time with them, you grew (however large or pitifully small it was) and that’s that.
Not my intent to rant, but a good topic to evoke emotion – thanks.
September 30, 2009 at 9:55 pm
It’s ironic that people can be so intimate and show so much love towards another individual and then turn around and hate them when things don’t work out relationship wise… I agree with your philosophy.
September 30, 2009 at 11:06 pm
I would suppose that is all true not much experience here only have dated two girls in my life and neither situation lasted for a full year. Me=kinda lame but I am okay with that.
October 1, 2009 at 12:55 am
I agree – with the caveat that maintaining a relationship with an ex has to be carefully executed – if and when there is a new love in his/her life. As long as you respect his/her boundaries and never interfere when it comes to a new love – all is well. The more love the better!
You’ve inspired me to be more kind towards my ex – even when he’s not kind to me. Taking the high road is always better!
xoxo
Lara
October 1, 2009 at 1:04 am
I completely disagree. Sorry Davey. Although I respect and appreciate your outlook on break ups, I believe that when something is over its over. I never keep contact with any of my exes. I personally could care less. Love isnt a word or a term I use flipantly. Things happen for a reason and if it wasnt meant to be, its not meant to be in anyway, shape, or form. To me, going back and checking up my exes is such a waste of energy and emotion. Dont get me wrong, I wish them all well I just wish them well from a distance.
October 26, 2009 at 5:09 am
I just read Joseph’s comment about not caring what becomes of his ‘ex’s and disagreeing with Davey’s wonderful, positive, soul-lifting philosophy. I have to wonder how old Joseph is and what life experiences he’s had to feel like he does. Your learn something from every single relationship you have in your life, whether it be good or bad or neutral. I hope Joseph will open his mind and heart to the positive life energy Davey’s philosophy engenders in everyone who embraces it.
October 1, 2009 at 2:17 am
it’s my first time to hit your blog..
you’re a creative blogger especially the way you express yourself! keep it up dude!
Greetings from (typhoon devastated) Philippines..
-RP
October 1, 2009 at 2:21 am
It’s my first time to hit your blog..
You’re a creative blogger especially the way you express what’s deep within.. keep it up dude!
Greetings from (typhoon devastated) Philippines! Cheers!
-RP
October 1, 2009 at 3:46 am
I’ve always been mocked by my friends about this matter but they never saw what i saw. To them it was just me not able to move on. I am really glad that im not the only person who felt this way. If you were in a relationship with that person it means that there was something special that you saw and have absorbed from that person to be part of your life. So whats the harm of knowing whats going on with their lives?
October 1, 2009 at 5:20 am
hah, this blog doesnt apply to me (never been in a relationship). but i believe that i am a very loving person and i wouldnt dislike someone just because a relationship couldnt work out.
October 1, 2009 at 5:35 am
Thank you for such a positive and inciteful outlook,i am finding i am returning to your blog more and more often just to read your blog and see your vids, they are very uplifting and positive.
Thank you for brightening my life
October 1, 2009 at 6:10 am
I think you are mostly right, Davey, and am so glad that I have maintained an ongoing relationship with my ex’s. I believe that they still have things to teach me, and I hold them in a special reverence because of what they evoked in me in times past.
That said, I know of some relationships that became so toxic for both parties that a “clean break” seemed a more prudent approach. I would never want to push anyone to hang on to a relationship that brought only pain.
I hope you agree with this nuance. Thanks for brightening every day with your posts!
October 1, 2009 at 8:36 am
Great post!
I have come to know some ex’s better after the fact and talk to them on a regular basis and then there are some that you just don’t want to see or hear about ever again. The line between love and hate is very thin!
October 1, 2009 at 8:39 am
I don’t know why but it seemed like when we became friends, we could not be romantic/sexual partners anymore. We became friends and then broke up. We stayed friends.
October 1, 2009 at 8:55 am
If i told u my story… you wouldn’t believe it even as a fiction novel!! in most cases i agree! but the most recent… “adventure” would blow your mind!!!
October 1, 2009 at 10:10 am
I have to know now!!! lol
October 1, 2009 at 9:04 am
I’m happy that you see that you can manage to stay in touch with your exes, but for some reason, whenever my boyfriend and I broke up (although this has only happened once since I only have had one boyfriend), I feel such a severing in my soul that doesn’t repair, to the point where I can’t look at him without remembering what happened, so we never talk nor visit. It’s not like I want it to happen, but it seems to happen to me automatically. My mind and heart automatically cuts them out like an unused organ.
October 1, 2009 at 12:59 pm
They enhanced are lives then and as we mature they will now. I put emphasis on Will. ( He was a great catch. Feel free to send him my way.)
October 1, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Love? Yes. Appreciate? Yes. Honor the place they have had in my life? Yes, definitely.
But sometimes it is not possible to like what they become and I just get sad…
October 1, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I’m glad you posted this! There was a reason my ex and I were together for four years, and to toss it aside over bitter feelings would be silly. While it did take 6 months of healing, three years later I have the greatest friend in my ex. People thought it strange when we went to Hawaii together last month (different island from where we had our commitment ceremony, but HI nevertheless). But, it wasn’t weird for him or me. We know each other, we know we travel together, we can chat, we can be silent, we laugh, and even still cry together (My Sisters Keeper saw to that). I still love that guy, just in a different but just as beautiful way.
October 1, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Wow ” Eight ex-boyfriends!,
I suppose you’re a “man-killer” in town.
bye,
October 1, 2009 at 6:32 pm
WillWillWIllWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWillWill
October 1, 2009 at 11:10 pm
In contrast to what eric said, I would definitely congratulate you on having had deep relationships where names are known, feelings are deep and nurturing, and frienships last beyond the distances between you and your ex’s.
(I like the idea of dropping the ex-boyfriend label and keeping the deeply caring friend as a general description.)
Cheers!
October 2, 2009 at 1:38 pm
I wasn’t blaming David for having had lots of boyfriends but I was only a bit surprised by the numbers of them (for me, it’s a lot!) and my comment wasn’t supposed to be sarcastic, but humorous (sometime my translation in English is not as good as I wished and alas David must do with it!).
bye,
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October 3, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Can this be done for friendships as well?
October 12, 2009 at 8:40 pm
I do truly believe that you can still remain friends with your ex’s. In fact the very first guy that I dated are the best of friends today. We realized that we were more friends than anything which is why we ended our relationship and rather than just go our separate we still remain close. Although I will tell you that it does not work with all ex’s. You may be friends and still keep in contact for a little while after the split but, it eventually just evaporates to nothing.
October 27, 2009 at 2:55 pm
why did you split with them? especially will, im sure everyone agrees tht he seems so perfect!
December 25, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I came across your blog and youtube account today and have been extremely blessed by it. I admit that when the video popped up in my suggestion box, I simply clicked it because I thought you were hot. I am glad it did, because I have spent the last hour reading and watching your journal with an opened heart. Thank you for sharing your experiences and reminding me of my purpose in this life. Thank you for being my age and showing me what I know inside and am on the brink of expressing. In particular I appreciate this post, as it inspired me to write my ex-boyfriend and wish him well. I feel that freedom in my heart, which is the only freedom I truly need. So to you Davey Wavey, Merry Christmas. And as we move into 2010, I wish you well. Peace, Love & Light, ~dls
January 8, 2010 at 5:26 am
Hey,
I like ur statement
ì’am not a gay, but i can’t undrstand what ‘they’ fell, out from ‘why i love my ex-boy friend’.., i need to say that, i always angry, if my girl friend told that gay is sux,.
U’re great davey,
Keep moving.
We support you.
March 28, 2011 at 9:48 am
so many people find love online,some on the beach,some in the mallmbut the worst thing is to find love and lose it,that was my case untill i came unpon a testimony on yahoo answers,concerning a spellcaster called psychicpela @ yahoo com who could help get your ex back,i tried him and it worked..you also could try him,choice is yours…goodluck..goodbye