This Pride season, I wanted to do something very special for myself. I quickly realized what that special something should be, and so I decided to make a talky blog about it on my second YouTube channel, Davey Wavey Raw.
Watch the video below – and let me know what you think in the comments.
June 18, 2011 at 10:05 am
Perfect.
June 18, 2011 at 10:19 am
Beautiful
June 18, 2011 at 11:06 am
Davey–I agree with the part about letting go, but I don’t feel any relief or other positive result from forgiving someone who has not atoned or otherwise expressed regret for his/her bigoted ways. I am Jewish, and grew up in an almost 100% non-Jewish suburb. I experienced everything from verbal teasing to property damage to being chased and having my life threatened.
I will never forget any of it, but those memories do not control me. I am a very loving and compassionate person. But if someone has wronged me, especially in such heinous ways,I don’t feel any need to forgive when the person is genuinely unrepentent.
You also expressed your theory that the people who have expressed hatred towards you have probably been “hated on” themselves.
In my experience, I don’t believe such a generalization is true. I do recall some childhood bullies who came from nasty, violent homes. But most of the cruel kids in my childhood likely experienced no hatred directed toward them. There was no basis. They were the “preferred” residents in our community—white, christian, no disablities,acceptable looks, not obviously gay, no other obvious “flaws” which would leave them vulnerable to being teased or tormented.
I think what most of them had in common was being raised in this closed-minded community, rarely expeiencing an “outsider”, and having parents who expressed hatred to others as a normal part of homelife.
June 18, 2011 at 11:09 am
You are such a happy person all the time
When do you see Will again he’s so much fun XD
June 18, 2011 at 11:11 am
I love you. You are so pure in spirit. Sending you hugs, sunshine, and support, along with much love.
June 18, 2011 at 11:15 am
As much as I’d love to forgive homophobes it’s almost impossible. Forgiving them won’t fix my nose, pay the hospital bills or make me less afraid to be myself out in public. I have to say that retribution is the best form of justice, not forgiveness.
June 18, 2011 at 11:53 am
Almost crying watching this. You move me. You are an amazing person! Love the free hugs idea, which I was closer to Mass.!
June 18, 2011 at 11:54 am
We all need to be reminded of today’s message. As Christ said “Love your enemies”. It is not easy to do. You are becoming so mature in your thinking and that is why we love you so much.
Since I live north of Toronto, I will not be able to be with you in July. I will think of you. You can always hug me -in your writings, your videos just as I hug you.
June 18, 2011 at 11:55 am
Davey,
I am sure you know that Homophobia is the lack of understanding how someone can love and care for the same sex. Now I do agree with the fact that letting someone else’s hatred over come your love for people is a problem. Now is letting someone else’s lack of knowledge consume your love for people what fuels the fire? I strongly believe that it is. Now as I skim through all the other comments I see a lot of negative feedback to this vblog. Now I think we all need to take the stand that Davey has, and start to forgive. Now, I will be the first to admit that I am not the one to be so forgiving myself. About a year ago, I was on, what you might call a date with another guy. We were at a local park and we were leaving and some “boys”, yes I said boys, called me and my date, “fags”. I got really mad right away, but did not show it. My reply was simple and direct, “Don’t let you lack of knowledge be the fuel to the fire!” We then both turned and walked away. That group of “boys” didn’t have a come back.
Now the reason I said boys was simple. To have that lack of knowledge shows that they are not mature yet. I believe that if you can sit there and bash people with out obtaining knowledge shows that you are not mature enough to be in the world these days. It is 2011 not 1980. I have had people ask me, all be it they are close friends, “Why are you attracted to other men?” Now I am not going into that. But, I have been able to forgive people who are now my closest friends for there lack of knowledge and began to educate them on homosexuality. So, to finish this up Davey. You are right, we need to start forgiving people for there lack of knowledge, but don’t we need to start educating too??????
Your loyal reader/watcher,
Randy
June 18, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Hmm, i got a few mixed messages from this. I was on the end of bullying and homophobic bullying as well. Bullying was never and never will be a nice experience and i suffered as a result at the hands of some nasty people! It was verbal abuse as well, but i never let it affect me and when i got into higher education i let go over the top of my head! I always abided by a motto of: ‘What ever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’… Holding a grudge is never healthy. As ever, davey wavey is giving good advice, but am just wondering for all of you out there who are reading his blogs and reading my comment and watched this video can forget about the person that did this to me or any of you! I have been hurt many times in my life and that wasnt even through relationships, and have gone by another one of my little motto’s: ‘You can forgive, But you can never for get’, in a way never forgetting what they did is bad as you should move on and not let it get you down, but it needs to be a reminder in case you get in the situation again and in some cases it can make you stronger.. Violence is never the answer and is only as a last resort, just because someone has insulted you fighting or giving retribution will not change the world, forgiving but not forgetting is personally what i feel the best move that anyone can make!
June 18, 2011 at 1:03 pm
I don’t forgive and I don’t forget…as a result of homophobia, 37 of the brightest and best freinds died because they had AIDS and very few in the straight homophobic community refused funding to attempt to contain the AIDS epidemic. And…as the atmosphere from that sector still remains intense, I do not forgive. 37 viable human beings died..how do you forget the reason why they died?
June 18, 2011 at 2:35 pm
Wish I could get a free hug, but I don’t think I am near there.
June 18, 2011 at 2:42 pm
HAPPY PRIDE!!!! It’s a beautiful day in Bozeman and the parade was amazing!
June 18, 2011 at 2:42 pm
Davey, great Pride gift to yourself. I’l never forget the first time some stranger looked me right in the eyes and called me a faggot. I was visibly shaken by the event, but had no lingering thoughts about the man that called me that. It’s the way we are treated by society as a whole, not by individuals, that concerns me. We all need to work harder to make our friends and co-workers understand what it feels like to live a lie to make family feel better, to be discriminated against and to be made to feel like a second-class person. The tragedy is not that we have to “come out,” but rather that we have been forced to “hide in.”
June 18, 2011 at 3:29 pm
I have been lucky as I have never encountered obvious homophobia. I don’t think I would care either, it is there issue not mine.
June 18, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Hey Davey,
you are a great guy and a wondeful inspiration sometimes it takes a bigger man to forgive and your message spreads wide and touches so many i wish i could be there in Mass. to meet you but things being what they are right now I wish you the best of luck on your pilot take care of you and keep the great messeages oming forth and be yourself bro. Love ya Davey take care.
Anthony Gallo ( Pennsylvinia )
June 18, 2011 at 3:50 pm
It’s the best to forgive and forget. Let go and let them be. They are no better than you for hating you. They may feel they are, but they are sub zero in comparison.
I have had so many people begin hating me, especially when I am being openly gay in public, people really aren’t afraid to express their hate in that circumstance and it can be scary to experience people openly taunting you. Forgiveness and moving on is so very powerful!
June 18, 2011 at 3:52 pm
I think as long as you’re truly happy without forgiving others, that’s fine. It’s all about what can get you through life, right?
You bring up a good point with your last 3 paragraphs. With children who haven’t experienced a lot of hate themselves, they’re likely to follow the actions of their parents. And maybe they just grow up thinking hating on those different from them is okay. That seems to challenge the generalization that people hate because they were hated on.
Good point!
June 18, 2011 at 3:59 pm
He did say that he wouldn’t forget.
Whether your forgive or not is up to you, but it is a freeing feeling. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you won’t work to resolve the situation or mourn the people that were lost. It just removes the power that those who have wronged you have over you. You’re not letting them make you angry or hateful.
Forgiveness isn’t letting them off the hook. It’s freeing yourself.
June 18, 2011 at 4:05 pm
Retribution would be satisfying in the short-term, but in the long-term, what they said and did will still bother you. They may have hurt you physically and made you insecure, but abuse hurts people emotionally, too. It holds them in a state of fear and anger until they forgive or until time runs out. Whether or not the abuser “gets his” isn’t relevant.
It’s all about freeing yourself, I think.
June 18, 2011 at 4:18 pm
I envy your ability to forgive. People tell me I’m a very happy and funny person, and while that’s true, I also hold on to so much hatred towards people who have done wrong to me, my friends, my family, or others. I could never forgive people as easily as you can, if I could forgive them at all. Holding these grudges is really hurting my spirit. I wish I could be like you.
June 18, 2011 at 4:28 pm
DW. You are so freaking awesome. Love. Love. Love. Wish you lived in Albuquerque so I could be your barber. Mwaaaaa!
June 18, 2011 at 4:31 pm
I agree with you whole-heartedly Davey, and really liked the quote at the end of the vlog. And I have an interesting anecdote to tell on this topic:
A couple of months ago, a Facebook “friend” I haven’t seen since middle school said hi out of the blue and apologised for the homophobic remarks he’d made towards me years ago. He also expressed his sorrow and how I’d never lost my temper and reacted back with anger or hatred. I was rather surprised and told him that I’d never had any grudge against him whatsoever and that we were kids back then and I had already forgiven him. I finished my words with that I truly appreciated his apology.
I’m utterly glad that he’s educated himself and realised what his ignorant comments might have caused other people. One less abusive person and a much better world to live in.
June 18, 2011 at 5:42 pm
nice one
June 18, 2011 at 7:35 pm
Good subject matter and a great perspective… There have been some good comments on this entry, as well. DW did not say he would forget but rather, “forgive” and that is the key. Forgiveness is not something you do for “the other person” (though many might think it is); it’s what you do for yourself, to free yourself of the power the other has had over you because of their past wrongdoing. Furthermore, just “saying the words” is not forgiveness; you truly have to let go of whatever resentment you might have for that other person and really “forgive him/her/them.” The quote at the end of the video by Catherine Ponder is so right on, “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
Namaste,
Michael (who hasn’t ‘mastered’ the art of forgiveness yet but is working at it nonetheless)
June 18, 2011 at 7:46 pm
Love <3
June 18, 2011 at 7:46 pm
“I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note – torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.” Henry Ward Beecher
June 18, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Is a praiseworthy act, I share this action with you, but it’s a shame that not all think the same way.
June 18, 2011 at 8:17 pm
June 18, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Your last talky blog made me laugh, this one made me cry. I cant even imagin what it must be to have people judge you this way, and its all over your face how much it hurts you. Your such a compassionate soul, I wish I could only be half as pure as you.
June 18, 2011 at 9:28 pm
Davey,
I think it is one thing to verbalize a release such as forgiveness but quite another to internalize it and accept it for yourself. I really don’t know how to internalize something like that. Do you or anyone else have any suggestions?
June 18, 2011 at 9:32 pm
Michael – here’s one anyway. HUGS to you my friend.
June 18, 2011 at 10:31 pm
I have always thought that people who are so negative to someone because of who they are, are fools. And only a fool would waste time being angry at another fool.
Also the hardest act of forgiveness was Matthew Sheperd’s parents who waived the death penalty option for KcKinney “for Matthew”. If they can do that, the nay-sayers in my life should be easy.
I used to hate the Relious Right but then I found out where they got their opinions from, church, preachers, the literal Bible. Once I understood that I couldn’t hate them any more. I still disagree with what they say but I understand a them litle more.
Ingorance and hatred sometimes goes hand in hand.
Besides, if you forgive those against us and tell them you love them it will SO cheese them off!
June 18, 2011 at 10:54 pm
DAVEY COME TO SOUTH WEST FL!
PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 19, 2011 at 1:20 am
Nice Davey! what a wonderful gift to yourself! And I REALLY want to be there for the reality show taping. But I am having back surgery on the 5th. I guess I could skip it and show up there! lol
June 19, 2011 at 1:46 am
I like the concept of the pilot video, if all goes well you should bring it to the west
June 19, 2011 at 2:00 am
Really big hugs to all.
I even forgive some of the buddies who have made some really unloving remarks here. We are all human and can make mistakes. So, as the native wise ones said, judge not another until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Anger rots you from the inside. Best to let go and move on. Thanks, Davey, and I forgive you too.
Be well,
June 19, 2011 at 7:41 am
CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!!!! I was in church last week, and the sermon was about forgiving and loving your enemy and I remember thinking how hard that is and how it feels impossible to love and forgive people who did you wrong.
I’m guilty in holding grudges, and feel how much difficulties I have forgiving people.
While on the subject, I might as well share a great example of what I’m on about.
I invited a married couple in which I regard(ed) the husband to be one of my closest friends to celebrate newyears eve with me. He said they’d be present and I went on preparing everything.
The day before newyears eve, I decided to text him, asking when they’d arrive. That’s when he replied saying they’d stay home on newyears! After all I went through to prepare a nice evening! And he did not once call me to apologize and didn’t say anything like: “sorry we let you down on newyears, hope you didn’t go through too much trouble?”
That would’ve eased the pain a little, but now I’ve got serious doubts about his commitment to our friendship.
What would you do?
June 23, 2011 at 12:59 am
Well my pride gift to myself is that I came out to my parents tonight. With good results. They still love me and are here for me.
July 8, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Having the chance to see this video and making a flashback i can see that this crazy person, as everybody describe me, is really spitfire as well (cause of many reasons but also) cause i still allow to these flashbacks to hurt me. From the age 8-9 i was bullied for e.x playing with girls, then for being less MAN and stuff like that then harassed and on on till now. ‘Friends’, fellow students, even family(which btw only suspects, imagine if they knew) made me fear ppl and even if i m trying to be social, i always keep ppl in distance with my own stupid way. Indeed this makes me realize that even if i have moved on, not forgiving these ppl still keeps me attached to those moments. I think from now i ‘ll try to find a way to forgive them literally or as you did. Seriously, that might work…
-Sorry for my English btw…!
August 28, 2011 at 11:14 pm
I have not really experienced much homophobia and hatred, I just don’t seem to attract it and for that I am grateful. That being said, I’d like to share this with you about someone you have inspired me to forgive. Last weekend I jumped on a bus to Boston because I decided I wanted to go on a DUK tour…something I would highly recommend. I was sort of in my own little mental place when I was jarred back into reality by a bit of a ruckus a couple of seats behind me…it had something to do with reclining seats. It had inspired quite a bit of agitation in a young man who I am guessing by his command of the English language and turn of phrase, was not headed to MIT. He was lashing out at another man when he shouted out, “You’re a faggot, I know. I can hear it in your voice!” which instantly catapulted my imagination into a place where–can I say this here–I was wondering…hear it in my voice? What is my throat still full of c*m? Which caused me to snicker to myself, which wouldn’t have been too bad if I hadn’t just taken a drink of coffee which painfully sought the light of day through my nares, causing a fit of coughing and throat clearing the likes of which certainly would have cleared any faggoty residual c*m from my throat…causing a dangerous cyclical pattern of thought within me. I was begining to escalate into a bit of a scene which I was sure was going to end with me being eviscerated by a pre-GED knife-wielding homophobe. All turned out okay and now I can forgive him for the coffee stains on my white shirt…thank you Davey!