Blog buddy Josh sent me an email describing the details of his situation. He goes to a public high school, and wants to take his boyfriend to the prom. But he’s afraid, and he wants some help and advice.
Click below to watch the talky blog via my second YouTube channel, DaveyWaveyRaw:
Do you think Josh should bring his boyfriend to the prom? Vote below:
January 18, 2011 at 6:12 pm
Hey Josh,
I would take my boyfriend to prom, because it’s not about the others, it’s all about you.
Last December I had a Christmas party which the school had organisated and I took my (now ex) boyfriend with me. (in holland we don’t have proms but just partys)
January 18, 2011 at 6:13 pm
I think it depends on your school. If it’s your school, then you know who will bully you or just make comments. People saying things is whatever, but if you have bullies who are physical on you,, bringing your boyfriend could result in a bad night for both of you…think about your school and what could happen..if everythings OK then do it and have a great time !! Youll remember that night for most of your life, so make it good !!
<3
XOXO
January 18, 2011 at 6:18 pm
And then I pushed the wrong button…..
Anyway, most of the students of my school are kinda rude and agressive, but in the and they had so much respect that I just dit that, simply I dared to be different and I know it’s hard, but it’s worth it!
Sorry for all the wrong spelled words I don’t speak englisch very well….
Xxx Robert
January 18, 2011 at 6:27 pm
I think Josh should bring his boyfriend to Prom. I really wish I brought my man to the Prom. But I was scared of people’s reactions, especially when they call out people’s names and their dates and put a giant spotlight on each date as they walk to the dance floor. In addition, my boyfriend was 10 years older than me and it would have been more awkward. But now that I look back I had support from alot of friends and I was pretty much out a school, no rainbow flags, but I wasn’t scared to be my self either. Josh, you are a rock star, dont be afraid to be yourself and be with your boyfriend, and have the time of your life.
January 18, 2011 at 6:34 pm
I’ve gone to dances with my boyfriend. I don’t know what Josh’s school is like but as long as he’s going with friends, I think it’s probably worth it. I say that because the times I went with a boy I had a great time, but there were still critical looks and pointing fingers. But I was with someone I loved and surrounded with friends who cared about us both, so it really didn’t matter. What others say and think about you, especially in high school, has no hold on who you actually are or what you should do with your life. So I would say, go for it Josh! as long as you have a good network and go with a group of friends.
January 18, 2011 at 7:02 pm
So, as a gay high school student right now, it would mean the world to me if i saw two guys dancing. I am out to my entire skool, but not my family so i dont have the luxury of taking a guy, as of now. BUT i would love to take a guy. and i think that the fact that josh does wanna take a guy to the prom just is such a wonderful thing. and the fact that you are in theater, i feel shows, that you can handle the stares you might get.
another thing is that it takes f*****g balls to take a guy to the prom. and if you do do it, its just gunna be all like “bitch, please! i am FABULOUS and there is NOTHING you can do to stop me!”
January 18, 2011 at 7:11 pm
I say yes. I took my boyfriend to my senior prom in 99. I lived in suburbia and had some of the same concerns. If you do end up taking your boyfriend don’t forget to dance with him. When I took mine it was nearly over before my BF said, “Hey, I didn’t come all this way not to dance with you.” So I got more courage up and we danced. I was so nervous someone was going to shove us or move away from where we were dancing. But that was not the case. There was one boy (who we will call Jimmy) who constantly teased and tormented me at school. He and his date were dancing right next to me. He looked over at me and gave me a nod of acceptance. I never thought that would happen. You deserve to be happy on that special day. I strongly urge you to do this. You will look back and regret it if you don’t… That was well over 10yrs ago and the world has changed so much for the better since then, in terms of GLBT acceptance… Good luck… And don’t forget to dance..
January 18, 2011 at 7:21 pm
Go on, bring him to the prom. You only get one prom after all… right? And I am sure that you would love to be there with the person that you love.
I hope it all goes well.
January 18, 2011 at 7:28 pm
I say do it. It’s a once in a life time oppurtunity and you can only live it once. Have fun and don’t worry about what other people say. I would bring a boyfriend to my prom next year when I’m a senior so yeah definately do it.
January 18, 2011 at 7:29 pm
If Josh could find more of the gay’s in his class.they could go and talk to the school and then he could make up his mind in that way
January 18, 2011 at 7:41 pm
After hearing about Josh’s dilemma, I decided to share my own story. While I never brought a boy to prom (lack of candidates), I did go to my senior prom in a dress. But let me start from the begining. I never questioned my sexuality. Ever. Growing up, knew nothing about homosexuality. So when I found out about it in middle school, I went on a research binge. That’s how I realized that I am gay. As soon as I figured that out, I was fine with it. Within a couple weeks I had my first boyfriend. I was 15. Because I acted as if it were normal, I think that it helped the other people at my school. Fast-forward to my senior prom. Now, I’m not a drag queen, or a crossdresser, but I kinda wanted to prove a point. The funny thing was, when I showed up in my purple dress and silvery heels, hair all done up and make-up, no one said anything (bad). I did get some compliments though. And the yearbook insructor put a picture of me at prom in the yearbook. The only negative repercussions, sadly, came when the yearbook came out and my parents heard about it. They already knew I was gay, but prefered to ignore it and wanted me to keep it a secret. They’re still having trouble with it, but they’re working on it and I’m thankful for that. So, my opinion on Josh’s dilemma is: do it. Act as though it’s normal. If anyone asks why you brought a guy, ask them why they brought a girl. If they say “cuz it’s normal” or some variant, ask them to define normal. If you can make them see that “normal” is just a fallacy, they’re less likely to bother you about it again. You may not change their opinions, but you’ll at least get them thinking, which is a step in the right direction. Having said all that (sorry for the winded monologue) if you for any reason think that you or your boyfriend could come to physical harm, play it safe. Whatever happens, have fun, and enjoy it.
January 18, 2011 at 7:50 pm
Hi i’m Hunter and im seventeen years old. I came out to my friends over this year and also went to homecoming with a guy I was sort of dating at the time. While we weren’t official or anything I was still so happy to have someone there who was like me. I have been beaten up alot for being gay. I have lost alot of friends, but the freedom to be myself really helped me be okay. I know t sounds stupid and cliche but its absolutely true. If it wasn’t for my homecoming being with he guy I liked I would not have had the courage to do most everything else. I say go for it and no matter what the outcome you really wont regret it
January 18, 2011 at 8:06 pm
im a little on the fence with this one, i came out to my friends but some people didn’t exactly turn out to be my friends, i got threatened to have my ass kicked at least once a week. i was scared to go out in public or to go to school, thankfully i got the oppertunity to move to a new town. im still in high school and have not said one word to anyone about being gay. on the other side i think you should go for it. jocks and some other people may say mean and rude things but there will probably be nothing that will come from it. if i saw another guy come to prom with another guy i would probably have the courage to come out to my new school
January 18, 2011 at 8:47 pm
I’m not in a position to tell Josh what to do, but I do wish him happiness whatever he decides.
I did take my boyfriend to my prom 30 years ago, but did it quietly. We were friends with a lesbian couple, so the four of us went together as a group. To other students and the school administration, they believed that Paul and Karen were a couple, and that Debbie and I were a couple. But had they looked closely, they would have seen that Paul and I spent all the time together, and that Karen and Debbie spent all their time together. Also, Paul and I sat together and Karen and Debbie sat together at the table. When we danced, we danced as a foursome to the faster songs, and we sat out the slow songs because none of us wanted to slow dance. We enjoyed the entire experience and had a blast.
Another option for Josh and his boyfriend is to see if there is an ‘alternative prom’ in their area. May Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Transgender Youth Groups plan a prom for their members so that they can have the experience of going to a prom without the fears of being gay-bashed.
If Josh is concerned about possible physical violence from other students if he decides to go with his boyfriend, then he should alert school administration so that they can be prepared to protect Josh and his boyfriend and ensure their safety.
Finally, I believe that the feelings of Josh’s date are important. He needs to be as prepared for the possibilities as Josh. While I hate to even say that they need to prepare for more than a fun night out, reality is that there is true potential for physical violence.
January 18, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Just remember lots of tounge for the prom
January 18, 2011 at 9:24 pm
I say go for it Josh. I went with my boyfriend (now husband) to his prom and it went off fine. Go with a group of supportive friends who will have your back (just in case) and be smart – Don’t do anything too over the top
Think of the amazing possibility that you might awaken in others when you stand up and make a stand for who you are and who you love.
Best
January 18, 2011 at 9:29 pm
I personally think that Josh should go for it, and here’s why:
A few years ago, my friend Kyle was contemplating taking his then-boyfriend to our school’s prom. He was a bit concerned for his safety, given how many of his fellow seniors were outwardly homophobic. We didn’t even get a GSA approved that year because of the prejudice. Still, Kyle decided to put on his kilt (literally) and just go and see what happened. He ended up having a wonderful time, surrounded by caring friends and in the company of a loving boyfriend.
If Josh isn’t concerned for his physical safety, then by all means he should go for it. It just helps to be among friends who can protect you, if necessary.
January 18, 2011 at 9:31 pm
Totally agree with you Davide. This is about having fun; not rattling sabres with the powers that be. Bringing in a lawyer when one doesn’t even know how the administration will handle this is seriously out of scope.
January 18, 2011 at 9:35 pm
Net result: everyone thinks you’re a total vagina and hates you for killing the fun of Prom. It essentially becomes a police state for what? So one person gets to have his moment? Quiet class always trumps obnoxious over-reaction.
January 18, 2011 at 9:53 pm
Josh,
2 sayings come to mind immediately and I think both will serve you well.
Regret for the things we’ve done is tempered by time but regret for the things we didn’t do never abates.
Whatever the outcome, initially, you will never regret the courage and fortitude you mustered to walk through those doors with your BF.
It is easier to ask forgiveness than permission.
I think the best way to do this is quietly and without warning. Show up as if nothing is out of the ordinary and don’t make a big production out of it. You are doing the same thing everyone else is and nobody else is seeking permission or warning the administration about who they’re taking. Why should you? If they don’t like it, well SORRY! LOL
Best wishes and don’t let the bastards grind you down!!
January 18, 2011 at 9:54 pm
Do it, please.
January 18, 2011 at 10:14 pm
Josh, you should try to contact Derrick Martin. He bravely took his boyfriend to the prom at a public school last year in small-town Georgia where ultra-conservative right-wing politics is the majority thought. Now he’s running a gay youth help hotline called Project LifeVest. That’s all I know, so I don’t know you’d contact him. But he would likely have some very good info about what it’s like to take your boyfriend to the prom.
http://projectlifevest.org/index.php?p=1_10_Derrick-Martin-Bio
January 18, 2011 at 10:31 pm
Josh,
My boyfriend at the time in high school, which was about two years ago, was afraid to go with me to the prom because he was afraid of what people would think of him. He was only out to me and a small group of his friends as I was out to the entire school. As him not going to the prom with me, I didn’t go to my high school prom. I only wanted to go with him, and since he didn’t want to, I didn’t force him to. I’m not going to tell you what you should do, but I want you to do one thing:
Talk to your school administrators.
If the two of you want this, then you can talk to your school administrators and make it safe. Talking to them could fix a lot of things. There could be teachers all around the prom to keep you safe while you are enjoying your time. If you talk to the administrators about it, then they will do their best to not let anything happen to you.
I’m not going to tell you what to do. Just please think about what I said above and think about considering it. It could make a difference. I really wish I would have thought more about my situation because I would have loved to went to the prom with someone that made me happy and feel great! I wish you the best of everything! Good luck Josh! All my luck goes out to you and your boyfriend!
Smile,
Colby
January 18, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Ditto!
January 18, 2011 at 10:53 pm
Every school and city is different.
I teach at a school where it is commonplace for GLBT to bring the date of their choice to prom. Gay staff members who are chaperones bring their partners as well. At least here in Ontario, it doesn’t seem to be an issue anymore (ever since the Catholic school fiasco in the 90′s).
The way I see it, if you can make out with your boyfriend in the hallways, I can’t see why you can’t take him to the prom!
Have a good time Josh!
January 18, 2011 at 10:55 pm
I brought my boyfriend to my prom in Eagle Pass, Texas and it was not easy, our school asked us not to do it, we brought female dates (who were lesbian) and we came in and then we got lost in the crowd and we danced all night (as did my girls!)…it was awesome…everyone was in shock…but it was just amazing! I would not trade that experience for the world…nobody has a right to tell you not to have fun and live your life!
January 18, 2011 at 10:58 pm
Josh,
I commend you for thinking of doing this. If I had seen two guys dancing at prom, I would have been out ages ago and enjoying the relief of not being trapped in the closet.
Anyhoots, take his view of things into consideration. Don’t make him do anything that he doesn’t want to. If you do take him to the prom, have a blast!!!
And if you feel comfortable in doing so, please post your prom picture.
Best of luck in deciding,
Ben
January 18, 2011 at 11:00 pm
Hey Josh, it’s a tough situation, there is no getting around it. Personally, I think that you two should go to the prom, and if you feel uncomfortable and/or threatened, you can leave. At least you can sit in the comfort of knowing you tried.
I don’t want to plug my blog on this blog, but I think that a lot of you blogbuddies would enjoy it.
my blog is youbemeletsbe.blogspot.com/ , and i write about my experiences as a teenager who isn’t exactly straight. Check it out and leave some comments if you are compelled, and maybe you will like it.
Best of luck to you, Josh.
- Jenny
January 18, 2011 at 11:17 pm
Hey guys! I’m only 16 and I haven’t been to my prom yet (and I don’t have a boyfriend), but if I did, I would totally bring him! Because my firm belief is that no one should dictate in something that you and ones close to you are choosing to do. If you want to take him, TAKE HIM! But if you don’t, that’s cool, too. It’s your decision. Just know that I live in Texas (MAJOR homophobes down here!) and I would definitely bring my future boyfriend to my future prom! Good luck:)
January 18, 2011 at 11:46 pm
just be safe …
January 18, 2011 at 11:57 pm
HI my name is patrick and i will be 18 in april and my freshmen year i went to prom with a guy i really liked now first off i have really bad taste in guys and he turned out to be a jerk but that night will always hold a special place in my heart and ever since then i have gone with a boy to prom whether or not i am dating him or he is just a friend and it turns out to be a blast. So bring your bf cause if you dont you will probably regret it later
January 19, 2011 at 12:32 am
My name is Kevin and i am Junior this year. My freshman year was when i had first actually started to come out and be myself, and that was also the year that i took a boy to a dance for the first time. It was to my freshman homecoming, and yes, i was VERY nervous, especially about people who didn’t already know finding out and how they would react. So, altouth i was very nervous, i went, and i was surprised by how well the night actually went. Of course, there were the people who gave me dirty looks and might have whispered a few bad names, but with the support of my friends and my date, i managed ot have a lot of fun that night. I think that if you really want to take him, you should, because you might just find that if you don’t, you’ll wish you would have.
January 19, 2011 at 1:14 am
I would say the main question Josh needs to consider is: all things considered, will he have more fun if he takes his bf? The scenario conjures up such a hopeful image of his uncomprehending classmates suddenly getting the picture and then welcoming the two of them with open arms to a fantastic evening of epic partying. There are a lot of other ways it could pan out, of course. If he ends up nervously wasting the night worrying that people are staring and talking (even if they aren’t), or if he is bringing his boyfriend out of an expectation that he’ll get a whole lot of acceptance and welcoming from his classmates, then maybe it’s not such a good idea. If, however, he’s pretty confident that when the night comes, he’ll enjoy it more if his bf is there and he’s not the type to let others rain on his parade, then I say go for it! However, if this is Josh’s way of coming out, it’s probably not a good idea because that’s not what he should spend his prom night doing, and it’s probably not what his classmates expect to spend their night thinking about.
He needs to do whatever he does for the right reason, which to my mind is spending a coming-of-age moment with a person important to him. He shouldn’t bring his boyfriend as a way of turning the prom into an issue debate (admittedly this is a probable outcome but it shouldn’t be the thing that motivates him). He’s not obliged to throw his prom night under the proverbial bus in order to take a stand or be a groundbreaker. He shouldn’t decide not to take his boyfriend out of a motivation to make his classmates more comfortable either, because he isn’t obliged to stay in the closet. People only get one prom and Josh should decide what to do based on what he and his boyfriend would most enjoy, rather than feeling like they need to be, or avoid being, the gay poster boys.
It would probably be better if the students had advance notice about the situation if Josh’s date or his sexuality will likely come as a surprise to a lot of people. I say that because if other prom-goers are caught off guard they may be forgiven for reacting with shock and feeling blindsided, but if they know up front that he is bringing a boy, then they’re just being assholes to make a stink on the night-of. Also, it’ll let him gauge and accustom himself to the reaction so that he’ll know a little better what to expect when prom night rolls around.
After really considering everything, who knows — he might decide that instead of going to the prom, he’d rather have a little house party, and hey, if he did that maybe all the cool people would ditch the prom and party with Josh! (Seriously, that could end up being a divisive thing to do, but I wouldn’t blame him if he had a “boycott prom” if he concluded that the official prom wasn’t going to be a good time for them.)
Whatever he does, I hope he’ll have fun!
January 19, 2011 at 1:24 am
That would be dope to take a guy date. I hope I face my fear and take a guy date next year.
January 19, 2011 at 1:30 am
Last year i went to an extremely homophobic school, like so bad the girls didnt hang with me. wen prom time came my boyfriend was out of town on business and he didnt mind me going with a friend that was gay so i took one of my friends that was a guy and like i said gay. the school administrators didnt like it but after i told the principal that i would take it to the school board and the press if there was a problem with me bring a guy they left me and my friend alone and we enjoyed our nite. im not sure if there were any people that were closeted cuz they aint come out yet. but you dont live in the south like me so you shouldnt have any problems. go for it. take your boyfriend to prom and have fun. just be safe.
best wishes on your evening,
Nick
January 19, 2011 at 2:07 am
Josh, I am originally grew up from a small school in Missouri myself. I was never out to any of my friends from school until I graduate. I want to say that I admire your courage, my advice on if you should bring your boyfriend to your prom is instead of going to prom with just your boyfriend, have your boyfriend come with you with a group of friends to prom together that way it will not make you, your boyfriend, or anyone uncomfortable. Also act professional, you can have a good time at prom without all the crazyness like we seen on “Queer as Folk”. And most importantly be yourself, and talk with your friends and family, let them know that you are interested in inviting your boyfriend to the prom and always look for a middle ground that will make everyone happy. Good luck Josh and hope that you will get to set the bar for good things to come.
January 19, 2011 at 3:46 am
I say go for it as long as your boyfriend agrees. Cause that is all that matters. I went to my prom alone because i was not going to lie about myself and go with someone i didnt like or care nor did i want to give them a false expectation of the night. I didnt take the person i wanted and i always have that question lingering what if i did, would been better? I had a lowsy night…. Do what feels right and that years from now will bring fond memories to you regardless of how other people are or react.
January 19, 2011 at 4:15 am
Hey!
I just graduated this past June, and while I did not bring my boyfriend to prom (the main/only reason being I don’t have a boyfriend) I still had a blast. And quite honestly, if I had a boyfriend at the time, I would have brought him in a heartbeat. It was pretty much left unsaid that I was gay, I had come out without really coming out. My family knew, my close friends knew, and it was pretty clear to the rest of the school population. They wouldn’t have had a problem with me bringing a boy to prom. And even if they did, would it matter? Be who you are! Trust me, the only people I’ve kept in contact with since graduation are my really close friends, so it truthfully doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks seeing as you won’t see them for a really long time (assuming you’re moving for college or something. If you’re staying, whatever. It’s your prom, have fun).
Have a fantastic time, regardless if you bring your boyfriend or not. Prom is so much fun!
Evan
January 19, 2011 at 4:38 am
As a high school student myself (in the UK) it is somewhat considered social suicide to do this. However if you are prepared for the consequences that might occur from going to the prom with your boyfriend, I don’t think there should be a problem. For more safety I echo what Davey Wavey said, speak to your parents, to him, to your friends and I think most important of all to your school. Gather support in case it all goes horribly wrong, you at least will have people to support you.
x
Lastly, I think, that not only will it probably be a revolutionary footstep in your school, but for the whole gay community itself. I believe we will all benefit from this especially through the echo of it in the blog, where many people in your same circumstances will be looking at you and saying if he can I can.
Peace and the best of luck – I certainly support your quest for equality
January 19, 2011 at 7:16 am
HI Davey and Josh
Josh you should take your boyfriend to prom as long as you feel that on one is going to physically hurt you. Best of luck my friend
January 19, 2011 at 7:47 am
firsty it repeats at 1:50 – 2:10 lol …. this is y i luv australia my school(middle and high combined) 500 students. there was only 60 students graduating. we all knew each other personally and respected and wanted the best for eachother. there was no getting lost in the crowd. and SAY IT LOUD AND PROUD, bring him as ur date.
January 19, 2011 at 7:47 am
May i call your attention to an episode of queer as folk, Justin went to his prom with his boyfriend Bryan, and got bashed in the head with a baseball bat. Thats a tad dramatised but physical safety is important. But it would be amazing to go to your prom with your boif. Safety first!!
January 19, 2011 at 8:22 am
Davey Wavey
Good Morning!
Unless Josh has shown off his boifriend at school before..leave the boifriend at home as making the statement that they are a couple..
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TEENS-MALE-GAY-DATING-AS-COUPLES
..is too little..too late..They may have MORE fun at home anyway..
The REAL question here is why Davey Wavey has his hat on backwards as you are getting “too long in the tooth” to be a teen at this point..
Love “your” David
January 19, 2011 at 9:13 am
Josh,
whatever you decide we will be keeping a good thought for you. Good luck and enjoy your Prom.
Sean
January 19, 2011 at 9:24 am
Josh,
I am a proud gay man of 42 years old I did not have the curage I needed to come out untill I was 30! I admire that you are out in high school in 1987 when I was in HS I was afraid of being beat up for being gay
So get the support of your family your friends in school and the administration and have a plan in place of how to deal with the drama that may unfold and go for it Josh you get one senior prom and its one of the best nights of your life … I say go with your BF so you will smile when you look back on it ! Be Proud Be Strong hold your head high and dance with your BF !!
January 19, 2011 at 9:27 am
If you’re afraid of physical harm it’s a no brainer. Don’t do it. It sounds like you have some supportive friends so go with them and have a great time. Those who might shun you aren’t your friends anyway and remember whatever you do your time in High School is limited. Best.
January 19, 2011 at 9:56 am
Go GO GO!!
January 19, 2011 at 11:19 am
As I listened to your advice, I was thinking that Josh should invite you (without the cap) to the prom. I think that you would make the perfect date for him.
January 19, 2011 at 12:30 pm
I think Josh should go for it as long as he has the green light from his school. At my high school we had to tell the main office who our date was and it had to be someone of the opposite sex. If this is the case at his school, here’s how to get around it: Find a girl who doesn’t have a date and ask her to go in your group and tell the office that he is her date to get him in the door. Once inside, you can be together.
January 19, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Hello!
Josh, I think you should definitely take your boyfriend to Prom! I had the opportunity at my senior prom to take my boyfriend or my best friend who is a girl, and I took my best friend. We have been each others other half since 3rd grade so I didn’t miss out on anything at prom. It was one of the best nights of my life. I went to a performing arts school, therefore my school would have been completely okay with me bringing my boyfriend and even though I really wanted to take Luke,. we had discussed the issue about 3 weeks before but decided that money wise it would have been too expensive for him last minute and I sorta made plans with my friend before I knew my boyfriend. But please, if you have support, don’t let anyone ruin you’re night. Prom was one of the best High School experiences for me and you would certainly be making memories. Just be sure to check with a guidance counselor or some sort of figurehead at your school. Maybe get some support from a teacher or two that you can relate with. Good Luck Buddy, I would love to see pictures!