I’m convinced that there’s no good word to describe our relationship with a special someone. Boyfriend sounds juvenile. Special friend can be offensive. Partner is too unspecific. And life partner sounds ridiculous.
Homo say what? Check out the impromptu talky blog via my second channel, Davey Wavey Raw.
November 28, 2011 at 8:38 am
I think you should introduce him thus:
This is a person I really really enjoy, sometimes we enter each other in an anal fashion. Pass the potatoes.
November 28, 2011 at 8:40 am
Do you really need a label for the person you love?
I had boyfriends, partners, life partners, a husband. They spent their time with me, more or less.
I never had a problem to introduce them.
The most important is to love and get loved and to say this: “I love you”.
November 29, 2011 at 12:01 am
Ditto.
November 29, 2011 at 10:55 pm
agreed!
November 28, 2011 at 8:42 am
Theres an easier title:
“Hello, I want you to meet my man/lover”
If they can say it for women, when not men too?
November 28, 2011 at 8:43 am
I tend to use the term ‘other-half’
People get what you mean, there’s no problem with it =]
November 28, 2011 at 10:15 pm
Not a bad idea
November 28, 2011 at 9:02 am
Maybe you have stumbled upon one of the reasons why so many gay guys rush a relationship to the point where they can call each other fiancé / husband.
November 28, 2011 at 5:52 pm
How do you add a picture beside your post? I noticed several people have a picture or a something else that shows up beside their post.
November 29, 2011 at 11:03 pm
@Ernie: I wrote about this in one of my blog entries here (http://quipsnquills.com/wordpress/?p=8702). In short, the easiest way is to use Gravatar. Follow the link to the blog entry and there the steps are explained. If you have any problems, feel free to shoot me a message from that site and I’ll try and walk you through it. -Michael
November 28, 2011 at 9:26 am
I understand the lack of appropriate label but I just call him Gary. Anybody who is important in our lives knows who we are to one another. And people who don’t know will either figure it out as they get to know us and our relationship or it won’t matter anyway. mtc
November 28, 2011 at 9:32 am
DW, you have too much time on your hands and running out of material. You ran a post like this before where you liked the word ‘partner’ over ‘boyfriend’. You always referred Scott as boyfriend, now you say its ‘immature’. You are not exactly a model for maturity. You are losing viewers in a big way. Think you might want to consider new line of work-maybe a porn star? Think a few of your blog buddies wouldn’t mind seeing your buttslut in action.
November 28, 2011 at 10:57 am
Kind of put in a nasty way but I have to agree that DW’s posts more recently have seemed fluffy and it’s a shame because he has a large audience (which I also agree he is losing).
November 28, 2011 at 9:36 am
Boyfriend or fiance before ceremony. Husband after. Is this really that hard?
November 30, 2011 at 5:40 pm
boy-i so much agree with this-enuf already-its boyfriend -or husband.whats so hard about that?
November 28, 2011 at 9:56 am
How is this any different than a straight couple? I’m a straight women, before I was engaged he was my “boyfriend” then my “fiance” then my “husband” so why does that not work for a gay couple? Boyfriend isn’t juvenile adult straight women use that term and adult straight men use the term girlfriend… Just saying…
November 29, 2011 at 11:06 pm
It’s no different. I’m in total agreement with you.
November 28, 2011 at 10:02 am
:juvy
November 28, 2011 at 10:30 am
I had to watch this a few times. I was too distracted by the rainbow light show on your chest. XD
November 28, 2011 at 11:02 am
I also think that part of the felt need for a label that some couples experience is possibly more about insecurity in their relationship and a need to legitimize it in other people’s eyes. Just introduce the person by their name.
November 28, 2011 at 11:24 am
But Davey – wasn’t your boyfriend an actual boy when you started dating?
November 28, 2011 at 11:32 am
I simply call Michael my “other”. It is simple and perfectly describes who he is to me and to those we call family and friends. He is my other.
daemon
November 28, 2011 at 11:45 am
My boyfriend/man friend/more than friend (whatever words fit the bill) would agree with you 100%.
November 28, 2011 at 11:56 am
Hey you need to come down. He is your boyfriend thats what its called. You can’t call a potato anithing more than a potato. Boyfriend comes and means that your in the developing staye to someting different and amazing. Like a boy the relationship has the chance to grow to a beutiful strong relationship as “big and manly as he his”. sorry just my openion. Why would it change for us gay , and older 50 year old still gets boyfriends not oldman friends. It is what it is. sorry for the spelling loveya and thank you!
November 28, 2011 at 12:08 pm
I simply refer to him as ‘the hubby’
November 28, 2011 at 12:26 pm
Though more useful for a longer term relationship, Spouse, is the term I’ve been using most often.
November 28, 2011 at 1:02 pm
I prefer to use the term “partner” and allow others to read into the relationship what they may. Those who are uncomfortable even thinking about sex will assign a non-sexual context to the relationship even though they know better. Same-sex marriage complicates the situation because there is a definite relationship understood by society. A guy referring to his husband or a gal referring to her wife still sounds dissonant to my ear. That will change in time as same=sex marriage becomes more common. Back in the good old days (oh,yes), “lover” was the most commonly used term by gays.
As in most venues, sex sells, as demonstrated by the number of posts on flagging and sex tips. I can’t be easy coming up with a new topic that is fresh and interesting twice a week. Suggestions, anyone? Personally, I have no problem with the range of topics, but then I have only been on BTI a few months. I find it interesting that women and heterosexuals join in the conversation. Isn’t it time for us to move beyond being a sub-culture in society? Isn’t that the goal so many seek?
November 28, 2011 at 1:23 pm
For thirty years, my life partner/boyfriend/significant other/special friend and I wrestled with this same question. Two years ago we resolved the issue: we got married. I take great delight in introducing him as my husband. Husband! Yeah! That works!
November 28, 2011 at 2:19 pm
I actually have this same problem. I can’t really call him my husband legally speaking, but lover sounds so ridiculous, like with life partner. I settled on calling him Partner on my blog, because I think it’s kind of a cute nickname. In public though, I really don’t have a good name. I have considered calling him my lobster like from Friends, or maybe my cheeseburger like from that Veggietales song. However; those names are likely to be misunderstood by those who don’t get the references. For now though, I like calling him Partner on the blog, but once we’re married, it’s husband all the way.
Also, you have rainbow boobs in your video!
November 28, 2011 at 2:47 pm
For a guy who has spent time in Montreal you missed the best answer: he is.my spouse. (Il est mom epoux. Elles est mon epouse.)
We can do that in English if we want!!!
November 28, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Spouse is probably the most appropriate term for married couples. The word has a Latin root, meaning to marry as in the French s’espouser.
November 28, 2011 at 2:53 pm
Okay…This video blog sounded like you may have had a little too much sugar or caffeine…That having been said I have no problem, introducing my beau of 15 years as my partner. People just get it…and only once have I had to make the distinction to a stranger that he is my life-partner (another moniker that doesn’t bother me), as oppose to my buisness or dancer partner. And while you, may see partner as to unspecific…I don’t think I need to go into specific details of how we (my partner and I) go on day to day, working, cooking, paying bills, sharing hobbies, finding creative ways to be romantic, a decade and a half later.
My mother does refer to him as my husband (although we have not made it official, yet). Both of our siblings each introduce us as partners (and I think it is pretty clear that at this point in our lives we are not just roommates.) JD’s Dad does sometimes introduce me as Jim’s friend (which is quite accurate…I am his friend..but that again is a ‘generational’ thing and it doesn’t bother me). But with the family and close friends I am called “the other son”.
My boss calls him by his first name…or calls him “my guy”.
Like it or not, we live in a society where we are assigned labels..so the key to getting past this particular issue as I see it, is to find the ‘one’ that you are most comfortable with and use it proudly and as for accurate descriptions, I don’t think wife or husband is anymore descriptive of the multi-layers of the relationship, than partner, significant other or boyfriend. (I personally never use boyfriend…except to tease JD…and recall the days when we first started dating).
November 28, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Some of the comments are mean & uncalled for.
I’m RIFLMAO (this is hilarious!) & thanking you!
You’re not about to lose this devoted follower, so keep on keeping on. OK?
November 28, 2011 at 8:03 pm
I have to agree you but haters are always going hate
November 28, 2011 at 5:49 pm
I use the term that fits the situation! Lets face it one moniker doesn’t fit all situations. Thirty years ago “lover” was used in gay circles, but you would not dare use it in a “straight” setting. Things have changed since then, thank god! A company, based out of California, that I worked for, when sending out invitations to get togethers, would use “significant other/companion”. Significant other I hear used quite often in “younger straight” circles. In mixed groups (gay/straight), I hear “companion” used most often.
Sugestion: Use what moniker that you and your boyfriend(girlfriend)/lover/partner/life partner/friend/special friend/significiant other/companion/lifetime companion/husband(wife) decide best fits your relationship. (Did I leave any out?) I added the words in parenthesis as I did not want to leave out the female members of this blog.
November 28, 2011 at 6:21 pm
“this is the one (at least, for now…..)”
November 28, 2011 at 7:05 pm
I see the problem here. I agree with that life partner-thing, ridiculous.
My suggestion is to go with the flow. I’d probably use mate, since it’s a neutral term for two individuals seeking together, some for life, and husband when I get to marry that person.
November 28, 2011 at 7:53 pm
I have to admit that I generally do not like the term husband or wife. It references to when an individual was more property of or owner of. So for me I don’t really like it either, gay or straight. I also don’t like boyfriend/girlfriend as that has the undertone of not being of a serious nature, longer enduring than that of tick but not far off. Lover is a word that just appalling.
Partner is an ok term but is also kind of vague. I have found that I prefer the word spouse, mate or term other half. They seem to have a better meaning of equality, although I kind of place life-partner right up there with lover, so…
As far as an all encompassing word or term that fits everyone. I do not think there is. I guess it depends on what your comfort level is and how you wish to define your relationship to others relative to their understandings.
November 30, 2011 at 12:44 am
Words have different connotations for different people, so it is probably best to select the word you are most comfortable with.
November 28, 2011 at 8:30 pm
There was a rainbow on your tit
November 28, 2011 at 8:55 pm
I know someone who introduces her unmarried counter part and others as “my other half” , a bit quirky but someone romantic as well.
November 28, 2011 at 8:57 pm
Davey, How about just using their name …. The relationship between you two is just that ,it’s between you two … You really don’t need to have a ” Label ” , I just introduce mine by his name … I think anyone that really knows us at a party , already know we are an ” Item ” LOL …
November 28, 2011 at 9:05 pm
Thank you.
November 29, 2011 at 7:13 pm
After reading this blog and watching the video I was off to have dinner with two friends of mine that are a couple. I put the question to them and surprise, their answer was……….”I just use their name!” When they are out at a get-together, people can see that they are together. If they can’t, then they are not atuned to what is going on and it doesn’t realy matter!
November 28, 2011 at 10:13 pm
Hmm, well with all of this talk about marriage equality… why not just call him your husband?
November 29, 2011 at 12:10 am
He’s my husband. We got the papers to prove it. Canadian, eh?
November 29, 2011 at 2:23 am
I’m surprised that two of them were not mentioned. Lover and husband… …but one of them sounds too gay and the other too straight??
November 29, 2011 at 4:02 am
Just deal with the present: “My current intimate companion”
November 29, 2011 at 5:21 am
What’s wrong with their name?
November 29, 2011 at 5:23 am
Don’t define anything! If you’re together, you’re together!
November 29, 2011 at 6:54 am
Davey, you might think of some of these, if your in love try, the love of my life, my lover, the man who i love, the person(or substitute man, guy, fella, fellow, etc.) who i want to spend the rest of my life with, the man i love who loves me(or the man who loves me that i really love), this is the guy i want to grow old with, the man whos arms i want holding me when i die(or variations of the same idea/feeling) my better half, the yin to my yang, the man i want to spend eternity with…
i have a lot of thoughts on everythin from zzzzzzzzzzzz okay good night
Davey, if you find any of this, my thoughts on the love of our lives and would like some ideas on dates, lovers, “friends’ with benefiets”, or any otherddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddarn, i’m falling asleep while i’m trying to type this, better run, but i am sure you or any of the blog buddies want to hear my thoughts my opinions let me know cause, i need to be in bed and falling alseep, cause now i am so tired i am putting myself to sleezzzzzzzzzzzzz
Oh, one other thing real quick, “If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?… PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, CAUSE I’M NOT TO PROUD TO BED…
CAUSE I THINK YOUR A SEXY ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
November 30, 2011 at 12:19 am
proud to bed? talk about Freudian slips…lol
November 29, 2011 at 7:04 am
And for the guy i will meet some day and fall in love with, he is the guy I want to sing Savage Garden’s Truely Deeply Madly to for the rest of my life. (well I better just leave the singing to Savage Garden. And again guys i really am nodding off, so gotta run. Wishing you PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS C.D.
November 29, 2011 at 11:54 am
C.D.,
May you meet the man of your life in your dreams.
November 29, 2011 at 4:00 pm
I hate the labels too, so I will use outlandish/ridiculous/inappropriate ones to make a point yet be somewhat informative. In order of prevalence, I use mansus, husband, consort and concubine.
I hope this helped.
November 29, 2011 at 8:01 pm
How about “companion,” as in J Edgar Hoover and his long-time companion ……..
In the Navy, we were known as “asshole buddies.” That describes it pretty well. The term has a real place of affection in my heart.
November 29, 2011 at 4:34 pm
I’m with you on the labels thing. Labels annoy me, too, but we wouldn’t find it so frustrating if we didn’t occasionally feel some need for a label. As good as it sounds to always introduce people by names and nothing else, we’ve all been in situations where making clear to others the context of our relationship to another person was important.
Many of my friends find the term “S.O.” very useful. It’s short for significant other, but it rolls off the tongue much more easily.
November 29, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Conversation at work:
Ed and I went to the beach this weekend.
Who is Ed?
Ed is my…………….
Sometimes a name is just not enough.
November 29, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Why does everybody have to choose the same thing? Decide on what “you” are comfortable with and just use it. Myself, I’ve no problem with the label “boyfriend” (while dating). It’s isn’t juvenile; it’s just a label for the interim until (if) the relationship evolves into something more serious. “Special friend”? Yeah, I agree… that label grinds on my gears as well. “Life partner”? I’ve no problem with it at all and I don’t agree that the term sounds ridiculous at all. When two people who are in love with and respect one another enough to take their relationship to the level of commitment (for instance, that a marriage would represent) then they ARE “life” partners. I would certainly not want my spouse to think I thought one of us was above the other and that we were “equals” in the relationship, so “partner” is fine. Bottom line, just be happy they (and loved ones close to you) are acknowledging the relationship at all.
November 30, 2011 at 12:18 am
I havent had any problems introducing my man! Mostly I refer to him as my Hubby or Husband. There are those times w/ certain people (family that is just ‘ok w it’ but still feel that it’s not God’s way) that i refer to him as my Boyfriend or Partner. And sometimes I like to use the term Life Partner, because he truely is that! Mostly he is just my Hubby! Tomorrow November 30th will be our 10 yr anniversary of being together! Crazy to think that I met him in a chat room in Gay.com when I was still living in Morgantown, WV (College & worked) & he lived in Raleigh, NC! I am soo glad I took a chance and met him in person! It was true love at first site! I know that may sound corny to some…but it was like I had met the 1 person that truely completes me! Who wouldve thought that we would end up having a new house built for us just south of Raleigh, NC; have Two brand new Subaru’s (mine Impreza ’10 & his Legacy -’11); we both work at the same place (he – office/accounting/crontroller for almost 11 yrs & me Supervisor of Formal Dining Room Staff/Head Formal Dining Room Server for just over 6 yrs); & we have 2 Beautiful Silver Egyptian Mau Boys! (Abubakar The Prince ‘The Royal Prince’ aka Abu – 6yrs old & Jumoke Atsu ‘The Loved By All Twin’ aka Moke {pronouced Mow ‘ KEY} – 5yrs & 9months old); AND that we would still be together & still LOVE each other just as much (or MORE) as we did when we met! He is my everything; The ONE man I was meant to be with for the rest of my lifetime! It was like we had already spent a life together in the past, like we are True Soul Mates and in another life, prior to the one we are living now, we had been together. Like it was MEANT to be for us to be together! Sorry I’m rambling but I cant tell you how much I LOVE my HUBBY! If he hadnt come into my life when he did I would not be alive!
November 30, 2011 at 11:39 pm
Hello Davey! I loved the light coming in creating a rainbow on your chest toward the end of the video lol. You are beautiful.
December 3, 2011 at 6:09 pm
Joel J , You can also say ” This is my best friend ” and still not need a label , partner etc… Names are a perfect way to introduce our loved ones … and if you feel the need to add more , ” Closest Friend ” etc. … However in the end you need to do what is best for you , … Nick
December 28, 2011 at 12:24 pm
I hate the term lover. I do not mind, in fact I love the term boyfriend. Or, girlfriend for the L Word’s. My Dad is 65 and i seeing this wonderful lady. They were introducing themselves as a “special friend.” I think they were worried how I would feel because my Mom died a few years ago. I just looked at both of them and told them that term was stupid. Use boyfriend/girlfriend. So they do. It is very cute. It makes me smile. When you see two people that love each other and have not taken the step yet to marriage, the above term is great and wonderful. It should make you happy for them that they have someone to love and be loved by. One guy that is their friend told me it sounded childish for someone of their age to use those terms. I looked at him and said, “Well, they are not dead yet. So they look young enough for me to use boyfriend/girlfriend.” Oh, I also love the term “Imzadi.”
January 9, 2012 at 10:53 am
My dad taught me, yes my dad was uber cool, to refer and introduce him as my lover, and in cases where love was too strong a word, main squeeze. Most of dad’s friends were gay and part of the hollywood elite, and I always remember them introducing each other as their lovers.