I decided to go old-school with this week’s talky blog, filmed while I was still in Sydney. The topic: Self-loathing gays.
Sorry about the crappy video/audio quality – my normal camera wasn’t cooperating.
Click below to enjoy – and be sure to leave your own two cents in the comments:
January 30, 2010 at 11:01 am
You didn’t sound very convincing. It is difficult to explain something that doesn’t appy to you. I don’t hate myself, and very few of my friends are self-loathing gay people. We are out and proud and very active in our communities.
I do understand what you are talking about, though, as there are still many gay people who haven’t yet discovered their own value. People like you, Davey, are making it easier for all of us to accept ourselves, and I applaud you for that. So let’s spread the word: “We’re here to stay.”
February 1, 2010 at 2:34 am
I understand what you were trying to do, Davey,
but honestly I was disappointed with your presentation.
I understand the person with you was one of your Aussie
friends (Chris?) but honestly, your presentation
came across as childish in the extreme – quite the exception
from your usual insightfulness, but always humourous
thoughts. Though thoughtful, by
including him in your daily blog, the result was definitely not up to
not up to your usual standard. Please be aware and
careful, Davey, that you don’t lose the very thing
you’ve built and cultivated and which we’ve all come to
love, appreciate and look forward to each day.
February 1, 2010 at 8:47 pm
A friend of mine said “WE are everywhere, get over it.” He wasquite the mn’s ma making it especially funny as a coment fit for a queen.
January 30, 2010 at 12:27 pm
I totally agree. Another term is is being “discretely gay”…does that mean you only wear the red satin gown without the tiara? LOL I think on a larger scale this also happens with age. In our culture, somewhere between 25 and 30 is seen as “old”. Then you’re old for the rest of your life and become less and less desireable simply becuase you’ve existed in time. So many in the gay community go for straight acting younger guys. I wish we could all love everyone as they are.
January 30, 2010 at 8:57 pm
I hope most people don’t think like that. Muscle guys just start to get hot at 30. I do see what you are saying about how people feel like as soon as they hit 30 they might as well check into an oldfolks home. this way of thinking make no sense to me, the human body is supposed to last at least 100 years, so why would 70 percent of your life be in decline?
January 31, 2010 at 1:25 pm
I wonder how Davey would react to your two comments. Judging from his interviews, Davey seems to know no one who isn’t under 30, insanely boyish, and not as built as the master. I love the interviews, but wonder how this fits in with the view Davey espouses about feeling one with the universe. Evidently all those over 30 and not cute went into the part of the universe dominated by black holes.
February 1, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Would that be the phi-lo Asshole? Genus vortex irrelevance
January 30, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Hmmm… I don’t think that being truly gay equates to being femme. And i don’t think that being truly straight equates to being masculine. I think it’s a matter of personal preference. I you are putting on a front to seem more manly, thats one thing. But i think that if you have a naturally butch or femme personality, that depends purely on chance. I just happen to be a femme. Gays who are more “butch” aren’t trying to be more straight (well, not always) that’s just the way they are. I think. Not always tho.
January 30, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Davey Wavey!
I think you hit the nail on the head.
much love.
B
January 30, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Hah! I laugh whenever I see or hear the term “straight acting” How straight can one look with their C#&@ in someones mouth or one in theirs?
January 30, 2010 at 3:04 pm
I want a copy of that magazine! xD
January 30, 2010 at 3:50 pm
I thought that was a load of cr@p really. The fact that many gay people (not all, not by a long shot) are attracted to masculine figures is not an indication of being self loathing. It is, if anything, a manifestation of being, well, gay. In the same sense that a lot of straight people are attracted to girls with large breasts. There is no self loathing here, it’s just what fantasy territory looks like.
And while I too hate the term “straight acting”, it is just a figure of speech, for the love of God. Don’t read too much into it.
I think gay people, especially younger ones, are extremely self-accepting these days, especially when compared to the gays of yesteryear. Really no neeed to bring back self hatred from the vault
January 30, 2010 at 6:16 pm
Hmmm… there is a lot of truth in this comment.
Thanks for putting the other argument forward so eloquently
January 30, 2010 at 8:58 pm
im screwed!!!!
January 31, 2010 at 9:33 am
Why screwed?
January 30, 2010 at 7:00 pm
I completely agree with you here. I believe that, for the most part, gay guys who prefer butch guys do so not because they hate the feminine within themselves but because they want some one masculine. And I completely agree with Davey in that I believe people who loathe femme guys probably have some self-loathing going on.
February 1, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I’ve figured out why a lot of guys wanted to fight me in High SchoolIt was A. They thought I was an afront to their masculininty. Or B. They just wanted to touch me and that was their only self chosen realese. Or C. All of the above I’m going with C. now.
January 30, 2010 at 8:42 pm
I agree with Mosiac, jeremy, john and doc. I don’t feel like i’m acting. I hate the “if your a f*g your fem or your faking” mentality
January 31, 2010 at 11:50 am
It is okay if you aren’t attracted to various people, we can’t help what appeals to us. But let them be free to be who they are (i.e. don’t criticize them just for being different). I’d hope gay people of all would understand this the most.
February 1, 2010 at 3:37 am
Im not saying its bad to be fem. Im saying that Im not fem but the mentality of society (gay and straight) is that if you are a man who likes men you ARE fem or your faking masculinity.
February 1, 2010 at 3:21 pm
When I was about Davey’s age I had a grand old time. Boys were seranding me with Village People songs. They would come in my store wearing holey jeans with peeka boo views showing they wern’t wearing underware.(Bless them not the jeans.)They would kiss each other in their cars making sure I saw them and no one else. They would pretend to hitch hike taking me to their parents house mere blocks away for a tryst. Their mothers were always inviting me to dinner because they think their son is gay. When you become 30 that’s actually when your most stunning and everyone wants you male and female. You learn to keep pepe in your pants and give him a well deserved rest on your quest for manhood that you all ready had but didn’t realize until years afterward. I rember the line Divine said, “I’m going upstairs and take a long hot beauty bath, and erase the stench of a 5 year marrige. My life is about to begin.” So I take a cold shower, and when I come out Phil is there and says ” Everyone said how big you are. I don’t see it.” That’s because I don’t hide my morning wood, around the house. No one seems to mind. I had to take a cold shower because I was so horny it hurts. Now help out your fellow man here and take one for the team.” Phil was on his High School’s wrestling team and I over heard him talking to one of my straight friends that he had a girl friend but Gary made him horny all the time. Phil famously attacked me on the couch in front of everyone at a party. We had one once a week sometimes more. I held up his arms like you do to stop fisticuffs with a woman, and I said “I love you too Phil.” Silence in the house with about 2 dozen people were there was eery if only for a minute. The next week he wanted to wrestle me in the living room. I said, “It hurts today.” Every one was laughing except Phil and one of the girls said “Look he’s not even blushing.” To which everyone laughed harder. I was at a party for my majorily hot friend’s birthday party in Yorba Linda (Think Nixon and Quakers a lily white neighborhood with little crime and archectecture that frequently pops up on the America’s safest cites list- It’s U.S. Not America you twits.) He took me in a room and told me that these were his adoptive parents ( I knew he didn’t resemble them as he was a hot Peurto Rican.) He said he lived in a tough part in New York City (Bed/Sty I think) and in one instance his friend who had a birthday dropped his pants revealing his c**k with a ribbon on it in front of his girlfriend. “I said this is getting me all worked up, It’s your birthday today it was mine yesterday, go snag some ribbon from one of your presents.” He rocked backwards and I had to catch him and say “Easy tiger.” Later on he wanted to wrestle me right in front of his adoptive parents and everyone else at the celebration saying he was told I could hold my own as he was told by his friend in the living room. BITCH! That was PE. for me, the team for him. Now I know about his friend (who wanted to bang me and everyone knew)I ran into Manny Muldanado who had his own place and invited me over. I said, ” I can’t but we could hook up and you can get that wrestling match you always wanted and we can tie one–a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree.” He loved that line and I loved giving it. If we wrestled it would either begin El Greco or end that way. My pal Joey (everyone loved when I refered to him that way and we did too.) Said that ” He was partying with a guy in New York and when I mentioned your name he said he knew you.” I said, since you Puerto Ricans always hang together in the city it must be Manny Muldanado formerly of Yorba Linda I guess.” “Yeagh that’s the one. He kissed me and told me to wish you a happy birthday and kiss you saying it was his today and Gary’s the day before. What’s up? you let your perfect type go away. Did you love him and do the monkey dance I sure wouldn’t let that one get away?” I told him that a gentleman never kisses and tells and you do the same. Manny was the one who got me. We’d be seen together around Placentia /Yorba Linda and people would acually giggle and whisper what a cute couple we were. He smiled proudly when he heard that. I had too much time invested there and as he did not I guess he thought they could all just stuff it in that annoyingly restrictive hypocritcal town. I made a run for the coast as soon as I was out of High School I made many friends in Laguna and most of them are as dead as the Boom Boom Room. One of the hotel rooms above it was literally my second home for a period of about 2 years. MY pal Joey stayed with us for a time. He walked with me to beach and I ran into Matt Gunther ( real name Steve Porn stars have a code of asking you not to disclose their real last name) Steve was glaring at Joey and when I went to introduce him to my friend Steve Steve said ” I saw you guys come out of your hotel room I’ll do a three way right now.” I started to walk back to the hotel room and Joey grabed my arm and said “Three way now. Not. Not now, not ever.” I was to see Matt Gunther being interviwed by accident in a Long Beach store. The interviewer noticed that the curly blond has a thing for you. “I’ve seen him and he does nothing for me.”, “Matt” said. I read the interview and that bitch interviewer published the incident” I was said curly blond proving you don’t always get the guy. The interview is considered legendary by some in the gay comunity. He recieved the first and only award for being a Porn Diva. I was told that I was well known for fixing messes on the set and I laughed and said I haven’t done that in years since the days of Kip Knoll (Tom)I said I saved the studios quite a fortune. Yes. It’s also known that you refused to be paid. It’s also known that Tom proposed to me on the set. I thought I was paid quite handsomely.I said I could have broken that bucking bronco (Steve) but I would have charged a lot for that one because I know personally he’s a real handful.( they require you to turn 1099′s now which can really cause problems because the name of the studio is right on it with the description) I later saw him (Steve)) in Neiman Marcus in Beverly Hills and suddenly he was interested in me. Daddy has no sugar for you and I expireced something that can only be described as a reverse hard on.( It goes inverted) He was homeless in his final days being taken in by friends before he died. Yes Virginia. A porn Star and a drug dealer’s money slips through their hands just like a drunken sailor’s. The reson I was declining Manny’s invetation I was on a mission, a Mormon boy who lived with the same on their mission, who lived next door with some close friends of mine. He invited me to his room and just when I was leaning in to kiss him for God and country one of the others marched in and kicked me out. I went with my friends next door and as I entered the door one of them said “Boink Mormon boy yet?” I said. “f**k you. You hear that crying and you know who it is. It’s tough being me, tougher for him. Can I borrow you’re room for a few moments.” “Dude sure, I’m so sorry man how can I help?” “Kiss him.” “I can’t, I’m straight.” “Yes you can, just tell him you’re the messenger of love from me. Just do it.” That was before the famous Nike campaign. I went to the room and my tears subsided quickly when I thought about making his tears into laughter and making him c*m without touching it all in mere seconds. I’ve done it before and that’s a bet I’ll take to the bank. I’ve been told there is actually a movie about this. I said ” You gotta be shitting me, Bob.”" No I’m not. I may have even seen it but forgotten the title as it was so long ago.” I’m on a mission–a red haired Mormon wrestler boy. He will make ME c*m without touching it.
February 1, 2010 at 3:31 pm
So what’s the point???
February 1, 2010 at 4:10 pm
“Can’t we all get along.” Rodney King.
February 1, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Gary can you please shorten your posts they are always like this, and its difficult to understand what they have to do with the current topic.
February 1, 2010 at 6:19 pm
Then say it. You are rambling and, to Hugo’s point, it all gets lost…
January 30, 2010 at 3:58 pm
The word “STRAIGHT” gives me a limp dick, that’s why I have the word “QUEER” tattooed on my arm to give me instant wood…WRA
January 31, 2010 at 7:22 am
hahahaha. that’s awesome
February 1, 2010 at 4:06 pm
I saw a guy in Long Beach in “Greenwich Village West” ( a consortium of us are actually thinking of getting the city to name it as such.) I’m talking to my buddy, the gay owner of the restaurant I was eating at, and in comes this kid with the word f*g buzzed cut in the back of his head. That actually gave me wood even though he actually didn’t do it for me otherwise. Such balls! Drove me up the wall! When the kid left it was just my buddy and I. He came right up to me and said I know that look too well, and reached down and grabbed my tent. I bitch kissed him for that. I don’t know why any beautiful man or boy would ever defile his body with tattoos. I met a great specimen once who defiled his gorgeous bicep with what he self described as “somewhat dorky artwork.” It was this Neptune like guy with big arm muscles. It was so wrong and I actually told him I wish I could lick it off. He laughed and said he” had a girlfriend, but he would like to hang with me anyway.” I used to get girls long ago ask me to go out for coffee. and I’d say I don’t do coffee. That was code for me “I’m gay buzz off.” Don’t really care for the stuff at night and REALLY hate Starbucks. But many a cute guy lately has charmed/dragged me in one. At least f*g boy can grow his hair back. That was a long time ago when guys used to buzz their names in their heads. Which I thought was a little low brow and lame. That started to go by way of women who put diamonds in their finger nails. ECCH!
January 30, 2010 at 8:12 pm
So, I understand where this video is coming from, and I agree on a certain level. The one thing that bothers me, is that you have to associate masculine with being straight. Masculine is with being a man, straight, gay or bi. Some people are more masculine than others, no matter their sexual preference. I’d say I fit somewhere in the middle and I’m happy with that. Am I attracted to really feminine guys? No, but that’s because I like guys! If i want girl, then i’d be straight. If it floats your boat then more power to you. But I think we need to stop looking at ourselves as having a problem or self loathing. Just be your TRUE self and f**k the rest. I don’t want to live my life breaking down every aspect of everything, life is about living, not analyzing!
January 30, 2010 at 10:37 pm
I think Davey missed the obvious about which is the one with a self-loathing complex. The guy who calls himself “straight acting” is making a pretty clear statement about what he wants; I’m not sure what is self-loathing about that?
Its the guy who wants to hook up with Mr. Straight-Acting. I want a man who wants to be with me, as I him, because we are gay men. I certainly do not want to be fallback substitute for the woman Straight-Acting failed to bag. Fantasy play aside, its somewhat self-loathing to want to be the sexual mate of someone who plays sex as a straight-acting role.
The self-loathing test: Ask yourself, which are you:
a) A man (or woman) who happens to be gay (or lesbian)? OR
b) A gay man (or lesbian woman)?
February 2, 2010 at 2:50 am
There’s no difference between your two ending statements there.
I’m a gay man. I’m also a fairly tall man. I’m a white man. I’m an intelligent man (I like to think). I wouldn’t bend over backwards to call myself “a man who happens to be tall.” Why should I do the same for my gayness?
January 31, 2010 at 12:49 am
As a general rule being gay is hated, even if not on the surface but subliminally. I’m 34 and I’ve seen a huge change towards acceptance of homosexuality in my life, but we still need to come out. We have to declare we are gay or not. In a conversation the other day I realized that someone actually compared being gay to the experience of being an alcoholic, for the similarities she experienced growing up. I very quickly pointed out to her that alcoholism is a disease, being gay is your sexuality. They are not the same thing.
My point here is that I do believe that people still have the mentality that homosexuality is a type of disease that you can’t “fix”
How does this fit to the discussion here? Well we have been given the self loathing from society and how it views homosexuality. It has been ingrained in us. So it is only natural to try to fit in as much as possible, thus wanting to be straight-acting. If we are not, then we might get ridiculed, beaten, etc.
As long as we say that we want a straight-acting person, we show that we live in a sexist society that view women less then men, meaning that a feminine gay man is worse than a butch gay man.
This will continue to society gets over it and drops its fear.
February 1, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Again I say “Can’t we all just get along.” Is there some kind of rule I have to Identify everything as an anthropological study on human sexuality with emphasis on orientation and certain distinctive phraseology that distinguishes mating habits and ways of attraction on members of the same sex. ” “Is he a top or a bottom.” I see this all the time in the malls and I feel like saying” none of the above, now you are free to have a life.” If there are such rules and it’s required reading I’ll be the first to revive Nazi book burning. Why obsess on this crap? There are more important things than what “nosy people want to know.”
February 2, 2010 at 2:51 am
Is there a reason why people who choose to engage in this sort of analysis for themselves shouldn’t, just because you don’t want to? I personally find it useful to analyze how we perceive ourselves and how we interact with others. You don’t have to do it too, but that won’t stop me from doing it myself.
January 31, 2010 at 1:50 am
that’s a funny video lol
January 31, 2010 at 1:51 am
Dave, can I advertise my site on your blog? yetanotherm4m.com
January 31, 2010 at 4:02 am
I think there is a some truth to this talky blog, but also some, as a previous commenter put it, BS! I myself am a self-loathing gay. I have always wanted to be masculine, play the sports, have the girl etc. So when I look at a fem guy and I feel appalled (thats not the right word but I will use it) it does have a sense of self loathing in it. BC I see that I dont like that and I know I have it. That makes sense. But the fact that I want a masculine guy doesnt have anything to do with me self loathing myself. Im gay.. I like guys, I want a manly man not a girly one. The whole point of a guy. Thats what I am attracted to, it gets me off. I cant help it. IN the same sense, does a woman who wants a manly guy hate herself? No, that doesnt make sense. I like the raw masculine energy bc it gets me off, not BC I need it to not loathe myself. Thats ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to a masculine guy. the societal rules that make us believe there is something wrong with a guy who isnt masculine, that is whats wrong.
February 1, 2010 at 7:40 pm
The fact that you observe what doesn’t make sense MAKES sense, otherwise you wouldn’t bother about it. There was a statue of David in a theme park in Buena Park near Knots Berry Farm. It was just like the original in Italy. I had tickets to go back and discovered the penis had been given an impromtu fake fig leaf. I believe THAT to be obscene. In Germany they embrace the male body and can’t get us from the U. S. I told him ( German tourist) that we can beat a man senceless and people will cheer, kiss him they will jeer. He asked me what was the biggest selling beer here was, “I’ll pour you one, and it’s on me.” I watched as he took a sip and he said “Weak.” I said, “operative word here on many levels.” He said ,”Do you drink this?” I said” No.I prefer a lot of beers from Mexico some hard to find.” I listed them and he said that the majority of them were indeed started by Germans. He said, “I bet you didn’t know that.”" No I didn’t,’ I said.He asked me what the name of the beer he had and I told him “Coors.” Coors was the biggest seller at the time and one of the biggest boycotts of all time put the company to a mere shadow of itself by rival Budwiser. I’m proud of that German guy who told me that it wasn’t just beer that was weak in the U.S. I told him to take me with him. He left his business card and told me to look him up in Berlin. I said, “I only know French as a second language but I’ve losed my fluency.” He said” most of us know English and sometimes four others, you are better than some of your collegues as most of them have an aversian to a second language.” we said our good buyes and I remembered that my great grand father knew 6 languages as a translater during World War II. My grandfather said his father was driven to work after the war so it’s pretty obvious that he was part of OSS and later CIA. His work was never talked about. If I told my German friend of this he would of thought it a travesty of not learning at least one foreign language being of a familly that essentialy went in the Diplomatic Corps. circle. And after all that we still have “don’t ssk don’t tell” fronm the former Clinton Aministration. Lame. I meant to say–” weak.”
February 2, 2010 at 2:56 am
There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to a feminine guy either, but when you say “I want a manly man not a girly man. That’s the whole point of a man” you’re denigrating all of us who are attracted to feminine men. I’m sure that’s not your intent, but that’s part of what Davey is talking about, I think. Every time we write “No fems” or “Straight-acting” in our Manhunt profiles, we’re reinforcing the idea that the only good men are masculine ones. So when we see some femininity in ourselves (and the way our culture defines femininity, it includes being attracted to men), that’s where the self-loathing comes in. Does that make sense?
January 31, 2010 at 4:04 am
On a same note, when I look at a really butch lesbian, who wears the baggy clothes and the short spiky hair and wants to be the man in the relationship, that bugs the s**t out of me. I hate it. And I dont know why. I just want to be like YOUR A GIRL YOU ARE NOT A GUY!! Anyone feel the same way or have any insight as to why I feel that way?
February 1, 2010 at 7:44 pm
You forgot the requisite “Birkenstocks.”
January 31, 2010 at 7:38 am
No need for you to justify your feelings, garrett. ‘Coz you have discribed-exactly, the way i feel. Thank you! – - – davvi
January 31, 2010 at 9:39 am
Self-loathing is also present when one participates in negative behaviors that reinforce one’s low self-esteem (e.g., overeating). I have found that many women who are “f*g hags” (i.e., while allegedly heterosexual they enjoy the company of gay men) also tend to act out negatively and never find deep emotional relationships. Why? I’m sure there are many reasons but I’ve often wondered if some of them are closeted.
January 31, 2010 at 12:22 pm
Davey,
First of all…got a semi when YOU talked about getting a semi!! I think you are great…love your look & voice, who cares if we aren’t all “ST8-acting”…WE’RE Gay-get over yourselves already!!
Yes the media feeds the self-loathing, but when you love yourself…you see past the bullshit, no matter how chiseled, beefy,HOT it is….it’s still bullshit!!
Keep doing what you do well…we all come back for more
!!
January 31, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Didn’t need to watch it all. I know how repulsive I am. And yes, I’d like to die. I’ve overdosed, dived infront of a train. Neither worked. Somebody, please help me.
January 31, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Hey Alex,
What do you mean when you state that you know how repulsive you are? Repulsive in what way, and to whom?
Also, why do you want to die? What is it in your life that makes you feel that your life isn’t worth living?
Peace, Love, and Truth,
Todd in VA
January 31, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Alex,
I’m sorry you feel this way but seek help from a competent therapist. I tend to like social workers because they have a healthy, wholistic persepctive. I went through a terrible depression at the age of 29 when everything in my life seemed to be falling apart. I found a gay social worker who did psychotherapy and he helped me to see things more clearly and find a positive path. It changed my life. I hope it will help you, too.
I practiced medicine for a time and told my patients when they were going through rought times that there are cycles: good times and bad times; we just have to get through them. For some, the bad seems to be persistent. Ok. I accept that because some people’s body chemistry is lacking. But there are ways to deal with it: medications, psychotherapy, and support from friends, family, or a group. Go get it and keep us posted.
Everyone has something to offer. Find that kernel and nourish it.
With love,
Tom
February 1, 2010 at 3:46 am
I would also seek the help of a natural nutritionist it sounds like you have a zinc/B6 issue, and may have a histamine problem. look up dr. carl pfeiffer. His books helped my family tremendously.
February 1, 2010 at 7:47 pm
I’ll try to find that superficial gay personal add and cheer you up.
January 31, 2010 at 2:01 pm
I think the true loathing is with the effeminent gays who wish they were more masculine. Why is it that effeminent gays insist that they are the only true gays and everyone else is ‘faking it’. Live and let live.
February 2, 2010 at 2:59 am
Umm…as a slightly more effeminate guy, the only message I see from the gay community is that I should be butcher, more masculine. I feel like other gays think I’m a bad gay for not being that way. I’ve never experienced what you said, about effeminate guys thinking they’re the only true gays – only the opposite. I guess you must be around different groups of gays than I have.
February 2, 2010 at 3:47 am
Very interesting. I agree with Dean on this, that I feel pressured by gays that Im “faking it”. I was surprised to hear you get the opposite. I wonder if it is just the groups we are exposed to, or if we are projecting our views without realising.
January 31, 2010 at 2:18 pm
This was very unconvincing. Why equate effeminacy with being gay? Why link self-loathing with finding effeminacy unattractive? Why say you’re self-hating, Davey, as if you’ve been told that’s the truth by a pop psychologist? You sound like you don’t believe it at all! Self-loathing exists. Effeminacy exists. Butch idealizing exists. Linking them all in a bunch of one-way cause and effect constructs is just weak thinking. Junk the pop psychology and enjoy the indefinable complexity:-)
January 31, 2010 at 2:36 pm
I love the “old-school” style, fyi.
January 31, 2010 at 2:37 pm
Just accept people the way they are and forget the hating and loathing part. The latter does nothing to advance society which should be more enlightened at this point.
January 31, 2010 at 2:45 pm
Davey, I did not get to see the photos from your “photo shoot,” and I am sure you looked: Butch, straight, Jock-ish…..however, I for one love it when you DO talk, move your hands all around, flash that melting smile and just be Davey….it adds to your beauty, butchness, and jockyness!!!
Keep up the good work, you are always right on…
January 31, 2010 at 2:53 pm
“I think this is like our worst one…”
You hit the nail on the head there.
January 31, 2010 at 3:44 pm
What a load of crap. The simple fact is if anyone is interested in anything Feminine.. the obvious choice would be to search out “Female” attributes.. A man interested in men naturally would want a MAN.. NOT a woman.. or a man that is “feminine acting”. It defeats the purpose of what is attractive in a MAN.. to a MAN. It’s clear to me that any self loathing originates from within the ‘feminine acting’ men.. Always ready and willing to dramatize their feminine acting side, and play the victim. Drag Queens anybody? Perhaps a little example of drama and feminine “acting” characteristics there.. going hand in hand with self loathing?
In previous blogs you Davey, have voiced your secret wish to be more masculine.. You and your friend can sit there giggling and judging others as being self loathing.. oblivious to the fact that you two are coming across as mindless teenage girls trashing someone you secretly want to be.. YOU are the self loathers.. projecting your self imposed guilt on those who by your standards are only guilty of ‘acting’ like men.. Never considering the possibility that they may not be acting.. They just aren’t feminine enough to suit you are they? Nor to meet your standards.. standards that don’t allow for a natural man to be naturally attracted another natural man.. less he be accused of “acting” or self loathing.. You sound like a homophobe, only worse because you get a pass on trashing “selected” Gay men.. as I’m sure will be demonstrated shortly in follow up postings to this NON-PC posting. It’s real simple. Why in hell would anyone look for a man that acts like a woman.. If a Man was desired? If someone wants a woman.. go get a woman. In the meantime, it’s time for you to break at least this illusion.. because that’s what it is.
February 1, 2010 at 4:00 am
Thank you Jack that’s almost exactly what I was thinking! Glad to see someone say it. I feel that the fems are a smaller portion of gays but they are more visible so they are the “Face” of homosexuality, leaving the body unnoticed.
February 1, 2010 at 8:02 pm
In the word so eloquently posted to me I believe ‘Mosaic” “Ewww!” You have to add “Ickey” to that to get that full little girls playing jump rope experience. I think the more recent”Ewww-Gross. Gag me with a spoon” is more appropriate now even though it so like 80′s, like. “I’m so SURE.” “Totally” “Awesome”
February 2, 2010 at 3:03 am
Oh my goodness, what a sexist comment. Equating being female with being dramatic. But I won’t even go there, I’ll just go here:
“A man interested in men naturally would want a MAN.. NOT a woman.. or a man that is “feminine acting”. It defeats the purpose of what is attractive in a MAN.. to a MAN.”
Why do you think you can tell me what I should be attracted to? I am a man who is attracted to more feminine men. I’m not attracted to women. I don’t want to be with women. I want to be with feminine men. You’re making the mistake of taking what YOU are attracted to and claiming that EVERYONE should feel the exact same way as you. I’m glad they don’t and that there’s more diversity than that in the world.
February 2, 2010 at 10:07 pm
Justin, oh my goodness.. but you should “go there”. It may make you feel uncomfortable and you can label “sexist” if you wish, but the fact is when a man is animated, and bouncing around like a teenage girl.. over dramatizing otherwise non dramatic topics, waving his arms high above his head, with extreme gesturing and posturing.. he is exhibiting all of the elements that a male would use to dramatize a feminine side. I frankly don’t give a damn, as long as I don’t have to spend too much time around him. I know drama when I see it. Perhaps you can’t see it or maybe you just don’t want to see it. And that’s cool. But remember that the one lie you should never believe is the lie you tell yourself. And for the record I have never thought to tell you or anyone else what you should be attracted to. You may wish to interpret my words that way but you can’t find those words or those instructions in my post. What you will find is my rebuttal to the inference that if I’m not ‘feminine acting’.. I’m self-loathing. I don’t act and I’m not self loathing. I could care less if others are. The idea of talking like a teenage girl.. giggling and waving my hands above my head for no apparent reason.. is beyond my capacity to even consider doing myself. it’s just a bit too dramatic for me to engage in. And I feel uncomfortable around those guys that feel they must act like that at all times.. whether in private or in public. Beyond the drama overdose, it comes across as a “me, me me.. look at me” technique more than anything else. I’d rather look at a handsome self assured non-animated man.. one that feels no need to draw attention to himself by acting of any sort.
January 31, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Tom
Thank you for your message.
I have a fellowship group, a gay psychotherapist and a gay doctor.
I had a very bad injury in 2000 and have been suffering ever since, trust me, there is no hope.
All I need to find is a satisfactory way of committing suicide. I don’t want to feel!
Love
Alex
January 31, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Alex,
There is always hope. While your situation may not improve, your acceptance of it can. If you are in tremendous pain (physical, mental, and/or spiritual), I hope you can find the means to heal. Suicide is a terrible thing. I lost one of my best friends to suicide in 1994 and am still scarred by it. Please have hope. I will pray for you.
Love,
Tom
January 31, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Alex,
I empathize with your suffering. I do not know what levels of hell you have had to endure for the last nine years, and I do not wish to seem as if I am belittling any of that with my following comment. I can’t help but wonder if your failed suicide attempts and subsequent ability to discuss your situation in a general way is not the Universe’s way of showing you that you, Alex, are a valuable soul and that your experience–whatever it is–can be of some help on whatever level to someone else who may be going through something similar. I think that you are still on this earth for a positive purpose, and I hope you can see past the suffering to discover what that purpose is.
Kit
January 31, 2010 at 9:01 pm
Alex Cowan, like Tom, Kit and others here, i too am praying for you. And, … “Please Don’t commit suicide!!” Just remember that Davey and “All” of us “Are-here For-YOU!” Coz there has never-been a More-Loving group anywhere, than there-is here on Davey’s Blog and The Chat-Room. … And Alex, i hope you, garret, yours-truly and many-others can began to start “Loving Themselves.” i look-forward to this although i know it’s “Extremely-Difficult!!!” Love and Peace to you Alex, Davey and All-others here
’. – - – davvi
January 31, 2010 at 10:58 pm
Davvi, there is much truth in what you write. There is “community” here and by and large it is a loving one. We are all attracted by these topics because they are pertinent to our lives. I would daresay that there are few who wouldn’t be there for Alex or anyone else in time of need. So Alex, draw upon us to the extent you can. There is power in numbers. Hopefully you will somehow feel the love of this community. We will do what we can to support you. Tom
January 31, 2010 at 9:53 pm
I don’t understand why we keep talking about straight-acting and gay-acting. What we are really referring to is masculine and feminine behavior. There are many many masculine gay men out there and many feminine straight men too. Most of us don’t really fit the stereotypes. We fit somewhere in the middle.
Homo-masculine is a term I have heard some use to refer to gay men who are masculine, but it seems like another digression.
What it all boils down to is, we should all be able to be ourselves, and not let what others think make us feel bad about ourselves. As long as you are a good person, that is all that should really matter.
January 31, 2010 at 11:25 pm
Alex:I believe we exchanged emails already. If you wanna chat write me. Back
February 1, 2010 at 3:59 am
Thank you to all those who wrote back to me.
You are all very kind and loving people.
Unfortunately I do not have anybody’s email and thus would not be able to extend my thanks to each person individually.
However, thank you for making me feel better on a Monday morning. All of you are stars.
Love to you all
Alexander
February 1, 2010 at 6:24 am
Hi Alex,
I know several people who’ve been left behind by someone who took their own life. Their pain is immense and dreadful. What makes it so overpowering for them is that they loved the person who died. But that person, in their despair and loss of love for themselves, seems to have forgotten that they were loved by others. You say the people who have responded to you are very kind and loving. They are, but their message is more than that. They love you, in particular, Alex. As others do. If you hurt yourself, you hurt them and all those who care for you, as much if not more than you already do. Love is a contract. Keep your part of that contract and there is hope.
X
Rory
February 1, 2010 at 9:01 am
Alex,
I’m glad. Feel the power of love from this community of people. Talk to us and let us help you.
Please know that depression is a downward spiral. Once deep in its hold, it is difficult to see clearly. If you are approaching this abyss, let your physician know so that something can be done. If you are not making progress, you may also want to seek out different counsel. Another opinion from a trusted and competent individual never hurts.
If you don’t mind me asking, where are you located? I am in New Jersey, just across the river from New York City.
Best regards,
Tom
February 1, 2010 at 8:59 am
Thank-you so-much, Tom. Love and Peace to All, – - – davvi
February 1, 2010 at 9:06 am
My pleasure, Davvi. xoxo
February 1, 2010 at 9:26 am
Thank-you Alex, as You also, are “A Star!” And as Tom, Rory and many-others here have said, You are “Loved!” Don’t-ever forget it, Alexander. Love and Peace to All, – - – davvi
February 1, 2010 at 10:01 am
Rory
Don’t you think I’ve kept my side of the bargain for long enough?
I’m 32, had my life ripped apart at the age of 22. Am intelligent(ish), educated and interesting to speak with.
However, I am a failure and wish to die. I think it’s a myth that I’ve people around me who love me!
A
February 1, 2010 at 10:14 am
Why do you consider yourself a failure? That is EXACTLY how I felt when I was 29 and went through an involutional depression. It was AWFUL! But I learned with the aid of my therapist to understand that I had achieved a lot in my life and I was NOT a failure. It also motivated me to change a few things in my life that were holding me down. So think about this. Does it fit?
February 1, 2010 at 8:21 pm
Or may be you just turned 30 and said “Eureka.” Just say it don’t go to that God forsaken place, please.
February 1, 2010 at 8:32 pm
How can one consider themselves a failure? Isn’t that the people with inflated egos and requisite small minds to fill that job? There is not much hiring going on now. Even in flush times I wouldn’t hire them and fire them in a heartbeat. “We don’t have a position that will fill YOUR needs now or in the immediate future. I reiterate. The entire future.”
February 1, 2010 at 10:05 am
Tom
I’m in London. Just a ‘short-hop over the pond’ from you.
Could I come and visit you?
How old are you (if you don’t mind me asking!)? I’m 32
Alex
February 1, 2010 at 10:16 am
Alex, we can certainly talk about it! I am 59… I was just in London in early October. I travel a lot, too, so it’s possible we can meet along the way. My next trip is to Rome (March 5-10).
Tom
February 3, 2010 at 10:17 am
Alex, yes, you are loved. But yet, it is a myth. It’s a myth because it’s more powerful than truth. A myth because we can’t fully understand it. We love you not because of your predicament but because your despair is not yours alone. We too are frightened, and in pain, but, like you, we hang on. We hang on because, we, together, in all our depressed, wandering lives still sense its light. We love each other, and you, in spite of all our despairs. As you love us, if, when, you allow yourself to realise it. We don’t need goals, or purposes or antidotes to boredom, we need love. To be in it. You’re in it. See it, feel it, in spite of your tragedy, in spite of your self. See what you’ve done already? You, despite yourself, have evoked love in us. You’ve worked a miracle.
X
Rory
February 3, 2010 at 10:34 am
Amen, brother. A miracle has occurred.
Love,
Tom
February 1, 2010 at 10:08 am
Davy & Rory
Maybe I am loved.
Doesn’t stop me being bored to tears though!
Find me a purpose and I’ll love you back.
A
February 1, 2010 at 10:20 am
Alex – you are ripe for change. It’s written all over you. So it is your boredom that is driving you nuts. I can see why. I lost my job a year ago, sold my house, moved closer to NYC to improve my social life, and hope to move to France to operate a chambre d’hote within the next few years. If it hadn’t been for this terrible economy, I’d be there now.
So what is your purpose? You are articulate. Have you thought about writing? It doesn’t have to be as weighty a challenge as you might think. Recording your story, your path, your thoughts, your aspirations could be enough. I have been in process of writing a book for the past year. It’s more my autobiography documenting some of the things I’ve mentioned in addition to the terrible tragedies my family has suffered in terms of loss of my youngest brother, my oldest sister (a lesbian, by the way), and a brother-in-law: all in the prime of their lives. And there’s more. Where this book will take me is anyone’s guess. But it is a passion for me and if nothing else, is therapeutic.
Warm hugs,
Tom
February 3, 2010 at 10:21 am
Hi Tom
Autobiographical publishing is a great idea, and probably very useful for Alex. I’ve been doing my own journals for years, and have just found out how refined and smooth book-publishing through the internet has become. IPhoto Keepsakes, Blurb.com and Lulu.com are particularly good. You should make yours available on line when it comes out:-)
X
Rory
February 3, 2010 at 10:29 am
Thanks, Rory. I met with a book editor last summer who believes my book has good potential. But the story isn’t over yet…. It’s about my search for a loving partner.
February 1, 2010 at 8:08 pm
That a boy. Now keep going with it.
February 1, 2010 at 10:26 am
Alex Cowan, please know that Rory, Tom, Davey, many others and myself Really-Do Love You! It’s NOT a myth that you are Loved, Alex. my email: 2055666969@tmomail.net … Love and Peace to you Alex and All-others here, – - – davvi
February 1, 2010 at 11:41 am
Damn folks! I hear what you guys are saying about depression and all that. I always have had a sense of doom and since I was 28 things have slowly crashed. I used to think I was just severely depressed but recently found out it is bipolar disorder. So unbalanced feelings is the norm.
It is a downward spiral. Medicine has only helped partially but therapy has been the most helpful.
I’ll tell you though, the pain can be horrible. It just plain hurts sometimes.
Now that I depressed you all, lol I want to second the idea of therapy, and being nice to yourself.
I also like to say that all feelings are temporary and with work the future looks bright!
If all else fails, wear comfortable shoes. (And nothing else if you are davey. Tee hee hee)
February 1, 2010 at 4:23 pm
There was this hilarious ad in the personal section of a gay paper that I saw that had to be a spoof because it had all the usual superfcial gay crap in it and was very funny. If I find it I’ll post it. But meanwhile here’s my joke. Three girls go into a take out pizza joint. One says I can’t do cheese as it is too fatning. The other says I cant do the sauce as I’m allergic to tomatoes. The other says I can’t do crust as I’m on a low carb diet. The guy behind the counter say’s “Ladies do you want me to charge you $12 for a box?”
February 1, 2010 at 5:17 pm
I think the majority of us feel sorry for Chris Crocker. I believe that’s the guy that did the famous “leave Britney alone.”video. Seth Green did a famous parody of it so hilarious that I pity those who have not seen it. I think Davey says that we basically should show some love for Chris Crocker and other’s like him. I got all kinds of s**t when I said “I love the song ‘Johnny are you queer” It was being boycotted by gays the radio station who played it KROQ went off the air for a spell as a riot broke out and it turned into full police action. “I said you bag on straights being all hypocritical and two faced, I guess this proves that some of us need to get a life too.” I knew a Johnny once who loved the song. He was straight and apologized to me for liking it. I said “you don’t have to apologize as I love the song too.” He said “but..” before he could finish I kissed him and said “I might like you better.” he blushed in front of my co-workers as they cheered. He looked like a lobster right out of the pot of boiling water. I love you John Byron in-spite of you being straight and/or because. s**t. When did that song come out?
February 1, 2010 at 6:25 pm
You must like to see yourself in print because, man, this doesn’t fit the topic here….
February 1, 2010 at 8:16 pm
Yes it does. Chris Crocker is the feminine type of gay most of us are afraid of and can’t seem to shake that feeling. Stick a fork in me I’m done.
February 2, 2010 at 1:49 am
I want to see these pics…does Chris’s mag have a website…
February 2, 2010 at 3:50 am
Justin O: extremely well said!!!!
Folks let me make this simple like basic math: if you like to suck c**k you are attracted to men. If you like to clam bang then you are attracted to women. Anything else is just another flavor of love!
February 2, 2010 at 9:51 am
Very-well-said, Fluffybri! i couldn’t-have said-it better.
’ L & P, – - – davvi
February 3, 2010 at 10:40 am
Rory
Thank you.
Alex
February 3, 2010 at 10:43 am
Rory/Tom
I do feel a miracle. I feel much better.
That would not be hard, I did actually throw myself under a train in November! Anyway, I survived – fully intact!
Thanks again, take care
Alex
February 3, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Alex – I’m glad. Now let’s talk about next steps in your life… Catch me offline: tomkazoo@hotmail.com.
Tom
February 3, 2010 at 6:03 pm
And I’m on rorcal40@hotmail.com. Let’s work with what we have.
X
Rory
February 4, 2010 at 12:46 am
To: Davey, Tom, Rory, Fluffy bri, Gary Bing, Jack and Everyone-else here. Thank God we have, as-Tom-says, a “Miracle!,” with Alex. i’m “Soo-Happy
!” Love and Peace to “All,” – - davvi
February 4, 2010 at 3:13 am
Hey Peoples,
I need to say that if you can’t have 3000% confidence in every act you commit and every thing that makes up who you are well don’t do it. Everything in life is a choice. You need to be passionate about what you involve yourself in. If you have a regret about something don’t do it if it causes you feeling of guilt insecurity or doubt don’t do it. No person has bad atributes it’s whether or not you use your natural attributes in the way they were meant to be used if you are doing that every attribute you have will enrich the lives around you. Just be sure to nurture and love everypart of yourself and remove all doubts. Who we are is our choice! In every way! When you nurture yourself and you have no holes you are actually whole what every it is that comes naturally to you will be beautiful.
Kenneth R. Livingston
March 22, 2010 at 4:15 pm
LOL! When I first stumbled across ur blog and saw ur pics on the side, I though that was advertisement from another site. I didn’t kno it was Davey Wavey himself. Then, I was expecting you to be more masculine, and when I start hearing u speak, I was like “on what!”. I was still intrigued though, but I get what u mean in this video. I found myself wanting to be a lil more masculine, I’m not really feminine either. Like, if u met me, u wouldn’t suspect me too be gay and no one has, but idk, I just see what u mean as far as wanting to look more straight as being a self-hating motivation. I usually do like the masculine types like me, or even more so. now, I kinda kno why.