I hate when im out in public in a str8 bar and people are throwing around the term “f*g, queer, homo” Then they have the nerve to say “Oh s**t your gay right, does that offend you when I say those words?” I politely reply with “It doesnt offend me at all, I just feel bad that your so ignorant, and feel the need to use those words in your everyday vocab”
Other then that, I dont think much offends me. I do welcome any of my friends or friends of friends to ask me respectful questions about my life. I rather somebody ask questions then assume, but I can understand why some people do assume the worse about people because there are people out there that give others a bad name.
Dave have you ever been asked “Have you found God”? Cause I was asked Monday nite by my own cousin.
Well,gee. He should have put (sic) after found if you want to be tecnical but he probably digressed thinking that any one who found religion was probably ignorant, so he showed a little class and put the whole line in quotes. Sheesh.
I forgive you…. since i became your facebook friend when you opened the account on facebook…!!!! :P
Although the way you point these matters is a bit funny which leads to be more pleasant, your answers can’t be more true… Why straight people are so narrow-minded? I can’t agree more with your answers, they are absolutely true, but the unfortunate is that even though the answer is in front of them they can’t see it…
Thanks for this video and thanks for you being you….
Someone once asked me “Why would you choose to be something that is pretty much a one way ticket to hell?” Wow, there are SOOO many things wrong with that question. Can someone answer me why sexual preferance is such an issue? Like, i like red over blue, cats over dogs, hot water over cold water, gucci over prada, and dick over p***y. Why is this a big deal?
You should not use the term “sexual preferance”. By using the world preferance you are implying that you prefer (Choice) the same sex. Using the term sexual orientation is far more likely to imply that you are born gay and not chose to be gay.
I dont think preference necessarily indicates a choice at all. If I prefer the color blue to orangem, that is my prefernnce but it isnt really my choice that I like it better. It just happens to appeal to me more. But I do think sexual preference isnt the best word to use either, BC it does indicated that you could do either. I like orange but I prefer blu better. Its like I like women and am attracted to them but I would rather have a man. Not the truth
sorry for the typos. When you are typing in your stuff the text box gets bigger and the “Join Davey Wavey Facebook Fan Club” thing gets in the way and you cant see what you are typing.
Not that it is a funny BC it is so ridiculous question, but more almost offensive BC it is so person, I get the “are you the catcher or receiver”. And people dont even realize how personal it is. Like going to a girl and saying do you swallow or spit. Also, I think it is crazy how being gay is so gross to people BC of anal sex, when A LOT of straight couples have anal sex and A LOT of straight guys like things up their buts. More than you would ever think. I know a lot of people who either enjoy it often or have at least tried it. hypocritical.
You are so right, there are some things we can ask
or discuss/tell each other, but it’s not appropriate
for str8s, especially strangers, to ask such intimate
questions. It’s like it’s okay for African Americans to use
the N word but not a white guy.
But I would, and I suspect many gays would, talk about the
intimate things we do in certain settings with sincere
str8 guys, and with curious or bi-curious guys under the same
conditions.
BTW, I’ve read a very credible study the reported that 40%
of women have experienced anal sex. I may be the ignorant
one, but can any of you tell me anything we do that heteros
don’t do a version of?
Anyway, I’ve been one of the lucky ones never to be inundated with questions like this. I think its because I’m so ‘straight’ acting? But I hate labels.
I do remember one time being asked if I was the women or the man of the relationship, I just stared at the guy and said “Now you’re trying to make me an oxymoron!”
He looked confused and walked away. But most likely because I was outside a club smoking and I had a few already (Scottish accents suck after drink) so I probably said “Arr yoo trn’n m into oxehmrnn”
Oh! I was listening to the song Fireflies by Owl City today and it made me think of you Davey. You should listen to it, it’s freaking epic! =D
My question is actually how would you/one respond when asked such a question?
While still being polite and sensible…
I’ve been asked ALL those questions when my mom found out and I was just like >.> If I try to counter anything she would just bring in religion and morals into it even though morals differ from people to people…
Some straight people ask gay people stupid questions because they have NO understanding of what it’s like to be gay. I suppose it’s like if you met a Martian and you had NO idea what it’s like to be a Martian, you would ask them stupid questions. So we should forgive straight people for asking stupid questions about what it’s like to be gay and try to educate them. I guess. It’s just that it’s so damn annoying.
Some days I think being gay is a blessing because it forces you to be more understanding of all the variations of humanity. And some days it’s a curse because you’re in a very misunderstood minority trying to function in a larger society. To be accepted, you have to be perfect in almost every other way, like Davey Wavey. Good days, bad days.
I really don’t understand or enjoy when people around me blurt out “that’s gay” or “you’re so gay” *not to me*, it’s second nature to some people and it really ticks me off, especially when they think they can say it because they “know” me and so it implies that it’s ok. I though need to make myself heard because I just sit back and listen without actually commenting on it. But what do you say besides shut the fkk up? Especially when it’s some of my employees who are mindless morons to start with?
I’ve been in that situation to with the same phrases. The first to to remember that they ARE ignorant, and often morons to boot. They are unable to be aware and sensitive when interacting. Just be thankful you are their employer and not vice versa. Then even the business might go under.
Although it’s hard to see it this way when it’s said in your presence, but in a way it’s a “left-handed” compliment.
Haha!!! Davey the end of this video was freaking hilarious! I’ll admit, now I HAVE to find you on facebook. After that little performance it’s worth it. And I love that you made this video…I’m totally pasting it to my facebook for everyone to watch!
I always find it quite funny (rather than annoying) when any non-gay guy finds out that two men can have sex facing each other. With their assumption being that anal sex can only happen with one guy facing away from the other, doggy style. I think this assumption leads a lot of people to believe that gay sex is rather impersonal. And I always try to correct the assumption.
I think it’s good that people are asking these questions. It’s better than assuming the negative, right? At least Davey’s fictional meat-head straight guy now knows that gay guys don’t assign gender roles in their relationships, don’t want to date/have sex with every guy, don’t have a choice, etc etc. Surely stupid questions are better than perpetual ignorance?
I’m even more surprised when I tell gay people you don’t even have to do anal, frottage kicks ass (pun wholly intended). not that i’m 100% against a good pounding just not all the time.
Even worse is a guy who identifies himself as gay and asks me “How do you do a four way? I resisted the ‘temptation’ of inviting three of my friends and showing him because I could have asked just two of them and asked him to join. I obviously didn’t do that because good sex means a good personality/attitude/imagination is required by me and I found him lacking on all fronts. The guys I would have asked over are all married with children. So when it comes to man on man sex and love no one in my book lays claim to it with a label of being gay or straight. There was a famous routine on Scrubs where they did a musical on man love where one of the lines was when his buddy was in me (during an operation) and felt the love, but not in a gay way. Zack Graff reminded Ross the intern on Jay Leno of that show saying how he can relate to the man love but not quite the same way he does. You c**t Zack.If you don’t get the back of my hand a la bitch slap, then you’ll get the famous late Bea Arthur line ‘God will get you for that one.”
“So you’re telling me that any relationship you enter into is going to be based around sex.” (My mother when I came out to her)
She thought that just because I’m physically attracted to guys that I was going to instantly become a slut. I tried to point out that most hetero relationships start because the people are physically attracted to each other, but she’s still kind of in the dark ages. I’m doing my best to educate her so she won’t spread her ignorance around anymore…
That’s similar to me, too.
My mom told me “to be careful of AIDs”
Who exactly am I getting it from? I don’t have a boyfriend yet and it’s not like I’m going to go sleep around with a bunch of random guys…
That’s like my mom telling me she preferred my dark skinned friend over my light skinned one. She wanted Marc to take a hike, I think she wanted Denny all to herself. I could go to Marc’s house without even knocking on the door, Denny’s I wasn’t even allowed in the driveway, his single parent father I overheard tell him so. I don’t know if Denny ever came out to his father but he hanged with openly gay friends. His father never trusted me. When we would go bowling I asked one day when my mom would drive a bunch of my friends home (all stunningly cute guys, so she got it without me coming out to her. I think she preferred it that way)that I wanted her to meet his father and tell him that she enjoyed her son over at our house and that he was welcome anytime. She did. And when she took me home she eluded that he wasn’t welcome anytime, only when a parent was present. I said well that’s a new situation now isn’t it? She had nothing more to say on the subject and was visibly miffed. Denny came over when I was alone not long after. I said that the same situation is here too, we are not allowed alone at each other’s houses and your Dad was the start of it. He started to get pissed recounting a story of how a great time he had with a friend romping around in the nude on a remote beach in Mexico that his father took him to and that we could have such great times as well. I told him ” I’m honoring your father and you should do the same.” He kissed me on the forehead and he started to tear up and I said ” Come over here when my Mom is here, she REALLY likes you.” Laughter. Tears to laughter in mere seconds, one of my gifts I love to share. My next door neighbor, Beverly, had a crush on me and my Dad always told me after I moved from the house she always asked about me and wanted me over for a visit even if her husband and/or son was not around. So Denny my laughter on that is really for you.
I have been asked a number of times from straight guys “So… what do you guys do?”…. What do we do? What the heck to they think we do? We do exactly what you think we do because thats what we like to do when we have relations with another man (or woman if you are Lesbian)… I find it amazing that some straight guys want to know in detail what we do. Are they interested? Do they want to come out and this is their way to find out what they need to do?
I have a ‘straight’ couple that are the gayest couple I know! She looks and acts like a lesbian… he looks and acts like a gay man… but they have been together for almost 10 years and even admit to looking and acting like a gay and lesbian… but love each other and live together as a straight couple. I am waiting for the day they both discover who they truly are and all hell breaks loose!
Honestly I just hate it when people ask IF i’m gay. I often reply “does it matter one way or the other?” and I don’t know if this is a polite canadian thing, but after I say that they realise what a dick they are and apologise for asking. It pisses me off because what business is it of yours, and no matter what people say about it not being a big deal they always treat me different when I confirm their suspicion.
The only notion of choice surrounding this whole discussion of sexual orientation is one of acceptance.
Listening to one’s inner voice, loving and then trusting one’s self enough to come out and say: “I am gay.” That’s a choice and it has to be made with courage. It’s huge!
So my answer to anyone asking “why did you choose to be gay?” would have to be: “I chose to accept myself for who I am: a loving, caring individual who is GAY!”
Not anymore than your “choice” to be straight. I defer to that tee shirt I saw on a guy I wanted to rip off literally right there that said “It’s ok to be straight.”
I already subscribe to your daily blog and your you tube contributions. What advantage is there to be your Twitter or Face Book friend as well? I love you, Davey, but I don’t want to O.D. on you! (lol)
This question blew me away.
A gay friend of mine had to go into hospital for day surgery to have a colonoscopy.
A straight friend of mine asked me if I thought the doctor could tell if my friend was gay when he did the colonoscopy.
The assumptions in the question were amazing.
I just said I didn’t know.
What else could I say in a state of shock?
Thanks Davey Wavey for another great talky blog; they just keep getting better.
If they get it up the ass or use a dildo trust me, they do. I live in Long Beach Ca. “We are everywhere, deal.” They know they can save on KY. I’ve overheard and had them even tell me so of the “advantage.”
1.) “Does it bother you that Christians hate you?” Answer: I’m a Christian and no, they don’t hate me. The ones that do, aren’t.
2.) “That’s so gay… well, I mean in the stupid way not the guys liking guys way.” Answer: I know what you mean… that’s so breeder… but not in the pre-programmed man on woman ignorant way.
3.) “Do you ever wish you were normal?” Answer: I’m the most norml person I know. Do you ever wish you follwed your own way and not what society told you to do?
4.) “If you could take a straight pill, would you?” Answer: Only if you took a smart pill. You go first.
5.) “Do you think you’re gay because your dad didn’t spend time with you as a child?” Answer: Cart, meet horse. My dad didn’t spend time with me as a child because he thought I was gay already.
6.) “Why do you want special rights?” Answer: I want the same rights dumbasses like you get.
7.) “I think it’s fine if you’re that way, but why do they have to show it in public?” Answer: I know what you mean, but could you take your finger out of your girlfriend while you ask me that?
8.) “Is it true that most gays can’t commit to a regular relationship?” Answer: I don’t know, what did your 3rd wife think about that?
9.) “Why do all gay men workout so much?” Answer: Because we know there will be straight married men cruising us in the locerrooms.
10.) “Why do you boys always take your shirts off at dance clubs?” Answer: Because male breasts are the most beautiful thing in the free world, praise God!
I often vacation with groups of gay guys (usually in the Caribbean). When out in public we are often stopped and asked “Where are your women”? This has always offended me and for a long time, I had no good reply. Now, I look them in the eye, and tell them that we are a support group of men who have all lost our wives to cancer, and “Thank you for reminding us that we are alone”. I know this is wrong, but it shuts them up every time, and the looks on their faces, are well, precious! Also, maybe they will think twice before asking intrusive questions of strangers in the future.
That’s cruel, but I’ve got a better one. There was this super high end restaurant a bunch of us guys went to. ( called the Velvet Turtle, for those who want to reminisce) we were having a gay old time laughing and just being not so too gay we had to really force ourselves from giggling like little girls which was making it even worse. I had to remind my friends that we were indeed across the street from the North Court in Fullerton, and we’d better butch it up like yesterday. Just then this old guy (too old to still be employed as a judge thank God) comes over to our table and says “Where are the women?” He says it directly to me as I’m dressed for the occasion ( I’m old school and even living in So. Cal longer defer to their renegade status and respect them for it it is after all a California thing and they respect me for making them look the other way whether there is a actual dress code or not, they after all get me into all the backstage parties , so there)) and my friends, hardly. He assuming we’re going Dutch or that I was taking care of the bill adds, “Oh I see you can’t afford them.” I reply, ” I’m speaking for myself and not my colleagues which you’ll have to poll individually when I say you can’t afford me either.”( they all nodded in agreement and I winked at the one who actually dabbled in that , never telling the others of it.) All ears and eyes were on our table as raucous laughter ensued. One guy stood up and toasted us and said “Your drinks are on me.” The waiter came up and said “not only are your drinks taken care of but your entire table’s meal will be taken care of by a patron who wishes to be anonymous, and this bottle of champagne is on the house.” Barely sipping the first glass more bottles came. I told the waiter “That if you served all this to us a large car would have to be provided to take us all home and even then it would not be pretty.” He said “We don’t intend to. You are free to take it all home.” I said “That won’t even be necessary and stood up and said if anyone wanted a glass of champagne to flag the waiter with the glasses.” I said to the waiter “I hope you don’t mind as I can do it myself.” The waiter came back and said management albeit flattered wishes me to do it and I will, the pleasure being all mine. My friends got pissed as they wanted me to bring the champagne back home so they can enjoy it as it was theirs too. I reminded them that A. I was shorted when it was my turn to pay last time. B. The champagne you guys are used to Andre and Jacques Bonnet isn’t and this is. C. The meal was actually not comped by the management but by a patron “that found me engaging” quoting the waiter. D. Free deserts will be provided with any of my group if I’m in attendance in the future. ( Alas that was not to pass as the restaurant itself came to pass, and my “legendary” appearance at the Velvet Turtle was mine and it’s swan song.)E. I own this you guys be sure to leave a big tip. (one was left but it was added to the bill by the anonymous benefactor. I can only assume that one of the guys took it for himself because I don’t believe the waiter or management to be that greedy.
Michael Wichael nice list, goes well with Davie’s talky…
I like #8, My Brother asked a question of me, simmular to that. He became silent when I mentioned he was preparing for his 5th wife and none of his marriages had lasted as long as George and I had.
Great inductive reasoning on the vid there Davey. You should come to law school! I find that as a law student, I get the gay marriage question often. What do you think about the courts ruling on gay marriage?
I suppose this is a natural question since I am expected to have an opinion. It shocks people when they find that I don’t think any court should be able to rule on marriage in the first place. We are not negotiating marriage here, we are negotiating rights. I can get married to anyone just the same as a straight couple, but the right to have the same privileges as straight couples and be recognized by the government as a union of two individuals committing their lives and hearts to each other is important. The courts should rule on the rights of individuals to have equal privileges under both state and federal law.
My question other is “Why haven’t the courts already ruled on this anyway!!!” In several opinions the court alludes to marriage and especially gay marriage as being a “fundamental right.” Former Justice O’Connor especially makes this clear in her concurring opinion in Lawrence v. Texas.
If the constitution provides these “fundamental rights” then they should be extended equally to both straight and gay couples. This is not a question about religion. Remember that little part in the constitution about establishment? Yeah, when we exclude gay couples from government rights (especially joint tax filing), we are interjecting a religious viewpoint into the laws of this country.
Its not about religion, its not about morality. Its about business, money, and the legal definition of marriage and a few other words. I don’t expect a law student to understand but you should have the books/resources to figure it out. Dig out your blacks, and read it.
Gee. Whatever happened to the notion people (Most, I would like to think) marry out of love and are finished seeking out other partners. Why would gender be in the equation as any different?
“Why do you think there has to be gay rights?” is one of the most obnoxious questions you can ask a gay person. I don’t feel there has to be “gay rights”, I feel there has to be respect for people in general, no matter the gender, age, religion, ethnic background or gender preference.
I really found your imitation of a straight dude almost too sexy.( Can there really be such a thing?) I knew this guy Tony who changed it to “Toni,” his drag stage name until he changed it to “Serena” named after Samantha’s crocheter’s sister from “Bewitched. He actually had quite a likeness in looks and personality to the character and some of my friends saying “The sad thing is he looks better as a woman than as a man.” Sad but true, but I’d be the last person to publicly admit it. After one of his shows we’d go out to this “truckers diner” off the 405 in Westminster which is now a In and Out Burger. When the guys would get all hot for him in the diner with his sultry slutty outfits (which he always kept the tags on so he could return/exchange them) he would call out to them in the straightest deepest manly voice possible “Hey man. What’s happening?” we’d have so much fun over that most of my friends would giggle as I would sit there with them rolling my eyes in apparent boredom because it was really starting to get old with me even the whole drag thing becoming a drag. Some hunky guy came up to me and said “Your with them, and you enjoy that s**t?” I said it can be mildly amusing for me at times, but I’m finding you MORE than mildly amusing to me now.” “f**k you”,he said. I said “That can be arranged.” The whole restaurant went “Oooooh!” He threatened to fight me and I said that it will have to be in the parking lot and if he didn’t notice I was bigger than him in probably more ways than one and he would probably get off on it, as I faked motioned taking my pants down he started to blush lobster red. Everyone noticed and a guy from the restaurant asked me to leave. We were basically done anyway just shooting the breeze and the staff was glad to see us go, taking up valuable space not making any revenue. so as I left the door I said “Gee this is a lifetime milestone for me and I’m sizing the moment, I’ve been kicked out of better dumps!” I yelled.(actually not true, I’ve never been kicked out of a dump or otherwise and not even that one as I was pretty much on my way out when the announcement came to me anyway, he was being a bit premature, especially when he recognized me sometime later and did not ask me to leave then.)one of my friends said “Did you notice him eyeing you in the parking lot as we left, there was no hate there, quite the opposite.” My other friends pretty much conquered and deferred to me for an answer so I said “He pussed out. It was his move on the chess board of life and the souffle sank just about the same time as my hard on. One of the guys grabbed my crotch ( Even guys I don’t really care for can get away this, I think it should be a substitute for a hand shake. Call me a slut.) and said “He was tenting before and he’s soft now, the air is out of his sail.” “My souffles never fall but this one did along with my c**k.” “He wants you,” one of my friends said. I said “Poor boy. My rates start at $500+, and if he’d only asked me in the parking lot it would have been on the house.” They all laughed. My secret on that I will now reveal. (but not the subsequent offer)If it is about money for sex I start them at $500 if they are the slightest too quick to accept that I jump it to $1500 if they accept that (usually having to go to the bank in the morning, one said his ATM would dispense that kind of money–later I found out some actually will with some accounts. I was even asked if I take credit cards–some hooker boys had imprinters now they say we can get instant approval from a wireless device now that when the battery went dead I could to a DC through the John’s cigarette lighter in his old car, now there are ports for them.)Then when it appeared that I became Monty Hall on Let’s Make a Deal I would say, “Not feeling it for rich dudes now.” ( A lie. Not then, now or ever.) If a guy wanted to deal me down from the $500 I’d usually say ” You are so sweet, so cute and really don’t need to pay for it.” ( most of the time that was not a lie.) I did have the shock of my life once this guy was coming on to me heavily on one of my infamous late night time strolls on the beach ( I lived so close that the cops quit hassling me one telling another “He’s told me unlike myself who needs a weapon he says he does not. I actually believe the boy.” I said “Look who’s calling the kettle black. Who’s the boy? Wanna exchange licences and find out? “”See what I mean,” he said to the other cop. I had been attempted a mugging twice but I am a soldier of love and my weapon is in my pants. One of them the guy was trying to walk off with my late grandfather’s vintage Pendleton. I made him an offer of a new one in my closet that he couldnt refuse. I went to my closet to get it and he left not speaking a word of English but only the universal body language of ‘Take this dude and you, it or both may be destroyed.” Yes love does conquer all. I saw him walking east on the beach and he was running from me in terror. I tackled him, kissed him and gave him my new shirt with the tags still on it. I left him sobbing.)this guy wants to go home with me and I was tired and wanted to go straight to bed and I gave him the look dude you can sleep with me but all I’m good for is cuddling now, I wasn’t anticipating a morning f**k and a subsequent make him breakfast, more like take him to a restaurant and drive him home kind of thing. He said in bed that he’s not free and I said that neither are me and since a price wasn’t even discussed that makes you a cheap hooker and then the only difference we have is the price charged and I’m not a buyer not now or ever, and said you know your way out. There’s a first for everything.What I hate more than anything is the guys that say “Do you dress up in woman’s clothes?” I answered “I knew a young man who did until I was done with him. I pointed out his quite masculine attributes and caressed them in front of everybody in a party. I then picked him up and took him to my room when I noticed he wore boxers I went out with them in the living room stark naked and threw them in a friend’s face and said “you won’t be seeing that guy doing drag again he’s too masculine for it.” I broke him of it like a bad habit.
I don’t believe that (for the most part) people ask these questions to be annoying or offensive. Regardless, I think it serves us better to treat them respectfully and answer their questions as truthfully as we can. If they are asking, chances are they’re willing to hear the answer. Giving them a straightforward answer could create some understanding. To do otherwise is to contribute to ignorance and to grow the rift between ‘us’ and ‘them’.
Even if a person is trying to stir up s**t, I’d rather treat them with respect; not because they have respect for me but because I am respectful, period. I think we set a better example to everyone when we show restraint, understanding nd kindness even in the face of ignorance.
I agree with you. I, you, we should foster respect for ourselves and others. There’s too much dissing in the world today. We gays are so often the objects of others disrespecting us. We have the opportunity to take the highroad not so others will accept or “like” us but because that’s the way we are “the best we can be” as human beings.
By answering questions that seem moronic and ignorant, guys who are trying to figure out who they are, may be helped. In fact by respecting some “bi-curious” who ask such questions, I have found 3 good friends that I wouldn’t have had it just blown them off.
>>I don’t believe that (for the most part) people ask these questions to be annoying or offensive. Regardless, I think it serves us better to treat them respectfully and answer their questions as truthfully as we can. If they are asking, chances are they’re willing to hear the answer. Giving them a straightforward answer could create some understanding. To do otherwise is to contribute to ignorance and to grow the rift between ‘us’ and ‘them’
Good answer, being civilized doesn’t hurt. People grow up in a hetero culture and really don’t know or understand. Also, this really can help people that are still confused about their own orientation and diffuse and educate those that are open but uneducated. And you might make a few friends along the way too
Why not lead the way, let people know that you are just as normal as they are. Being straight is just as normal as bi, or gay. Or hermaphrodite/intersex. These states of being are simply a part of the human experience and have been within humanity as long as there has been humanity.
There is a loooong range of what is masculine and feminine and there is no intelligent way to deny the reality of it. Lotsa not so bright and very limiting ways using culture and religion.
JT, This is Sebastian. If you “…you’re an idiot” comment is directed at me, I’m sorry to hear it. I’d like to know why you think I’m an “idiot.” If your comment was not directed at me, I suspect the other guy might appreciate something more than your short comment. Seb
Chris Pirello of his famous “Geeks” blog was erroneously pegged as the person who was attributed to the term “unfriend.” So he has the dubious distinction as having that as part of Andy Warhol’s concept of 15 min. of fame, even do to FOX News’ bad, sloppy reporting they put his picture over the air anyway. That was the new word of the year last year, my friend , use it with my blessing.
that’s quite a question! never thought of it! As I’ve said earlier, whether I’d answer any of the questions raised her would depend on the person and setting or situation.
I guess THIS question would need to be answered by a gay who is a top and has done it to both males and females or a bi-curious who has done the same thing.
I thought the best person to ask is a woman who has both. So I asked a female friend who we were having dinner with, after giving her a little background. She laughed so much tears were running down her cheeks. She tried to talk but was laughing, I’m not sure why it was THAT funny. Finally I asked her if that was going to have to be her answer and she nodded. Still couldn’t talk. Called her this morning about dog sitting this weekend and she volunteered her answer. She was still laughing but said that each was different – of course. Was I mixed up, could she explain? Anyway, we had a good laugh.
Congrats on coming out to your friend. Most of us experience relief (and joy) that by telling another we are able not only get their affirmation, we realize we’ve affirm our own selves as well.
Still, as others on this list have said, you will know when to tell others. You must have just “felt it was time” to tell your friend. You can get that same sense with regard to your parents. As others have also said, if you really think things won’t go well, you might need to wait until you’re out to more good who can support you.
Realize two things: 1) once you’ve told one person, the news will spread, and 2) Some, including your Mom and/or Dad, may already “know” or suspect that you are gay. Take that into account in deciding when & how to tell them (together or one at a time).
I don’t know any statistics on it, but I suspect that relatively few parents will be totally accepting upon hearing your (good) news. I really don’t think the majority of parents begin to hate their sons and kick them out either.
But I do think many, many, parents don’t know how to react initially. This can be a very new experience for them. They are often scared and confused, they often blame themselves for “making you gay” by something they feel they did or didn’t do. Many conservative or evangelical Christian parents might initially think you are “going to hell.” If that is the case, don’t argue the Bible with them. Most likely nothing you say at that moment will convince them.
PERSONALLY, I began when things were quiet and there were no great tensions in our home. I’d tell them how much you love and respect them (if you do), and let them know it’s important for you to be honest and open with them; that you want them to know better who you are. If they respond very negatively, merely say “Thank you” and leave the scene. If necessary, go to your room and beat your fists on the bed or cry and sob as long as you need to. But let the hurt out. That might be a time to call a close friend and let it out with him/her. You should have a toll-free number of a hot-line just in case you need it.
If they say, “it’s just a phase,” or “you just don’t know yet,” or “you’re just confused,” or “you need to date more girls before you will know for sure,” or “you need to pray more,” or “you can change…,” first, remember that most of these ideas result from their own confusion and uncertainty. Second, if you already know, accept, (and even like) the fact that you are gay, just firmly say. I’ve considered some of these things, I KNOW that I’m gay. I know that I will never change because it’s not a choice. Don’t argue with them or try to “explain” it to them at this time. They won’t fully understand. Only those of us who are also gay really know the essence of what it is to be gay.
Having said all this, trust your heart and do what you must do to be true to yourself. Remember too, in one way or another we have all had to walk this path. You will too!!
ive been asked that first question-plus a line such as this-you can change.im a gay male-i dont beleive in labels-and im gay-i can never change what i am.its a gift from God.
Here’s the annoying thing. In my first few years at school, I was forever denying that I was gay (of course, I hadn’t realised that I was gay at this point).
Then when I came out, I was forever denying that I was straight. All those guys have been saying to me that if I haven’t done it with anyone, how do I know I’m gay?
Have they ever heard of feelings? Being gay is more than about doing it with other guys. It’s about sharing a strong connection and feelings for another guy. Isn’t that right?
The only things some gay men are interested in is a hard c**k and/or a tight ass. But there are many of us who have a broader and fuller attraction to other guys. Don’t get me wrong, I am very passionate and sexual, I get attracted to whole men. That makes for great relationships if is mutual, but often leads to a lot of hurt.
I dont advertise or hide the fact that I am gay.My partner of ten years and I live a pretty ordinary life,I dont think we define ourselves by being gay,rather its just a part of what makes us,not the sum of what we are.When people realise I am gay,I use the word realise because to say find out would imply I hide that aspect of myself which I do not.
Its amazing how many say that I dont look or act gay which amuses me,they must obviously have some kind of stereotype in mind.How would it be if I said to a heterosexual guy,I didnt realise you were straight.They would assume I meant they appear gay, not the case,I could have assumed they were asexual,bisexual,transexual,,,,and many more.
I hate being stereotyped in that way.
Likewise my partner is about a foot taller than me,very athletic and competative,black and looks gorgeous.When people realise we are a couple you can see the look of utter confusion on their faces.Amuses me no end.
but you are NOT born gay!!! i think sexual orientation is just learnt. another social construct from society. you are not born gay nor straight, you’re not born a male nor a female. these things are not a part of your identity. they’re just learnt over the course of life. however, since society adopted the heterosexual and the clear-cut gender (either male OR female, no transsexual) as the normative, we are then called gay, lesbians and all kinds of labeling that put us on the side.
sexual orientation has no implicit meanings to whether it is innate or acquired.
I love this!!! Very cool, very straight forward. It’s great that you can reply to all the ignorance with such light-hearted humor. Maybe your next video blog should be about “Ice breakers for straight guys in a gay encounter” or something to that effect. Although I am not gay I can definitely appreciate where you are coming from. My adopted gay son posted this on his wall and I’m glad he did. My friend and I are still wiping our eyes (from how hard we were laughing). Can’t wait for your next blog.
If you are both the “men” in the relationship and not the woman then why do you act like women??? Talk like them,,,move your hands around when our talking like them,,,and do prissy things like them??? And the voice,,,why the voice??? Doesn’t matter if your a body builder or weight 250 lbs you all have a woman style voice and valley girl wo-mentality,,,you all get offended in public and in bars when people say the things they do,,,but we are offended when men act like woman,,,you can talk all day about being born gay but stop and think how we all got here,,,wasn’t from being gay,,,we contribute to the human species,,,it’s natural for man and woman to be together,,,that’s how this machine works… and Michael Wichael wrote
1.) “Does it bother you that Christians hate you?” Answer: I’m a Christian and no, they don’t hate me. The ones that do, aren’t. Sorry to tell you bud,,,but in any christian bible you look in it blatantly says men shall not lay with men and women shall not lay with women,,,Unless your one of the hypocrites who just go to church to show your face or go just too make yourself feel better,,,your supposed to go to church to learn,,,not just to say you went… I am not trying to be rude,,,just speaking my mind as everyone else did…
when I pass someone in my car on the highway, I say “you just got f*g passed bitches!” I think its really funny especially because i drive a really old toyota.
Better. If you see something “Too tacky for words,” you say, “That’s sooo heterosexual.” Your straight buds will love you for that, guaranteed. I’ve even bagged a few after that one.
I do what John Waters does ( I didn’t know it at the time and a friend of mine acused me of copying it. I said “It’s free speech and in the public domain just like the Lord and Lady Douchebag routine was my idea from an ignorant twit wanting to impress me with her knowlege of wine that backfired, and a guy over heard the conversation and asked me if he could use it. I said you will have to leave out the wine reference because I was actually friendly digging Chateau Lynch Bages a 5Th growth Bordeau which should be a second at the least which will probably be reclassified a such long after my lifetime. Any reference to a wine or winery owned by Lord and Lady Douchebag will almost guarantee a lawsuit.)when I see joggers no mater obese or not I yell out the window of the car “It’s not working.”
February 25, 2010 at 5:32 pm
I hate when im out in public in a str8 bar and people are throwing around the term “f*g, queer, homo” Then they have the nerve to say “Oh s**t your gay right, does that offend you when I say those words?” I politely reply with “It doesnt offend me at all, I just feel bad that your so ignorant, and feel the need to use those words in your everyday vocab”
Other then that, I dont think much offends me. I do welcome any of my friends or friends of friends to ask me respectful questions about my life. I rather somebody ask questions then assume, but I can understand why some people do assume the worse about people because there are people out there that give others a bad name.
Dave have you ever been asked “Have you found God”? Cause I was asked Monday nite by my own cousin.
February 26, 2010 at 9:10 am
@ david t,
good gawd, learn grammar. if someone asks me if i have found god,
i say i didn’t know he/she was lost
February 26, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Well,gee. He should have put (sic) after found if you want to be tecnical but he probably digressed thinking that any one who found religion was probably ignorant, so he showed a little class and put the whole line in quotes. Sheesh.
February 25, 2010 at 5:50 pm
I forgive you…. since i became your facebook friend when you opened the account on facebook…!!!!
:P
Although the way you point these matters is a bit funny which leads to be more pleasant, your answers can’t be more true… Why straight people are so narrow-minded? I can’t agree more with your answers, they are absolutely true, but the unfortunate is that even though the answer is in front of them they can’t see it…
Thanks for this video and thanks for you being you….
Your Greek Friend
February 25, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Someone once asked me “Why would you choose to be something that is pretty much a one way ticket to hell?” Wow, there are SOOO many things wrong with that question. Can someone answer me why sexual preferance is such an issue? Like, i like red over blue, cats over dogs, hot water over cold water, gucci over prada, and dick over p***y. Why is this a big deal?
February 25, 2010 at 6:05 pm
You should not use the term “sexual preferance”. By using the world preferance you are implying that you prefer (Choice) the same sex. Using the term sexual orientation is far more likely to imply that you are born gay and not chose to be gay.
February 25, 2010 at 6:20 pm
I dont think preference necessarily indicates a choice at all. If I prefer the color blue to orangem, that is my prefernnce but it isnt really my choice that I like it better. It just happens to appeal to me more. But I do think sexual preference isnt the best word to use either, BC it does indicated that you could do either. I like orange but I prefer blu better. Its like I like women and am attracted to them but I would rather have a man. Not the truth
February 25, 2010 at 6:22 pm
sorry for the typos. When you are typing in your stuff the text box gets bigger and the “Join Davey Wavey Facebook Fan Club” thing gets in the way and you cant see what you are typing.
February 26, 2010 at 4:10 pm
Brent, You’re right on target as was Davey when
Davey (and a lot of us say)”I chose to be gay at
the same age you chose to be str8.”
Hehe, how many of you guys remember, not when you
“realized” you are gay, but when you “chose” to be gay?
February 25, 2010 at 6:17 pm
Not that it is a funny BC it is so ridiculous question, but more almost offensive BC it is so person, I get the “are you the catcher or receiver”. And people dont even realize how personal it is. Like going to a girl and saying do you swallow or spit. Also, I think it is crazy how being gay is so gross to people BC of anal sex, when A LOT of straight couples have anal sex and A LOT of straight guys like things up their buts. More than you would ever think. I know a lot of people who either enjoy it often or have at least tried it. hypocritical.
February 26, 2010 at 4:42 pm
You are so right, there are some things we can ask
or discuss/tell each other, but it’s not appropriate
for str8s, especially strangers, to ask such intimate
questions. It’s like it’s okay for African Americans to use
the N word but not a white guy.
But I would, and I suspect many gays would, talk about the
intimate things we do in certain settings with sincere
str8 guys, and with curious or bi-curious guys under the same
conditions.
BTW, I’ve read a very credible study the reported that 40%
of women have experienced anal sex. I may be the ignorant
one, but can any of you tell me anything we do that heteros
don’t do a version of?
February 27, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Seb are you saying its ok to have a double standard about black people using n****r, but not whites?
February 25, 2010 at 6:27 pm
:O You said the f**k word!
Anyway, I’ve been one of the lucky ones never to be inundated with questions like this. I think its because I’m so ‘straight’ acting? But I hate labels.
I do remember one time being asked if I was the women or the man of the relationship, I just stared at the guy and said “Now you’re trying to make me an oxymoron!”
He looked confused and walked away. But most likely because I was outside a club smoking and I had a few already (Scottish accents suck after drink) so I probably said “Arr yoo trn’n m into oxehmrnn”
Oh! I was listening to the song Fireflies by Owl City today and it made me think of you Davey. You should listen to it, it’s freaking epic! =D
-Toneh xx
February 25, 2010 at 7:23 pm
I LOVE this song! – And great video Davey! =D
February 26, 2010 at 6:48 am
I think I have a crush.
February 25, 2010 at 7:36 pm
would love to be added to your blog roll..
Let me know, k?
February 25, 2010 at 8:11 pm
My question is actually how would you/one respond when asked such a question?
While still being polite and sensible…
I’ve been asked ALL those questions when my mom found out and I was just like >.> If I try to counter anything she would just bring in religion and morals into it even though morals differ from people to people…
February 25, 2010 at 9:10 pm
My friend asked me this once and a laughed my ass off:
“Do you turn yourself on?”
Oh. My. Goddess.
Fin
February 25, 2010 at 10:11 pm
Some straight people ask gay people stupid questions because they have NO understanding of what it’s like to be gay. I suppose it’s like if you met a Martian and you had NO idea what it’s like to be a Martian, you would ask them stupid questions. So we should forgive straight people for asking stupid questions about what it’s like to be gay and try to educate them. I guess. It’s just that it’s so damn annoying.
Some days I think being gay is a blessing because it forces you to be more understanding of all the variations of humanity. And some days it’s a curse because you’re in a very misunderstood minority trying to function in a larger society. To be accepted, you have to be perfect in almost every other way, like Davey Wavey. Good days, bad days.
February 26, 2010 at 12:25 am
I totally agree with everything you said. Except the very very last thing.
February 26, 2010 at 3:23 pm
And spell check failed to see that I left out the h in technical but had a hissy fit with “Sheesh” so there.
February 25, 2010 at 10:33 pm
I really don’t understand or enjoy when people around me blurt out “that’s gay” or “you’re so gay” *not to me*, it’s second nature to some people and it really ticks me off, especially when they think they can say it because they “know” me and so it implies that it’s ok. I though need to make myself heard because I just sit back and listen without actually commenting on it. But what do you say besides shut the fkk up? Especially when it’s some of my employees who are mindless morons to start with?
February 26, 2010 at 5:05 pm
I’ve been in that situation to with the same phrases. The first to to remember that they ARE ignorant, and often morons to boot. They are unable to be aware and sensitive when interacting. Just be thankful you are their employer and not vice versa. Then even the business might go under.
Although it’s hard to see it this way when it’s said in your presence, but in a way it’s a “left-handed” compliment.
February 25, 2010 at 11:18 pm
Haha!!! Davey the end of this video was freaking hilarious! I’ll admit, now I HAVE to find you on facebook. After that little performance it’s worth it. And I love that you made this video…I’m totally pasting it to my facebook for everyone to watch!
February 25, 2010 at 11:44 pm
Drama!!!!
February 26, 2010 at 12:07 am
My boss told me I just “hadn’t found the right woman yet.”
=[
February 26, 2010 at 2:14 pm
well, he just hadn’t found his brain then…
February 26, 2010 at 2:08 am
I always find it quite funny (rather than annoying) when any non-gay guy finds out that two men can have sex facing each other. With their assumption being that anal sex can only happen with one guy facing away from the other, doggy style. I think this assumption leads a lot of people to believe that gay sex is rather impersonal. And I always try to correct the assumption.
I think it’s good that people are asking these questions. It’s better than assuming the negative, right? At least Davey’s fictional meat-head straight guy now knows that gay guys don’t assign gender roles in their relationships, don’t want to date/have sex with every guy, don’t have a choice, etc etc. Surely stupid questions are better than perpetual ignorance?
February 26, 2010 at 7:01 am
I’m even more surprised when I tell gay people you don’t even have to do anal, frottage kicks ass (pun wholly intended). not that i’m 100% against a good pounding just not all the time.
February 26, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Even worse is a guy who identifies himself as gay and asks me “How do you do a four way? I resisted the ‘temptation’ of inviting three of my friends and showing him because I could have asked just two of them and asked him to join. I obviously didn’t do that because good sex means a good personality/attitude/imagination is required by me and I found him lacking on all fronts. The guys I would have asked over are all married with children. So when it comes to man on man sex and love no one in my book lays claim to it with a label of being gay or straight. There was a famous routine on Scrubs where they did a musical on man love where one of the lines was when his buddy was in me (during an operation) and felt the love, but not in a gay way. Zack Graff reminded Ross the intern on Jay Leno of that show saying how he can relate to the man love but not quite the same way he does. You c**t Zack.If you don’t get the back of my hand a la bitch slap, then you’ll get the famous late Bea Arthur line ‘God will get you for that one.”
February 26, 2010 at 2:34 am
My favorite:
“So you’re telling me that any relationship you enter into is going to be based around sex.” (My mother when I came out to her)
She thought that just because I’m physically attracted to guys that I was going to instantly become a slut. I tried to point out that most hetero relationships start because the people are physically attracted to each other, but she’s still kind of in the dark ages. I’m doing my best to educate her so she won’t spread her ignorance around anymore…
February 26, 2010 at 4:29 am
That’s similar to me, too.
My mom told me “to be careful of AIDs”
Who exactly am I getting it from? I don’t have a boyfriend yet and it’s not like I’m going to go sleep around with a bunch of random guys…
February 26, 2010 at 7:02 am
High 5!
February 26, 2010 at 4:49 pm
That’s like my mom telling me she preferred my dark skinned friend over my light skinned one. She wanted Marc to take a hike, I think she wanted Denny all to herself. I could go to Marc’s house without even knocking on the door, Denny’s I wasn’t even allowed in the driveway, his single parent father I overheard tell him so. I don’t know if Denny ever came out to his father but he hanged with openly gay friends. His father never trusted me. When we would go bowling I asked one day when my mom would drive a bunch of my friends home (all stunningly cute guys, so she got it without me coming out to her. I think she preferred it that way)that I wanted her to meet his father and tell him that she enjoyed her son over at our house and that he was welcome anytime. She did. And when she took me home she eluded that he wasn’t welcome anytime, only when a parent was present. I said well that’s a new situation now isn’t it? She had nothing more to say on the subject and was visibly miffed. Denny came over when I was alone not long after. I said that the same situation is here too, we are not allowed alone at each other’s houses and your Dad was the start of it. He started to get pissed recounting a story of how a great time he had with a friend romping around in the nude on a remote beach in Mexico that his father took him to and that we could have such great times as well. I told him ” I’m honoring your father and you should do the same.” He kissed me on the forehead and he started to tear up and I said ” Come over here when my Mom is here, she REALLY likes you.” Laughter. Tears to laughter in mere seconds, one of my gifts I love to share. My next door neighbor, Beverly, had a crush on me and my Dad always told me after I moved from the house she always asked about me and wanted me over for a visit even if her husband and/or son was not around. So Denny my laughter on that is really for you.
February 28, 2010 at 5:49 pm
Get a printer to make a package of sugar saying:”Insta Slut, just add water and stir.” Give that to your Mom, she’ll get it.
February 26, 2010 at 6:08 am
I have been asked a number of times from straight guys “So… what do you guys do?”…. What do we do? What the heck to they think we do? We do exactly what you think we do because thats what we like to do when we have relations with another man (or woman if you are Lesbian)… I find it amazing that some straight guys want to know in detail what we do. Are they interested? Do they want to come out and this is their way to find out what they need to do?
I have a ‘straight’ couple that are the gayest couple I know! She looks and acts like a lesbian… he looks and acts like a gay man… but they have been together for almost 10 years and even admit to looking and acting like a gay and lesbian… but love each other and live together as a straight couple. I am waiting for the day they both discover who they truly are and all hell breaks loose!
Thanks for the talky blog! One of your best!
February 26, 2010 at 7:15 am
Honestly I just hate it when people ask IF i’m gay. I often reply “does it matter one way or the other?” and I don’t know if this is a polite canadian thing, but after I say that they realise what a dick they are and apologise for asking. It pisses me off because what business is it of yours, and no matter what people say about it not being a big deal they always treat me different when I confirm their suspicion.
February 26, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Exactly. I just say “It goes without saying you have a dick, it also goes without saying, you are one.”
February 26, 2010 at 7:43 am
The only notion of choice surrounding this whole discussion of sexual orientation is one of acceptance.
Listening to one’s inner voice, loving and then trusting one’s self enough to come out and say: “I am gay.” That’s a choice and it has to be made with courage. It’s huge!
So my answer to anyone asking “why did you choose to be gay?” would have to be: “I chose to accept myself for who I am: a loving, caring individual who is GAY!”
February 26, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Not anymore than your “choice” to be straight. I defer to that tee shirt I saw on a guy I wanted to rip off literally right there that said “It’s ok to be straight.”
February 26, 2010 at 7:58 am
I already subscribe to your daily blog and your you tube contributions. What advantage is there to be your Twitter or Face Book friend as well? I love you, Davey, but I don’t want to O.D. on you! (lol)
February 26, 2010 at 8:15 am
This question blew me away.
A gay friend of mine had to go into hospital for day surgery to have a colonoscopy.
A straight friend of mine asked me if I thought the doctor could tell if my friend was gay when he did the colonoscopy.
The assumptions in the question were amazing.
I just said I didn’t know.
What else could I say in a state of shock?
Thanks Davey Wavey for another great talky blog; they just keep getting better.
February 26, 2010 at 5:02 pm
If they get it up the ass or use a dildo trust me, they do. I live in Long Beach Ca. “We are everywhere, deal.” They know they can save on KY. I’ve overheard and had them even tell me so of the “advantage.”
February 26, 2010 at 8:28 am
1.) “Does it bother you that Christians hate you?” Answer: I’m a Christian and no, they don’t hate me. The ones that do, aren’t.
2.) “That’s so gay… well, I mean in the stupid way not the guys liking guys way.” Answer: I know what you mean… that’s so breeder… but not in the pre-programmed man on woman ignorant way.
3.) “Do you ever wish you were normal?” Answer: I’m the most norml person I know. Do you ever wish you follwed your own way and not what society told you to do?
4.) “If you could take a straight pill, would you?” Answer: Only if you took a smart pill. You go first.
5.) “Do you think you’re gay because your dad didn’t spend time with you as a child?” Answer: Cart, meet horse. My dad didn’t spend time with me as a child because he thought I was gay already.
6.) “Why do you want special rights?” Answer: I want the same rights dumbasses like you get.
7.) “I think it’s fine if you’re that way, but why do they have to show it in public?” Answer: I know what you mean, but could you take your finger out of your girlfriend while you ask me that?
8.) “Is it true that most gays can’t commit to a regular relationship?” Answer: I don’t know, what did your 3rd wife think about that?
9.) “Why do all gay men workout so much?” Answer: Because we know there will be straight married men cruising us in the locerrooms.
10.) “Why do you boys always take your shirts off at dance clubs?” Answer: Because male breasts are the most beautiful thing in the free world, praise God!
February 26, 2010 at 10:08 am
hahaha..love the last one. Im definitely gonna use some of these…ignorant people, think before being ignorant then we won’t call you ignorant..lol!
February 26, 2010 at 10:42 am
I often vacation with groups of gay guys (usually in the Caribbean). When out in public we are often stopped and asked “Where are your women”? This has always offended me and for a long time, I had no good reply. Now, I look them in the eye, and tell them that we are a support group of men who have all lost our wives to cancer, and “Thank you for reminding us that we are alone”. I know this is wrong, but it shuts them up every time, and the looks on their faces, are well, precious! Also, maybe they will think twice before asking intrusive questions of strangers in the future.
February 26, 2010 at 11:47 am
OMG! that is fabulous!!! I would like to catch one of those situations on camera!! way to go!
February 26, 2010 at 6:16 pm
That’s cruel, but I’ve got a better one. There was this super high end restaurant a bunch of us guys went to. ( called the Velvet Turtle, for those who want to reminisce) we were having a gay old time laughing and just being not so too gay we had to really force ourselves from giggling like little girls which was making it even worse. I had to remind my friends that we were indeed across the street from the North Court in Fullerton, and we’d better butch it up like yesterday. Just then this old guy (too old to still be employed as a judge thank God) comes over to our table and says “Where are the women?” He says it directly to me as I’m dressed for the occasion ( I’m old school and even living in So. Cal longer defer to their renegade status and respect them for it it is after all a California thing and they respect me for making them look the other way whether there is a actual dress code or not, they after all get me into all the backstage parties , so there)) and my friends, hardly. He assuming we’re going Dutch or that I was taking care of the bill adds, “Oh I see you can’t afford them.” I reply, ” I’m speaking for myself and not my colleagues which you’ll have to poll individually when I say you can’t afford me either.”( they all nodded in agreement and I winked at the one who actually dabbled in that , never telling the others of it.) All ears and eyes were on our table as raucous laughter ensued. One guy stood up and toasted us and said “Your drinks are on me.” The waiter came up and said “not only are your drinks taken care of but your entire table’s meal will be taken care of by a patron who wishes to be anonymous, and this bottle of champagne is on the house.” Barely sipping the first glass more bottles came. I told the waiter “That if you served all this to us a large car would have to be provided to take us all home and even then it would not be pretty.” He said “We don’t intend to. You are free to take it all home.” I said “That won’t even be necessary and stood up and said if anyone wanted a glass of champagne to flag the waiter with the glasses.” I said to the waiter “I hope you don’t mind as I can do it myself.” The waiter came back and said management albeit flattered wishes me to do it and I will, the pleasure being all mine. My friends got pissed as they wanted me to bring the champagne back home so they can enjoy it as it was theirs too. I reminded them that A. I was shorted when it was my turn to pay last time. B. The champagne you guys are used to Andre and Jacques Bonnet isn’t and this is. C. The meal was actually not comped by the management but by a patron “that found me engaging” quoting the waiter. D. Free deserts will be provided with any of my group if I’m in attendance in the future. ( Alas that was not to pass as the restaurant itself came to pass, and my “legendary” appearance at the Velvet Turtle was mine and it’s swan song.)E. I own this you guys be sure to leave a big tip. (one was left but it was added to the bill by the anonymous benefactor. I can only assume that one of the guys took it for himself because I don’t believe the waiter or management to be that greedy.
February 27, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Thats the greatest!
February 26, 2010 at 11:03 am
Michael Wichael nice list, goes well with Davie’s talky…
I like #8, My Brother asked a question of me, simmular to that. He became silent when I mentioned he was preparing for his 5th wife and none of his marriages had lasted as long as George and I had.
February 26, 2010 at 11:39 am
Thank you, I am SO posting this video on my facebook page!!!
February 26, 2010 at 11:45 am
If someone asks me if being gay is a choice.. I have come up with a really good answer…
I tell them…” ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ “… (then look at the confused look on their face… then I proceed to tell them…
“No, I did not choose to be gay, but Yes, I chose to accept it, and live my life openly and freely instead of trying to surpress it and hide it”…
so ‘Yes and No’… great answer to the age old question….
February 26, 2010 at 12:58 pm
Great inductive reasoning on the vid there Davey. You should come to law school! I find that as a law student, I get the gay marriage question often. What do you think about the courts ruling on gay marriage?
I suppose this is a natural question since I am expected to have an opinion. It shocks people when they find that I don’t think any court should be able to rule on marriage in the first place. We are not negotiating marriage here, we are negotiating rights. I can get married to anyone just the same as a straight couple, but the right to have the same privileges as straight couples and be recognized by the government as a union of two individuals committing their lives and hearts to each other is important. The courts should rule on the rights of individuals to have equal privileges under both state and federal law.
My question other is “Why haven’t the courts already ruled on this anyway!!!” In several opinions the court alludes to marriage and especially gay marriage as being a “fundamental right.” Former Justice O’Connor especially makes this clear in her concurring opinion in Lawrence v. Texas.
If the constitution provides these “fundamental rights” then they should be extended equally to both straight and gay couples. This is not a question about religion. Remember that little part in the constitution about establishment? Yeah, when we exclude gay couples from government rights (especially joint tax filing), we are interjecting a religious viewpoint into the laws of this country.
February 27, 2010 at 5:03 pm
Its not about religion, its not about morality. Its about business, money, and the legal definition of marriage and a few other words. I don’t expect a law student to understand but you should have the books/resources to figure it out. Dig out your blacks, and read it.
February 28, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Gee. Whatever happened to the notion people (Most, I would like to think) marry out of love and are finished seeking out other partners. Why would gender be in the equation as any different?
February 26, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Love this talky blog Davey!
February 26, 2010 at 6:09 pm
(Cute! – that video was cute)
“Why do you think there has to be gay rights?” is one of the most obnoxious questions you can ask a gay person. I don’t feel there has to be “gay rights”, I feel there has to be respect for people in general, no matter the gender, age, religion, ethnic background or gender preference.
Cheers!
February 28, 2010 at 6:06 pm
Judge Judy Sheindlin has started a movement for “Father’s Rights.” Albeit me being gay and discriminated, it pales to this travesty.
February 26, 2010 at 7:03 pm
when my family says that i’m going to hell.So I ask them “why am I going to hell for being the way God made me & for bing happy?”
February 28, 2010 at 5:51 pm
“I’m going to heaven and your not.” A virtual Atheist’s anthem.
February 26, 2010 at 8:27 pm
I really found your imitation of a straight dude almost too sexy.( Can there really be such a thing?) I knew this guy Tony who changed it to “Toni,” his drag stage name until he changed it to “Serena” named after Samantha’s crocheter’s sister from “Bewitched. He actually had quite a likeness in looks and personality to the character and some of my friends saying “The sad thing is he looks better as a woman than as a man.” Sad but true, but I’d be the last person to publicly admit it. After one of his shows we’d go out to this “truckers diner” off the 405 in Westminster which is now a In and Out Burger. When the guys would get all hot for him in the diner with his sultry slutty outfits (which he always kept the tags on so he could return/exchange them) he would call out to them in the straightest deepest manly voice possible “Hey man. What’s happening?” we’d have so much fun over that most of my friends would giggle as I would sit there with them rolling my eyes in apparent boredom because it was really starting to get old with me even the whole drag thing becoming a drag. Some hunky guy came up to me and said “Your with them, and you enjoy that s**t?” I said it can be mildly amusing for me at times, but I’m finding you MORE than mildly amusing to me now.” “f**k you”,he said. I said “That can be arranged.” The whole restaurant went “Oooooh!” He threatened to fight me and I said that it will have to be in the parking lot and if he didn’t notice I was bigger than him in probably more ways than one and he would probably get off on it, as I faked motioned taking my pants down he started to blush lobster red. Everyone noticed and a guy from the restaurant asked me to leave. We were basically done anyway just shooting the breeze and the staff was glad to see us go, taking up valuable space not making any revenue. so as I left the door I said “Gee this is a lifetime milestone for me and I’m sizing the moment, I’ve been kicked out of better dumps!” I yelled.(actually not true, I’ve never been kicked out of a dump or otherwise and not even that one as I was pretty much on my way out when the announcement came to me anyway, he was being a bit premature, especially when he recognized me sometime later and did not ask me to leave then.)one of my friends said “Did you notice him eyeing you in the parking lot as we left, there was no hate there, quite the opposite.” My other friends pretty much conquered and deferred to me for an answer so I said “He pussed out. It was his move on the chess board of life and the souffle sank just about the same time as my hard on. One of the guys grabbed my crotch ( Even guys I don’t really care for can get away this, I think it should be a substitute for a hand shake. Call me a slut.) and said “He was tenting before and he’s soft now, the air is out of his sail.” “My souffles never fall but this one did along with my c**k.” “He wants you,” one of my friends said. I said “Poor boy. My rates start at $500+, and if he’d only asked me in the parking lot it would have been on the house.” They all laughed. My secret on that I will now reveal. (but not the subsequent offer)If it is about money for sex I start them at $500 if they are the slightest too quick to accept that I jump it to $1500 if they accept that (usually having to go to the bank in the morning, one said his ATM would dispense that kind of money–later I found out some actually will with some accounts. I was even asked if I take credit cards–some hooker boys had imprinters now they say we can get instant approval from a wireless device now that when the battery went dead I could to a DC through the John’s cigarette lighter in his old car, now there are ports for them.)Then when it appeared that I became Monty Hall on Let’s Make a Deal I would say, “Not feeling it for rich dudes now.” ( A lie. Not then, now or ever.) If a guy wanted to deal me down from the $500 I’d usually say ” You are so sweet, so cute and really don’t need to pay for it.” ( most of the time that was not a lie.) I did have the shock of my life once this guy was coming on to me heavily on one of my infamous late night time strolls on the beach ( I lived so close that the cops quit hassling me one telling another “He’s told me unlike myself who needs a weapon he says he does not. I actually believe the boy.” I said “Look who’s calling the kettle black. Who’s the boy? Wanna exchange licences and find out? “”See what I mean,” he said to the other cop. I had been attempted a mugging twice but I am a soldier of love and my weapon is in my pants. One of them the guy was trying to walk off with my late grandfather’s vintage Pendleton. I made him an offer of a new one in my closet that he couldnt refuse. I went to my closet to get it and he left not speaking a word of English but only the universal body language of ‘Take this dude and you, it or both may be destroyed.” Yes love does conquer all. I saw him walking east on the beach and he was running from me in terror. I tackled him, kissed him and gave him my new shirt with the tags still on it. I left him sobbing.)this guy wants to go home with me and I was tired and wanted to go straight to bed and I gave him the look dude you can sleep with me but all I’m good for is cuddling now, I wasn’t anticipating a morning f**k and a subsequent make him breakfast, more like take him to a restaurant and drive him home kind of thing. He said in bed that he’s not free and I said that neither are me and since a price wasn’t even discussed that makes you a cheap hooker and then the only difference we have is the price charged and I’m not a buyer not now or ever, and said you know your way out. There’s a first for everything.What I hate more than anything is the guys that say “Do you dress up in woman’s clothes?” I answered “I knew a young man who did until I was done with him. I pointed out his quite masculine attributes and caressed them in front of everybody in a party. I then picked him up and took him to my room when I noticed he wore boxers I went out with them in the living room stark naked and threw them in a friend’s face and said “you won’t be seeing that guy doing drag again he’s too masculine for it.” I broke him of it like a bad habit.
February 26, 2010 at 10:05 pm
I don’t believe that (for the most part) people ask these questions to be annoying or offensive. Regardless, I think it serves us better to treat them respectfully and answer their questions as truthfully as we can. If they are asking, chances are they’re willing to hear the answer. Giving them a straightforward answer could create some understanding. To do otherwise is to contribute to ignorance and to grow the rift between ‘us’ and ‘them’.
Even if a person is trying to stir up s**t, I’d rather treat them with respect; not because they have respect for me but because I am respectful, period. I think we set a better example to everyone when we show restraint, understanding nd kindness even in the face of ignorance.
February 26, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Dave,
I agree with you. I, you, we should foster respect for ourselves and others. There’s too much dissing in the world today. We gays are so often the objects of others disrespecting us. We have the opportunity to take the highroad not so others will accept or “like” us but because that’s the way we are “the best we can be” as human beings.
By answering questions that seem moronic and ignorant, guys who are trying to figure out who they are, may be helped. In fact by respecting some “bi-curious” who ask such questions, I have found 3 good friends that I wouldn’t have had it just blown them off.
February 28, 2010 at 5:53 pm
If there isn’t a movie called ” The Them,” there should be.
March 1, 2010 at 8:07 pm
>>I don’t believe that (for the most part) people ask these questions to be annoying or offensive. Regardless, I think it serves us better to treat them respectfully and answer their questions as truthfully as we can. If they are asking, chances are they’re willing to hear the answer. Giving them a straightforward answer could create some understanding. To do otherwise is to contribute to ignorance and to grow the rift between ‘us’ and ‘them’
Good answer, being civilized doesn’t hurt. People grow up in a hetero culture and really don’t know or understand. Also, this really can help people that are still confused about their own orientation and diffuse and educate those that are open but uneducated. And you might make a few friends along the way too
Why not lead the way, let people know that you are just as normal as they are. Being straight is just as normal as bi, or gay. Or hermaphrodite/intersex. These states of being are simply a part of the human experience and have been within humanity as long as there has been humanity.
There is a loooong range of what is masculine and feminine and there is no intelligent way to deny the reality of it. Lotsa not so bright and very limiting ways using culture and religion.
February 27, 2010 at 12:39 am
umm you’re an idiot
February 27, 2010 at 10:26 am
JT, This is Sebastian. If you “…you’re an idiot” comment is directed at me, I’m sorry to hear it. I’d like to know why you think I’m an “idiot.” If your comment was not directed at me, I suspect the other guy might appreciate something more than your short comment. Seb
February 27, 2010 at 3:56 pm
haha….ruphying their drink and comitting rape…haha….true but funny
February 28, 2010 at 6:12 am
pardon the ignorance, but why do i need to be your FAN?? whatever happened to good old fashions FRIEND?
And also – call me old fashione but you are really not impressing anyone (definitely not anyone i know) with PEACE-MF-OUT. Rude and gross.
March 1, 2010 at 3:10 am
agreed. “Be my fan”. I dont think he is the person he pretends to be on hear
March 1, 2010 at 3:11 am
and by hear I mean here
February 28, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Chris Pirello of his famous “Geeks” blog was erroneously pegged as the person who was attributed to the term “unfriend.” So he has the dubious distinction as having that as part of Andy Warhol’s concept of 15 min. of fame, even do to FOX News’ bad, sloppy reporting they put his picture over the air anyway. That was the new word of the year last year, my friend , use it with my blessing.
March 1, 2010 at 10:21 pm
does your ass feels like a vagina?
March 2, 2010 at 10:57 am
that’s quite a question! never thought of it! As I’ve said earlier, whether I’d answer any of the questions raised her would depend on the person and setting or situation.
I guess THIS question would need to be answered by a gay who is a top and has done it to both males and females or a bi-curious who has done the same thing.
March 2, 2010 at 11:38 am
I thought the best person to ask is a woman who has both. So I asked a female friend who we were having dinner with, after giving her a little background. She laughed so much tears were running down her cheeks. She tried to talk but was laughing, I’m not sure why it was THAT funny. Finally I asked her if that was going to have to be her answer and she nodded. Still couldn’t talk. Called her this morning about dog sitting this weekend and she volunteered her answer. She was still laughing but said that each was different – of course. Was I mixed up, could she explain? Anyway, we had a good laugh.
March 2, 2010 at 10:11 pm
LOL, I love you videos so I decided to watch it again and I didn’t notice you thanked me for the idea, so thank you for thanking me!
March 3, 2010 at 8:37 pm
I came out to one of my close friends the other day. It was such a relief. Now I need to tell my parents. Any suggestions?
March 3, 2010 at 10:38 pm
Congrats on coming out to your friend. Most of us experience relief (and joy) that by telling another we are able not only get their affirmation, we realize we’ve affirm our own selves as well.
Still, as others on this list have said, you will know when to tell others. You must have just “felt it was time” to tell your friend. You can get that same sense with regard to your parents. As others have also said, if you really think things won’t go well, you might need to wait until you’re out to more good who can support you.
Realize two things: 1) once you’ve told one person, the news will spread, and 2) Some, including your Mom and/or Dad, may already “know” or suspect that you are gay. Take that into account in deciding when & how to tell them (together or one at a time).
I don’t know any statistics on it, but I suspect that relatively few parents will be totally accepting upon hearing your (good) news. I really don’t think the majority of parents begin to hate their sons and kick them out either.
But I do think many, many, parents don’t know how to react initially. This can be a very new experience for them. They are often scared and confused, they often blame themselves for “making you gay” by something they feel they did or didn’t do. Many conservative or evangelical Christian parents might initially think you are “going to hell.” If that is the case, don’t argue the Bible with them. Most likely nothing you say at that moment will convince them.
PERSONALLY, I began when things were quiet and there were no great tensions in our home. I’d tell them how much you love and respect them (if you do), and let them know it’s important for you to be honest and open with them; that you want them to know better who you are. If they respond very negatively, merely say “Thank you” and leave the scene. If necessary, go to your room and beat your fists on the bed or cry and sob as long as you need to. But let the hurt out. That might be a time to call a close friend and let it out with him/her. You should have a toll-free number of a hot-line just in case you need it.
If they say, “it’s just a phase,” or “you just don’t know yet,” or “you’re just confused,” or “you need to date more girls before you will know for sure,” or “you need to pray more,” or “you can change…,” first, remember that most of these ideas result from their own confusion and uncertainty. Second, if you already know, accept, (and even like) the fact that you are gay, just firmly say. I’ve considered some of these things, I KNOW that I’m gay. I know that I will never change because it’s not a choice. Don’t argue with them or try to “explain” it to them at this time. They won’t fully understand. Only those of us who are also gay really know the essence of what it is to be gay.
Having said all this, trust your heart and do what you must do to be true to yourself. Remember too, in one way or another we have all had to walk this path. You will too!!
Take care brother, Seb
March 5, 2010 at 11:04 pm
ive been asked that first question-plus a line such as this-you can change.im a gay male-i dont beleive in labels-and im gay-i can never change what i am.its a gift from God.
March 7, 2010 at 4:37 am
Here’s the annoying thing. In my first few years at school, I was forever denying that I was gay (of course, I hadn’t realised that I was gay at this point).
Then when I came out, I was forever denying that I was straight. All those guys have been saying to me that if I haven’t done it with anyone, how do I know I’m gay?
Have they ever heard of feelings? Being gay is more than about doing it with other guys. It’s about sharing a strong connection and feelings for another guy. Isn’t that right?
March 7, 2010 at 1:50 pm
The only things some gay men are interested in is a hard c**k and/or a tight ass. But there are many of us who have a broader and fuller attraction to other guys. Don’t get me wrong, I am very passionate and sexual, I get attracted to whole men. That makes for great relationships if is mutual, but often leads to a lot of hurt.
May 1, 2010 at 2:14 am
I dont advertise or hide the fact that I am gay.My partner of ten years and I live a pretty ordinary life,I dont think we define ourselves by being gay,rather its just a part of what makes us,not the sum of what we are.When people realise I am gay,I use the word realise because to say find out would imply I hide that aspect of myself which I do not.
Its amazing how many say that I dont look or act gay which amuses me,they must obviously have some kind of stereotype in mind.How would it be if I said to a heterosexual guy,I didnt realise you were straight.They would assume I meant they appear gay, not the case,I could have assumed they were asexual,bisexual,transexual,,,,and many more.
I hate being stereotyped in that way.
Likewise my partner is about a foot taller than me,very athletic and competative,black and looks gorgeous.When people realise we are a couple you can see the look of utter confusion on their faces.Amuses me no end.
May 28, 2010 at 2:11 am
im so sorry i hate it to i mean i dont think people should wave aroun religion like that
June 6, 2010 at 2:47 am
but you are NOT born gay!!! i think sexual orientation is just learnt. another social construct from society. you are not born gay nor straight, you’re not born a male nor a female. these things are not a part of your identity. they’re just learnt over the course of life. however, since society adopted the heterosexual and the clear-cut gender (either male OR female, no transsexual) as the normative, we are then called gay, lesbians and all kinds of labeling that put us on the side.
sexual orientation has no implicit meanings to whether it is innate or acquired.
July 1, 2010 at 1:19 am
I love this!!! Very cool, very straight forward. It’s great that you can reply to all the ignorance with such light-hearted humor. Maybe your next video blog should be about “Ice breakers for straight guys in a gay encounter” or something to that effect. Although I am not gay I can definitely appreciate where you are coming from. My adopted gay son posted this on his wall and I’m glad he did. My friend and I are still wiping our eyes (from how hard we were laughing). Can’t wait for your next blog.
August 24, 2010 at 3:38 am
If you are both the “men” in the relationship and not the woman then why do you act like women??? Talk like them,,,move your hands around when our talking like them,,,and do prissy things like them??? And the voice,,,why the voice??? Doesn’t matter if your a body builder or weight 250 lbs you all have a woman style voice and valley girl wo-mentality,,,you all get offended in public and in bars when people say the things they do,,,but we are offended when men act like woman,,,you can talk all day about being born gay but stop and think how we all got here,,,wasn’t from being gay,,,we contribute to the human species,,,it’s natural for man and woman to be together,,,that’s how this machine works… and Michael Wichael wrote
1.) “Does it bother you that Christians hate you?” Answer: I’m a Christian and no, they don’t hate me. The ones that do, aren’t. Sorry to tell you bud,,,but in any christian bible you look in it blatantly says men shall not lay with men and women shall not lay with women,,,Unless your one of the hypocrites who just go to church to show your face or go just too make yourself feel better,,,your supposed to go to church to learn,,,not just to say you went… I am not trying to be rude,,,just speaking my mind as everyone else did…
January 28, 2011 at 3:14 pm
So, when did you “learn” your orientation?
May 22, 2011 at 4:47 pm
у вашего блога необычный дизайн, сами верстали?
родословная альтруизма
August 14, 2011 at 7:51 pm
i had my best friend ( straight male) ask me what does anal sex feel like and i said orgamic lol
August 14, 2011 at 7:59 pm
@not gay not all gay men do that i dont so keep it shut
February 26, 2010 at 6:55 am
when I pass someone in my car on the highway, I say “you just got f*g passed bitches!” I think its really funny especially because i drive a really old toyota.
February 28, 2010 at 6:19 pm
Better. If you see something “Too tacky for words,” you say, “That’s sooo heterosexual.” Your straight buds will love you for that, guaranteed. I’ve even bagged a few after that one.
February 26, 2010 at 3:50 pm
I do what John Waters does ( I didn’t know it at the time and a friend of mine acused me of copying it. I said “It’s free speech and in the public domain just like the Lord and Lady Douchebag routine was my idea from an ignorant twit wanting to impress me with her knowlege of wine that backfired, and a guy over heard the conversation and asked me if he could use it. I said you will have to leave out the wine reference because I was actually friendly digging Chateau Lynch Bages a 5Th growth Bordeau which should be a second at the least which will probably be reclassified a such long after my lifetime. Any reference to a wine or winery owned by Lord and Lady Douchebag will almost guarantee a lawsuit.)when I see joggers no mater obese or not I yell out the window of the car “It’s not working.”