Until this past week, I can’t remember the last time that I was called a “faggot“. It’s not a word that people tend to use lightly, and certainly not an appropriate word to use against another human being. And so, I really don’t hear it often.
And yet, in New York City of all places, I’ve been called a “faggot” twice in as many days. Two for two!
In either case, I didn’t know the person. And interestingly, both individuals were minorities. If you’d expect anyone to understand the power of hateful words, you’d expect it to be another oppressed individual. But as I’ve seen time and time again, people don’t connect the dots between their own oppression and the oppression of another (i.e., racist gay people).
Here’s my talky blog on being called a faggot – twice:
So what do you think? What’s the best way to respond if someone calls you a “faggot”?
July 18, 2010 at 11:38 am
If someone calls you a faggot, I think the best reaction is not to react at all. Those people don’t care if it is right or wrong. Trying to explain that to them is just a waste of time. When someone calls another person a faggot or something else, he expects a reaction. If you actually react, it’s like giving him permission to go on. If you ignore him the whole thing just stops there.
July 24, 2010 at 12:42 am
Hate to be pedantic, but the English call a cigarette a f*g. The term originated from the times when burnings at the stake were common. A faggot is a burning ember used to light the fire. It was common for men accused of the heinous crime of buggery to be burned as a warm up act for the crowd before a witch was burned. That is why buggers became known as faggots. Don’t you just love history?
August 30, 2010 at 4:23 pm
I’m called a faggot or f*g all the time. I never take it personally. Usually my response is a simple look-over and quick “thank you”. That way it leaves the person attempting to insult you very confused and it really turns the insult back on them.
August 30, 2010 at 4:36 pm
Honestly the best thing to do in this circumstance is to show him that this type of behavior is unacceptable. The best way to do this is politely say, “Thank you for the compliment, sir. Do you mind if I have your name and employee number?” After this you and anybody that witnessed this even (ie- your friend) should write a complaint to whichever NYC department (dept of sanitation, perhaps?) and inform them of the remark made by this employee. The end result will most likely infuriate your name calling amigo, however he will learn his lesson slowly that this type of attitude is unacceptable and that it will result in some kind of punishment.
August 30, 2010 at 5:16 pm
What exactly causes people to be offended by the word ‘faggot?’ I honestly don’t get it.
I can see why black people would be offended by the N word, though in my opinion it’s really their own choice to get angry by it. And that’s my opinion, so don’t bother getting angry with it.
I get called a faggot and shrug it off. What they want from you isn’t to insult you, it’s to shake you up and keep you down. If you don’t let that happen then the word has no power whatsoever.
Calling people names is immature, but so is overreacting to the names people call you. You know who you are, don’t let other people spout their labels at you.
October 18, 2010 at 6:58 pm
If anyone still reads this I’d like to say that, I am a Manhattan resident. And I’ve been called a faggot, even though I am a woman. Yes it bothers me a bit, but then I remember that a faggot refers to a man NOT a woman. It surprises me that people could just throw that word around like its nothing, it would be like you calling that black or Hispanic man a n****r or a Spic. Those words are all equally offensive, don’t put any thought into what other people have to say- They don’t even know who you are!
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March 25, 2011 at 3:38 pm
while I agree that throwing anger back at them isn’t the most productive option, I do think that there are some situations that are more appropriate to issue a response. some people aren’t worth the time or breath, but you have such a great point when you say that the intended insult they’re hurling at you says more about THEM than it does about YOU. that, in particular, is what I’ve pointed out in the past. you don’t have to be long-winded, bitter or angry. I smile, shake my head and say (something to the effect of), “calling me a faggot is nothing more than pointing out the obvious. the fact that you feel such a strong need to do so doesn’t say anything about me…think about that.” I also like to belittle their intended goal by saying something like, “do you have ignorance tourettes or something?” but, like I said, some people just aren’t worth the time or effort. choose your battles. sometimes it’s definitely better to walk away.
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