I promised myself that I would never get into a relationship with someone in the closet because I didn’t want to have to lie, worry, or go back into the closet myself. Now, I find myself getting involved in that exact situation. It just happened, and it was so fast that I got caught up in it.
Indeed, dating someone in the closet can be a lot of work. Actually, dating anyone can be a lot of work. But closeted guys do require special handling. Accidentally bumping into his friends, family or coworkers while out can be uncomfortable. Being introduced as a “my friend” instead of partner might not feel right. And not being invited to family functions may be a point of contention.
Of course, being in the closet isn’t black and white. Some guys are totally closeted, and others are only not out to certain family members or at work. There’s really a full spectrum of closetedness, and so each situation is quite different.
I have two questions for you.
Question 1: Would you ever date someone in the closet?
Question 2: What advice do you have for Aaron?
To answer question 1, I’d probably shy away from a potential suitor if he wasn’t out to family and friends (or at least on a path to do so). But as J. Biebs once said, “Never say never.” If the connection was really strong (or his you-know-what that big), who knows? I’m sure there’s s possibility that I’d make an exception.
To answer question 2, I do have a suggestion. When I was younger, I dated a number of closeted guys. I learned that it’s much wiser to let them follow their own path, and come out according to their own agenda. Support him, but don’t push him. If you are knowingly entering into a relationship with a closeted guy, accept that he is in the closet with all your heart. Trying to change his situation through coercion, force or extraordinary amounts of energy won’t be beneficial for either party.
So, let’s help Aaron out. In the comments below, let us know if you’d date a closeted guy and whatever advice you might have for Aaron’s situation.